[Author's Note: This was WAY too fun to write. Anyway, I find the idea of people trying to teach Chell how to speak again as being very cute and romantic, and decided to transplant that to ATLAS and P-Body! With, of course, a special appearance from everyone's favorite blue eyed megalomaniac!
Couple things! First of all, the following chapters will be released as soon as possible, because it's way too fun to put off. And second of all, this story is in-canon with my previous stories, "Not Even Real Science", and "GLaDOS, You Are Cordially Invited"! But because those stories were about Chell/GLaDOS, there's really not anything you need to know for this story. All you need to know is that, A, P-Body and ATLAS are in synthetic humanoid chassis now, and B, although they can understand each other, everybody else can only hear beeping!
Have fun, and feel free to leave reviews!]
"Wait, wait, wait, I've got another one," giggled ATLAS. "Where does the plaintiff go to relax after a long day?"
P-Body sighed and slammed her book shut with irritation. "Fine, where?"
"The J'accuzzi!" snorted ATLAS, as his face split into a massive grin. The sight of such joy almost made P-Body laugh along, but she couldn't let it happen. It would just encourage him.
"... I'm not talking to you any more."
"Pssh, I'm adorable." sighed ATLAS as he gently shoved her chassis.
In between testing, ATLAS and P-Body got to spend their time relaxing in the Hub, which was just the most charming living area a robot could ask for that featured a bottomless pit. There wasn't much in the way of human comfort, which made sense for a pair of robots, but they had managed to sneak a few mementos in to the gaps between the panels. Either GLaDOS hadn't noticed yet, or she decided to let them keep it.
"Maybe she's nicer than we thought?" wondered P-Body, whenever ATLAS brought it up.
"... You DO remember how she uses explosions to ferry us from place to place, right?" ATLAS would smirk.
"W- well, okay, fine, but she d- does have the decency to put us back together afterwards, so I t- think that's at least worth some brownie points."
"I wonder if we're going to get to test today?" P-Body's words shook ATLAS out of his reverie, as she gazed around the room, as though expecting to see GLaDOS suddenly peaking out from behind the massive screens suspended above them.
That, and it gave her an excuse not to look ATLAS in the eyes. She tended to do that a lot. At that thought, ATLAS smiled sadly to himself as he answered. "Guess we have the day off! What do you want to do?"
P-Body pulled herself up, and started stretching as she gazed around the room, which conveniently gave ATLAS a very handy excuse to discreetly... examine her. His eyes followed her curves, from her gorgeous legs that went all the way up, to the way her chest seemed to strain against her jumpsuit, to her adorable chin and curious eyes that seemed to dance around the room, to her head of dark orange hair with the single curl twisting in front of her face. Of course, once she started bending down to touch her toes, even ATLAS had to turn away with a blush.
Okay. Hah hah. Totally not checking her out. That would be wrong. On several different and consecutive levels. She obviously doesn't feel the same way about me. She's always so distant. And she always looks away with just the tiniest of a blush as she bites her lips and they look just so tasty- DAMMIT WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THAT.
Once she was finally done stretching, it was P-Body's turn to check out her partner. Sprawled on the floor, with one hand drawn across his broad chest and the other hand absent mindedly tracing his jawline, she felt her heart skip a beat. Actually, does she even have a heart? She'd have to ask GLaDOS about that. The way ATLAS was perched, his jumpsuit's zipper was pulled down just ever so slightly, and she could see just the hint of his bare chest. Which was... distracting, and the part of her that immediately suggested seeing what kind of bite marks she could leave was not helping.
Slowly, her eyes were drawn to his face, with his tousled hair always drawn across one half of his face, and she suddenly noticed a light blush. Wait. Wait. Wait. Oh my god, blushing? Why would he be blushing? Did I do something wrong? Is it about me? How could somebody ever blush over me?! No, no, no, it has to be something else. Maybe it's-
"Did you finish all your books?" ATLAS' words broke the spell of embarrassment each android was languishing under.
"Um, um, um," P-Body spun her eyes around the room, looking for anything, anything she could look at that wasn't that wonderfu- distracting ATLAS. "Yeah, I t- think so. Why? Do you want to read them? I could help. I could... um. Hold them. And... flip pages, occasionally, although not too fast because then I could tear them and the Aperture Library is very strict about-"
ATLAS gently kicked her left shin, with a quiet grin in his face. "You don't need to freak out, tall, orange, and gangly, I was just wondering if we should go find anything else to read."
"Oh!" P-Body smiled, grateful for a chance to know what to say. "Yes, that would be very nice, thank you!"
"Roger!" ATLAS reached out for P-Body to help him up, and after a few seconds of internal stammering, P-Body finally helped him up. Oh, to feel his gentle fingers caress her inner wrist, and his hands were so big, and they were so much softer than-
ATLAS giggled. "Um, P-Body? You can let go now, I'm standing."
P-Body froze, as though a high powered current was running through her body and brand new nervous system. "I- I- I- just making sure that your hands were of t- top physical perfection so you could... handle dangerous books and do... booky things and oh god, just kill me now."
"Pssh!" ATLAS flashed a grin as he gently jostled her rib cage with his shoulder. "You're far too cute when you're awkward!"
"... Y- you're a dreadful l- liar, but t- thank you."
ATLAS flashed a smile, and dragged her along to the weakest panel in the room. When they were first left in the Hub for long periods of time, the duo had gotten bored and tried jostling each and every panel in the room to find something they could use to escape, and after several minutes of hard work, they had managed to remove it without major incident.
With a flourish of his wrist, ATLAS detached the panel, and bowed as he let P-Body go first. Which would have been a lot more gentlemanly, if the vent system behind the panel wasn't cramped, dusty, and dark, with only the occasional bright red warning light to light the way.
The duo proceeded down the tunnel in silence. They had taken the trip to the Library often, and P-Body had it almost ingrained in her memory. Forward until we hit the crossroad, then left, then over the industrial machinery, then right, then scale the maintenance ladder, then walk across the walkway between the test chambers until we pass the maintenance rail, then-
"Hey, P-Body!" ATLAS' voice was muffled behind her, shaking her out of her mental calculations. "We should go forward today!"
"W- wait, what? Why?" frowned P-Body. "Is it a shortcut?"
"No idea! Let's find out!"
P-Body groaned aloud, and turned to glare at him as best as she could in the cramped tunnel. "I thought we were going to the Library?"
"We still are! But in an exciting way now!" ATLAS tried for a charming smile, to melt through P-Body's glare.
It didn't work.
He reached up, and gently tapped her nose.
That worked.
"I- I don't- oh, you are just impossible," grumbled P-Body, despite her smile. "If we wander directly in to the incinerator, I'm... I'm... going to do something vaguely threatening, I guess. Shush up, I'll think of something. I'm bad at violence."
ATLAS beamed at his partner as they proceeded down the front path, leaving the crossroad behind. "Oooh, this is exciting! Do you think we'll find rats?"
"I legitimately doubt there's any rats in Aperture." sighed P-Body. "B- but if we find any, I'll feed you to it."
The dark, decrepit tunnel suddenly lurched forward with a massive, ear piercing shriek of grinding metal. Dust was billowed up and caught in the android's throats in the commotion, and the red lights flickered repeatedly before cutting out with an audible crackle.
"... I really, really hope that wasn't a rat," whispered ATLAS.
"Oh god oh god oh god oh god," whimpered P-Body, as she turned around to look at ATLAS with wide and terrified eyes. "We're going to die the vent is going to fall and then we're going to get squished and then explosions will happen or we'll fall in to a giant mashy spike plate that shoots fire or we'll get stabbed by metal and then we'll have tetanus and-"
ATLAS immediately jumped on to his first instinct, and wrapped his arms around P-Body to try and comfort her. "Don't worry! We're going to be fine! Nothing is going to happen! We're going to be-"
With another earth shattering groan, the tunnel lurched again, and the two androids tumbled forward. As it twisted around them, the tunnel became almost completely vertical, and ATLAS and P-Body tumbled in a mass of limbs and chaos. As they ground against each other and the vent in pure panic, P-Body ran her fingers across the walls of the vent to try and slow their descent, ignoring the cuts and bruises she was getting in the meantime.
She could ATLAS' look of pure panic over her shoulder, and knew immediately that they were nearing the end of the tunnel, and were about to go tumbling down in to wherever this ended up, so with a grimace of reluctance, she slammed her fists in to the walls of the tunnel just before they flew out. P-Body managed to catch the edge of the tunnel and swing, losing some of her momentum and lessening the strain on her arms. But ATLAS was not so lucky, and despite P-Body reaching out to try and grab him, he fell in to the darkness below.
P-Body had about, oh, ten seconds to feel bad about that, before the rim of the steel vent started to tear under the impact of the android, and with no options, she let herself gently fall. The air rushed past her, as she desperately hoped that she would land on hard ground, instead of something really dangerous, like water.
But instead, the android slammed at high speeds in to a tangle of limbs that crumpled under her weight, that she only dimly realized was ATLAS. That is, until his voice weakly called out from under her.
"C- caught you..."
"Oh my god, ATLAS, I'm so sorry! I didn't even- how could I-" P-Body stammered as she rolled off her partner, to collapse on the ground. "Wait. No, wait, I'm not sorry! That was your fault! You jerk!"
She slapped ATLAS on the leg, letting out a gasp of pain as she did.
"What- wh-" ATLAS paused for a minute, breathing in and out to try and get his breath back before continuing. "What's wrong?"
"N- nothing." P-Body drew her hands in close to keep him from seeing her cuts. But she was too slow, and ATLAS grabbed her wrists to get a proper look. The vent had left it's marks, and long gashes painted her hands, draining her silver synthetic blood.
"Oh my god!" ATLAS shrieked. "I- I'm so sorry, I can't- how could I let this happen-"
"Don't worry about it," P-Body muttered, embarrassed at the attention. "It was my own stupid fault."
"... You literally just finished telling me that it was my stupid fault."
"W- well, maybe I just like telling you that you're wrong."
"Pssh, I'm adorable."
The duo smiled through the dark, each one trying to comfort the other, until P-Body finally got self conscious and looked away again. ATLAS sighed. Once again. Maybe I smell or something.
"We need to get you out of here, find you some medical attention," said ATLAS quietly.
"It's n- not that big a deal! It's not like it'll kill me!" P-Body started getting angry. What, does he think she's fragile?
ATLAS frowned. "It's not that, I just... I don't want you to be in pain."
P-Body's heart skipped a beat. Assuming she had one.
"W- well, I appreciate the thought, but I'll be fine." She tried a shakey smile to show her appreciation, before hastily changing the subject. "So! Where are we?"
The duo cast their gaze across the room, as their dark-vision slowly adapted to the gloom. Other than the vent that was now sticking through the ceiling (which ATLAS still felt guilty over), the room was nearly featureless, except for the layer of trash coating the floor of the chamber. Broken bottles, scraps of papers, shards of scrap metal, spare robot parts, empty test tubes, and more.
"I think we're in a disused test chamber," guessed ATLAS. "... Operative word being 'disused'."
He pulled himself to his feet, and started rooting through the garbage. Pulling up shards, broken panels, shattered railings, inspecting them, and tossing them aside.
"Um," P-Body tilted her head in confusion. "What are you doing?"
"I'm lookin' for stuff!"
"... Why?"
"Well, I figured, if we ended up in here, we might as well try and see if there's anything fun in here!" ATLAS flashed a broad grin, and it was the only thing that stopped P-Body from trying to strangle him for not taking this situation seriously.
Oh, that irresponsible- we're trapped! In a big empty room, with nobody knowing where we are! WE don't even know where we are! And he's not even worried about my hands! I mean, okay, so I told him not to worry about it, so I guess I can't really blame him for-
"Hey!" called ATLAS excitedly, as he ran back to his partner. "Look at what I found!"
"Is that... a personality core?"
It was, to a degree. The chassis of a personality core, coated in dust and grime from laying in such a filthy chamber, only instead of the iris in the center, a speaker grille was roughly shoved in to the slot. "PRODUCT OF WHEATLEY LABORATORIES DON'T BLOODY TOUCH" was scrawled roughly on the side.
"I... Wheatley?" P-Body gasped. "Wasn't that the..."
"The big blue guy who woke us up?" finished ATLAS quietly. "Yeah."
The two robots shuddered in memory, of the enormous chassis that smashed through their Robotic Relaxation Vault, tearing the Enrichment Center apart as it searched for something, anything he could test with. He was... less than calm.
"Oh, COME ON! There has to be something back here to test with! I mean, sure, I could just go back to the bloody boxes, but those things just clearly can't handle how impossibly brilliant my tests are- oooh! Are those... are those little robots? Man alive, you are- hah! That is freakin' perfect! Here, hold still you- oh, wait wait wait, I can hear her again. Um, let's just... okay, you two, back in the box, I'll see if I can kill her, be right back. Don't move, don't move a muscle! Well, okay, not- not, you know, a muscle, because you're just... just cute little, little playthings, like one of those birds that drink from cups, and- gah, that was a dreadful metaphor! Wait, lemme try again- Oh! You're alive! Just- just getting a, er, test ready. For... you, obviously, who else would I be doing it for? No one! Hah."
And, speak of the devil, but as the duo thought back to that day, the personality core switched itself back on, and the familiar voice of Wheatley filled the chamber.
"Hullo! So, um, hi. I'm... I'm Wheatley, and this is star-date... today, I guess. Figured I'd start to keep a little journal, because oh WOW, today has been a busy day. Um, well, yeah, let's see. I finally found a human, and we became friends, you know, and- oh, and did you know I could fall off my management rail and NOT die? I know, bloody blew my mind! Um, anyway, and then we tried to escape. And then she must have stumbled on a switch or hit a button or something because bam! All of sudden, that big white moron was up and running again! Still, I don't blame her. Little primate brain, can't possibly be good for... you know, avoiding to hit switches, even without the whole brain damage thing."
ATLAS poked the core timidly. "I can't decide if I want it to shut up or play more."
"Shhhh!"
"... And that's how I escaped the bird. Man alive, was THAT part fun. Anyway- actually, wait. It suddenly occurred to me, I don't actually know HOW much time has passed today. Is it still today? Is it some different version of today? Um, wait, wait, wait, lemme think... carry the one... times three... later. Anyway, I bravely rescued my own little human- totally right under that psychopath's nose! And we started gumming up all the neurotoxin and turrets- my idea, of course, but my human helped, and we managed to find some potatoes, which got her lookin' all sad- I guess she doesn't like potatoes- but then- swoop! Off we go, headin' off to the big bosses chamber, and I managed to hit the big scary button, and- oh, you're gonna love this-"
The audio suddenly increased ten-fold, and the two androids jumped back as it echoed through the chamber.
"I'M IN CHARGE NOW! It's bloody brilliant! I'm in charge of the ENTIRE FACILITY! And all I had to do was... beat my... only friend... into a giant hole."
Wheatley's voice fell silent for a moment.
"Oh, balls. I... I kinda screw up, didn't I?"
The audio core flipped off with an audible click.
"Wow. So that's what happened!" said P-Body with wonder. "Do you think there's anything else on the core?"
As if in answer, the core switched tracks with yet another click, and it opened with the roar of a massive explosion.
"... I think that's your answer," responded ATLAS dryly.
"My fault, TOTALLY my fault! Is... is it fine? Okay, I'm going to assume it's fine. Walk it off, walk it off. Yeah, um, audio diary... two, I guess. So, I've got just this... this weirdest thing. It's like there's this... urge to... test things, you know? Well, I guess you wouldn't, being hooked up to a giant Aperture controlling chassis is sort of my thing, unless GLaDOS is listening to this, which would be fairly impressive for a potato. Heh. Anyway, I've been looking to find something in here that could test for me, but all I have are kinda... bits of robots, I guess. I'm thinking, maybe if I'm lucky, and hear me out, hear me out- maybe Chell survived! I mean, that wasn't TOO big a fall, right?"
Click. Whir. Click.
"Oh, COME ON! You stupid- GAH! Yeah, audio diary three, and I am officially done with this! I don't know WHERE she ended up, but apparently it's NOWHERE IN APERTURE! Maybe she just fell off the entire bleeding world and is currently sitting around in China and doing tests with ALL OF THE PERSONALITY CORES WHO CAN ACTUALLY MANAGE TO FIND SOMEONE! Okay, I just- I have to- hrm. Okay, I need... can I make my own? Not- not like- not like my own Chell, that would be... erm, creepy. I mean, not like- not like I'm saying I wouldn't LIKE my own Chell around, she's pretty, um, nice, and good at jumping, and I guess she's kinda cute, and- ROBOTS! I mean, I'm gonna try to build my own robots!"
"Like us?" wondered P-Body aloud.
"Nah," said ATLAS. "We're way too cute."
Click. Whir. Click.
"AHAH! Oh, I am the BEST! Step aside, GLaDOS, because I am THE BEST AT BUILDING ROBOTS! They're boxes! With legs! IT'S BLOODY FOOL-PROOF! And oh, oh, I found something- just the PERFECT thing! See, if Chell survived- I mean, not that I have any doubt here, jumping is what she's just bloody brilliant at, so she must be bonkers at falling- I found her a gift! It's something I found deep in the archives, just right on wedged there, called "The Nightingale Project"! It's the name of a bird, and for once, that's NOT a bad thing! It's a speech therapist! Because, she can't talk, you see? So, this whole file is a speech therapist to teach her English! It involves singing, humming, all kinds of exercises to teach her to finally talk- really, honestly, so brilliant you'd think I thought it up- and when she's done that, then we can talk! AND TEST! I'll load the file on the audio core, I cannot wait to see the look on her face!"
Click. Whir. Click.
"Slight addendum, um, scratch the whole 'gift' idea. I'm fairly certain she is... yeah, yeah, she's trying to kill me."
The core fell silent, with the last words of the mad despot echoing across the chamber.
For P-Body, lounging across the ground as she listened, she was contemplating what she had just heard. I wonder how much of that is true. Do GLaDOS and Chell talk about him? Why haven't they told us any of that?
But ATLAS, meanwhile, was grinning wildly.
"W- what is it?" asked P-Body, as ATLAS pulled the core over to him and started messing about with the insides.
"We should try out that Nightingale thing! That would be awesome!"
"... WHAT?!"
"Oh, come on!" giggled ATLAS. "Just think about it! Wouldn't it be nice to actually SPEAK normal English, just like GLaDOS and Chell and all the cores do? We could communicate with them, instead of just beeping all the time!"
P-Body immediately sat up straight, shaking her head vigorously. "NO! No no no no no no!"
"Come on, why not?"
P-Body just blushed furiously, and turned the other way. "I don't- I- what do you think GLaDOS would do if she learnt that we-"
Her train of thought was suddenly rapidly derailed as she felt ATLAS' gently rub her shoulder. He spoke softly, "Is it the change? Are you scared of the change?"
She nodded. She didn't trust herself to talk while ATLAS was rubbing her shoulders.
"I'd really like to work with you on this, Orange," ATLAS continued to rub. "I'd like to learn how to talk, and I'd like to learn how to sing. And I would love to get to learn it with you, but you don't feel comfortable with this, we don't have to."
P-Body considered her options. On one hand, they had no guarantee that this would work. And on the other hand, this feels REALLY nice.
Subconsciously, P-Body leaned against ATLAS' legs and sighed with bliss, ignoring the way he suddenly froze with terror at the sudden contact.
"... I'm going to assume that means yes."