Chapter Eighteen: and everything feels so different now

"We're running low," Damon announces to their small group.

Elena's head snatches up from being buried in her knees and Bonnie's eyes slowly peel open as she sits up from her cot. Damon drops a crate down in front of him and the contents rattle inside. A few jars and cans, a few bottles of water, a few pill bottles and cough syrup. They barely had anything when they got here, but now after two months of merging with Klaus, Caroline, Elijah, and Rebekah, supplies are really dwindling. And with September coming to a close (put another X on the calendar, summer's on its deathbed), they don't nearly have enough food to make it through winter; maybe not even autumn.

"What do you mean, Damon?" Elena asks weakly. God, she's tired. So tired.

"We have one more crate of food aside from this one and it's not even half-full. We would've had more if we hadn't—"

"But we did," Jeremy interrupts.

Damon narrows his eyes, trying to ignore him. When he beat him so hard that he passed out that day, Damon and Jeremy aren't on the best of terms. Stefan urges that his brother stay away from the Gilbert boy, but there's only so much space to give each other.

"So what do you suggest we do?" Bonnie asks.

"We either have to go out and scour more or we're going to have to relocate," he explains, running his hands through his hair. "Most likely we won't find shit out there, so you might as well get your things together. We can't stay here."

"But maybe we could search first," Elena says, hopeful. "It's so dangerous out there and we haven't left here in months, Damon. We can't just pick up and go without any knowledge of what we're getting into, right?"

Damon leans against one of the concrete walls of the large room, dropping his head and exhaling. He wants to answer her questions, wants to be right like he always used to be, but right now he has nothing. His hands are empty. Do they risk losing someone in going out to search, or do they just leave and keep on moving?

He doesn't know.

Caroline isn't pretty.

She looks at herself in the mirror and it's so depressing that she starts to sob, but tears don't come out. Malnutrition is a bitch and it shows. Her hair thins and falls out in clumps. She can't even tie it back without a bald spot showing. And her teeth, well they just fall out. When she coughed two weeks ago, one of her wisdom teeth rattled around in her mouth. She quickly rinsed her mouth out to get rid of the blood and threw the tooth down the drain. She never told anybody because what if she's dying? What if that's a sign? She's thought about telling Rebekah now that they aren't exactly enemies (she isn't the worst of company once you get to know her), but she was afraid. So Caroline hides her secrets. When one falls out, it goes down the drain. She doesn't even let Nik kiss her anymore. Just quick pecks here and there, in the shower or when one of them is about to fall asleep.

She loves him dearly, but she's ugly and she knows that he can see it. It's taking a horrible toll on her and it seems like it's only her. Rebekah still seems radiant as ever, but her hair is also thinning. Caroline bets she still has her teeth. And even though the thinning in her is obvious, Rebekah looks gorgeous, while Caroline feels like a walking skeleton with her hollowed cheeks and sunken eyes.

"They're leaving," Rebekah announces as she limps into the bathroom. Her leg never healed properly since it wasn't in a proper cast and there really wasn't anything they could do about that.

Caroline looks up from the sink and into the mirror at Rebekah, a cross expression spread across her face.

"Who's leaving?"

"Nik and Elijah. Apparently, we're running low on supplies and the Salvatore brothers believe the best thing is to search the city for anything."

Caroline knits her eyebrows together. "And they were just going to leave without saying anything to me?" she asks angrily as she runs past Rebekah.

It doesn't take her long to get to the pair just as they're about to cross over the worn strip of tape that still hasn't been lifted, but apparently today there are no rules.

"Were you not even going to say goodbye?" she yells. Elijah is the first to stop, but he knows that she's not particularly talking to him.

"I'll tell them you're on your way," he tells his brother. "Make it quick."

Elijah leaves as Caroline makes her way across the way floor to Nik.

"You're overreacting," he tells her, but not looking her in the eye. "We'll be back by sundown."

"And how do you know?" she snaps. "Y-you don't know what's out there. What if you get hurt? What if you don't come back? Then what do I do?"

He takes her face in his hands and draws her up to look him in the eye, hers no longer full of the brightness they once were. But she's still beautiful. Maybe she doesn't think so, but she is. She's gorgeous and radiant and full of light.

"I'll be back, Caroline," he tells her, his voice even. But the truth is, he doesn't know. He's incredibly nervous. If they had just kept going months ago and didn't come here, then he'd be fine. He would be used to fighting for his life, but being secluded in this warehouse, knowing that there was close to zero chance of ever being discovered, it made him disillusioned. One day he was going to have to go back out there, leave Caroline and his sister to fend for themselves, but he didn't bet on it being today.

"You say that, but—"

"Do you trust me?" he asks her. "Because if you do, then you'll let me leave and I'll come back for you, Caroline. You have to trust me on this. Take care of Rebekah while I'm gone."

"And who's going to take care of me?" she asks because she's sick and weak and just please don't go.

Nik draws her closer and places a light kiss on her chapped lips. "You're strong, love. You'll be fine."

Will she? She deosn't think so, but before she can say anything else he's jogging away and her face feels frozen from his lingering touch. He'll come back. He has to. He will. She trusts him.

Damon has a map of the city and he's sketched out where they should split up, where they will meet up in case of emergency, and where they'll meet up when it's time to leave. Baltimore is a big city; over ninety-thousand square miles with nine regions. The Salvatores will take Northern District while the Mikaelsons search Central District, by the harbor. They will meet up at the east boundary line of Northern, the Alemada, to leave and at Inner Harbor for emergency.

"Are we clear?" Stefan asks one last time before they split up. He twists the knob on his and Damon's walkie-talkie to make sure the signal is clear and urges Nik to do the same. "We don't use these unless absolutely necessary. Fill up those backpacks with as much as you can—"

"I'd appreciate it you wouldn't speak to us as if we were five, Stefan," Nik hisses.

The younger Salvatore narrows his eyes and spins on his heel, walking across the Alemada into Northern District. Damon soon follows, his axe heavy in his hands. Once they're gone, Nik and Elijah head South to the harbor. Elijah holds the map and navigates their way through the side streets and alleyways until they finally get to the harbor area that's cleared out of every since boat that was ever docked. It's a pretty pathetic sight to behold, really. Nik told Caroline they would get a boat and sail to an island, but he just said that to give her hope. Who's to say that a deserted island won't be worst than the rest of the world? Who's to even say that it'd be deserted? What, with everyone fleeing the country…

"I have a plan," Elijah says suddenly.

Nik turns his head slightly to the side as they walk down the street, never wanting to take his gaze off of what's in front of him. You never know what might jump out.

"A plan like what?" he says quietly.

Elijah swallows and looks around just to be sure. The Salvatores are nowhere near here, but just to be safe. He even turns off the walkie for added measure.

"We dispose of the Salvatores once we meet up and when we go back we get rid of their little clan. After that, we take their remaining supplies and continue on our way."

Nik chuckles slightly. "I admire your callousness, brother, but Caroline would never forgive me. I can't—"

"You've noticed how ill she is," Elijah states. "She won't make it much longer in these conditions. Neither her nor Rebekah. Not to mention us."

It's true, Nik thinks to himself. Caroline's state has gotten weaker in the past weeks. She tries to cover it up, he notices, but she doesn't do a very good job. She doesn't smile as much anymore, she turns away when he touches her face or attempts to kiss her, and she doesn't have much to say these days. It's as if there's a secret in her mouth she doesn't want him to see.

"And your solution to all of this is to get rid of the Salvatores and their group?" Nik asks slowly. They could do it. It's definitely plausible, possible. Out here in the middle of nowhere, no one can witness anything. We take what they've gathered and pick up Rebekah and Caroline and carry on their way. Of course, Caroline won't be too happy, but eventually she'll get over it. She has to, right? She's gotten over him leaving her in that tree; she can get over the deaths of her friends. Eventually. Besides, better them die than her or Rebekah.

"I only wish we would've done this months ago," Nik sighs as they continue on their way. They've neared the famous Renaissance hotel, right on the harbor overlooking the bay. It doesn't look like it's been touch, but Nik knows not to judge a book by its cover.

Him and Elijah burst through the front doors, breaking through the glass and surely alerting anything that's lurking. Elijah flicks on his flashlight and points it straight ahead as they make their way through the extravagant lobby. Even though its daytime and the sun seeps in, it's still dimly lit. Without any electricity in this place, it's just like an attic.

Elijah hops over the front desk, searching through the under cabinets for a master key to the hotel rooms and suites. He lays his eyes on a bright red box, a glass window in the front of it. He slips it of the ring and smashes through the glass with the butt of his pistol. Reaching in, he pulls out a card key and a single metal key, slipping them into one of his pockets. They make their way to the stairwell where there are no windows. Nik goes back and drags a chair to keep the door open for easy escape if need be.

"What are the chances we make it out of here alive?" Nik asks slowly, squinting as looks up into the dark abyss above them. How many floors does this place even have? Twenty? Thirty? Too many.

"Won't know until we get there," Elijah says as he takes the first step; the first step of probably a thousand.

"They're gone," Caroline tells Rebekah once she goes back to their side.

The girl is slumped against the wall, her eyes reddened and cheeks flushed. Caroline is used to hearing her cry at night, but she's never seen it before. She always pictures Rebekah as this strong, invincible woman who won't let a little thing as an apocalypse ruin her day, but it is. It's ruining her life. And Caroline figures that Rebekah must think she's still strong herself and that talking about it won't do anything. It's not going to stop it from happening, right? So what's the point?

"I'm sorry," Rebekah suddenly says, wiping her face with the backs of her hands. "For everything I said and did to you. I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me—I wouldn't forgive me—but I just had to tell you."

Caroline tilts her head to the side, confused at Rebekah's sudden confession. What brought this on?

"I just…I don't think they're going to come back," Rebekah admits weakly and the tears fall from her eyes again. "I say goodbye to my brothers every night before I go to sleep because I don't know when one of us isn't going to wake up. And I know I'm not the most deserving of love or friends or—god—family, but I'm scared. I'm scared, Caroline."

Caroline drops to her knees in front of Rebekah and offers her arms out to her. Caroline can't even remember whatever Rebekah said to her and she doesn't even care. It doesn't matter. That was months ago. It's in the past. She's let it go. All is forgotten and forgiven.

But Rebekah doesn't accept her embrace. She shakes her head and looks away, biting her lip. "I'm an awful person," she laughs angrily. "I should be dead. I should've died, not Kol. I'm not cut out for this, Caroline."

"Stop talking like that!" Caroline scolds. "You're here for a reason, Rebekah. Why don't you see that?"

"The reason being? Nothing of importance! Nik doesn't even care about me anymore. It was always me. Not Elijah, not Finn, not Kol. Me! And I ruined it because of what I said to him…because I let my jealousy and my hatred for you consume me."

Caroline takes Rebekah's hands in hers and squeezes them tightly. Rebekah's hands feel so much smaller than her own, so much more fragile. Maybe it's a portrait of Rebekah herself. She's not as strong as Caroline thought she was.

"Your brother cares about you," she tells her. "I don't know what you said to him, but it doesn't matter. You weren't there when we went to your house that first day we met. He was desperate to find you, Rebekah, because he loves you."

Rebekah laughs bitterly and snatches her hands away. "I nearly died because of you. As soon as there was a chance you might've gone, we get into a car crash. And did he look for me after you found him? No. Because he had you and that's all that matters, isn't it?"

Caroline swallows. It's not all that matters. Rebekah didn't see the look on Nik's face, hear the strain in his voice once he realized that Rebekah was being held with Damon and the others. He wanted her here with them…with him.

"Before you lured the monsters away, where were you two?" Rebekah asks, her gaze penetrating. She remembers waking up and neither of them being beside her. The keys weren't in the ignition and just a few yards away stragglers were coming towards her. It was nightmare. She's fought a few of them on her way after Kol died, but she preferred that she didn't have to.

"We were…" Caroline starts to say as her mind flashes back to that day. Hopefully, it doesn't show on her face. "We talked…about your father."

Rebekah rolls her eyes. "That's what you told me on the RV, but I don't believe you. The both of you are just going to keep milking that lie until it runs dry, yeah?"

"Well, it's true." Partially. She doesn't need to know the other half. It's none of her business. "It was bad timing, okay? But we came back."

"And if you had been not even a minute late, then I would've gotten what I deserve." Rebekah smiles. "But you know what, Caroline? It's okay. Because if something happens to me, then at least I know that he has you. You can do things for Nik that I'll never be able to do, and I understand. I know."

Caroline glances off to the side, away from Rebekah's burning gaze. She doesn't know how to respond to that. It's not that Nik cares about her more than Rebekah because that isn't true at all. Family above all. A few weeks ago he'd told her about how close him and his siblings were during the days of his father's wrath. Always and forever, he had said to her. Rebekah came up with it. We remain together.

"Rebekah, nothing can compare to the love of a sister," Caroline tells her slowly, choosing her words. "Especially you. I would never, ever be able to repair the damage that would result if something were to happen to you. Ever, Rebekah. But you could. It's different with you. It'll always be different with you. Don't ever say that you don't deserve to be here. You have every right, Rebekah. Every right."

Rebekah's hands quickly go up to her eyes, attempting to hide any more tears from coming out. Why did she spend all this time hating Caroline? She's not bad, really. God, she was so stupid. How can she even bear to tolerate her after all the dirty things she's done to her? Said to her? And now she's giving her a pep talk about how much her brother cares about her? Really?

"Oh," Caroline remembers. "And I guess if we're apologizing and whatnot, sorry I slapped you."

Rebekah's lips curl into a sheepish grin as she stifles a laugh. "That was a pretty hard slap."

Caroline smiles softly and moves to sit beside her. "In all fairness, you were a total bitch."

Rebekah shrugs. "I get my temper from my father."

Damon and Stefan aren't so lucky with gathering much. Every house they've gone to has been looted; a few have been occupado with undead families ("It's a baby, Stef. A baby monster." "Just get rid of it…"). It isn't like they expected much to be here to begin with, but it was worth a try. Maybe a shot in the dust, but what was the worst that could happen?

They continue on their trek, wordless and silent. Every now and then a straggler wanders out the woodwork, screeches and runs towards one of them, but Damon shuts them up with a steady swing of the axe like a lumberjack. There is no room to waste ammo with their inventory. If you can kill it without a bullet, then please do so.

But then there are times when there isn't just one straggler. There isn't just two or three. There are maybe five or six and they appear out of the blue it seems. Damon rolls his eyes and sighs, whipping out his magnum from the holster he's snatched up along the way. There's so way he get up close and take them out without getting bitten.

"I'm getting too old for this," he comments as a shot rings out through the street.

"Twenty-five going on eighty-five." Stefan grins.

"And nineteen going on ninety-nine, brother."

They don't know what's awaiting them on each floor, but that's a risk they have to take.

On the first floor there is nothing. The rooms are empty, mini fridges cleaned out, not a single survivor. On the second floor, they find a candy bar and a few bars of soap. On the third floor…nothing. It's a vicious cycle. A few rooms are homes to dead employees, maids and kitchen staff. They've hung themselves in the closets, on the curtain rods, but they're still alive. Their necks have worn from the ropes, separating their heads from their bodies, but there's still a head snarling and hissing.

Elijah suggests they put it out of its misery, but Nik just wants to advance. It isn't their job to help escort the dead to the other side. They are not angels of death or Thanatos; just two men trying to make it through the rest of their lives for Rebekah and for Caroline. On the fourth floor, there is trouble in room 408.

They could easily shut the door and pretend that nothing is there, but when you're quite literally starving and the only thing you have in your pocket is a Twix and you can't even have that, then you take chances. There are five of the zombies stuffed into this room. They look like a family, but neither of the brothers is sure how exactly they died. There is no way they could've gotten bitten and there aren't any gunshot wounds. They look untouched.

Nik is the first to enter the room and takes the first straggler out with his switchblade, piercing it through the top of the skull. Elijah gets the next one, slowly and steady as he plunges his sickle through the back of its head and yanks it forward roughly, the end of the weapon shooting out through the forehead. Nik takes out the other two the same way as the first and Elijah kicks the last one through the balcony doors, its body flipping over the railing and to whatever fate meets it on the ground.

Nik wipes his blade off with a bed sheet and Elijah does so with his sickle and hands. He eyes a few empty pill bottles on the nightstand, a couple pills lying out beside them. Only three. Elijah sighs and picks up one of the bottles, shaking his head after reading the label. Nik opens up the snack bar to find bags of chips, cans of soda, and water bottles in sets of four. He stuffs them all into the backpack as Elijah scoops up the remaining medicine and wanders into the bathroom, finding a bottle of cough syrup and an unopened First Response.

Elijah hopes—he really hopes—that there will never be a reason that they have to use this in the near future, but he picks up the test anyway and puts it in the pack. Christ, but what if that's partially the reason she looks so ill? Because she isn't retaining everything she eats? It's all going to a…fetus. For God's sake no.

"Are we done?" Nik calls to him bitterly. He's so done with this day. It's been too long, he isn't one hundred percent sure that his sister and Caroline are still safe, he has zombie blood all over him and it wreaks, and the fact that this whole dispose-of-the-Salvabros plan is in the works is just giving him a headache. He's going to have to deal with Caroline's yelling and her whiny little friends and that's enough to make him want to fling himself over a cliff.

Elijah emerges from the bathroom, zipping up his pack and nodding. He should ask, shouldn't he? He already sort of knows the answer, but still.

"Do you…when you're with Caroline…"

Nik's eyes narrow. "What are you asking me and why?"

Elijah downcasts his gaze and hitches the backpack over his shoulder. "Is there any chance she could be pregnant?"

His younger brother's eyes widen. He can't believe what he's hearing. Is Caroline pregnant? What? How could…no. No, she isn't. Why would he even…what could possibly even spark that idea? If she was, then she would know. He would know. She'd tell him. Wouldn't she? Wouldn't she?

"I would know."

"But you don't," Elijah says slowly.

Nik grits his teeth. "I would know."

They are not having this conversation right now. No. No. Nik storms out of the room, shaking his head furiously and muttering under his breath. He doesn't even bother to use the key at the next room (well, Elijah has it for one). He kicks at the door in frustration, hearing a few stragglers on the other side. His thoughts are just a big blur of gray as Elijah shoves him out of the way, knocking him to the floor.

Caroline is not…she isn't! She hasn't even had morning sickness…that he knows about. But he knows she's been hiding something from him. Could this be it? It can't be. Not her. Not now. No no no!

"We'll sort this out once we get back to camp," Elijah states, slipping in the key. He blinks. "For now, you need to pull yourself together. Our time is running out."

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A/N: Someone was supposed to die in this chapter, but being as I don't like long chapters I didn't write it in. So it'll definitely be in the next chapter. So ye were warned. And thank you for waiting. You guys are awesome!

And speculation about Caroline? Is she just ill or is it something else? :O