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The next two weeks went by as Roman and Katrina began to hang out more and more. Dean wasn't far behind as he wanted to get to know this woman that his best friend couldn't stop talking about. Either Roman would meet her in the library, or she would come up to his classroom, depending on the day because of how the schedule was different on certain days out of the week.
The weekend came around and Roman decided to ask Katrina to go to the beach with him today. The sun was out, the temperature was high and there was barely any clouds in sight. Roman drived over to Katrina's condo and knocked on her door. He wore a black wife beater with his swimming trunks and his hair in a ponytail. When she opened the door, his eyes lingered as he saw the two piece, black bathing suit that she wore, showing her curves and her sunkissed skin. Katrina smelled of coconut but that was because of the sunscreen that she had used. Her long chesnut brown hair was up in a bun and she had something in her hand that she would end up putting over her bathing suit.
"You ready to go?" Asked Roman as he continued to allow his eyes to linger on her body.
"Yeah, let me just get my bag and my keys." She told him as she let him in and grabbed her bag with her keys, right next to them.
Katrina bit her lip without allowing Roman to see her because of how much she was eyeing him. The way that he looked, made her want to discover every inch of his body and learn more of how it moves. She wanted to connect with him on a deeper level and talking to him on the phone, on video chat, and in person, wasn't enough. Their physical chemistry became stronger and stronger, making it harder each and every time for them to stay away from each other.
When they got to the beach, Roman couldn't help but notice the eyes that followed Katrina as they walked. They knew just as well as he did that she was attractive. Her dancing and gymnastics background helped keep her body in shape and with those curves of hers, no guy was able to resist. Roman couldn't help but feel some kind of jealousy. All of these guys were paying attention to her and she wasn't even his to say that he was her boyfriend.
They picked a spot to sit at and Katrina looked on as he took off his shirt. She bit her lip and held back a moan as she saw abs and muscles making their way from underneath his shirt. She laid down after perfectly spreading out her towel and sighed happily as the sun rays hit her skin.
Roman licked his lips as he looked at her and laid down next to her, wondering what she was thinking about. They've come to know each other well enough to know when something was wrong with the other.
"The reason why I don't allow myself to get as emotionally close to someone as I would like is because of what happened between my parents." She said softly after a few more minutes of silence.
Roman looked over at her and gently laced his fingers with hers when he reached out to them. "What happened with your parents?"
Katrina took a few more minutes before answering. "When I was in my freshman year of college, she was gone almost all week. My sister and I thought that it was because of work. My dad was told by my mother that it was because of her wanting to spend some time with her friends. One day, she came back from a supposed girl's weekend and served my dad with divorce papers. Come to find out, she had been having an affair with a coworker and that she was going to move in with the guy. After serving my dad with the papers, she literally did just that. My mother packed up her things and left, leaving my sister and I with my dad."
Roman took out his hair and propped himself up on his elbow. Katrina looked up into his eyes and felt at ease. "I didn't see her again until they went to court to settle the divorce. When it came to the custody agreements, my sister didn't have to worry because she was already eighteen, which left me by myself because I didn't turn eighteen until a few months afterwards. What made me really upset was that when the judge gave my dad full, physical custody of me because of her abadoning my sister and I...my mother didn't fight for me to make sure that she at least got visitation. Hell, she didn't even seem uspet with the fact that I wasn't in her custody, yet she claimed that she loved me."
"Katrina, I'm sorry." Said Roman as he saw her eyes fill up with tears.
She sat up, revealing the tattoo on her spine and the newly gotten tattoo on her shoulder that read 'LIve, Love, Faith, Hope'. "College was so hard for me and it was even harder after she left. I had nobody to turn to because everywhere I looked, people were older than me. I felt like I was forced to grow up, mentally and emotionally and as if there wasn't anybody who could understand what I felt like being under the age of eighteen, in college filled with people eighteen and over, wanting to party and drink and have fun and me not being allowed to fully experience the college life."
Katrina looked up at Roman as he sat up. "I saw how badly my mother hurt my dad and I don't want to go through that. He's sacrificed so much to take care of us after my mom left, but I don't want to get hurt. Another thing is that if anything were to happen between you and I on a romantic level and people at school find out, there's a possibility that you could get into trouble, Roman. I may not be your student, but I'm still considered a student at that school. Hell, I myself, could get into trouble because, again, I'm still a student and you're a professor. I don't want to get you into trouble, Roman and I don't want to make you lose a job that you love because of me. But I also don't want to risk you hurting me because you prefer to save your job rather than try to be with me. I may be old enough for us to be together, but look at the obstacles that lie in our way if something were to ever happen between us."
Katrina got up and walked towards the water. Roman stood up and followed her into the water. Going under, he swam a bit until he reached her. Katrina rose up out of the water and faced him.
"What are you trying to say?" He asked, softly as if hurt.
Katrina shook her head. "I'm not trying to say anything, Roman. I like you and I mean, really like you. My thing is nto wanting to get hurt and not wanting you to get into trouble if people at school find out. Whatever goes on between you and I will not be safe if at least one person finds out. That is what I'm trying to say."
"I can't just erase my feelings for you, Katrina." Roman told her as he grabbed her hands.
"I'm not telling you to because I don't want you to stop having feelings for me." She replied. "I know I won't be able to stop my feelings for you either. But what are we going to do Roman? I have at least one to two more semesters left before I get to graduate. Are we really going to wait that long for each other? How do I know that you won't stop liking me and want someone else?"
Roman was silenced and allowed the waves to hit him as he tried to enjoy the water. Katrina could tell that what she had said, put a lot into his mind for him to think about and she wondered if she had ruined the moment. Roman noticed the look on her face and pulled her to him, feeling as she glided through the water to him.
"I understand what you're trying to say." He told her. "I just don't know what to do and I feel frustrated because I feel like we have to struggle to be together if it's something that we want."
As the day went on, Katrina and Roman found themselves flirting and wanting to touch each other, but at times, held back because of the uncertainty of their status. Dean noticed the difference in Roman's attitude when they hung out later that night and wondered what was going on.
"Wanna tell me what's up?" Asked Dean.
Roman thought for a moment before responding. "What do you think about me asking Katrina out on a date?"
Dean thought about it, before giving his best friend an anwer. "I honestly can't give you a sure answer on it."
"Why not?" He asked.
Dean shrugged. "What do you want me to say, Roman? Katrina is a student and she has, I don't know how many more semesters left until she graduates and no longer has that as an occupancy. Besides, what if you get in trouble if someone at school finds out?"
"That was one of the many questions she gave me earlier today." Said Roman. "How much longer do I have to hear that?"
"Roman, we obviously care enough about you to want you think about your career." Replied Dean. "You and her date, fine. I'm okay with that, I mean I'd be surprised to find out that someone doesn't like her. Katrina is incredibly smart and beautiful. But she also has an amazing personality and a big heart. She's easy to talk to and she's always there for one, when they need it. What's not to like about her? But what are you going to do on campus with each other?"
He looked at Dean, confused. "What do you mean?"
"You're going to keep each other a secret?" Asked Dean. "Maybe that's another reason why she had so many questions about it. Because she may feel like she's going to get hurt."
"But I'm not a douche bag." Said Roman. "I'm faithful, remember?"
Dean looked at him and blinked a few times. "Then show her that. Listen, if you like her that much to want to ask her out on date, that's perfectly fine by me, Roman. Katrina is an amazing girl and I'll support the two of you all the way. But please be careful in and around campus with each other because you don't have senority on your side at that school for them to keep you if they find out. Talk to her about it, and I mean really talk to her about it and see what the two of you can come up with. Show her that it'll be different with you than what it was with any other guy that she has ever been with. But make sure it's what you want and not something that you'll chicken out of, weeks from now or that it's something that you want just because she looks good. Then you'll end up looking like the asshole."
Two days later...
When Roman finished up with a class, he went to look for Katrina in the library which happened to be in the building right next to the one in where he was in, seeing as he was now on his lunch break and knew that she would be done for the day pretty shortly. The library was pretty big and spaned an entire four floor building with shelves upon shelves of books of different kinds and of different genres. There were tables with a few students scattered among them, studying or reading. Some were just relaxing in the quietness of the library, not wanting to be bothered.
After finding Katrina in one of the aisles fixing some books, he walked up to her and took her in his arms as they embraced in a hug. Before it lingered for longer than what it should have, they both pulled back and looked at each other before Katrina went back to fixing the last of the books that she had with her.
"I wanted to talk to you quickly about our conversation on Saturday." Said Roman in a quiet voice.
"I'm listening." She replied as she looked up at him. "Is it okay if I keep with the books while I listen?"
Roman nodded and thought about what to say next. "I'm not going to give up on us, no matter what. I want you and you're the first person that I've wanted since Janelle."
Katrina looked up at him and saw the desire in his eyes when he looked at her. She smiled softly and looked down at the books in her hand. That was the first time that any guy has ever admitted to her that they wanted her and she felt her cheeks grow warm.
"I'm just scared." She whispered to him, softly.
"About what?" He asked.
Katrina putted a book back after making sure that it was in good condition and turned her attention back to Roman. "I already told you what I'm scared of, which also happens to be my worries."
Roman sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. "Katrina, I'm trying to think of something to show you that I want you, regardless of what everybody here thinks and I feel like that doesn't even matter to you because it's like all you're thinking about it what you're afraid of when it comes to us."
"I am paying attention, Roman!" She exclaimed quietly so that they wouldn't bring any unwanted attention to themselves. "Aren't you afraid?"
"Afraid of what?" He asked.
Katrina looked around before responding. "Afraid of getting hurt."
Roman looked at her seriously before turning his attention to something else. "I have been for almost two years now because of what Janelle and Seth did to me. Just because I act like I don't think about it, doesn't mean that I'm not afraid that it'll happen again. But that's supposed to stop me from wanting you and feeling the way that I do towards you, no matter what are situation is right now?"
She looked up at him and then back down, without saying anything. Katrina heard him sigh and saw him looking down at his feet. She could see the sadness on his face and it broke her heart because she didn't mean to make him sad. But she was just so afraid and it was keeping her from wanting to do anything because she wanted to emotionally protect herself from harm.
"Why are you allowing your fear of something change you and keep you from getting something?" He asked quietly.
Katrina looked up at him and felt a lump in her throat. "I haven't changed, Roman."
"Yeah, you have." He responded. "When we met, you were dancing in a place filled with strangers, yet that didn't stop you from dancing. When we first started talking, the fact that we didn't know anything about each other, didn't stop you from talking to me. The physical pain from getting a tattoo, didn't stop you from getting one. Katrina...you were this beautiful woman who oozed confidence with every step that you took and every word that you spoke. No matter what your fear was of whatever you did...you did it anyways. But when it comes to liking someone and being with them, you don't want anything to do with it because you're too afraid and you no longer have that confidence that helped me fall for you. Where's that girl that I find myself falling for and thinking about every night?"
Katrina finished up her books in an effort to hide the tears that were filling up in her eyes, threatning to fall down her cheeks. She didn't realize that trying to push him away was hurting not only her, but him.
"You push me away and I'm trying to be understanding, but what else am I supposed to do?" Asked Roman. "Katrina, you keep pushing me away every time it seems as if we have made one step further towards a good thing. If we have to go without telling anybody here in school, then so be it. I guess it's just one of those cases where I want and need something, or in this case, someone that I can't have."
When he heard her sniffle to help keep her nose from running, he tried to get a glimpse of her face. Roman saw Katrina's wet cheeks from the tears as she tried to get her long hair to hide her face.
"Um, it's time for me to go." Said Katrina as she looked at the time on her phone. "There's someone who usually comes in at around this time to pick up where I left off if I didn't finish what I was supposed to. I'll see you around."
"Wait..." Said Roman as she tried to stop her from walking away. Katrina turned to face him and he saw the gloss in her eyes from the tears and mentally slapped himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of that to sound harsh or as if I didn't like you anymore."
Her face got slightly red, from wanting to cry again but she got herself together and walked away. He watched as she turned the corner and saw how not once, did she look back like she usually did. Roman immediately regreted the way he went about saying what he had told her and wondered if there was a different way that he could have said it. As he looked around, he cleared his throat, grabbed his bag, and left.