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Later that night I was lying in my hotel room thinking about the confrontation I had with Roman. He's not stupid he knows he ignored me and if he really thought he got to act like nothing happened he is delusional. I heard a knock at my door and looked at the time. It was 2 am. I sighed and got up to open the door.
"Dean? What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?" I looked at him questiongly.
"Yeah I do. I need to talk to you" He said while pushing his way in. I shook my head shut the door and turned around to see him sitting on the bed leaning against the head board.
"Oh please make yourself at home"
"Chill it smart ass. Sit down. Now"
I walked to the other side of the bed and sat next to him.
"What is it Ambrose?"
"Oh I just wanted to talk about how pretty the stars look. What do you think? I'm hear to talk about Roman."
"Well then you should just leave."
"No. We're going to talk. Rox..what the hell was that?"
"You're asking me! He only talks to me when his little family isn't here and I'm the one getting questioned?!"
"Don't yell at me. I'm not in the mood. He spent time with his family, what's the big deal?"
"He ignored me! He avoided me. He went out of his way to not be around me. It's like he's embarrassed I'm his best friend" the last part was barely above a whisper. I heard Dean sigh and looked up at him. He was running a hand over his face.
"Look doll, he's not embarrassed. You really think he'd be seen by thousands of people with you if he was embarrassed?"
"Their opinions don't matter to him so yeah I do."
"Rox... his fiancee was visibilly uncomfortable with the hug that took place between you two."
"Then she could have said something"
"She did...why do you think he wasn't around you this week?"
I pulled my knees to my chest and sighed.
"Is this the part you say ' I told you so'?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You told me we were too close.. that it wasn't okay.. Nikki told me it too but I didn't see anything wrong with it."
"You really didn't see anything out of line? Honestly?" Dean made me look at him.
"So I hug him extra long, i do that with you too, you know?" I shrugged.
"Yeah you do. But the difference? I don't stay in the same room with you, I don't hold your hand because you joke about being a loner, I don't sleep in the same bed and hold you all night" I looked at him shocked. "Yeah Roman let it slip one day. Point is... you two do more than just friend things and we all see it. The way you two look at each other isn't friendly anymore, the way you act and hold each other isn't just friends anymore either Rox. His girl could see that. It's actually pretty obvious to anyone who sees you two together. Be honest with me, have you two done anything? Has he cheated on Brittney with you?"
"NO! Dean I would not do that! You really think I would?!"
"Before Roman no. Now i have no fucking clue what you would do with Roman. It's like you lost your sense."
"I'm not a homewrecker" I whispered.
"Rox I would never call you a homewrecker but it's like something flipped. You and Roman were just good friends and suddenly it's like over night something is there. It's not okay to do when he has a fiancee"
"It's all my fault right?" I scoffed.
"I don't know.. I don't know what happened to make this start. I don't know who suggested sleeping in the same bed. I don't know who started this all but it needs to get under control because this bull shit of let's yell at each other at work is not going to happen again."
"You know what Dean? I should have just listened to you. I shouldn't be around Roman... I swear I didn't know I felt this strongly for him. But you and Nikki were right. Me and Roman can't be friends"
"Whoa! I never said you can't be friends I just said to distance yourself."
"I can't do that."
"Why not? You're really going to walk away from a friendship because of this?"
"I just can't. If I'm still friends with him nothing is going to get fixed. I can't distance myself because I'll still want to hug him, and to room with him and if we do that we'll share a bed and cuddle and it won't work."
"You can hug him just not for so long. You can room with me instead. There's no need to end a friendship over stuff that can be fixed"
"I love him Dean" I looked up at him feeling extremely insecure.
" I know Rox, he's your best friend I get that. Rox you-"
"No Dean... I love him." I looked at him in the eyes trying to get him to understand.
He sighed and shook his head.
"I don't know what to do"
"There's nothing for you to do Dean."
"Really? Because we all travel together, you're both two of my best friends and now you're just going to walk away from a friendship clearly you won't be traveling with us everything is going to change. Why couldn't you two think about other people before messing around like this?!"
" I didn't know I was going to get these feelings Dean! It's not like I woke up one morning and said let me have this strong feelings for Roman! Let me think about him constantly, let me get butterflies and goosebumps over things he says and does, let his mood easily effect mine, let me feel safer than i have ever felt in my life in his arms, let me fall for this guy who by the way is engaged!" I screamed and got up to look out the window.
Dean walked up and stood beside me and put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him.
"I'm sorry Rox. I really am. I know how hard it is for you to actually get feelings for people, I had no idea it was this deep"
I felt tears running down my cheeks and sniffled. "I didn't either.." I whispered.
"You know no matter what happens I'm still your best friend and still here for you okay?"
"I'm going to go talk to Roman"
"Maybe you should wait. Sleep on it ya know?" Dean asked and I looked up at him shaking my head.
"If I sleep on it I'll change my mind, if i change my mind we'll keep acting the same and his fiancee will keep feeling uncomfortable. I don't want to come between his family."
"I really wish you would think this through more but I can see you won't. Just.. try to be friendly about it okay?"
"Okay." I pulled away from Dean and walked to the door with him following, we split at the elevator. He went to his room and I went on the elevator to the next floor.
I stood outside of Roman's door for 5 minutes before I got the courage to knock. After what felt like an enternity he opened the door. He was wearing gray sweat pants, a darker gray t shirt, his hair was pulled into a messy pony tail and he looked exhausted. I just wanted to hug him and that made me feel like I was making the right decision.
"Can I talk to you?" I asked while looking at him.
"Yeah sure" He moved aside and let me in.
"Sit down" he said while he sat on the bed looking at me expectantly.
"No thank you.. Look Roman first I'm sorry for yelling at you at work. It was extremely unprofessional of me and I shouldn't have done it."
"It's fine Rox. We both lost our cool there for a second it happens. Don't worry about it" He smiled and went to reach for my hand but i moved my arm.
"Rox... are you okay?"
"We can't be friends anymore Roman"
"What?! Why?! Because of a little fight?! Look Rox I'm sorry I really am. I just couldn't believe you were so mad at me but it's my fault okay I'm sorry we-"
"Roman it's not because of that"
"Then what?!" He got up and was standing right in front of me looking down at me and I got nervous. I looked down at the ground and took a deep breath.
"Your fiancee doesn't want us to be friends."
"Brittney doesn't have a problem with you. She felt weird about the hug but I told her it meant nothing." I took in a sharp breath when he said nothing and backed away from him.
"We're not friends anymore Roman okay?" I went to walk past him but he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.
"No not okay! I told you a couple weeks ago that I need and want you in my life! You can't just walk out of it Rox!" he yelled. I tried to get my arm free but he wouldn't let go.
"I can and I am Roman."
"So my friendship meant nothing to you?" I looked up and saw in his eyes the hurt he felt. I felt my heartbreaking and just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay.
"It meant everything. Roman..you're the best friend I ever had. And as your best friend I'm walking away to help you" I tried to explain.
"Help me? How in the hell does this help me?! Rox..Don't leave okay? Whatever is wrong with our friendship we can fix it okay? Just tell me and we'll fix it. Brittney will love you when she gets to know you, Jessica already loves you. Please you're my best friend" I looked down at the mention of his girls I felt guilty and hearing him ask me to not leave was hard. I tried to hold the tears back but I couldn't and started crying.
"She'll never like me Roman. First impressions are everything you know..and i'm pretty sure her impression of me is that I'm trying to steal her man.. I don't want to come between your family" He put his finger under my chin and made me look up at him.
"You won't. Brittney will learn to be comfortable with our friendship."
"Would you be comfortable with her holding another guys hand? with hugging him as long as we do? with sharing a bed with him everynight that you aren't? With him holding her all through the night?" Roman looked down.
"No.." he said quietly
"Neither would I. We crossed the line Roman." I said.
He looked at me in the eyes "We didn't do anything wrong. I didn't cheat on her.."
"Have you told her that we do all that?"
"No"
"Because it's wrong. We both know it but I was too selfish to stop it I was only concerned with how I was feeling. I was a horrible best friend."
"I didn't stop it either. It didn't feel wrong, it felt right. You aren't a horrible best friend."
"I am.. Dean and Nikki made me realize it. And after today.. normal friends wouldn't have fought as badly as we did over something so small."
"You fight for the relationships you care about Rox. I was fucked up and avoided you and I'm sorry... We can fix this and still be best friends.. I can't lose you"
"Don't you see?! The fact that you had to avoid me because she was here speaks volumes! I can't do this.. "
"Rox... please. I love you, you are seriously my best friend and i just..losing you.. i can't i don't want to do it"
"I love you too Roman..that's the problem." Somewhere in this he let go of my arm and I left I opened the door and walked out when I looked back in Roman was sitting in his bed with his face in his hands. I shut down the door and leaned against it as fresh tears came down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry" I whispered as I walked to the elevator.
When the elevator opened on my floor I walked to my room and stood outside the door for a minute before I turned around and walked to Dean's door knocking on it. I heard him groan and mumbling before he opened the door. I looked up at him with tears running down my face.
"Dean..." I said and he immediately pulled me into his arms and shut the door.