Chapter Nineteen
I knew that Sesshomaru was going to kill me. But in that moment I couldn't bring myself to care. Rin was safe. Rin was finally safe, and I couldn't hurt her anymore. I was sad though, sad that Sesshomaru didn't think that I loved him. Sad that Rin was doubting that I loved her. Sad that everyone thought I betrayed them. I had even realized that this had been Naraku's plan all along once he had Kagura kidnap us. He was going to make Sesshomaru kill me, Naraku was murdering me and he wasn't even getting his hands dirty. And that should have bothered me but right now it didn't. And maybe I should have regretted my actions that led me here, but I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't regret waking up in that forest. I didn't regret saving Rin or becoming her nanny. I didn't regret finding out about my mom or that fact that I was a princess. But most of all I didn't regret falling in love with Sesshomaru. I didn't regret the time I spent getting to know him, or the moments we had together after. Maybe I should have but I didn't. I didn't even regret that fact that Sesshomaru was killing me. Because I knew Sesshomaru, and I knew that even if he killed me and even if he felt betrayed, he was going to be furious. And with that fury he was going to kill Naraku.
It was getting harder to breathe and the poison in my neck burned hotter, and panic threatened to try and fight its way out. But I knew that it wouldn't do any good, because I couldn't move even if I was afraid. Instead I kept my eyes trained on Sesshomaru's. His eyes were still red and his growling seemed to be coming from farther away now. But I didn't look away. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak but I hoped that my eyes would tell him that no matter what I loved him and I forgave him. Because sooner or later I knew that Kagura or Naraku would tell him the truth. Of course they would because that would just hurt Sesshomaru more.
I felt Sesshomaru's grip tighten to the point it felt like the bones in my neck were breaking, and maybe they were. And maybe I should have cared. And maybe I should have been angry that this was happening to me. And maybe I should felt sadder than I did. And maybe I should have regretted the time that I spent here, with Sesshomaru and Rin. Maybe I should have felt a lot of things. But I didn't. I did feel happy. I felt happy for the memories that I had. I felt happy that I had met Rin and Sesshomaru and Inuyasha and all his friends. Happy that I met Hotaru and Chieko-sensei and AhUn. Happy that I met Lord Isao and his family. I was even happy than I met Jun and Jaken. I was happy that Rin was safe now. And that Rin was with Sesshomaru where she belonged. Yes, I knew that Sesshomaru was going to kill me but I couldn't help but be happy.
I felt the tears that had been welling up in my eyes for some time finally spill over. I was going to miss them, I was going to miss them all, every single person that I had met while I was here. I continued to stare up into Sesshomaru's eyes desperately wishing that at least I could tell him that I loved him one time before I went. But no matter how hard I tried to make my mouth move it didn't. It might not have mattered if it did, because I doubt that I had enough air to say the words. So I hoped beyond hope that Sesshomaru could see it in my eyes.
Some people say that when you die time slows down. Others say that your life flashes before your eyes. I'm sorry to say I couldn't tell you which was right, because as I died my mind was full of Sesshomaru.