It was several hours before Sam emerged from Vala's room. Everyone else had settled into the kitchen thinking about how to approach Vala. Sam sat down and Daniel offered her a cup of coffee. They could see Sam had been crying and kept silent until Sam was able to speak to them. She finally looked up from her cup of coffee while not taking any sip.
"I think she's taking some time to herself. I…..I don't know if she's ready for anyone else." Sam said slowly.
Dr. Lam needed to know what happened. "Sam? Did she respond to you at all?"
Sam took a minute to respond. "She………she responded only by touch. I…….I let her know how I felt about her and she….she only grabbed my hand."
"Well that's a start. I think she responded the only way she knew how. I think she responded to you first; being a woman."
"I think it helped." Said Sam. "I don't know; if you guys excuse me, I need some air."
"Sam are you alright? Asked Daniel with concern, as the rest also felt Sam was holding back.
"Yes, I think that Vala is the bravest person I've ever met. I just finally realized how much. Let me know if I can do more Carolyn. I'll be outside."
Sam left the table with the understanding that this was not going to be easy. Carolyn wrote down notes and faced all the men.
"Daniel, I want you to go in last. I think Sam's idea of one on one confrontation is a better assessment on how Vala will respond to our therapy."
"Why last Carolyn?" Daniel was anxious to see Vala.
"I think that being her husband will be critical to her recovery. She's not alone anymore and this is new to her and I don't think she knows what to expect from you. It will be difficult enough that she knows you've seen her at her worst."
"Carolyn, I would like to go in next. I want to take her some food." Said Cam.
"I………I forget she hasn't eaten yet." Said Daniel.
"I think that's a good ideal Col Mitchell. You're sort of the new guy around here, besides me, and I think she can identify with that."
"Call me Cam, Dr. Lam."
"Call me Carolyn, well at least here."
"I can do that. Well, Daniel load me up and I'm to bat."
"Col……….Cam? Make sure she understands how you feel and how it relates to how important it is to be on SG1 and be her friend. You may get some feedback from her. Don't let her pull you in to your world. She'll push at you to get you to leave her alone."
Daniel pulled aside Cam. "Cam, just……….just don't let her sink. I think she wants to." Cam understood and nodded his head.
Cam knocked on Vala's door, but didn't get a response. He opened the door and put the food down next to the bed. He could see Vala was turned towards the wall and decided to pull up a chair next to her bed. He searched his mind to figure out what to say. He was surprised when Vala spoke up.
"What do you want Mitchell?"
Cam had never heard Vala speak to him in a last name sense so snidely.
"I wanted to see how you were Princess. I'm worried about you."
"I'm no Princess. Princesses don't end up being someone's whore."
Cam was taken aback by her self loathing. He remembered what Carolyn spoke about Vala attacking him and Daniel's warning about her sinking into despair.
"You are not anyone's whore Vala. No one believes that and I'll tear into anyone who calls you that or anyone else that's my friend."
"Why don't you just leave me alone? I can take care of myself. Obviously you couldn't do that for me."
Cam's anger flared for a second, but now Cam knew Vala was baiting him. And he did feel guilty that he was helpless to help Vala when she needed them all the most.
"Vala………..Vala I know you hate me for not helping you. I know that, yes, you're the one who basically saved our asses. But Vala, that's what I love about you. You never gave up. Even when you were possessed, you protected us, and even with that weird blue flame emitting from you. You still got rid of Ba'al after everything he had done to you. I……..I've never seen such devotion at keeping us alive Vala. I……….I'm……….
"Alive, thank you very much. Now will you just please go."
Cam was about to give up. He figured everything he said to make Vala feel better about herself was not helping.
"Vala I'm the new kid on the block here. Did I ever tell you that I killed thousands of innocent people or that I almost committed suicide?
Cam didn't get a retort response from Vala. He figured he continue and elaborate a little more.
"Everyone expected me to be the hero in the family, like my father. I could do no wrong. I was the wonder boy, the pride of my family. I was the fancy fly boy, with medals and respect from everyone. Everyone knew when I went on a mission; it was completed without a hitch. I was cocky and the woman on the base or off knew what they were getting. Even the Congressman and Dignitary's daughters were not safe from me. I had women galore and was damn proud to be the stud and wear the U.S. uniform. My career was on a high and nothing could stop me."
Cam wrenched his hands, not knowing if this was helping, but he continued.
"Then I went on a mission flying over enemy territory. I was to find a convey carrying enemy fighters. Intelligence said it was confirmed and I was ordered to fire at will. When I did, command contacted me that the Intel was wrong. I had fired on innocent refugees. They were fleeing the enemy and were sent to be ambushed by us, so they could get away using them as a shield. When I was ordered to return to base, I disobeyed and landed my jet near the area. With a chance of being captured and a million dollar jet being confiscated I wanted to find out if I could help. When I found the refugees. There……..there was no one left alive. There was blood and body parts everywhere. I had literally obliterated their bodies into nothing. But these were once women, children, and old people that died. They never put that in the report, because it was their mistake. But it was mine. I'm the one that shot those innocent people; me. I threw up at the sight of them. I've shot the enemy in war time, but never, never have I killed innocent children or women. I was ordered to leave the area and I told them to shove it up their ass."
Cam had a lump in his throat from revealing this memory. Vala had only stirred for a minute.
"They tried to court martial me, but the damage was done. They knew I didn't have a blemish on my records and I think I knew my father had some influence in letting them know it was a big mistake and a low moral decision to pursue this military act. So I was cleared, but it still sickened me. Everyone started treating me different. My friends, Commanders; everyone who knew me believed I made the mistake because I was so quick to shoot and asked questions later. They alienated me from then on. No one wanted to buy me drinks or eat with me. No one wanted to even talk about what happened. Even the men under my command wanted to transfer to another outfit. I was basically disgraced in their eyes, even though I was exonerated, I was a nobody and nobody cared except my parents. But the damage was done."
"Why do you even care Cam? Why should I care?" Vala said weakly.
"Because I was sitting in my room one day, with a 9mm in my mouth waiting to blow my brains out. I couldn't live with what I had done. I was a coward Vala and I couldn't face not being the hero. I wanted to show them, they couldn't push me around and just ignore me. I thought if I was dead for ignoring me, then that would show them."
Cameron just shook his head and what almost could have happened to his life. His eyes started to tear over.
"I didn't even leave a note to my parents. I dressed in my military best and was just going to do it. I didn't think about how this would affect the only people who cared about me, my parents. I was going to do it, until the phone rang. How stupid for a phone call to delay the inevitable. Do you know who it was Vala?"
Vala shook her head and said nothing, still turned towards the wall.
"General Jack O'Neill. He told me he needed me to lead a air strike near area 51 at Anubis's forces. He said Sam was there and he needed someone he trusted to get the job done. Me, the dishonored pilot was needed by the Great Jack O'Neill. He gave me another chance Vala. He didn't care about what happened; he cared about a friend and the people who were laying their life on the line to protect them and this planet. He trusted me Vala of all people. I……couldn't do it after that or I felt guilty and I wanted another chance or I thought I would die in combat and at least die a hero and redeem my name in my parents eyes. But you know what Vala. I almost got my wish. I crashed and figured, hey, this is it. But I woke up alive and in pain. Always the pain. I still wanted to die and couldn't believe I made it. Then everyone congratulated my because I made it. I was back in their good graces again and I couldn't give up. I wanted to live and walk again. And you know why Vala?
He still didn't get a response. "Because someone cared enough to save me and I never forgot how that felt. And you shouldn't either Vala. We don't care about your past. We know you suffered to keep us alive and there was no one there to help you. I'm supposed to protect you Vala and I didn't. I…….I'm sorry and I took a blood Oath with Teal'c, that I would kill anyone and everyone that hurt you. We all care about you Vala and you're not alone in this. I'm no Saint and I don't want to be, because everything that happened in your past doesn't matter to me. You are a brave and capable part of my team. You have proven yourself over and over that your highest priority has been to protect your friends Vala. I've seen you put yourself in harms way to protect us and I've seen where you would rather die than let us get hurt. I'm not going to pretend that I don't know your past and what happened to you, but it's not your fault Vala. None of this has ever been your fault. We need you Vala. You're my sunshine when things are so dark. I was the new guy and I had a choice to keep you off the team or accept you, based on Jackson's recommendation. But I saw more in you Vala that just the so call thief. You were the one who had to prove to me that you were worth staying."
"And?" It was the most positive answer Cam had received from Vala.
"When you sacrificed yourself at Beachhead. You unselfishly put yourself in danger to save the entire planet. You're not even from this planet. No one does that Vala unless they have a good heart. That wasn't Quetesh that was no whore. That was Val Mol Doran and she's my hero now and forever."
Vala said nothing, but she didn't chastise him either. Cam sat and watched Vala for a few moments and decided he could say no more. He confessed his deepest and darkest secret and hoped it would help her. If it didn't, then he didn't know what would.
"Vala, I'm leaving this food for you. Jackson makes a pretty mean omelet. I hope you know, no matter what. I'm your friend and I care a whole lot about you. Nothing will ever dissuade me from that."
Cam finally moved his chair back in place. Looked back at Vala's turned form and left. When Cam shut the door; he never caught that Vala was crying silent tears at his words and his heart.
TBC