Sorry for taking so long to update, lots going on in personal life. Anyway next chapters will go back to being in different POVs more and more Roman and Rox alone. The Seth part I debated taking out so let me know how it is. Review please!:)
Later that night I was lying next to Roman while he was sleeping. No matter how hard I try to fall asleep I couldn't. My mind started drifting to random things. I rolled and laid on my back and I heard the door quietly creek open. I tensed up and watched as the door opened slowly. I saw Brittney walk into the door and slowly to my side of the bed I closed my eyes when she started leaning down to me. I felt weight on me and screamed and shoved something off of me. I heard Jessica scream and my eyes flew open and I saw her looking at me wide eyed while sitting on Roman. Roman sat straight up when he heard Jessica scream and grabbed her and looked at me confused.
"What happened?!" he said in a loud voice.
"..I..I'm sorry Jessica. I had a nightmare I didn't know you were there." I said quietly while looking at Jessica.
"What happened sweetheart?" Roman said moving Jessica's hair behind her ear.
"I wanted a glass of water. I thought Rox was awake so I went to her.."
"I was having a nightmare and I just felt weight on me... I didn't mean to." I said looking at Roman. He looked back at me expressionless.
"Let's go get you some water babygirl." Roman said getting up and walking out of the room with Jessica.
They never came back in the room for the rest of the night.
The next morning I walked down the stairs and saw Roman sleeping on the couch with Jessica on his chest sleeping. I saw Brittney standing behind them running a hand through Roman's hair.
"How could you do that Rox? How could you hurt little Jessica?" I turned to the side and saw Jason standing next to me.
"I didn't mean too.."
"You chucked her to the side. If Roman wasn't there is that all you would have done? Poor little Jessica. Tsk tsk."
I looked away from him and back to Roman and Jessica. Roman's arms were wrapped around her so tightly and protectively. I remembered the look he gave me, so blank. I remember Jessica looking at me with slight fear on her face. Now Brittney's standing there running her hands through Roman's hair, Jason's next to me, God knows where Aaron is. I let a tear fall from my eye and turned and walked back up the stairs and to the room Roman was letting Seth stay in.
I knocked on the door but after no reply I slowly opened the door and saw Seth sleeping peacefully.
"Seth? Seth?" I said walking over to his bed. "Seth, wake up." I said slightly shaking him.
He started stirring in his sleep before rolling on his side and not moving anymore.
"Seth wake up." I said a little loudly and shaking him with more force.
"Huh?" he said opening his eyes and slowly sitting up, rubbing the tired from his eyes. He looked around before his eyes landed on me. "Rox? What time is it?"
"7."
"What are you doing up?"
"I need help." I whispered while looking down.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I need help. I almost hurt Jessica, Seth." I said while a few more tears ran down my cheeks.
"Whoa what? What happened?!" he said looking fully awake now and turning to sit on the side of the bed with me.
"I couldn't sleep. The door opened and I saw Brittney and when she reached for me I closed my eyes but then I felt weight on me. I screamed and pushed whatever was on me really hard to the side. But it was Jessica. She wanted water and saw me watching her so she came to me, but I didn't see her I saw Brittney. I thought I could handle this but I don't want to hurt her Seth." I said crying more. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and ran his hand up and down my arm soothingly.
"Why didn't you go to Roman or Dean?"
"Did you not want me to come to you?" I asked and went to pull away but he tightened his arm around me not letting me.
"You can come to me about anything Rox, you know that. I'm just surprised you decided not to go to one of them."
"I didn't want to be judged."
"They wouldn't judge you."
"They already do.. Dean looked at me like I was crazy at the park and made me sound crazy when he told you two. Roman I can tell is judging me by the way he looks at me. They look at me like I'm some kind of mental patient."
"They are just concerned about you hun."
"So are you but you don't make me feel like I'm being judged or like I'm crazy."
"I'd probably be the same way if I went through all you went through."
"I thought this was over Seth. I thought it was over when I moved after everything he did to me. After I killed him. But he's still here. They all are."
"It's okay Rox.. we'll get you help okay?" he said. I nodded my head and lifted my head off his shoulder and started wiping at my eyes.
"Why don't you go clean off your face and I'll start doing some research on who can help you okay?" he gave me a smile and I returned a weak one and got up and walked to the bathroom while Seth got off the bed walking over and picking up his laptop.
I walked in the bathroom and started the water filling the sink up while grabbing soap. I started cleaning off my face and grabbed a towel. I dried off my face and looked up into the mirror. The image of Jason on top of Roman flashed in my mind. I kept blinking, trying to blink the image away. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bath tub running my hands up and down my thighs.
"This will all be over soon. It's fine. I'm going to be fine. It's going to stop soon." I whispered to myself.
"No it won't." I looked up and saw Brittney lying there in a pool of her own blood. Bruises and marks and gashes all over her. I pushed myself back a little bit and gasped. I heard Jason screaming and looked more to the door and saw him lying on the floor grabbing at his side screaming in pain. I watched and he withered in pain with blood pouring out of him. I looked in front of me and saw Aaron there looking pissed then I heard a gun shot and saw him fall down in front of me with a hole in his head and blood streaming down his face. I started shaking and breathing hard. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." I started sobbing. "You wouldn't leave me alone..you tried to take Roman..I had to protect him. I didn't want to kill you." All three of them just kept screaming. I put my hands on my ears to try to drown them out. I felt liquid hit my face and opened my eyes. I was covered in their blood. Dripping from my hair, my hands, my legs, everything. "Stop! Please stop! I'm sorry!" I cried, trying to wipe the blood off me but I couldn't. Blood started splattering all over the walls. All I could hear was their screams, gun shots, all I could see was blood, it's like it was oozing out of the ceiling and the walls. They just kept bleeding. Blood all over the floors, all over the mirror, it was like a horror movie. "I regret it okay?! Just leave me alone!" I whimpered.
"Prove it." I looked up to see Aaron in front of me. "You took a life that wasn't yours. Only way to balance it out? Take yours." he said simply.
I started crying harder. "I don't want-
"You don't wanna die?! Huh?! Well neither did we!" Jason yelled. "You made that decision for us and it's only right for you to be here too! You took our lives now take yours! You think this is over but it'll never be over until you're gone. Do it. It's the right thing to do."
"You want to keep hurting Jessica?" Brittney asked still lying on the ground.
"Or Roman? What about Dean?" Aaron said.
"Or even Seth? Face it.. You don't belong here anymore it's time for you to come with us Rox." Jason said.
I felt something in my hand and looked down to see a razor blade in it.
"Face it Rox.. you're just causing people pain." Aaron said.
"But...I'm getting help..it'll all go away."
"You can get help all you want. You're still you. You're still a cancer to have around. A disease. You will hurt people. You want to see Jessica grow up to be you? You're a burden. You couldn't even get help yourself, you had to drag Seth into it. Do you not see how bad you are for people? You want this to be officially over with? End it. End your life and it will be." Aaron said squeezing my knee.
I found myself putting the razor into my wrist and dragging it sideways blood started spilling out of my arm and I started to feel a little better.
"Not like that. Do it vertically. You need to do it vertically." Aaron said while standing in front of me. I looked up and saw his face and it actually looked...encouraging. I nodded my head and put the razor at the top of my wrist and went to start dragging it.
"Rox! What the hell?!" I heard Seth yell then felt someone knock the razor out of my hand and felt two arms wrap around me. I leaned back and fell to the ground. I imagined it. I never sat on the bath tub, I never saw them, I never talked to them but I still cut myself. I never left standing in front of the mirror. I don't know how the razor got in my hand if Aaron didn't hand it to me.
I felt Seth keep his arms around me as I held my wrist. He was rocking us back and forth while trying to comfort me.
"I want it to stop Seth. I can't do this." I cried.
"We're getting you help Rox. You're fine. It's going to be fine." he said calmy.
"What's going on?" I heard Dean's voice. I looked up and saw Dean and Roman looking concerned standing in the door way.
"I want it to end...just stop it." I cried.
"Can one of you guys get me the first aid kit please?" Seth asked. Dean nodded and walked away while Roman walked into the bathroom.
"What did you do?" Roman asked when he saw I was holding my left wrist. I didn't answer him and just continued to shake while Seth rocked us slowly still. "Babe." Roman said while gribbing my wrist and slowly moving my hand off of it. "Shit babe..." he said while looking at my wrist. Dean walked back in with the first aid kit and looked down at my wrist.
"I'm going to go keep Jessica company." Dean said and walked out of the room.
"Rox, sit on the bath tub." Seth said while opening the kit.
"No!" i said right away.
They both looked at me and I just shook my head and got up and walked over to the toliet and sat down keeping my left arm extended for Seth.
"It's not too deep so you won't need stitches." Seth said while walking over to me with bandages and medicine. Roman walked over and sat on the edge of the bathtub next to me.
"Rox look at me." Roman said while Seth started working on my arm. "Why did you do it?"
"I'm getting help.." I whispered.
"What?" Roman asked.
"I'm getting help." I repeated.
"She woke me up and I started doing research. I found a place we can go to get her some meds."
"Why didn't you ask me?" Roman asked.
"I hurt Jessica.." I said.
"You scared her not hurt her."
"You didn't come back to bed last night."'
Roman stayed quiet. "I wanted help but I didn't want to be judged... I came in here to clean up and I saw...thought that I needed to leave for everyone to be happy." I said leaving out the part about seeing dead people. I didn't want to be judged anymore.
"Look guys, I called the doctor and she said she can fit Rox in at 8:30 so we should get ready to get going." Seth said when he finished fixing up my wrist.
"I want to take you." Roman said.
"You should be with Jessica Rome."
"Please Rox...I want to be there for you."
"Rome for me please stay here. It shouldn't take long okay?"
"Fine you want Seth to take you whatever." he said before getting up and walking off.
"Maybe you should let him take you Rox." Seth said.
"If you don't want to take me I'll go alone." I said getting up from the toliet.
"I have no problem taking you but you two have such a distance between you that maybe it'll help ya know?" he said following me out of the bathroom.
"I don't want to face him alone yet. Please?"
Seth reluctantly nodded his head and I walked back to Roman's room to get ready to go to the doctor.
Seth and I were at the doctors office for almost an hour before I got called in and explained to the doctor what was going on.
"Well Ms. Rox, I'm going to prescribe some medication for your PTSD. It'll help with flashbacks and memories, I'm also going to recommend that you have therapy. I think it will help you deal with everything that happened including the addictions and the rape. You can come alone or bring someone with you whichever you feel comfortable with. The prescription I'm writing for you is for Paxil. This should decrease anxiety, depression, and panic that is associated with PTSD. It will also help reduce aggression, impulsivity, and suicidal thoughts which you expressed is a concern for you. The reason we are going with medication instead of therapy is because medication is faster acting and with what you've told me, this is the best course of action for you. Like I said I strongly recommend therapy but if the pills work for you then it's up to you. You may experience headaches or nausea but that will go away within a few days. You might feel sleepy or drowsy but that should go away too, if not call me and we will just adjust your dosage. Other than that you should be fine. You're going to take 3 pills a day. One after breakfast, one after lunch and one after dinner so I suggest that you go get some lunch before you fill this prescription so you can take it right away alright? Anymore questions?"
"Ummmm yeah one."
"Okay what is it?"
"Should I be concerned about getting addicted since I have had problems with drugs?" I asked feeling ashamed.
"It is always a concern when you have someone who had issues in the past take medication. What I would suggest is for you, Seth," she said looking in Seth's direction "or whoever is around to just keep an eye on you, maybe keep track of the pills and how much should be there, if you feel like it's becoming a possibility let me know and we will figure something out okay?" I nodded my head and she ripped the prescription from her notepad and handed it to me. "Feel free to call me anytime with any concerns and I hope it gets better for you. Have a good day you two." She said as Seth and I got up and walked out.
We went to a diner and were waiting on our food.
"Who are you texting?" Seth asked taking a drink of his water.
"Roman. I'm letting him know we're at lunch and will be back soon. I gotta call Hunter and Steph later to let them know everything going on."
"Do that later. Don't add stress before you take your pills."
When we got back to Roman's I was already feeling better.
"She was right about fast acting. I feel less anxious ya know? And just more calm." I said to Seth as we were walking up the steps.
"Good. I'm glad. You had me worried."
"I'm sorry Seth." I said as we walked into the house. I looked outside and saw Dean grilling food and Roman and Jessica in the pool. Seth and I walked outside and Seth walked over to Dean while I walked over to Roman and Jessica.
"Hey you two." I said sitting on the edge of the pool sticking my feet in after taking off my flip flops.
"Hey." Roman said giving me a weak smile.
"Jessica, can you come over here for a second?" I asked. She nodded her head and swam closer to me. "I'm sorry about earlier sweetheart. I didn't mean to hurt you or scare you or anything."
"It's okay! Daddy told me I can't jump on people while they are sleeping. It scares them. I'm sorry for scaring you Rox."
"It's okay Jess. I got medicine to help with my nightmares so it won't happen again okay?"
"Okay. Want to swim with us?" she smiled. I nodded my head and went into the house changing into my swim suit and coming back out getting into the pool.
"Hey beautiful." Roman said swimming up to me.
"Hey Rome."
"How you feeling?"
"Better. I feel less anxious and tense. I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders you know?"
"I'm happy for that babe. How many times do you take the meds?"
"3 times a day. One after every meal. Rome?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you think I'm crazy? For having to be on meds?"
"No. Not at all." I searched his face for any sign that he was lying but saw none. "I think you went through a lot of shit that I could never even imagine and you needed help and got it. We all need help once in a while right? You'll find a way to deal with it and it'll be okay. You don't have to take them forever. Even if you do so what? As long as you're okay it doesn't matter." I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck and legs around his midsection.
"Thanks Rome."
"I don't know what I did but you're welcome. I do have a question though."
"What is it?"
"Am I doing good?"
"With what?"
"Earning you back."
"Yeah... but we still have a ways to go you know."
"I know. As long as I'm on the right track." Jessica called him so he kissed my cheek and swam over to her.
We went in the house a few hours later, showering and getting dressed in lazy clothes and relaxed.
"Jess, we gotta work on more school stuff tomorrow okay? We've been slacking and need to get you caught up."
"Ugh dad do I have to?"
"Yes young lady you do."
Jessica started pouting and I started laughing.
"Rox! Don't laugh at me. Be on my side."
"I'm sorry Jess, that was just such a cute pout. I'll help you with school stuff okay?"
"Fine." she groaned.
"Let's play a game." Dean said, taking the attention off of school, pulling out a board game while Jess, Seth and Roman surrounded it.
"Aren't you going to play Rox?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, let me just go call Hunter real quick to fill him in on everything." I grabbed my cell and walked outside so Jessica wouldn't hear me.
The phone rang a few times before Hunter answered.
"Hello?"
"Hello Hunter, it's Rox."
"Oh, hello Rox. How's the concussion?"
"Well..it's actually worse that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I need more time off than what you had planned."
"Rox. We just gave you a lot of time off. We can't keep doing this. How did your concussion get worse?" I sighed and told him everything that happened with Jason and Aaron.
"Wait..so you killed two people?" Hunter asked.
"Yes..but sir it was self defense. Cops ruled it as that and it's all over."
"I understand that but this is a family program and it's only a matter of time before what happens gets out and we both know it won't matter if it was self defense all people will focus on is that we have, well to put it frankly, we have a murderer working for us." I flinched at the word murderer.
"I understand but there has to be a way we can cover it right?" I asked hopeful.
"You're in the public eye Rox. There is no hiding this. People will find out eventually and then what do we say? It will cause nothing but problems and make WWE look bad, possibly losing a lot of money and fans." I stayed quiet and I heard Hunter let out a breath. "Rox.. this isn't going to work. You need too much time off, and this incident it's in the best interest for WWE to let you go."
I closed my eyes tightly. "What about Seth? The storyline?"
"We'll find a way to change the storyline where Seth has another love interest and it won't affect his career. I feel for you I really do but I have to protect this company and we can't have you working here after what happened. I'm sorry Rox, we do wish you best in your future endeavors."
"Wow you guys really say that huh? Well thanks for giving me the chance." I hung up before he could reply and let out a huge sigh.
"I can't believe it's over." I said.
"What's over?" I looked up and saw Roman walking out of the house to the back yard.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Jess wanted to know what was taking you so long to come back and play the game. What's over?"
"I got future endeavored. Hunter doesn't want a murderer working for WWE."
"That's not fair! You had to do it to save yourself and me!"
"Family program. They don't want someone who did this to work for them. I guess I can't blame them. Just something else Aaron got to take from me." I said.
"Look Rox, why don't we take a vacation? Me, you, Jess, and Dean. I would say Seth but he leaves tomorrow. But we've been through a lot recently and we should all just get away. Dean can watch Jess one night and we can get some alone time to just relax you know?"
"You think Dean wants to?"
"Definitely. I know Jess wants to."
"What about her school work?"
"We'll bring it with us. Come on we all need to get away and you know it."
"Okay, okay. Where?"
"Why don't we go to Wyoming?"
"Wyoming?" i said sticking my eyebrow up.
"Yeah in the mountains. There's nothing really around, we'll have space to ourselves, no technology, no distractions, no anything. We'll rent a cabin and it'll be just us."
I thought about it for a second. "Well...I do need a break from life so...let's do it." I said looking up at him. He smiled hugely.
"Great! Let's go tell Dean and Jess!" he said reaching his hand out to me. I smiled and grabbed it and we walked back inside.
Dean and Jess were excited and we all left the game to go pack to leave tomorrow. Roman went to help Jessica while I packed my stuff.
"Hey." I turned around and saw Seth leaning on the door frame.
"Hey Seth." he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
"I'm going to miss you. I'm going to be alone."
"You won't be alone Seth."
"Who do I have? I always traveled with Dean or Roman then they left and I still have you and now you're all gone. Maybe I should leave too."
"Seth no!" I said sternly. "You're going to become champion. You're going to make your dream come true. Don't leave that. You deserve it so much and I want to watch it happen. Things happen and this just wasn't meant to be for Dean or Roman or I but it is for you. I can't wait to watch you win the title and go on to make more history. Don't leave because we can't be there, make more history for us. Make us proud Rollins. Do your best and let people know you belong there because you do."
"You're amazing Rox." he said getting on his knees beside me and hugging me.
"So are you Seth. I'll miss you too."
"Am I interrupting something?" Roman said walking into the room.
"Nope. Not at all. Have fun on your vacation guys. Hope it's awesome." Seth said getting up slapping Roman on the shoulder.
"Have fun on the road." Roman said while Seth walked out.
*Seth's POV*
I walked out of Roman's room and back into the guest room I was staying in. I felt like I was going to finally get the old happy Rox back and now Hunter fired her. What a piece of shit. After everything she's been through and he just takes her dream away like that? I was going to be alone. All alone. Her and Roman were probably going to get back together. So she would be spending all her time with him. I never felt so alone while living my dream in my life. I don't mean it like I want her as my own. I accept that it's going to be Roman not me but through everything I was the one there for her and now it's like I wasn't needed anymore. I was there til Roman came back and now I could go because he was there. This time last year I had two great friends, more like brothers and an amazing girlfriend. Now I'm not close to either of those "brothers", I don't have any close friends and I don't have a girlfriend anymore. Maybe I just need to put the bullshit aside and go back to how it was with Roman and Dean. Maybe I just need to move on and try to find other close friends and leave them behind. What I wouldn't give to go back in time right now.