"I don't want to lose her guys. I finally realize how much I had loved her from the very beginning. I just didn't realize it until she was in danger. I know it's shallow, but I……..I was afraid of losing her on that planet. I want to make her happy for the rest of her life and I………I need to know how to do that."

"Ask her Daniel. Don't tell her; ask her." Stated Carolyn.

Daniel had renewed strength. His friends and Carolyn had helped him more than they knew. With everyone's reassurance, he headed back to confront Vala. This time, he would listen.

Vala was tossing and turning in her sleep. Talking to Daniel made her relive some of her torture on the planet with Kraco and his machines. The face that continued to haunt her more than any other was Daniel's. His face she remembered was emotionless, then stuant stares of shame, pity, anger and then one she thought may have been; compassion. Daniel was an enemy, friend, judge and jury all rolled into one. She could never seem to get away from him. It was like she was running from him more than her past. She used to think highly of Daniel, but his remarks would torment her, even in her sleep and he would intensify her anxiety without knowing it.

Daniel entered Vala's room intent to listen to Vala, rather than voice his reasons for wanting her to stay. He could see her tossing, turning, moaning in her sleep. He pulled up his chair to her bed and spoke softly.

"Vala………..Vala, can you hear me? Can I help?"

Vala strained to break from her dream and what was reality. She was startled slightly when she realized it was Daniel again. She went on defense, already tense from her recent bout with him.

"Why do you keep torturing me Daniel? I said I would not protest about being married and you don't have to worry, I don't plan on staying married to you. No strings attached remember."

Daniel could finally hear the fear and pain in her voice. He really wanted to listen.

"I want to know why you want out of this marriage Vala. Please I want to understand how much I hurt you."

Vala eyes grew slightly wide with disbelief. She could have sworn Daniel asked about him hurting her. She almost didn't answer, but it was pulling at her to vent at him. To tell him what type of person he really was.

"You're asking me, what you did to me? Please Daniel; no one tells you anything. It's just mindless gibberish to you. You don't have the heart to listen to me Daniel. It's just nonsense and not worth your time or mine. So why don't you leave me alone."

Daniel kept his cool and tilted his head to understand more of Vala's words thrown at him.

"Yes I do Vala. I want to know how I hurt you and I want to know how I can fix this? Daniel was hoping for her to open up a little at a time. "I didn't realize that I hurt you, by yelling at you in public. I………I can be quite naive when it comes to hurting others. I didn't mean…………..

"That's the problem Daniel. You don't mean to hurt me, but you do and it becomes personal Daniel. I tried everything in my power to please you. I tried to fit into your world of what a good person should be. All it gave me was grief, constant grief. I debased myself for you and I still don't know why."

Daniel was still digesting her words. It hurt that he had hurt her, without even apologizing later. He knew it was just his insecurities, but Vala seemed to be an easy target.

"I hate myself that I did that to you Vala. I………I can't even begin to understand why I did it." He held his own explanation and wanted this to be Vala's time.

"I'll tell you why you did it Daniel. I was an easy target; someone you couldn't stand to tell you off. I saw pass your facade of fear. I could see in your eyes that you were hurting and wouldn't let anyone in. I could see that you were a nice person underneath all those books and dust. I wanted to get to know you and I came back to see you. I don't come back to see anyone, unless I like them and I stayed Daniel. I stayed to get closer to you and know you. I was there to ask questions and see if you and I had something in common. I wanted to be a better person around you Daniel, because you wanted better for others. But not me; all you could do is make yourself feel better by making me feel worse."

Daniel wanted to say he was sorry, but he knew Vala would pick up on it and attack him with her words, but he continued to let her vent.

"I seemed to do that a lot didn't I." Daniel was trying to be humble for her sake.

"I knew others that have done the same to me Daniel. But I was never close to them. I thought you gave me a chance to stay to prove myself to you and the others. Sam, Teal'c, even Mitchell had more respect for me than you. Now you pity me, by marrying me. You can keep your sense of right and wrong. I'm full of it."

"Why did you stay Vala? Why did you need to please me? Why me?"

Vala had a lump in her throat. She didn't want to confess her true feelings, but it was difficult to lie to Daniel to protect herself. Daniel could see the turmoil in her eyes. It was like looking into a whirlpool of doubt and mistrust.

"Why do you think Daniel? Why would I constantly stay around someone who made it constantly clear he didn't want me?"

Now Daniel was in the hot seat. He had been trapped by his own question. He gave the only answer he could honestly state.

"Because you love me."

Vala's sobs caught in her throat. She was feeling all kinds of emotions now that he said it out loud. She fell back against the headboard as if she was ashamed for him to say it. Daniel started to reach for her and she pulled back further against the board.

"I hate you Daniel. You don't know me at all. I was raped and beaten, but you still couldn't talk to me when it was happening. You never said a word. You just stared at me as if it was my fault that you were captured. It was disgust in your eyes. I've never seen that in those I cared about, except Adria, my stepmother. She gave me that same look everytime my father went away. But to see if from you, from someone I admired and even respected. I couldn't take that Daniel. I barely remember what happened to me down there, but you didn't even speak to me when it began. I knew then what I was worth Daniel in your eyes; I was nothing. I was nothing Daniel."

Vala began to cry and turned her head from Daniel. Daniel was in shock. He couldn't believe his own arrogance in what happened. Vala was right, he thought. He had purposely kept his emotions and mouth shut to give the impression he was strong and defiant to his enemy. But he forgot that he only showed his disrespect for Vala and his stupid pride had only induced his thoughtless feelings toward Vala.

He started to shake at her realization and her observation of his actions. Now he was the one that felt like nothing to her.

"Vala listen to me, please. Please listen. I………I was wrong. I thought if I looked like I was not intimidated then maybe they would lash out at me, not you. I forgot about what you might of thought. I really didn't think about what you thought. I knew the guys were mad at me, and I didn't care. But even worse, I didn't care about you. It………….It's the worst thing I could of done to you."

Daniel was shaking his head, trying to search the words to understand what he had done. The pain he caused her every since she stepped off the ramp to SGC. He put his hands over his mouth to keep from throwing up. He felt sick to his stomach. He threw off his glasses and ran to the bathroom and threw up. Vala had heard him run and see him bolt, not from the room, but to the restroom. She was confused at his action. She could hear him wrenching and her natural instincts to take care of someone, even Daniel kicked in. She walked slowly to the bathroom and saw Daniel crying and wrenching at the same time. She reached for a towel and doused it in the sink with cold water. She placed the cold wet towel over his neck as he dry heaved into the toilet. When he finally finished, he wiped his mouth off and stood up to rinse out his mouth. Vala had sat down on the floor watching him, with her back against the wall. Her eyes were red from crying and she watched Daniel slide to the floor by the tub. She watched as he continued to cry into the wet towel.

She couldn't stand it. She wanted to be angry at Daniel, but seeing him, crying for her, depleted her resolve. She wanted to know why, but she could feel her anger slightly rising. She crawled over to Daniel and placed his head in her lap. Daniel couldn't stop himself. He felt all the senseless times he made Vala feel worthless. All the times he could see the pain in her eyes and he ignored it as playful banter, or shady reactions. He had seen it all and just saw it as someone trying to get to him, humiliate him. When all the time it was Vala's raw pain. He realized Sam was right. Vala had given her all to them, all the time and all she wanted was their friendship and trust. He continued to sob in Vala's lap.

"I'm sorry Vala……….I'm so sorry that I did that to you. I was so mean to you. I wanted to hurt you, because others hurt me. I didn't mean it………….I didn't mean it."

Vala begin to see that Daniel really was being honest. She rocked Daniel until he was almost spent.

"Daniel…………..Daniel look at me."

Daniel looked at Vala slightly. He was even ashamed to even look at Vala.

"I can't…………I can't." He was shaking his head, pained by his actions.

"Then listen to me Daniel. Before I met you, no one has ever cared about what happened to me until you and Sam, Teal'c or Mitchell. But you especially made me feel like I could belong to something important, something bigger in life than stealing or being chased for the rest of my life. So I came back. I came back to you Daniel, especially for you. You had the kindest eyes I ever saw and painful ones too. I know you wanted me and don't say you didn't."

Daniel shook his head and said nothing.

"I wanted you Daniel; I wanted you more than life itself, because I could stop running. I could stop trying to find solace in treasures and trinkets. I would make these dangerous deals and wonder if I would be dead or alive the next day or if anyone cared where I was or what I was doing. I had enough pain and suffering to last me a lifetime, but in your eyes I found hope. I found a reason to leave that type of life. I saw in you Tau'ri, the compassion to be genially kind, forgiving and trusting, without asking anything in return. But from you I saw a future. Not a Tau'ri picket fence future with a house and children. But a future to do good and help people against people like me, or those from my past. I've had too much of people hurting one another, but I saw you try and stop those evil forces by fighting them with all your compassion and generosity. But you never extended that hand to me Daniel. You never said that I care what happens to you, or I'm sorry. Not once have you ever said that to me Daniel. I could handle that for awhile, but I thought, maybe he's too busy to notice me, saving the world and all. But it became clearer than ever, how much you despised me. How could I live with knowing that's the way you felt about me Daniel? I put you on a pedestal and I tried to climb up there with you. But you kept pushing me off. Others would climb to your heights, but never me. Why is it that you could never see me as an equal?"

Daniel sat up and wiped his face, afraid of what to say. He starred at Vala for a few moments.

"I………I wanted to push you away. I was afraid to want you. I was afraid to have a life with you. People die around me Vala, and you………….I didn't want to……….to get close to you. So I pushed at you, did everything I could to get you to leave me alone. I know it's no excuse, but I'm so terrified of losing anyone else. It affects me to this day. My parents………………No, no I don't want to go there. This is now, not the past. I …………..I was stupid Vala. I allowed my fear to taint you. I allowed too much to happen to you that I could of stopped. But I know I can never see you as a weak person Vala. I never did, but…………….

"But what Daniel? Tell me what, that you're sorry. That you've changed, that I can trust you not to hurt me anymore."

"Have you ever known my lie to you?" Asked Daniel, still wary of where he stood with Vala.

Vala thought for a second and she knew he was right. "No Daniel, you have never lied to me, but you have never seen fit to be truthful with me either."

Daniel dropped his head slightly and he was caught, by the best.

"Vala I know what all that's happened, I could never make up to you what I caused. But I………I want to start all over again. I want to get to know you all over again. Now from this very beginning. I want to do whatever it takes to win you back, no, I mean for you to trust me. I mean anything. I do love you, whether you believe it or not, it's up to you. I can wait, I can wait for however long you want. No strings attached, for whatever it takes from me. I want us to start from the beginning."

Vala's face held no emotions for him to read. In the back of Daniels mind, he would do anything to get Vala back. Vala looked Daniel in the eyes and physically held her breath for a few seconds and breathed out a sigh before answering Daniel.

"I want a divorce."

TBC