I would like to dedicate this chapter to mae-E for all her great reviews (I hope this whole dedicating thing doesn't sound too kitchy or whatever, but your reviews just always make my day!).
So all of you enjoy reading! (sorry for the long waiting!)...
When Susan regained consciousness again, she was lying in her bedroom. The first person she saw when she opened her eyes was Eric. He was holding her hand, looking worried.
"Susan, I am so sorry!" he whispered, looking guilty, "Are you ok?"
Susan nodded, searching the room for Caspian. He was standing some feet behind Eric, ready to interfere when the situation required it. His nose was still bleeding and he was looking angry at Eric, because he had hurt Susan. Caspian wanted to punish Eric for hurting her, but he knew he had done wrong as well.
Susan sat up, feeling a stinging hurt in her head. Her sapphire blue eyes locked with Caspian's brown ones, "Can you leave us alone, please? We need to talk."
Caspian hesitated looking worried, but then nodded and went out of the room.
"Susan, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please …"
"It's ok, Eric." Susan assured him, looking down at the blanket, thinking about how to say, what she wanted to tell him, what she knew was right to tell him.
She looked at the ring that she had been wearing since the day Eric had asked her to marry him. She loved this ring, it was indeed beautiful, but she knew it wasn't right to wear it. It wasn't right to wear the ring, a symbol of love, if she didn't loved the man, who had given it to her. She removed it slowly from her finger, handing it over to Eric.
Some tears were running down her cheek, "I am sorry Eric, but I can't marry you."
"No Susan, please. I love you. What I've done today …" Eric wanted to say that he was sorry, that he would never hurt her again, that it was the biggest mistake in his whole life, but Susan just shook her head, and he knew whatever he would say, it wouldn't help.
"Eric it's not because of what you've done today, or what you've done in the past or what you are going to do in the future…"
"Then it's because of him." Eric concluded with both anger and sadness in his voice.
And again Susan shook her head, "It's because of me. I just don't love you. I thought I love you, I wanted to, I wished that I could love you, so that I won't be alone. I've lost my family and I thought you could replace them. But I realized that that isn't right. It's not fair, neither for you nor for me. You are worthy a person that loves you just as much as you love her and I am sorry, but I can't be that woman. I have given my heart away a long time ago." With every word she said another tear was running down from her glassy blue eyes, with which she now looked sadly directly into Eric's eyes.
Eric could see the sorrow and the pain in Susan's eyes, but he didn't feel for comforting her. She had just broken their engagement and his heart. He understood her reasons but he just couldn't … Eric nodded, stood up and walked out of the room. He didn't say a word, but because of the way he was walking, because of the expression in his face, the sadness in his eyes, you could see how much this affected him.
Susan buried her face in her pillow and let out her tears, all her sadness. Although she had wanted to say those things, although she knew it had been right, it didn't mean that it didn't hurt her. It had taken her a lot of courage and effort. And now she was alone again, at least almost alone.
Caspian was standing outside Susan's room. It had been an hour ago, when the door had swung open and Eric had come out. He had looked both sad and angry and he stormed passed Caspian, had taken his things and had left the house without a word.
For Caspian this could only mean one thing, Susan had left him. Although he felt guilty about being happy about their break-up, he couldn't help but feeling good. Susan had left Eric, what meant that she didn't love Eric, what could mean that she loved him, Caspian. His heart had leapt for joy at this thought. Maybe she still loved him as much as he loved her.
But she was lying in her room crying. Of course, although if she didn't love him, she was sorry for their break-up, for losing a friend, even something more than a friend. He understood that she needed time to get over this. But he didn't know what to do. Should he let her alone to give her some time for herself, or should he go inside to comfort her?
Caspian decided that he had given her enough time for herself and so he knocked gently at the door. He waited, but Susan gave no answer. Nevertheless the young man opened the door and stepped inside.
Susan was still lying on her bed, stiffly not moving. Her eyes were swollen and red and her cheeks wet, from the tears she had shed. She didn't look up when Caspian walked in.
"Susan, are you ok?" Caspian asked softly, moving forward to the bed.
She didn't answer, just continued staring at the ceiling. Caspian took her hand and fondled it softly, to show her that he was there for her.
At his touch Susan winced and pulled away her hand. "I want to be alone." she told him without looking at him.
Caspian turned around to go, but hesitated, "I want you to know that I am here for you if you need me!" he said gently.
Susan sat up, her glassy blue ice looking cold straight into Caspian's caring ones, "I don't need you. I don't want you to be here." Caspian was shocked, he had never seen her looking at him like this. In her gaze he saw sadness, fury and anger but also dislike, nearly hate.
Their faces were only inches apart, everyone would have felt the difficult tension between those two. Caspian would have only have to lean in a few centimetres to kiss Susan, but her icy look kept him from doing it. Without another word he stood up and walked out of the room. Susan watched him walking away and buried her head again in her pillow, feeling a new wave of tears coming.
Caspian's hands moved automatically to the sword next to his bed, when he heard the creak of the floor outside his room. Somebody was out there. Could it be Tash outside on the floor seeking his revenge? Or maybe it was just Susan, maybe she couldn't sleep again because of the nightmares of the deaths of her siblings that followed her every night. Whatever, he had to check!
Caspian got up, took his sword and his knives and moved towards the door. He opened it quietly and looked outside. But there was no sign of anybody, so he went down the floor to Susan's bedroom to check if she was alright. She hadn't come out of her room all day long. He still didn't understand why she had behaved that cold towards him. Caspian had thought that she had broken up with Eric because she loved himself, Caspian. But now he wasn't that sure about that.
When he reached her door, he eavesdropped if he could hear any sign of danger. Suddenly he could hear somebody sobbing but it didn't come out of Susan's room but from some room down the floor. With each step the noise grew louder and all of a sudden Caspian knew from where and from whom it came from.
When he opened the door to the room with the wardrobe he found Susan kneeling on the floor, sobbing. The room was completely dark, the moon outside was covered with big clouds and once in a while a lightning coming down from the sky enlightened the room and a thunder shook the earth. Some big drops were clutching on the window.
Susan small figure looked miserable in front of the big wardrobe. Her eyes were facing the sky outside. Between the sobs he heard her whispering, "Why do you take everything away from me that matters to me? … What did I do wrong?"
"Susan, are you alright?" he asked gently, sinking down to the floor next to her. She turned around, her blue eyes looking sad and blank.
"Why do I lose everybody and everything that I love? I have lost my home, my friends, my siblings and … ", her voice broke down, her glassy blue eyes searching for his caring brown ones, "… and I have lost you."
Caspian didn't know what to say, so he took her in his arms to comfort her.
"Why do I have to live this life alone?" she asked him, leaning her head against his chest.
"You aren't alone. I am here for you. I am going to protect you no matter what happens." he promised her.
"But you are going to leave me again, aren't you?" she asked, looking up at Caspian, who didn't know what to answer. "You have to leave when Tash is defeated, don't you? You are going to leave me alone. I have to lose you again." They both knew the answer.
Caspian didn't answer, he just hold her tighter and kissed her forehead. Susan leaned against his chest sobbing, breathing in his wonderful smell and feeling his strength. She felt that comfortable in his arms and she wanted to hold on to that, because she knew when she would pull away from him, reality would catch her. Reality that sooner or later he would have to leave her, that they would live literally worlds apart and that she would be alone again, yearning for his presence.
Caspian felt her tears on his chest and he wanted to comfort her, he wanted to assure her that he would never leave her, but he couldn't. However there was one thing he could tell her.
"Susan, I need you to know that I love you. I love you with every beat of my heart. It's only for you that I breathe. You are with me with every step I take, in my heart and in my thoughts. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. Every night I dream of us being together. I cannot tell you that I will stay with you forever, but I can tell you that my thoughts will always be with you, no matter what happens. I can tell you that I will do everything that is in my power that you are happy, that I can be with you. And I can tell you that I will love you till the end, not only until death, but till every world has fallen apart. Queen Susan, the Gentle, I love you!"
Susan had stopped crying now facing Caspian. Her eyes were still glassy and sad, but there was also delight and love in them. For a moment there was silence and they were just looking in each other's eyes. Then Caspian placed his hand gently on her cheek and covered her lips with his, giving her a passionate kiss. The world around Susan melted apart, she didn't think of her siblings, Tash coming back or Caspian leaving. She was just drowning in him and didn't want to leave his arms ever again.
"Oh, I am sorry to interrupt such a beautiful moment!" she suddenly heard a taunting voice behind her.
They broke apart and when Susan turned around she faced Tash, standing cool and collected leaning against the wardrobe in his right hand a gleaming sword.
Caspian took Susan's hand and followed his first instinct, run. He didn't know where to run, but he needed to bring Susan away from this creature. They ran through the floor and down the stairs, hearing Tash roaring behind them, "You can't escape me!"
They ran out of the house through the front door in the pouring rain, when the god was suddenly standing in front of them again. Susan wanted to scream for help, but her voice broke down. Caspian had already stepped in front of her and had drawn his sword to protect her.
He pointed his blade at the god, "You're not welcomed here!"
Tash laughed coldly, "Then come and remove me!"
They met with a clash of steel, the king and the god.
Susan watched Caspian attacking the god and defending himself. With every new attack of the god, Susan grew more worried and frightened. She didn't know what to do. She had no weapon to fight. Her bow and her arrows were in her room and she didn't even know if they would work this time against this powerful god. Moreover Susan didn't want to leave Caspian. So she just watched, not able to move or scream.
Caspian countered every attack of Tash and the god seemed to notice that he wouldn't be able to win this fight with fair methods and Caspian suddenly found himself been thrown back by an invisible power, hitting a tree, sinking down to the ground.
Susan felt her heart stop beating, she wanted to scream and run over to him, but Tash had already concentrated his attention at Susan and obstructed the passage to Caspian.
When the god attacked her, Susan didn't move to escape the sword; she didn't have anymore worth living in this world, so why should she fear death?
Then she suddenly heard a voice shouting her name and when she searched its urge she saw Caspian heading towards her. Suddenly everything moved more slowly. She felt her heart stop beating, she heard the silver blade knocking against flesh and she felt her body covering with blood, with loads of blood.
So I hope you liked it - sorry for the cliffhanger but I'll try to update soon!
So what do you think about it? Please leave me a review - would be great! :)
Thanks to all who reviewed so far - you guys are my heroes! ;)