Chapter Seventeen: show me how to be whole again

"And what do you suggest we do? They either stay in there, or all of you can leave. We're gracious enough to let you stay here because of your sister, but your brother and Caroline—"

"I can deal with my brother, but there will be a problem with seclusion."

"Seclusion my ass. You came here and threatened to blow us up—"

"After you shot at my brother several times—"

"Our turf, our rules."

Damon and Elijah have been going back and forth, back and forth for the past hour and a half. Maybe two hours. Who's really keeping time? Damon doesn't want to be anywhere near Klaus or whatever the hell his name is, and he definitely doesn't want Elena or Bonnie near Caroline. That girl is as two-faced as they come. The last thing he needs is for this group to get any weaker than it already is, and the fact that out of the sliver of goodness in his heart, he's taken in an injured Rebekah Mikaelson and her narcissistic older brothers. Sad because she would be pretty if her face didn't look like a boxing glove. And out the goodness of his heart, he doesn't tell her as much.

Elijah is pushing that they all be together, there is strength in numbers, and he can control his impulsive brother. That being locked up in some storage room when they're already in a storage facility will do nothing but make the matter worse and when they finally let them out then-

Yada yada yada, Damon gestures with his hand. Why in the world should he ever trust him? No offense, dude, but your family brings terror and doom wherever you go. Yeah, Damon's heard the story from a drunken Kol many a night at the Mystic Grill. Now, had Damon known he had such a hot little number for a sister, then maybe he'd still be alive. Oh well. One less mouth to feed.

"My brother shot my father," Kol snorts.

Damon grimaces. He's not even twenty-one. Why are you here?

"And then a few years later, my mother hung herself."

Damon's mother died a few months after she gave birth to Stefan. He doesn't remember her much, but his father always spoke ill of her. Blamed her death on Damon, "she named you Damon because you're a demon. And you killed her."

"That's…pretty fucked up."

Kol smiles and swings a drunken arm around Damon while Damon simultaneously tries to peel him off.

"Oh, darling you have no idea."

"We split time," Stefan says, stepping in between the two. "Or we split it in half. There will be a division line, a designated time for bathroom breaks. The bare minimum for social contact."

Elijah agrees, but Damon is reluctant. He doesn't trust the guy. He seems like the guy who will shake your hand, give you his word, but then twist it around so it benefits himself and only himself. Oh Damon knows. He definitely knows.

But he shakes Elijah's hand anyway, with a smile. He'll sleep with one eye open if he has to.

After they work out their extensive agreement, Stefan leads Elijah to the other side where Caroline and Nik are being held, but before they disappear completely Elena runs after them, grasping onto the back of Elijah's shirt. He spins around and looks at her curiously, taking in those big doe eyes and that long dark hair. Maybe he's become a bit biased with the situation they're all currently in, but she is striking.

Where have you been hiding, sweetheart?

"Hello there," he says and Elena shivers.

Oh jeez. Don't look at me that way, mister.

"Could you tell Caroline that Elena said she forgives her…and she misses her? Please?"

Elijah tilts his head, surprised and slightly moved at her tiny request. Her voice is so small, reflecting herself, and her face is so thin and tired. Still, she's a wonder. This Elena.

"Certainly."

Elena lets out a breath and offers a kind smile. He doesn't seem that bad. What's the big deal? He has great hair. How could you not trust him?

"Thank you," she responds as she starts to back away. "Maybe we'll see each other later…" Hopefully…

Maybe, Elena. Maybe.

Nik jolts back into reality, his nightmare a little too real. He bangs his head against the beam he's tied to, but the pain doesn't even register once his eyes lie on Caroline and her meek smile.

"Hey," she says and it's the sweetest thing not to hear a horrible gurgling hiss. "Scared me for a moment there."

"Where are we?" He glances around and the only light is from a lantern hanging in the middle of the ceiling.

"I don't know."

"Why did they bring you here?" he narrows his eyes.

"I don't know."

"Did they hurt you?"

"I don't know, Nik!" she snaps. Can they not play Twenty Questions? It's seriously the least of their problems. "The last thing I remember is when you passed out. After that, everything is gone."

Nik shuts his eyes and leans his head back on the beam. "Elijah…"

"Don't blame your br—"

"If he had just done what I told him to do, then we wouldn't be in this mess."

"No," Caroline states matter-of-factly. "If you hadn't been such an impulsive dick and let me do things my way, then we wouldn't be in this mess. I know these people, you don't!"

He dismisses that first comment. "Oh, I'm sure, Caroline! And please, do go into gruesome detail as to how your stupid idea of approaching a completely daft buffoon shooting at you with your soothing words would work out. I would honestly love to hear this!"

Caroline presses her lips together tightly, fighting down the lump that's welled up in the back of her throat. She could scream, she could cry, she could break out of these ropes and go strangle him again. How dare he? How dare he? As if his way was so much better? At least she most likely wouldn't have had a goddamned knife at her throat. The more civilized approach she was sure would have been better then threatening to obliterate them all.

"You think what I did was stupid," Caroline muses, "or rather what I didn't do, then I want to hear you justify just why your plan was so much better. Because now we're tied up as prisoners because of your impatience. You can't just waltz in and step up to the Salvatores. It doesn't work like that!"

"They're merely children," Nik retorts.

"Children?" Caroline laughs. "They sure overpowered you, huh?"

He rolls his eyes. "I was distracted."

She scoffs. "Oh yes. Distracted. Why do you always have to prove you're the alpha male?"

"I don't have to prove anything, love. I am the alpha male."

Again, she scoffs. What an arrogant, narcissistic, egotistical prick. God help her. Why didn't they separate them at least? She'd rather gauge her eyes out than have to sit here and look at him with his alpha male bravado. Now is really not the time for this nonsense.

Nik tries to free himself of the ropes, but it seems that the more he tugs at the binds, the tighter they get around his wrists until his skin feels raw.

"It's no use," Caroline comments. She would know. She's been trying, to no avail, ever since she woke up. "We'll just have to wait."

"Wait for them to kill us? Sweetheart, I'd rather not."

"Maybe they will." She shrugs and groans. "Head games are Damon's forte. Waiting isn't an exception, I suppose."

Nik eyes her curiously. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

She shakes the thought from her head. Nothing. It means absolutely nothing so she tells him as much, but he doesn't believe her.

"Whatever you're hiding from me I'll find it out," he warns and she smirks.

"Good luck with that."

The sound of metal scraping the floor stops Nik before he can respond to her remark. Light from the hallway seeps into the room as two figures step in.

Stefan and Elijah.

"I'll set up the division line right now," Stefan explains to Elijah. "This room is also yours and we'll bring Rebekah over when she wakes up. Remember, you gave your word."

"And I always keep word, Stefan."

Stefan nods and leaves him in the room with Caroline and his younger brother. They don't say anything to each other whilst he unties the ropes, freeing them. Caroline lets herself out the room and walks in the direction she thinks the rest of them might be in, but if Stefan's serious about this division line, then is she not allowed to cross it? She's one of them too, isn't she? Why wouldn't she be?

Elijah explains to Nik what's going on, and unsurprisingly, Nik doesn't take it too kindly. First of all, his sister is in their "territory" and they're doing God knows what. If she's drifting in and out of consciousness like she's been doing for the past twenty-four hours, then the best place for her is to be with her last remaining family members; not some strangers. If something happens, then what? Those are possibilities he isn't willing to risk.

"I'm going to get her," he says briskly, but Elijah snatches his arm and twists it harshly.

"You'll do as I say from now on, Niklaus," Elijah states calmly, this haunting ease in his gaze. "And when I say that Rebekah will be fine where she is, I expect you to not question it."

He lets Nik go and Nik snatches himself away, stalking out of the room and away from his brother. Perhaps he does owe Elijah after what he's done for him in the past and following his instructions for a little while is simple really, but he can't trust those people just as much as they can't trust him.

Caroline's been fingering the long white strip of tape that divides the warehouse in half. No one is visible on the other side and she wonders if she steps over that they'll just know and Damon really will slit her throat this time. She still doesn't know whether she's allowed or not, but she figures that Stefan would've said something when he came earlier. Will she ever see Elena and Bonnie again? Who is she going to talk to? They're her only friends and she betrayed them for a guy. What happened to chicks before dicks?

She remembers the last time she saw them before the world changed. She was starting to get over her breakup with Matt (oh, whatever happened to poor little Matt?) and the fact that she saw him didn't bother her anymore. So the three of them all went out to the town's only restaurant and hotspot, Mystic Grill. Everyone seemed to be there since a mildly famous band that originated in Mystic Falls had booked a free show that night. Elena had grabbed them a table on the platform behind the pool tables and dartboards, giving them a perfect view of the stage, the very same stage that Caroline had stood on where she sang and dedicated a song to Matt, her cheesy, high school romance. What a world.

The girls had danced until their feet hurt, sipping on cherry coke and rum thanks to their fake IDs even though everyone had to have known since they celebrated graduation not even a month ago. It was a fun, carefree, girl's night. No boys, no drama, no romance. Just dancing and music and alcohol and memories.

Now that she thinks about it, it seems like a lifetime ago. She can't remember what the music sounded like, she can't even remember what the rum and coke tasted like. She just knows that she was happy, they were happy. Rebekah was there too, hanging around Matt while he was on his break. In the tiniest little second, Caroline thought to herself, they look happy and they did. Did Matt ever look at her that way? Smile so hard it looked like his lips would split? Did she ever glow so fantastically that it reflected on his face? This weird, effervescent light of purity and youth and sin? Did she ever cause that? She didn't think she did.

But there's no use in thinking about it now, right? It's done. Over. The past. Matt is probably dead. She's accepted it, moved on from it, and it doesn't bother her. He was good guy who just couldn't bring himself to end things with her even though they were so obviously going downhill. He didn't kiss her like he used to, didn't say I love you as much anymore, and didn't skip lunch to make out in the back of the school anymore. Caroline completely ignored these facts and when you willingly choose to ignore all the signs, that's when your heart gets broken.

She rolls over to her back, her fingers never leaving that tape and all the possibilities that are on the other side. There's Elena and her warm embrace, just like her mother's used to be. If Liz wasn't home, then Caroline could always count on Miranda Gilbert to be her second mother. And there's Bonnie who she could always go to for advice about the most trivial of things. But maybe that's what Caroline's friendship with her friend's always was. Just a big triviality. All of that time and energy means nothing now.

"Your friend Elena approached me," a voice says from the distance.

She glances over and sees Elijah walking towards her slowly, his hands in the pockets of his black pants. The sleeves of his white dress shirt are rolled up to his elbows, showing the sinewy strength of his arms. Hm.

"What'd she say?" Caroline finds herself asking. That she hates her? She never wants to see her again? She's a disgrace?

"She forgives you," he says, sitting down beside her. "And she misses you."

"Oh."

And there is silence until Caroline can't handle it and her chest seems to collapse as the cry takes over her entire being. This isn't how life was supposed to be. Why does she have to question whether her friends still love her or not? Why should she have to? Why is she here in an abandoned warehouse with monsters roaming the earth? Why can't she just go back to Mystic Falls, go back to the night it all started, and let that zombie get her while she was still in her house? Why can't she? She misses her mom. She even misses her dad. She misses simplicity and nail polish and crying over shitty romantic comedies with Ben & Jerry's. She just wants to go back to that for one moment, one second, just to taste it. Savor it. Drink it in again and again until she drowns in it; this overwhelming feeling of happiness and effortlessness, instantaneous and evanescent.

"You really shouldn't cry, sweetheart," Elijah tells her as he lifts her hands away from her face. "You're alive, are you not?"

"But I don't feel it," she mumbles. "Just because I'm breathing doesn't make me alive. There's nothing left for me to live for, Elijah. "

Elijah studies her for a moment, taking in the lines tired lines of her face. The crinkle in her forehead and her reddened nose and darkened eyes. She's the epitome of a struggle and a young life too far gone to be redeemed.

"You're a smart girl, Caroline," he tells her. "And if you really believe that, then you wouldn't be here, would you?"

She twists her face up in confusion. "What do you…"

But he's already walking away.

Three days pass. It seems like three years. Caroline doesn't know when the sun is up and doesn't know when the moon has appeared. She goes on the way her body reacts, but that's unreliable because she's always tired. Everyone is always tired. Damon stopped by the day before yesterday and gave Elijah a box of food and supplies. A few pillows, some medicine, no weapons. Damon didn't even pretend to acknowledge Caroline, and she didn't want him to either. Damon didn't pretend to acknowledge Nik either, but that was expected.

Rebekah keeps to herself, never moving until Caroline has no choice but to give her a sponge bath. Rebekah doesn't object though. She even says thank you after the first time. But then when Rebekah thinks that everyone is asleep, she can be heard lowly whimpering until she finally falls into a light slumber. But Caroline hears her and her brothers hear her.

Nobody ever talks about it.

Several times Caroline wants to say something to Nik, apologize or something even though she doesn't know if she did something wrong. Both of them are at fault, to be honest. But tensions are high; Caroline has her way of thinking what's for the best and Nik has his. Sometimes two rivaling personalities clash, especially when they're so completely different. Or maybe exactly the same.

After they eat canned fruit for dinner, Nik stalks off for the shower room and Caroline fumbles for an excuse as to where she's going when Elijah questions her.

"Just to walk around," she tells him.

"Oh, I'm sure." He smiles softly.

Whatever. Honestly, Caroline just wants to talk to Nik. That's it. Make things right, come to terms with what she's been feeling for the past few days because it's literally been eating her up inside every time she has to look at him. They all sleep not even yards away from each other, and when she hears his breathing turn to low snoring, she remembers that she has to tell him. Now or never.

When she makes it to the showers, the water is already running. The water isn't freezing, she remembers, but it's still cold. Not even lukewarm. And there is hardly any pressure from the showerhead so water just spouts out. She walks in, closes the door quietly behind her, and stands outside his shower stall.

What does she say? How does she say it? She hadn't thought about this part.

"Damon and I," she says and the water suddenly shuts off. "We…we used to date…or something like it."

"And this is your never have I ever, I'm assuming," he says.

She nods even though he can't see. Why is she even telling him? To give him another reason to hate Damn? But everyone hates Damon, so it doesn't even matter. Damon hates Damon.

"I was drunk and young and…he noticed me," she sighs, hugging her arms and smiling stupidly. "I was naïve and let him take advantage of me. Nobody knows but us…and now you, I guess…"

"Why are you telling me this, Caroline? I don't care." Nik turns the water back on Caroline stiffens.

Bullshit.

"I'm telling you because," she swallows, "because I thought that you would want to know. Aren't we supposed to be honest with each other?"

He laughs. "Well, in that case, thank you for your honesty, sweetheart. I really appreciate it."

Her lips tighten and her face turns red. She didn't come here to fight more. No.

"You can pretend that you don't care, but I know you do! I know it. You can't just not feel, Nik. You have to because I've seen it. You can deny it, push it away all you want, but—"

In a flash she's pulled in, her body pressed against the cold, wet wall. Nik's hands are tight and unrelenting around her arms and his eyes are burning right into her soul.

"But what, Caroline!" he yells, his voice the loudest she's ever heard. He drowns the running water out and she turns her head, suddenly so embarrassed and ashamed.

"I know," she chokes out. "You care. You care about Rebekah and you care about Elijah and you care about me. And that's why you crashed the car, Nik. I know! I know you care and you care too much and—"

"Stop it."

"—you think that no one else does, but I do, Nik. I do. If I didn't then I wouldn't—"

"I said stop it!"

"—have come back for you! Nik, I love you! Why can't you just see that and accept it? I don't want to fight with you anymore when we don't even know how long we have left. I just want to—"

Her words are lost when he presses his lips against her. Nik convinces himself it's because she's talking too much and she's too loud and she's not making any sense, that she looks completely gorgeous when she's crying and her hair is wet and that's why he kisses her; because she's just this stupid girl with her emotions who doesn't know anything about him and his "feelings" or love.

"—stay with—"

She can't even breathe as Nik's lips devour her senseless. She leans her head back as they go along her jawline and then lower, his tongue rolling over her pulse point again and again. She wants to finish her thoughts, stay with him forever, but she can't when he steals her tongue once again. She still tastes of pineapple and peaches and innocence and he swears she'll be the thing that puts him in his grave. He's a devil, a demon, and she's an angel; purity embodied into flesh and bone and soft skin. She's redemption and salvation and everything he needs and wants, but doesn't deserve.

He lifts this flimsy little shirt she has on over her head and she shimmies out of her shorts and underwear that don't even fit her. He raises one of her legs over his hip and thrusts into her quickly. Her fingers dig into his back, a scorching reminder her nails in his arm in that horrendous nightmare, but he shoves it out of his mind as he pushes himself deeper and deeper until she's moaning his name shamelessly.

He shuts her up with his mouth once she starts saying those three words again; dreaded and terrible lies. She doesn't love him. She loves the idea of him. She loves the way he makes her feel when he touches and kisses and when she thinks that they're one person like right now. It's lust, it's a deadly sin, and it consumes her. It floods her thoughts as his fingers graze over her nipples and he palms her breasts, making her sigh wistfully with ecstasy.

She rests her head in the crook of his neck and brings up her other leg, wrapping herself tightly around his waist and never wanting to let go. Her back hits the wall repeatedly; her fingers are threaded tightly through his wet hair and her teeth gently nip at his skin when he hits her oh right…there and she moans so loudly she's sure they can hear her on the other side of the building. But she doesn't even care, because suddenly her skin is covered in this tingly sensation, from her fingers to her toes. And Nik kisses her ferociously as her orgasm overwhelms her, sending her to the stars and back.

But Nik isn't finished and he could look at her and hear her say his name with lust coating her voice all day long, so he thinks he will. He lets her down and her head is still swimming and her body is glowing, covered in sweat and water. He spins her around, pushes her against the wall and his hands travel to her front, over her hips and in between her legs. Her hips jerk forward as his fingers trace over her folds before dipping into her already slick center. She bites her tongue as he moves in and out of her, her walls getting tighter and tighter the quicker he moves. The heel of his hand rubs repeatedly against her swelling bud and with a few more movements of his fingers she's coming undone again.

Nik's lips ghost over her shoulder and his hands kneed her supple breasts as she whispers that phrase again, but he's too lost in her to even notice. His brings his hands down to her hips, his fingers sinking into her skin, and enters her slowly from behind. She sucks in a shaky breath and arches her back, reaching behind her and latching onto his hair.

"Nik," she whines as he pushes further into her. Yes this. Again and again.

She's a goddess and her skin is on fire as his lips brush over her back and her hips move against his. Her heart sounds like it'll beat out her chest and she doesn't think she can yell any louder because her throat feels so raw. In her ears, his groans are like a lullaby and his breath is so close to her skin, melting her all over like an ice cube.

"I love you," she whimpers.

"I know," he says gruffly, his stubble brushing against her back as he pushes into her once more. Again. One more. "Caroline," he groans as he rides her out. His body shudders and he holds his arms against the wall, enclosing Caroline in this strong trap. He rests his head on her back, his breath jagged and broken as her hips breaks away from his.

Caroline twists around slowly, her face flustered and blotchy. She slips her arms around his neck, drawing his head closer to hers until their foreheads bump together slightly.

"I mean it," she whispers, her lips brushing over his. "I love you, Nik."

She's so happy she can say it. She feels to free and unchained.

But Nik won't. She doesn't expect him too either because she knows already. She doesn't need verbal confirmation right now; because it's already so strong in just the way he looks at her and says her name.

"There's nothing for me to live for, Elijah."

"If you really believe that, then you wouldn't be here, would you?"

This is her reason. Nik.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: Kids, we're going on hiatus. I have midterms, papers due, compositions, essays, an interview, and scheduling my classes for next semester. Basically, I'm up to my neck in college shit and I hate it, but I have to get used to do it, don't I? Long, exaggerated sigh. Until we meet again. Any questions, message me on tumblr at klarolineshowersex, but then I'll most likely be klarolinefeels after the 6th, so after that go to the second url. Catch ya on the flip side yo!