It's been a month since her accident but Kimberly still has a lot of healing both physically and emotionally to do. Naomi and Michael come by everyday to see her and keep her company during my duties. She's helped me alot also by looking after Katelynn for me. Chakotay makes sure he is also checking up on both of us. If I didn't know him any better I would say he feels responsible for Kimberly's accident. He has no reason to though. If anyone is to blame for the accident I have to blame myself. Not because I'm her mother either but because I'm the Captain. I allowed her to go. Chakotay says I'm doing better of letting go of guilt, and he's right. If she were to make the same request again to join the away mission I would approve the request. I hear Katelynn stirring in her crib which means she's awake from her nap now so I better go. I love you mom. Give Phoebe a kiss from me too. Love, Kathryn.
"Computer save recording in Kathryn Janeway's personal letters file.
File saved. Kathryn stood up and went to get her little girl so they could join Kimberly on the Holodeck.
***
"Captain". Kim was surprised to see her mother in a dress standing on the pool deck. "I left my pips and rank at the door" Kathryn says with a smile as she sits down on the lounge chair beside Kim's. "Good choice of program."
"Neelix helped me. You really like it?"
"Yes honey I do." Katelynn crawls over Kathryn so she can sit with Kim. "How are you feeling today? You were quiet at breakfast."
"I didn't sleep very good. My legs and hips would hurt everytime I tried to move or roll over."
"You also had nightmares again didn't you?" Kim looks at her mother a little surprised. "You knew?" Kathryn nods her head. "I was working late at my desk and I heard you. I was going to go check on you but then I remembered how you don't like me doing that."
"It's the same dream all the time. I'm on the away mission and I'm taking scans of the minerals in the ground then I hear Lt. Brewer behind me saying that I took a life and so I shouldn't live...and then...I suddenly lose my footing and I'm falling...and I scream...and she's just standing there laughing at me!" By the time Kim finishes she's crying and wiping tears away futiley. Kathryn scoots herself over so she's sitting and facing Kim. Wiping at Kimberly's tears also she leans in, puts her arms around her neck and pulls her daughter to her. Kimberly clings to Kathryn, burying her face into her mother's neck and like a river breaking through a dam she breaks down in heartwrenching sobs. Kathryn feels her throat tighten and she has trouble swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Oh Peanut" she murmers softly as tears of her own escape down her cheeks.
They hold each other for a few minutes then Kimberly's sobs subside. "It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. I knew it was selfish of me to even think about doing it because I shouldn't have had sex and not expect the consequences but I couldn't raise a baby of my own when I practically am raising my own baby sister. It's not fair to force Michael into suddenly being a parent too. It's not the best thing I'm sure, but I didnt' know what else to do. I figured the sooner I did it then the sooner I could move on and forgot it ever happened." Kim looks at Kathryn, her face streaked with tears and her makeup smudged. "I can't seem to forget though mom. I was reading something yesterday and it said that by week 18 the mother starts feeling her baby move. That's how old the baby would be mom. Why would I think this even though I had the abortion? IT'S NOT FAIR!" Kimberly smacks her lounge chair angrily. Being a copier, katelynn does the same thing.
****
Kim is asleep during dinner so it's just Chakotay and Kathryn. "I'm worried about her Chakotay."
"Worried about who?" Chakotay suspects he knows the answer but having Kathryn admit she's worrying about someone makes him glad to see her human side.
"Kim. She's keeping to herself and spends hours in her room alone. The Doctor says her physical recovery is on track but she won't even volunteer for small on-board repair or maintenance duties. Has she talked to you about any personnel problems?"
"Even if she did, I wouldn't ethically be entitled to tell you if what we discussed was in confidence. You make sure that rule holds strong."
"But she's my daughter and I can't help but feel there's more and she's just not confiding in anyone." After a minute of silence Kathryn speaks again. "Tomorrow I'll have another talk with her."