Chapter Six: where is your god?
Caroline takes a shower and it's freezing. Ice cold water in sheets slams against her skin that she tries to pretend is actually scorching, boiling water. Her movements are slow, her head is pounding, and she feels sick to her stomach. Actually, she just feels sick all over. Like she has a disease or something. Oh wait. She does.
She didn't think about it that much. Being infected, that is. But now it's a reality. She should've known that whatever was out there that had originally turned people, that she was part of it too. That it ran in her bloodstream like an unstoppable rebel force. So, now she basically was a dead girl walking. They all were dead walking people, in a way.
She turns the water off and sits down in the shower, hugging her knees to her chest and staring at the wall. If they really were infected, then they would all turn eventually. If the saints were merciful and she lived to be ninety, she would still come back as one of those things. If that is the case, then what's the point in even fighting for survival? She doesn't want to be one of them. She'd rather get torn limb from limb by four 18-wheelers then die and come back as a walking corpse.
The balance scale in nature should never be tipped. It should be even. But it's not.
She gets out and dresses in a teal shirt that's a size too small and blue jeans that are too big, so she tugs a belt to the tightest notch it can go. Obviously Nik is terrible at picking out clothes, but there probably wasn't that much to choose from. Oh well. At least they're clothes.
She walks out of the bathroom with damp hair and joins Nik and Rebekah in the corner of the room eating out of a can of soup. She sits down Indian style across from Nik and he hands her a can of chicken noodle.
"It's not much, but we have to ration," he explains solemnly. "Only eat half and save the rest for later."
Rationing. Who would have thought that Caroline would ever have to ration food? She opens up the can and starts to ask for a spoon, but stops herself short. Sorry, but in the midst of just trying to get things that were absolutely a necessity, Nik forgot to look for appropriate silverware.
When she brings the can to her lips, all she tastes his salt and rubbery chicken. She's never been a canned soup kind of person, but she has to make do. It's the only way.
They eat in silence. Caroline doesn't look up from her can, Nik can't stop looking at Caroline's worried face, and Rebekah can't keep the look of disdain off her face.
"We can't stay here," Nik finally says, taking his eyes off of Caroline right before she looks up.
"Then where are we supposed to go?" she asks, scrunching her eyebrows together. "There's not exactly a designated safe haven for us to go to."
"As much as I hate to admit," Rebekah groans, "she's right. I've only left this place twice since I came here five days ago. This is the safest bet for us."
"It won't be safe for long," Nik goes on. "Eventually other survivors will come and we'll be threatened. We can't fight a potential group of ten with only three."
"You're just making assumptions."
"I am making educated guesses. We will be discovered. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but what about the next day? Or the day after that? We're not prepared to be overrun."
"But will we ever?" Rebekahs questions, putting down her can of soup. "Be prepared?"
He wishes he had the answers, but he doesn't. He doesn't, truthfully, know anything. But he's seen enough movies and television shows to know how these things always turn out. And it seems pretty accurate. Either way, he doesn't want to risk his life, his sister's life, and not Caroline's.
"We'll head off tomorrow morning," he says. "Stick to the coast, head North."
"But what if we're out here for months?" Rebekah panics. "By December we'll freeze to death. I only drove North because Kol thought he heard of a refugee camp in Rhode Island, but-"
"Refugee camp?" Caroline asks, her voice rising. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"Because it can't be true!" she yells back. "If there were such things as places like those, don't you think that there would be one, oh I don't know, a little closer to Virginia?"
"Maybe they couldn't! We don't know how big this thing is, but they probably do. And there's probably too many infected for it to even be safe to start a shelter around here!"
Rebekah presses her lips together and wrings out her hands. As if it would even make a difference when she told them. She knows they're not going to make it, if the place even exists. Besides, it wasn't like Kol could really rely on something he heard in Mystic Falls.
While they were leaving town, the speaker system at Mystic Square was going off speaking of a refugee camp on the outskirts of Rhode Island just as fire set engulfed Mystic Falls in flames. Pipe bombs fell out of the sky, covering the darkness in crimson and smoke. Townspeople fled from their homes, screaming and covered in fire. But Rebekah was safe in the passenger seat as Kol drove through fire, over people and dead, and exited Mystic Falls. But the fire didn't stop. It got worse. Every town they drove through was progressively more worse than the last, yet when they got there no more people existed. It was quiet. So very quiet and smelling of a burnt forest. It was like they were the only two people left on earth until that riot. That horrible, horrible riot where they took him away right from her grasp.
And what has Caroline seen? Nothing? Could nothing be the answer? Did she watch her family get torn away from her? Did she witness them come back and try to kill her? What does she know?
"Why are you even here?" Rebekah scoffs and then she looks at her brother. "Was she whoring around when you found her?"
"Rebekah."
"No, Nik!" she laughs as she scoots closer to Caroline. Caroline's fist balls up atop the carpet. "You should know the dirt you've dragged along with you."
"Rebekah," Nik says more sternly and she glances over at him, flipping her hair behind her.
"Wait. You haven't been...oh tell me you haven't touched her, Nik."
"You are such a bitch!" Caroline screams as her can of soup goes flying over to Rebekah. The remnants dump onto her hair and clothes and she's fuming. Beet red. "You can keep your petty high school rumors to your fucking self because I don't give a damn what you have to say! You don't want me here? Fine! I'll fucking leave!"
Rebekah looks proud of herself despite spilled soup covering her. Caroline gets up and storms off to the door in a huff, but her head is still swimming so she loses her balance slightly. Surprisingly, Nik is there to steady her and it feels spectacular when her head gently bumps against his shoulder.
"Just sit down," he tells her, his hand on the small of her back. "You're not going anywhere."
Caroline blinks slowly as she looks at him, but then realizes what she's doing and steps out of his arms. God. No. What is wrong with her? Getting cozy with someone isn't the first thing you do when faced with zombies.
But regardless. She listens to him and sits down on the bed and pulls up her knees close. Nik takes Rebekah out of the room and the door closes behind them. Caroline plops all the way down and shuts her eyes. She's beyond done with this whole drama with Rebekah. Whether she likes it or not, Caroline is here and for some reason Nik wants her here too. She's not going anywhere anytime soon.
Nik takes out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and lights it as he leans over the metal rail. Rebekah makes a disgusted noise and forces out a cough.
"I thought you quit," she scoffs.
"I did," he says before he takes one long drag out of it. "But since when was quitting permanent?"
"He smoked too," she points out as she picks off a noodle from her shoulder.
"And so did millions of other people in the world, Rebekah! What exactly are you trying to say?" He takes another drag and doesn't bother to look at her.
"He was the only one who smoked in our house."
"And I ask again, what is your point?"
She opens her mouth to speak again, but then closes it. She doesn't really know why she insists on bringing it up. She knows their similarities even if Nik won't acknowledge them. Perhaps since he was always the one trying to get the furthest away from him, Nik ended up being just like the person he despised.
"You said you needed her," Rebekah states as she leans against the door. "What did you mean by that?"
Nik sighs and turns around to face her, his cigarette almost halfway finished. His sister is still very ticked off and he still doesn't really know why. He doesn't really understand the whole high school rivalry thing. When he was in secondary school and college he always had too much on his mind to worry about whatever was going on in the hallways. He never even had a real girlfriend (pretty sure one time flings didn't count) even though a lot of them quite literally flung themselves at him like a slingshot.
However, there was one girl, Tatia, who was possibly the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen. Somehow she managed to have the perfect olive tanned skin in dreary England. Her smile was infectious, her laugh was contagious, her eyes were the size of a new moon, and she had the strongest fire in her that burned so bright. She was unattainable though, in that way that he would never give her as much attention as she deserved. So he sat by idly as his older brother, Elijah, moved in for the kill and swept her off her feet as if it was the most easiest thing in the world.
And Nik would have been green with envy, but he couldn't afford to when there was still so much to do. To take care of. To protect. Maybe Elijah should have been taking most of the punches since he was the oldest, not the middle child. But then again, no one ever loves the middle child, do they?
"For bait," he tells her. "A decoy. She was quite handy yesterday."
Rebekah laughs at this. Well, that's good. So Caroline's life essentially means nothing to him. She's just there for a good distraction if need be.
"What happens when she dies?" Rebekah asks.
Nik drops his cigarette and crushes it with the heel of his shoe. "Well, that's the thing," he explains quietly. "She's not going to die."
"Oh that's gr-what?"
Nik smirks. "She isn't going to die. At least while I can help it. She's part of this group now, Rebekah. It's time for you to put your juvenile problems to bed and get over it. We're all in this together and if you don't like it, then feel free to leave." He takes a step closer to her. "But we both know you won't."
Fury burns in Rebekah's chest as she processes everything that Nik is relaying to her. Together. They're all in this together. No. No, no, no. That's not how these things go. Caroline isn't part of them. She isn't always and forever. She is expendable. She doesn't deserve their company. Her spot should be filled with Kol.
"You can't be serious, Nik," Rebekah chokes out. "She...she doesn't belong with us."
"Oh, stop being such a brat for once in your life and put yourself in her shoes," he says sardonically.
"I don't need to put myself in her shoes when everything has been taken away from me!"
"Well, you two should be a pair then." Nik pats her on the head and walks back into the motel room while his sister continues to seethe outside.
Caroline doesn't say anything when he comes back in. She's too lost in her thoughts to even acknowledge that he's called her name, and she's in a complete daze when he sits down beside her. She doesn't know how she's going to deal with Rebekah. She shouldn't want her dead, she shouldn't hate her so much that she would love to see her suffer. Caroline isn't a monster, yet she feels this way, and the feelings are mutual with Rebekah. They could stay together and bicker with each other until the end of time, until one of them eventually succombs to this infection, but really what was the point? Caroline wants to survive, Rebekah wants to survive; logic states that collaboration is better than division. A divided group is a weak group, and a weak group means a dead group.
"I wasted my ration for the day," Caroline sighs, turning onto her side to face him. "Sorry." It wasn't a lot, but it was still food.
Nik figures he should be angry with her, yell at her or something, but he can't find it in himself to scream at her. His sister is aggravating. He'll let her slide this time.
"How are you feeling?" he asks her.
"I still feel a little dizzy and my head hurts a bit, but other than that I'm fine."
"Good, because we have no option but to leave tomorrow," he tells as he lays back and stares up at the ceiling.
There's something about being on the same bed fully clothed that makes Caroline wonder. She wants to look past him, at the wall or at the cheap generic art that's across from her or the flowered wallpaper. Anything but Nik, yet he's the only thing she sees. She wants to know more about him. She wants to ask him questions, pick his brain, find out every little tiny detail of his life just so she has that. Because right now, all she has are fading memories of friends she doesn't even think are alive anymore.
But instead of asking, or even indulging something about herself, she just says, "So Rhode Island, huh?" because it seems safe and the best bet. The last thing anyone wants to talk about when it's the end of the world is themselves.
Nik sighs and turns onto his side, looking into her eyes. "I don't know what Rebekah was talking about. I haven't heard anything, but if we stick to the coast while going North, we can't go wrong."
"But what if we do go wrong? Then what?" She doesn't mean to sound desperate, but she is. She needs answers. Definite answers. Probable guesses won't do. Confirmation will. She needs to know that she'll make it out of this. She needs to know that there is a place in Rhode Island with food and shelter, and maybe her friends are there. But she won't go that far in wishing because it'll just end in disappointment.
Nik doesn't know how to respond to her. He wants to tell her that she'll be safe as long as she sticks with him, but even he doesn't know that for certain. The girl who can't aim a gun.
"I've given you no reason to trust me," he starts, "but if you do now, then I can promise you that I won't allow anything to happen to you."
She shouldn't. She really shouldn't. But he's the only one here. She wouldn't trust Rebekah with a plastic spoon, yet she'll trust the guy who left her in a tree? It doesn't make sense, but she agrees. She'll trust him. She'll trust that he keeps his promise.
"Try to get some rest," he advises as he gets off the bed. "I'll deal with my sister."
She watches him leave the room and when the door closes she shuts her eyes tightly and suppresses a scream that's swelling in her throat. She shouldn't be feeling any type of attraction to the guy. She could've died, yet here she is wishing that he hadn't left. Now is not the time to develop feelings for anyone. But still. It seems so tempting...
The next time Caroline wakes up, it's pitch black and her stomach is growling like mad. There's another presence on the mattress with her, and she hopes that it's Nik because...well, she doesn't really know why. But it'd be nice. She turns around and reaches her arm out to shake him, but he's deadweight.
Must be really knocked out, she figures. She sits up and gets on her knees and pulls him over to his back, and her reaction has never been quicker. She shoots off the bed and lands on the floor, swiftly backing towards the wall. She notices that the floor is wet. Her hands are covered in sticky red film that smells of copper and a corpse. Not surprising considering what she's been sleeping next to.
Her mother stares at her with empty eyes stained with blood at the corners. Her abdomen is completely ripped open, her insides gone and her gut an endless cave of rotting flesh and maggots.
Caroline recognizes this as a nightmare, but she can't wake herself up. She bangs her head into the wall, but it does nothing. She gets up and opens the door to see a world blanketed in fire. She's back in Mystic Falls and she's on her rooftop looking over her broken little town. She runs to the edge and jumps to the closest tree to get down and she dashes down the street of her development until her lungs feel like they're about to collapse. Her feet ache, tears are streaming down her face, she's soaked in smoke and ashes, and she's all turned around. She has no clue where she's headed-where she is-but she can't stop now. She'll find someone. it'll be different. There will actually be people around. There won't be chaos and utter turmoil, yet that's all she sees. Not a single soul. Not a single living soul.
It's a repeat of the night when her world ended. It's an exact repeat. As if the first time wasn't enough.
But suddenly she's jolted from the scene. Her already open eyes seem to get wider as she takes in the new scene around her. The same motel room. The same bed. She sits up immediately and looks around. No one is sleeping beside her. Nik is sleeping upright in a chair and Rebekah has taken pillows and a blanket from a different room and made a bed on the carpet. They're both asleep soundly. They're breaths are barely audible and they aren't even moving. Not a single shift or twitch. Just asleep.
Caroline slips off the bed and stretches quietly before padding across the room to the bathroom. She turns on the flashlight that Nik has left on the sink and turns on the faucet. She brings her hand underneath the cool water and brings it to her face to wake herself up some. She stares at herself in the mirror and hardly recognizes herself anymore. She's paler than she used to be, but her cheeks are stained pink like she's been crying. Also her lips are the color of blood and she wonders how anything can find that taste so delicious. That coppery, metallic tinge of disgustingness. She shakes the thought out of her mind. Whatever it is that's changing everyone, a virus or infection-whatever!-it's sick. It's sick and twisted and she doesn't know what the fuck she did to deserve any of this, but whatever it was she'd take it back without a second thought.
"If you're finished then you should turn it off to conserve the battery," Nik says as he stands in the doorway.
Caroline turns quickly, startled. She sighs and rolls her eyes at him standing there with that smirk on his face like he's so confident and arrogant. Oh wait. He is.
She turns it off and leans against the sink. "I thought I was being quiet."
"I'm a light sleeper," he says. "Rebekah's the one who can sleep through an earthquake."
She rolls her eyes again at the mention of his sister's name. He probably can't see.
"Anger is such a pitiful look on you, sweetheart," Nik sighs as he steps fully in the bathroom.
He closes the door and Caroline is suddenly aware of how cramped this space is. It's really not made for two people. What is he doing? What is he thinking?
"That's funny. Considering I've got every reason in the world to be mad. Literally."
"You know what I'm talking about."
"Do I?" she questions as she steps closer to him, closing the short distance. "Because I don't think I do. Not only am I here with your sister who hates me-and the feelings are mutual, let me tell you-but I'm dying. We're dying. We are becoming an extinct race, Nik. Do you think that I don't have a right to be angry? That I shouldn't be upset because I'll never get to do what I've dreamt of?"
"I wasn't saying that-"
"Because everything started falling apart in my life when Rebekah showed up," she confesses angrily. She throws it into the void because, hey, it's the end of the world. Why keep it to her grave? "I had everything. Everything for once in my life. And I tried so hard to get it. And Rebekah...she just came in and stole it all away from me. My title, my reputation, and this one is the kicker, my boyfriend," she laughs. "Your sister actually stole my boyfriend away from me."
There's more she could say. More she could confess. Like how she knows that she'll never be the one. She's never the one. She's just one of many. She's the test dummy. The one that you go to for a test ride, and if you like it, then you'll stick with her for a few weeks or so, but then someone better will come along and she will fade into the background. Just like with Damon. Just like with Matt. Just like all the other boys who have long forgotten her name. She's just another face in an endless pool of pretty faces, but hers is the one that always manages to sink to the bottom.
Nik is quiet because he doesn't know what to say. He should come to his sister's defense, but in all honesty, he doesn't know what to believe and it's not his quarrel to be apart of. When Rebekah moved from London, he was under the impression that she started a new life. But it looks like clawing at other people's partners was one of her most fond traits.
Yet, there is still a matter at hand. Standing right in front of him. This girl, probably just turned eighteen. She shouldn't be in this situation, she shouldn't feel like she's second best, and she shouldn't be plagued by something that's happened most likely months ago. She shouldn't worry about things such as boyfriends any longer or competing for affection or even just acknowledgement. No, because she's strong and she's willing and she's determined. It's only been two days, but he knows she's a fighter. He can see it in her eyes that are so full of light even in the dark days.
Which is why he does what he does next; he hugs her.
And it's awkward because he can't remember the last time he's actually felt some type of connection to anyone this way. The last time he's actually hugged anyone, if he ever has.
"Nobody cares about you anymore, boy!"
But did anyone ever?
Caroline clutches the back of his shirt and falls apart right in his arms and it's so comforting because she's never done anything like this with anyone before. Elena and Bonnie would come over and she would lay across their laps while they rubbed her hair back and patted her back, but this? Never this.
She's like a feather in his embrace. So light and fragile and airy, but would he be thinking these things if she weren't the only girl in reach? Would she even stand out from someone else? She's not the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. If he's being honest, Tatia could walk circles around her with her looks and confidence. But there's something about Miss Caroline Forbes that is very, very intriguing.
She's told him most of everything. Well, not really. She never told him about Damon, she never told him about Elena or Bonnie or how she's really a bad friend and a control freak. She never told him about how she's neurotic and has horrible anxiety issues. She never told him about how she tries to forget her family life wasn't as tumultuous as it was and she never told him about how when she was eight Jeremy Gilbert proposed to her and they had a wedding with grass blade rings.
Some things she figures don't really matter to her anymore. She couldn't give a rat's ass about her father. She couldn't give a damn about being a bad friend right now. But that was her life. That was her life and now it's like saying goodbye to it in a cheap motel bathroom.
He decides not to tell her anything. The more secrets he keeps, the less he'll grow attached. The less he grows attached, the more she won't mean anything. And if something, god forbid, does happen to her, then it won't matter. It will just be another death. Another life gone too soon and that will be all. She doesn't ask him either, and hopefully it'll stay that way. In the dark where it belongs.
They break away in the blanket of darkness that is this tiny space and Caroline looks up at him but he can't see her gaze, but he feels her. She's soft and delicate and on his lips.
The last time he's kissed a woman was ten years ago, right before they took him away. She kissed him hard, let him know that she'd be there waiting for him by the time he came back, but she didn't. She left just like they all did. But Caroline...Caroline isn't that woman. No. Caroline is no woman. She is a girl, desperate to feel something...anything and acting on impulse seems about right. It's the heat of the moment, they're both so close, it was bound to happen.
She feels good against him. Her body folds into his arms even more perfect than before and the way her hands glide over his shoulders and lace around the back of his neck is enough to send any man reeling. She kisses him so desperately, so hungrily like it's her first and last kiss ever and she absolutely cannot die a lip virgin. Her tongue invades his mouth and it should probably be the grossest thing ever for lack of toothpaste (because for some reason everyone decided that toothpaste was going to be a necessity, rather than ammunition) but he can't find anything gross about Caroline because she's innocent and fresh and something new. And she's here and she's breathing and she's a godsend from the high heavens with the mouth of an angel.
He pushes her against the opposite wall and she lets out a small grunt when the back of her head hits it roughly. Apologies tumble from his mouth before his lips are back on hers and she's maybe subconsciously grinding her hips against his, but good Lord it doesn't even matter if she's doing it on purpose or not.
Her head is dizzy and she's not thinking straight. She just knows that she's kissing Nik freaking Mikaelson, brother of her archnemesis while she's just outside the room sleeping like a baby. And Caroline is enjoying every single second of it. Is it for retribution? Or is it because she just wants to kiss someone and Nik is dangerous and mysterious and something new. And he's here and he's breathing and he's nothing like Damon or Matt because he knows how to put his lips to good use.
There is no competition, she thinks. She is the victor here, she thinks.
He kisses her neck, right on her pulse point, and she moans because she could die right there and have no regrets about it. He sucks on the delicate skin of her, surely giving her a nice hickey as a present. She threads her fingers in his hair as he continues to go lower and lower until her shirt collar can't come down any further before it's digging into the skin on the back of her neck. He reaches down for the hem of it, his finger slightly brushing against the skin of her abdomen before he pushes it up and over pulls it over her head. He can't even see her, but he knows she must be beautiful.
Caroline can't see herself, but she knows her cheeks must be flushed. Her breath tightens in her chest as he kisses her once more and holds her face in his hands, humming against her lips. She could do this. She can do this. It's not like her past. She won't make the same mistake twice. This isn't a mistake. It feels right when he touches her, when he kisses her. It feels soright.
"Nik?"
But then it feels wrong. It feels so wrong.
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A/N: I said there would be zombies, but I lied obviously. I didn't intend for this chapter to be so long, but it happened so I didn't want to squeeze in a big zombie sequence and leave you hanging like that. So I'll just leave you hanging like this instead! :D
If you think that they're moving too fast, then by all means tell what you think, but here is my take on it: it's two people who have no clue whether there are more people on earth other than themselves, and we all know what happens when tensions get high. I mean, at least they didn't go all the way like Shane and Lori (Walking Dead characters for people who don't know) in the forest. I mean, a walker could've just came by and went nom nom on Shane while they were making babies! I mean, come on! Now they could've had some self-control.
Sigh. Anyway, next chapter will be here when it gets here.
Oh and I reached 100 reviews! Thank you guys so so so so so so much for your kind words! Really!