Authors note: parts of the story are written in first person. These parts are from Kathryn's point of view unless otherwise stated. Please read and comment.

"Mommy will you do my hair please?" Kimberley Janeway emerged from her bedroom with her hairbrush in one hand and green ribbons in the other. Her auburn-red hair flew behind her as she ran. Looking up from the padd she was reading Kathryn's frown quickly turned into a smile. "Sure thing Peanut. Come stand in front of me. How do you want it done today?"

"Like in the picture of you and daddy taken on the planet you lived on." As she put Kimberley's hair up, Kathryn wondered why her daughter would want a 'bun of steel'. Realizing what her mom was doing, Kimberley grabbed at her hair and started frantically pulling it down while scolding her mom for doing it wrong. Getting a picture from Janeway's desk she handed it to Kathryn. "This hair mama".

-----

Chakotay felt rather than saw Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the USS Voyager, step onto the bridge. As she listened to reports from Tuvok, Harry, and Tom he noticed she seemed a bit pre-occupied. After she had sat down he reached over and placed his hand on top of hers and left it there for a full three minutes before removing it. Standing up Janeway announced, "I'll be in my ready room. Commander you have the bridge."

Kathryn sat at her desk going over the weekly fuel consumption report which didn't look promising. They had used more fuel in the past two weeks than they had used the whole previous month before. "Janeway to Engineering".

"Torres here"

"B'Elanna have you had any progress on determining why our energy reserves seem to be fluctuating so badly?"

"I was just working on it Captain. I can't give you anymore information than what was in my report this morning."

"Keep working on it Lieutenant. Janeway out." Hearing her door chime ring she called for entry. "What can I do for you Commander?" she asked without taking her eyes off the padd in her hand.

"Is everything okay? You were looking pre-occupied on the bridge Kathryn."

"Chakotay?" Kathryn looked up in confusion.

"While on the Bridge I managed to keep my hand on top of yours for three full minutes and you never flinched or pulled away at all. I concluded that this lack of reaction means something was on your mind." With a smile Kathryn set down the padd, wrapped her hands around her coffee mug and leaned back in her chair. After taking a sip she explained "this morning Kimberley wanted her hair fixed like mine was in a picture. After I'd done it she gave me heck because I had used the wrong picture as a reference. She had said 'the one of you and daddy on that planet you lived on' and I thought she meant Mark and me in San Francisco but she meant the picture of me and you on New Earth." Kathryn realized that if she kept up this particular conversation she would be bringing her private life to work with her. Sitting up she picked up a padd and glanced at it. "Is there anything else Commander?" Chakotay realized what the Captain was doing but allowed her to dismiss him this way – for now. "No Captain" he replied and returned to his chair on the Bridge.

At 1400 hours he rang her door chime again to invite her to lunch. At the same moment Kimberley called. "Mama, you said we were gonna eat lunch together."

"I know I did Peanut. I've been really busy today but I'll meet you in the Mess Hall in ten minutes and we can have a snack together, okay?"

"Okay mama, Kimberley out"

Kathryn smiled at her daughter's mockery. "You're here to remind me to eat lunch too?" Smiling broadly he teased, "Now why would I need to do that?" Shaking her head she stood and waved her hand toward the door in an 'after you' manner.

------

"Tag you're it!" Kimberley yelled then ran off laughing with Naomi Wildman close on her heels.

"No fair, I wasn't ready. Kimberley get back here."

"You gotta catch me first" Kimberley yelled over her shoulder. Since she wasn't watching where she was going, Kim was unaware that someone had rounded the corner also. After bouncing off the crewman Kim stumbled into the wall and bumped her head and shoulder hard enough to need to go to Sickbay.

"Computer locate Kimberley Janeway"

"Kimberley Janeway is in Crewman Jore's quarters"

Chakotay entered and found Kim quietly sitting on the floor drawing. At the sound of his voice she jumped up and ran to him waving her paper around. "See what I drawed?" she asked shoving her picture in his face. He commented on how lovely it looked and then noticed the mark on her head where she had hit the wall earlier. "How did that happen?" he asked. After Kim told her side she told Chakotay not to say anything. "I don't want to get into trouble by mama."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to run in the halls. Let's get back to the Bridge and see if the Captain is ready to go home."

"Okay" she agreed heading for the door. "Wait a minute Miss Janeway. You didn't clean up your crayons". As if suddenly remembering she went and cleaned up the mess then took Chakotay's hand in hers. "What do you say?" he prompted. Pulling one corner of her mouth into a smile she blushed furiously and bent her head down in total embarrassment. How could she have forgotten the most important part of being a guest? "Thank you for letting me stay here today Crewman Jore".

"You're welcome Miss Janeway. I had fun with you today. We'll have to do it again. Would you like that?" Kim nodded her head eagerly. Turning around she stepped on her shoelace that had come untied and she tumbled to the floor banging her knee on the way down.

Kathryn was sitting in her ready room having a cup of tea and talking with Nicole Ambrosia from Sciences. They had barely started their conversation when Janeway's door opened and Kimberley entered calling for her mom. Seeing Kathryn on the couch she ran over and whimpered, "Mama I hurted my knee."

"Oh no what happened?" Nicole asked with concern.

"My shoe untied and I falled down see?" Kim pulled up her pant leg to show them. "Did you come see mommy cause you gots an owie too?" Kim asked Nicole.

"Kimberley Ellen!" Kathryn hissed with a frown. "Sort of" Nicole answered sadly, ignoring the Captain's scold. "I'm feeling a bit sad because I miss my family back home".

"Sometimes when I'm said I draw happy pictures for mama. You should get someone to draw a happy picture for you. Then every time you look at it you'll be happy."

"That's a good idea but I don't have anyone to draw a happy picture for me". Kimberley looked around for the picture that she had carried into the room with her. Spotting it lying on the floor by the door she scrambled down from Kathryn's lap and grabbed the picture. Climbing back onto her mom's lap she handed the picture to Nicole. "Here Lootenan, you have this one". Seeing the tears in Nicole's eyes Kim sadly asked "don't you like it?"

"Yes, I do like it a lot. It's a very lovely picture and I'll put it on the wall of my quarters right after my duty shift". Naomi's voice carried through Kim's comm badge asking if she wanted to bake cookies with herself and Samantha.

"Ya" Kim answered excitedly. "Bye Lootenan, bye mama". Giving each of them a kiss and hug she ran out the door with Janeway's voice following her stating "Kimberley don't run on the Bridge". Sighing and shaking her head in exasperation Kathryn paged Samantha Wildman. "Please inform me when Kimberley is ready to leave and I'll pick her up."

"Yes Captain I will. Wildman out".

"I'll let you go Captain. I'm sure you have lots of work to do. Thank you for the tea." Nicole stated standing up and disappearing onto the Bridge.

-----

Chakotay held out the chair for Kathryn then brought the dinner plates to the table. They talked about that day's reports from Engineering and Neelix. They were talking about Kimberley and Naomi's latest ship excursion when Kathryn got a call to report to Deck 12. As it turned out, by the time she arrived, the problem had pretty much solved itself and all she was needed for was to confirm that a job assigned earlier was completed to her satisfaction. Turning to the crewmember who hailed her she tersely stated, "next time my dinner is interrupted make sure I'm actually needed for something important. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Dismissed" Janeway grumbled then stepped into the hallway. "Nicoletti to Captain Janeway."

"Yes Ensign, go ahead"

"I need to see you in the Science Lab right away"

"What's the matter Ensign?" Kathryn started to get concerned because Susan didn't call unless it was needed. "I would rather discuss it in person Captain". Looking at Chakotay Kathryn got a worried look in her eye. She heard the anxiousness in Susan's voice and that didn't make her feel very good. "Acknowledged" Kathryn answered.

"Report!" she called out a few minutes later. Susan Nicoletti was visibly shaken up and began stammering. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm always really careful about these things. I …"

"Slow it down Ensign and quit rambling. What happened?" After taking a few deep breaths Nicoletti managed to calm herself down enough to speak so the Captain and Commander could understand her. "I might as well just come right out and say it – Kimberley's sort of …gone missing"

Kathryn automatically placed one hand on her hip and the other began massaging her brow as she paced and calmed her temper. Turning back she stared at Susan in frustration. "How could she be missing? We're on a starship for crying out loud!"

"I don't know Captain. We were here in the Science Lab together then Freddie Bristow asked me to help him for a couple minutes. I told Kimberley I would be just down the hall and for her to stay right here. When I came back she was gone."

"Computer locate Kimberley Janeway" Chakotay ordered not taking his eyes off of Susan's face. Kathryn had begun looking in cupboards, under work tables, any place she thought a 4 year old would hide. "That's the first thing I did and I found her comm badge in the corridor but she was nowhere to be seen" Susan said.

Kathryn stalked over to Susan and pulled herself up to her full height, a glaring look of disapproval clearly written on her face. "Well if you were looking after her like you should have been doing then you wouldn't have to worry about where she was. NEVER leave a child unattended, especially a 4 year old as curious as Kimberley is. I was under the impression you already knew that!!"

"Yes ma'am" Susan acknowledged w/ a slight tremor in her voice and tears stinging her eyes.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway. I have located Kimberley and she is unharmed."

"Thank you Tuvok. Meet me in my quarters" Janeway replied, then turned on her heel abruptly and left telling Chakotay she'd see him on the Bridge in the morning.

-----

Chakotay smiled when his Captain took the chair beside him and settled in for the start of her shift. "Where can I take you today Captain?" Tom asked from the helm.

"I think Earth sounds like a good place to go. I hear the people there are absolutely fascinating" Chakotay joined in.

"I like it. Set a course Mr. Paris, warp 5. Engage when ready"

"Aye Captain, course laid in". This had become a daily ritual for them and Kathryn found it fun, letting her take her mind off the pressures of being Captain for a moment. Unfortunately that's only how long I can pretend she thought to herself glumly. She was requested to read some report or other that apparently she had now had for a few days and had not responded to. Sighing inwardly she stands up. "A Captain's job is never done. Commander the bridge is yours. Make sure Mr. Paris doesn't take the scenic route this time".

------

"MAMA! MOMMY! MAMA!!" Kathryn sat up and automatically reached for her comm badge then realized the voice was coming from the other room. Letting out a big yawn she sat down on Kimberley's bed and gently roused her daughter out of the nightmare. This had become a nightly occurrence lately. The following evening Kathryn was sitting in her chair reading when Kimberley woke up the same way as before – crying out for her mother. Kathryn had just gotten Kim settled down again and back to sleep when her door chimed.

"I could hear yelling and I came by to make sure everything is all right"

"Kimberley's been having nightmares every night since we left Kerukos last week. Sometimes even two or three times during the night"

"What are they about?" he asks sitting down on the couch opposite the chair.

"She won't tell me. Sometimes she says there are aliens coming after her to steal her away but that's all she says". Sitting down next to Chakotay on the couch Kathryn closed her eyes and rubbed a hand across them, trying to get rid of the grainy feel. She heard the shuffling feet of a not quite awake little girl and turned to see Kim rubbing her eyes with one fist while dragging her teddy bear and blanket with the other hand. "Peanut why aren't you in bed?" she asked sounding tired herself.

"I wanna sleep wiss you"

"Why don't you want to sleep in your own bed?"

"Betuz, the aliens will come back for me"

"I've already told you, there aren't any aliens going to get you in your room"

"Kathryn, if I may?" Chakotay interjected. "As a child there's a song my grandmother used to sing before I went to bed. It is a song that is used to ward off any bad spirits around the person. Maybe it will work here as well, to keep the aliens away. What do you say Peanut? If I can make your room safe so the aliens don't come by will you sleep in your own bed?" Kimberley stood there for a moment thinking about it. She wanted to be close to her mommy but also wanted Kathryn to be proud of her for being brave and sleeping in her own bed. The bravery factor won out and she nodded her head. "Otay, I sleep in my bed". She wrapped her arms around Chakotay's neck and laid her head on his shoulder as he carried her back to her room. He emerged 10 minutes later. "She's asleep again. Can I get you anything else Kathryn? Kathryn?" He walked over and found her fast asleep on the couch. She looked so peaceful and beautiful laying there before him, her chest softly rising and falling with each breath she took. Bending down he easily picked her up and carried her to her own sleeping quarters. He laid her down then he proceeded to pull off her boots and managed to somehow remove her jacket as well. He was undoing her pants – he knew how uncomfortable and unforgiving Starfleet uniforms can be – when she stirred in her sleep. He froze, afraid she had woken up but breathed a sigh of relief as she softly started snoring again. Pulling the covers over her he brushed away her bangs and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight Kathryn" he whispered and was surprised to hear her mutter "goodnight". He gave another kiss goodnight to Kimberley as well, and then returned to his own quarters for the night.

-----

We're traveling through a quiet part of space and the ship is running at peak efficiency giving me time to catch up on some long overdue paperwork. Lifting my coffee cup to my lips I find it empty. Setting it back down I stand up to stretch my back and legs. As I watch the stars streak by a picture hanging on the wall catches my eye. It was one of Peanut's 'happy pictures' she had drawn for me. She's been drawing a lot of them for me lately it seems. She's also become quite clingy, reluctant to leave my side. Times like these I desperately wish I had a counselor on board. Neelix is a great morale officer and Chakotay has been great to take on the roll of listening to the crew's problems and then bringing them to me when he deems it appropriate. "To make your job easier and lighten the burden" he explained to me once. That's been his mission from day one and he hasn't failed me yet. Sure we butt heads and for awhile our relationship was strained but true to his word he never left my side. I wouldn't have lasted a week out here in this hellish quadrant, never mind 5 years. That goes for each and every member of my crew dead or alive – including Seska and Michael Jonas.

Now where did that come from? Oh well. 'No use crying over spilled milk' as my Grandmother would say. Suddenly I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I realize the particular picture is one that Peanut made for me when I was feeling homesick after I found out Mark had re-married and I had to accept that if I did make it back to Earth…no when I made it back to Earth, I would have to start my life over again, anew, as a single mother to boot. That thought terrifies me, which isn't easy to do. As I reach out to touch the paper I notice my hand is trembling and the picture is becoming blurry. I squeeze my eyes shut and feel tears escape from under my lashes. My throat tightens up and my legs feel like jelly. With my back to the wall I slide down until I am sitting on the floor. I pull my knees up and hug them tight to my chest, drop my head and let the tears flow. I couldn't stop them even if I tried. As wave after wave of sobs wracked my body I was completely unaware that Kimberley had woken up and was by my side.

-----

Kathryn's eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked up to see Chakotay and the Doctor looking down at her. Her mind was still a bit fuzzy and she couldn't figure where she was. "You're in Sickbay Captain" Tuvok informed her coming into her line of vision. She groaned and put a hand to her temple as she attempted to sit up. It felt as if she had a thousand drums all beating simultaneously inside her head. "What – "her mouth was dry and her voice raspy. Swallowing she tried again, "what happened?"

"Perhaps you could tell us" the Doctor sarcastically said, receiving a disapproving glare from Kathryn. "Kimberley and the Commander found you in your quarters sobbing uncontrollably" Tuvok explained calmly.

"Well I feel better" Janeway said sitting up fully. "Thank you Doctor"

"Not so fast Captain. I want you to take the next 48 hours off. Spend time on the holodeck, read a good book, whatever. The important this is that you relax".

"TWO DAYS? I can't take two whole days off. I have a ship to run and a child to look after. I'm fine now, tell them Doctor".

"I'm sorry Captain; I have to agree with Tuvok and the Commander. For your health I am ordering you to take the next 48 hours off".

"Ordering me? I told you I'm fine!" Kathryn was now standing with her hands on her hips and facing down all three men.

"Kathryn you were in hysterics and your daughter was extremely scared. The Doctor diagnosed you as having a nervous breakdown so for the betterment of Voyager and her entire crew; you are taking a leave of duty for two days. I'll stay with Kimberley so you don't have to worry about a thing". Chakotay's eyes pleaded with her to accept what she had just been dealt. Janeway realized that she wasn't going to win this fight of three against one. Throwing her hands up in defeat she declared "FINE!" As she passed Chakotay on her way out she pointed a finger to his chest, her eyes shooting silent daggers at him, and hissed "that was low".

------

B'Elanna watched Kimberley and Michael, her 2 year old son, playing together but her thoughts were a million miles away. The kids laughed at her when she jumped at the sound of the ringing door chime. "Where's mommy?" Kim asked when the door opened. Chakotay got down to her level and explained, "Mommy is sick right now and needs to be by herself so I'm going to stay with you for a couple days. Is that okay with you?" Kim nodded her head hesitantly, not sure what else to do. She covered up her feelings as bad as Kathryn did. "How bout you watch some cartoons?" Kim slowly walked over to the couch obediently. B'Elanna placed a chip into the antique television set for the kids to watch then took Chakotay to her sleeping quarters so they could talk in private.

"How is she?" B'Elanna asked as she handed a cup of tea to Chakotay.

"Pissed" he replied. "Doctor said it was a small nervous breakdown. Had to use a mild tranquilizer to calm her down and sedate her." B'Elanna could see the worry and exhaustion he was feeling and wished she could take away some of his stress. He was her best friend – aside from Tom – and she would give anything to take away his pain. "I'm sorry Chakotay, what did you say?"

"I asked how Kimberley is doing."

"Not good I don't think, but I can't really tell. It took me an hour just to calm her down enough to bring her back here." As if on cue Kimberley wandered into the room looking like she was about to cry. "I want mama" she whimpered.

"I can't understand you when you talk with your thumb in your mouth." Removing her thumb she repeated herself. "Oh Peanut, come here sweetheart. I know you miss her, but you'll get to see her soon. It's only three sleeps including tonight and you'll get to see her for a bit during the day" Chakotay explained as he held the little girl on his lap and hugging her close.

-----

Who could be at my door at this hour? As I open it I am surprised to see Chakotay on the other side carrying a slumbering Kimberley. He looks comfortable this way as if it was something he does all the time. I reach to take her but he just shakes his head and heads to Kim's room. I watch him dress her for bed and tuck her in. Bending down he tenderly kisses her cheek and brushes the hair out of her eyes. "Goodnight Peanut" he whispers softly. I watch as she removes her thumb from her mouth and responds with "night daddy, I love you". It still shocks me sometimes because she knows Mark is her father but if she's happy calling Chakotay her daddy then who am I to interfere and correct her? It's important she has a male father figure in her life. I can understand why she picked Chakotay also, he is around quite a lot and I'm so very thankful about that.

"Penny for your thoughts"

"Hmm?"

"Are you feeling better?"

"I'm perfectly fine." Janeway says quickly, turning away from Chakotay.

"Are you sure? You seem a little … upset"

"I'm fine, really. Never felt better. Thank you for bringing Kimberley back, I'll see you tomorrow."

He was a little stunned by the way she was blowing him off so suddenly. "Sorry Kathryn, I don't believe you're 'completely fine' as you put it. You had a nervous breakdown for God's sake!" Chakotay fired back angrily. Whirling around Kathryn pulled her shoulders back, tilted her chin slightly and straightened to her full height. Looking him squarely in the eye she spoke in a sharp tone, "I DIDN'T have a nervous breakdown, Commander. I know that's what the Doctor said but he's wrong. I had a weak moment and I broke down in tears that I couldn't stop." She could see that Chakotay wasn't buying this excuse and he didn't like the fact that she was hiding behind her pips again by using rank instead of names. Looking down at his C.O. Chakotay never realized just how short she actually was when she wasn't wearing her boots. He knew it was silly to argue over something like this. Softening his features he quietly said, "I'm glad you're getting better. See you on the Bridge in 72 hours. Goodnight…Captain". With that he turned and left her quarters.