Why…..why is everyone here? Asked Vala, uncomfortable with everyone starring.
Daniel looked at Carolyn for answers. She had her bag with her and a sedative ready if Vala needed it.
"Why are you here Dr. Lam? I was in my room. How did I get here? Where am I anyway?"
"We are at our house Vala. We're husband and wife now and I wanted to bring you here to be more at home." Said Daniel.
Vala looked around her surroundings, but was still confused why everyone was watching her.
"Well, that explains where I am, but why is everyone else?" Vala was starting to sound angry.
"Vala; Daniel brought you to the infirmary. He found you crying uncontrollably and I had to sedate you to calm you down. What's the last thing you remember?" Asked Carolyn. She wanted Vala to be reassured at their purpose for being with her.
"I……..I don't remember. I was tired that's all. You didn't have to drug me and then drag me off here."
"Vala I want you to listen to me. You were having a near nervous breakdown. Daniel and your friends were worried about you. No one knows other than us, what happened."
Vala's anxiety was increasing at everyone's intrusion into her life. "I was just tired. Why is everything a medical term to everyone when it comes to me? I'm fine, so everyone can leave now and I can get some rest."
"Vala, Dr. Lam wants to try something to help you. We all do. We…………I think that you've been avoiding us because of what's happened to you. I love you Vala and I want you to trust me that we can help you." Said Daniel.
"Help me? Why does everyone think I need their help? I've been on my own for years and no one was there to help. Now everyone's sorry for poor little Vala. I don't need any help, just everyone leave me alone."
"No Vala. This will make you sick if you allow this to continue. You are already showing signs of depression." Stated Carolyn strongly. "You avoid contact with people. You don't eat properly, because your weight has went down from not eating properly. You are constantly tired, irritable, crying and hiding away. I know the symptoms and you can't deny them anymore."
"Who are you Dr. Lam to tell me how I feel. You have a father who is the Commander. You've had everything handed to you. I don't see how you are even qualified to tell me what's wrong with me. You're Miss Princess in a white coat. When have you had it so hard? Have your starved at one time? Been beaten, raped over and over? Have you killed to survive or be killed? Have you caused the death of thousands at your hand and you could do nothing about it? Who are you to tell me how I feel? GET OUT. ALL OF YOU." Vala turned over into her bed and faced the wall. She drew the covers up to her and stayed silent.
Everyone was surprised at Vala's outburst. Dr. Lam however was experienced to know that victims attack anyone around them to draw attention away from them. She motioned everyone to leave. Daniel reluctantly wanted to leave Vala, but he knew Carolyn must have a good reason to do so. They all stood outside the door, surprised that Vala revealed even more pain.
"I expected that, and you all should too. She's lashing out, drawing away from what's really bothering her. She will do the same to all of you. Vala is very intelligent and resourceful and she will use any information she has on you to push you away."
Daniel was still focusing on what Vala said. "God Carolyn. I………..I never knew she had been raped before. I…………….I hadn't even considered this has been much of her life in pain."
Daniel slid to the floor holding his head. He had been so wrapped up into his own misery; he never considered that someone else could go thru as much or more pain and suffering as he had. Carolyn bent down to console Daniel.
"Daniel, look at me."
Daniel had all been listening to what Carolyn was conveying, but already they had doubts to this kind of therapy working. Daniel tilted his head up. Trying to fathom his own guilt and negligence.
"Daniel, you are all going to have to focus on her pain, not yours. You must stay strong, because she's going to challenge you. She fears what she's never had; love. She has friends, she has you and you all love her, but she can't see how you can love her for what she's done and been thru. She feels she's not worthy of any love. I think she's been abandoned all her life and she's dealt with it the only way she knows how; alone. Don't let her feel that way. Let her know how you all feel about her. This is the first step to her recovery. She already knows what pushes your button. Don't let her get away with that, but use compassion and love to soften the blows."
"But Carolyn, she practically tore your head off. Vala's not stupid. She's going to push and push until we either get angry or she does and ………………..wait. I have an idea." Said Sam. "I want to go in and talk to her first. I think we should do this individually. She may think were ganging up on her. Pushing her into a corner she can't escape."
Carolyn thought for a few moments and she really wanted them to confront Vala as a whole. But this was Vala. An Alien who could outwit them all and make them feel like they were the victim instead of her. But this one on one attention make work too.
"Ok Sam. Let's try this your way and see what happens. I know you can handle her, but this may take longer than all of you expected. I see that now and I'm sorry if this may take up your time from SGC."
Mitchell interjected. "I can take care of that Dr. Lam. If we're all going to help Vala, then we need to give her time and we all have that. I'm sure Gen Landry can agree that this is under special circumstances and I think we are all in agreement. Whatever it takes. We owe Vala our very lives, literally and she never let us down. We aren't either. Like my grandmother use to say. There's no use putting off tomorrow, than taken care of it today."
"Indeed." Teal'c agreed.
They all agreed. Mitchell put in a call and Gen Landry had already put in for them as much leave as they wanted. There were no threats from the Ori, since Adria had disappeared and they had a new Ha'tak ship to explore and any other SG teams could handle whatever came up.
"Ok, Sam; General Landry has cleared the way for us to do this as long as it takes. I'm in and we can wait and sleep overnight her if we have to. Teal'c, we need sleeping bags, food, and whatever is needed to dig in for the night. Jackson; you and Sam do what you have to do with Vala. Dr. Lam how about you. Can the infirmary spare you for awhile?"
"I was committed the moment I walked thru those doors. I'm fine, I just need to make a few phone calls to the infirmary and I'm staying."
Daniel was overwhelmed at the concern and full commitment his friends were making for Vala. He stood up and hugged Sam.
"Don't worry Daniel." Sam reassured him. "She's going to come out of this stronger. And I have a feeling we all are."
Vala was wrestling with her outburst. She felt like she was out of control and being treated like a child. To her, this was something the Tau'ri would go thru, not her. She was a former space pirate, a thief, con artist. She didn't need anyone and certainly everyone pitying her was making her sick. She ran to a room she thought was the bathroom and was happy she did and threw up in the toilet receptacle. Sam entered the room and saw that Vala's bed was empty. She heard a coughing noise coming from a closed door and assumed Vala was sick. She opened the door and Vala was finishing up, heaving her guts out. Sam grabbed a towel and doused it with cold water. She laid the towel on Vala's neck and motioned her to the bedroom. Vala said nothing and climbed into bed, hoping to avoid talking. Sam remembered Carolyn's words about Vala wanting to push them away. She decided to initiate her own way of getting thru to Vala. Sam sat on the floor, with her legs tucked under and watched Vala turn over away from her.
"I don't blame you for hating us Vala. We practically kidnapped you and were all standing around, waiting for you to talk to us. I mean what reason would you have to trust us, huh? Sam paused to see if Vala was listening. Vala didn't move.
"You know I've been with SGC for nearly ten years and nothing to this day still prepares me for what might happen if a mission goes wrong. I try to kid myself that I can take care of myself if anything happens, but………..but I'm kidding myself to think everyone is civil when they capture you. I choke down the fear that one day, I'll be cut off on a mission and they'll never find me someday. It……….it terrifies me that what they did to you, could easily happen and………….and almost did."
Sam saw a slight movement from Vala, but she still faced away from her.
"I know Jack, Teal'c, Daniel and even Cam think they can always come in and save the day. But it's not true when you're alone with an enemy and you see the lust and desire in their eyes. I……….I remember my first earliest mission. I was kidnapped right under SG1's nose and forced to wear clothing and be submissive to their leader. All the women were and he wanted me to mate with him." Sam hung her head down, as she remembered.
"God Vala, I thought I could handle myself, but I was beaten and forced to work like slaves until Jack and Daniel could rescue me. I………I thought at least Teal'c would come running in to save me, but I was on my own. It………….it terrified me to think someone could use my body against my will. All the women there had been beaten all their lives into submission and I would rather die than let that happen."
Sam continued, even knowing that Vala still did not face her. "I finally had to challenge the leader to a fight to save my own life. SG1, because of some stupid custom, could not interfere. If I died, then I would die my own way and no man or women would ever take me without my consent."
Sam took in a deep breath remembering that so long ago mission where she almost died. "Anyway, there were other missions that went wrong and I ended up being the one to either get out on my own or face the possibility of dying away from family and friends. I hated being helpless. I hated that I had to try harder to prove myself and I didn't want anyone to say or see me weak. They always think I have to be the strong one, to think my way out of any situation that comes up. But the truth of the matter is that I'm scared half the time that I'll screw up and get everyone killed. They all think I'm superwomen since I blew up a sun. God, they think I was a God, but I'm not. I………..I try everyday to do what I was born to do and everyday I have to live with myself knowing one day I'll screw up and those around me that I'm close to, will be disappointed."
Vala moved a little, yet stayed under the covers. She still had not said a word. "But you know what scarred me the most Vala. Losing another friend. When Janice died, I …………I could never confide in anyone again about what I felt as a woman. I………..I couldn't. When I saw what they were doing to you Vala, I wanted to kill them all. I could see it in my mind how I was going to do it. I was going to slit everyone one of those bastards throats for what they did to you. I know that's no consolation to what you went thru, but I still would do it today if any one touched you in that way ever again."
Sam was sniffling, remembering what her friend went thru. "I hated myself Vala for now helping you. I don't care what the others felt, but I know……………I know what you felt. You would have taken beatings and torture, but not that. Not the rape." Sam was growing angry at herself. "Those animals, that's what they were, just animals. It sickens me that someone could do that to a human being and live with themselves. It disgust me that they did that to you and I…………….I was helpless to stop it."
Sam was crying openly now. She hadn't admitted how she felt to anyone, until now.
"I hate them now Vala. I wish you could of burned them all the way you took care of that inhuman bastard. They hurt you Vala. No one hurts my friends and gets away with it. You're my friend Vala. You've made me your friend without asking or wanting anything from me but your friendship. Some friend. I couldn't even kill anyone for you. I couldn't even stop them from……………….
"I'm ashamed Vala. I let you down and you almost died. I…………I don't want to lose you Vala. I've lost my father, my mother; Janet. People in my life die and there's nothing I could do about it. I'm…………I'm suppose to save everyone and ……………and all I could do is watch what happened to you. They didn't just rape you Vala, they raped me. Every scream, every touch was what I fear the most and you were there. I hate them Vala for what they done to you. I should hate all men for what they do to women everywhere, but you. You saved us so many times and all we can show you is…………….
Sam continued to cry even harder. Sam somehow instinctively shook herself out of her state to notice Vala had not turned to see her, but her hand was in the air for Sam to grasp it. Sam slowly crawled near Vala's bed and grasped her hand in recognition. No other words were spoken between the two women, but Vala had responded the only way she knew how. She responded to her friend.
TBC