A/N: I apologize in advance for this chapter's random-ness. But, once again, this is not a deaththreat. Please review, and the next chapter should be up next Wed. I'll try to get a chapter up every Wed. Thanks, and I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of it's character.

Chapter 8

BPOV

We got dressed quickly after that. I avoided looking directly into his eyes as he looked into mine.

"You're thirsty," James observed. "We should be hunting more often."

"No, I'm fine."

"Bella." He put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at him. "What's wrong? Was it that bad? Was I that bad?" There was pain in his eyes.

"No, no, no, it isn't you. It was the...the single most best thing in my life; I loved it. It's just that...i thought Edward was my soul mate. I thought my first time would be with him. It's not that I regret it, but...i guess this is me mourning for him." I couldn't put the feeling into words. "But you're right. Let's go hunt. You've gone longer without blood than i have; you must be starving. I know I am." I smiled, grabbed his hand, pilled him along after me, and started running.

A couple of hours later, we were spying on two people maneuvering a path.

"Joe, I told you that we made a wrong turn. Now we are lost."

"Shut up, Demi, I can get us out of here."

I snickered, and James looked at me.

"Both of them are famous. That's Demi Lovato-yes, that's the girl- and Joe Jonas. Both of them act on Disney Channel, and sing-worse than Miley. I really want to kill them, and people of their type. Sorry to sound so evil."

"You sound fine. Unbelievably sexy, if anything." He pressed his lips to mine, and I forced my tongue in his mouth. I stepped on a branch by mistake, not thinking, and it cracked audibly.

"Wh-who's there?" Joe asked. He had stepped in front of Demi, as if he could protect her from us. We came into their view, our hands still intertwined.

"Your worst nightmare," I mumbled under my breath, causing James to sneer.

"Why should we tell you? Bella, can you do it on your own this time?"

"Of course I can." I lunged at Demi, knocking her to the ground, and sunk my teeth into her neck. Her flowing blood rushed down my throat, satisfying my need...

"No!" Joe shouted. He attempted to kick me, but James reached him first. James pulled Joe back by his arm, yanking it behind him, snapping it in the process. Joe screeched as I hopped up from Demi's body.

"You do not hurt Bella, or attempt to. You do not touch her, or get anywhere near her in the last seconds of her pathetic little life, even if you could. Do you understand?" James growled menacingly. Joe nodded feebly, and James kicked his leg, causing it to break. Joe screamed like a girl again.

"Stop, please stop! I'll do whatever you say, just put me out of my misery." Joe wailed, sobbing.

"Gladly." James bit into Joe's neck, and sucked. After he was finished, he let the carcass drop to the ground, and turned to me. "Pick up the body. We have to dump then a few miles away." I followed his commands, and started running next to him. Soon after, we dropped the bodies, then I grabbed his hand, and we continued running, until he pulled us to a standstill.

"Bella, what's wrong? Honestly, I won't get mad."

"It's nothing...it's just...nothing."

"Bella, I love you, and I don't care. Please, just tell me what's wrong. I know something is." He sounded genuinely worried. My heart was breaking into two at his words. One side was fighting for me to remember my first love, Edward, and the other side was aching to love James back. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and buried my face into his shirt. He hesitated, then wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I'm just having...an internal fight." I guess I could sum it up that way.

"Over what?"

"True love," I said, not raising my face. I could tell he was shocked, by the way he held his body. "As in, you or Edward?"

"I didn't think you were capable of loving me," He snorted, breaking the tension. I lifted my head up, and mischievously smacked the space where it had been.

"I'm not that cruel. I just haven't decided yet."

"Bella, falling in love is not something you can just 'decide' about. Either you love me, or you don't." James seemed to be getting angry.

"Please, James...i just...need time to think."

"You're leaving me?!"

"What? No! I wouldn't, and I don't think I can. You're all I've got."

"Not every nomad needs a coven. Besides, there's always Victoria for me," He shrugged. My face transformed into a look of horror.

"You wouldn't..."

"I would. And it's not like you can threaten to go back to Edward, considering I killed him," James seemed to gloat.

"You seem to be forgetting that I had other human admirers back in Forks-and technically, La Push."

"Bella, honey, if he's- or she's- Quileute, then he's most likely not human," James chuckled.

"What?! Jake isn't human?!"

"Nope. He's probably a werewolf. Or, more accurately, a shape shifter that took on the form of a wolf."

"How could he not tell me? I've known him since we were little kids..."

"He probably just found out himself, or was bound by a secret."

"Really? Cause he told me that the Cullen's were- are -vampires."

"Then I guess he broke their treaty. Now your Cullens have a right to attack them." He seemed totally at ease about that fact.

"No! they can't fight! Some of them could die because of me!" I screamed. I almost feel to the ground, but James caught me. "How could you not care that they could all die?"

"Bella, relax, it's not like I knew any of them personally, not even the one I killed. Besides, if they were going to fight each other, they would have done it a while ago. Anyways, if you love them so much, why don't you go back to them?"

"But I can't. I never can. Don't you know that?"

"No, I don't. you said that you wouldn't go back, but not why."

"I can't go back, because they would blame me for Edward's death, and I can't stand to see someone hurt because of me."

"And that was coming from the girl who desperately wanted to kill her previous meal," James laughed. "But you said 'admirers' as in more than one. Who are they?" He was completely serious about that.

"No one. I didn't like them back or anything, but I don't want you to hunt them down and kill them as innocent humans-oh! Never mind. I figure that I- we- just did that. Please promise not to kill them. Please?" I gripped his hand with both of mine.

"Bella, I physically can't. you still haven't told me who they are, and I don't feel like murdering the whole population of Forks." He said it like it was an everyday task. I shuddered, knowing my dad was part of that population, and-

"Oh my God! My parents!"

"What about them?"

"I can never see them again. They thought I was going back to Phoenix...would you really leave me for Victoria?"

"If you left me for the dog. But he would attack you, since you aren't a Cullen."

"Ok, so I can't go back to Jake, and I'll probably kill the humans...would you really leave me for Victoria?"

He just stared at me. I wasn't getting an answer out of him on that one. I decided to try a different strategy.

"Who was better: me or Victoria?" I stepped back a foot from him.

"Bella, you can't honestly expect me to answer that."

"So Victoria was- is- better?"

"No! I didn't say that!"

"But you didn't say anything that would cancel it out."

"I really don't think that I should be the judge of that-"

"Then who should? Jake? Mike? Jasper?"

"No, um...definitely not. Let's not see you do that. Considering Victoria would probably kill them all."

"So? Let them die. Just promise you won't leave me. Please." I was pretty desperate then. I was close to going down on my knees to neg. I couldn't stand it if he left me. "Please..."

"Bella, I won't leave you. You're the one who 'needs time to think'. I can't leave you. You have to understand that. I love you, Bella, and I'm not leaving you." He said it with such honesty that I couldn't doubt him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and pressed my face into his neck.

"I-I don't know if I can say that same." I admitted. He stepped back from me, removing my arms.

"You don't know if you love me, yet you just made me promise not to leave you? How...Bella, do you have any idea of what the fuck you are doing to me? Damn it, Bella, just make up your fucking mind!" James was shouting, outraged. I pressed my hand to his cheek, to calm him, but he gripped my wrist and flung it off of him. He glared at me. He wanted me to love him, but I didn't know if I could. I thought he was reaching for me, but he grabbed my shoulders, and pushed me back, shoving me into a tree. I gasped.

"James..."

"Make. Up Your. Fucking. Mind!" James was yelling. "God Damn it, Bella..."

"Do you want me to go? Back to the Cullens?"

"If that's what you want.

"I..." I had to think. What would I do if James died? I'd be sad, really sad. Would I get over it? Probably not. Can I live without James? No, not now. Would I want anyone else besides James? No. and the most important question of them all: did I love James? I basically felt the same way towards James as I did Edward. But was that love? Did I love Edward? I considered myself to, I told him so, but was I lying to myself? Was my 'love' for Edward true? I'm fine without him not, but did that mean anything? Could you not be affected when the one you 'loved' died?

"Bella...?"

"Shh...give me a minute." I saw the look and his eyes, and had to believe it.

"I've been giving you multiple minutes; make up your mind!"

"James...please..."

"'Please' what?"

"Just..." I started to say, but was cut off when we heard a sound further out in the woods. We turned to face it.

"Crap." James tried to shove me behind him, but I held my ground. "Bella, I love you, but get behind me."

"James, I..." I stopped when the person- or vampire, I should say- came into view.

"Sorry to interrupt, but...I am," Victoria said, and then she lunged at me.