Chapter Twenty: you're losing your light

Stefan is a zombie.

Well, metaphorically speaking. He trudges through the lone streets of Inner Harbor, trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened and why. It could've gone down differently. They could've dodged into a house and…and what? Wait until they knocked the door down and infested that place too? Still, there had to be have been something he could've done. Damon wasn't supposed to go out that way. He wasn't supposed to…

"Goddammit!" he cries out. "Dammit dammit dammit!"

Is this what they were referring to in "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Because if so, then that can't be true for Stefan doesn't feel stronger by any means. He's actually considerably weaker. He cries and he doesn't regret it because he's alone and he should be the one that's dead, not his brother. Stefan was always the one looking out for him, trying to keep him out of trouble. Why did he stop? Why did he let the fucking tables turn on him at the last minute?

Stefan doesn't know where he's going. He's lost al sense of direction, not that he had any to begin with. The only reason he keeps walking because if he stops then Damon would have died in vain and he has to honor his final wishes. He has to apologize to Caroline, for what he's not entirely sure, and he should throw Jeremy into the mix just for safe measure. Damon's atoned for his sins. Sacrifice is the ultimate price.

He's bitter and angry and heartbroken because he didn't even get to say goodbye. He didn't put up a big enough fight, did he? He should've run like hell in front of Damon so he would've been the one. Damon could've gotten away and led their group to safety. He was the only reason why they were there. What's Stefan going to do without him? His plans never work. Elena is going to die. Bonnie is going to die. Jeremy is going to die. Everyone is going to die because of his stupidity and weakness. But Damon wouldn't have just given up his life if he hadn't any faith in his brother. There was a reason and even if Stefan can't see it now, it'll come to the light soon.

Somehow he finds his way back to the Alemada. He doesn't know what time it is, but it's incredibly dark and if he squints then he can partially make out two figures sitting on the hood of the SUV. He fishes the keys out of Damon's backpack and he almost starts to hand them over to the left, but there's nobody there.

Right.

The Mikaelsons don't do anything as the boy approaches. He's alone and they figure only the worst. Stefan unlocks the doors and he slides into the driver's seat, tossing him and Damon's bags into the passenger seat. He should be sitting there, not driving.

"If you had just answered your walkie the first time…" Stefan trails off. If they did, then they wouldn't have gone the way they did. If they did, then…

Elijah blinks slowly, putting the pieces together. Oh.

"There was—"

"Don't bullshit me," Stefan snarls, starting the engine. "When we get back, I want you out of my camp. You take your sister and you get out."

How can he be expected to house the people partially—no fully—responsible for his brother's death? How can he be expected to function?

When the girls hear metal clink against the ceiling, they know they've returned. Elena and Bonnie are the first ones out, their feet pounding against the cement floors. Elena just wants to make sure Stefan and Damon are safe while Bonnie just wants to see what this other brother looks like. Caroline helps Rebekah off the ground and together they hobble to the entryway where Elena is sobbing and Bonnie's trying to appease her. Caroline doesn't yet know what's wrong, but heart is already about to explode from anxiety and if she doesn't see Nik within the next two seconds then—

She breaks out into a sprint as soon as he emerges from behind the back of the truck. He isn't looking at her, but past her. She flings herself at him, looping her arms around his back and squeezing as tightly as she can. She's waiting for him to hug her back, pat down her hair, say anything.

He doesn't.

She unlaces her arms from around him and as soon as she does, he walks away from her.

"Nik—"

"Caroline, why don't you and Rebekah head to the back," Elijah says to her as he steps to her side. "There are a few things we need to discuss."

Her face is the portrait of confusion as well as her emotions. Discuss what? Do they know something? Oh god, did Nik get bitten? That must be what it is! He's been bitten and he's trying to push her away! Make her hate him! She's seen this done before. Well, better luck next time.

She runs after him, tears already burning at her eyes. He's dying and he wasn't even going to tell her? Seriously? How could he? How could he even have the nerve to—bastard!

"Why did you leave him?" Elena screams, dropping to her knees. Bonnie goes down with her, but she isn't crying. She has a sad expression glossed across her face as she rubs Elena's back. Stefan keeps pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair frantically. Maybe Elena's right. Why did he leave him? He should've gone with him. Brothers who fight together die together.

"Elena, I—"

"No!" Elena shrieks, jumping to her feet and beating him in the chest. "You don't get to say anything! You left him! How could you leave him?"

He presses his lips together tightly, shaking his head slightly. Please just stop. He knows. He knows and he doesn't need her berating him for it.

"I hate you," she shouts. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"E, come on." Bonnie begins to pull her away but the brunette won't stop spitting venom. How could he? How dare he? She will never look at him the same way!

Rebekah is limping after her brother as fast as she can, calling out for him. She wonders what's wrong, why he isn't speaking at all, but he completely ignores her existence. Her eye twitches in disbelief.

Who do you think you are?

"Nik!" she yells again. "Answer me you arse!"

"Nik!" Caroline screams as she runs past Rebekah. When she catches up to him, her face stained with tears, she latches onto his shirt. He spins around, his face the portrait of anger and hopelessness.

"Don't touch me," he growls. "Don't ever touch me again."

She's reeling backwards at his words and his tone. She's falling out of favor and falling out of grace. Her hands are slipping off the rock as she's in a downward spiral to the jagged bottom. And she doesn't understand why he won't reach out his hand to help her.

"What's going on?" Rebekah asks quietly, her gaze going back and forth between her brother and Caroline. "What did you say to her?"

"Keep your nose out of others affairs, Rebekah," Nik says brusquely. He begins to walk away angrily. He's furious. He could hit something. He could hit somebody. He could kill somebody. This is what Elijah tried to warn him about; this urge to hurt anyone who speaks to him.

Caroline's lips quiver and a deep frown appears in the middle of her forehead. No. He can't do this to her. She won't let him. He isn't allowed.

"Stay here," Rebekah tells her and Caroline tries to understand just what is going on.

He doesn't have the right to speak to her so bitterly. He doesn't have the right to become to enraged with her when all she did was wait for him, unaware and afraid if he would safely return. He isn't bitten. He's not dying. This is something else entirely and she'll be damned if she just stands here and takes it. She isn't like his mother. She won't stand by idly and get what's handed to her. She's a better woman than that.

Rebekah trails behind him, fury in each limp. The blood that pumps through her veins is laced in venom, drowning in rage and disappointment. Nik wants to make an enemy? Two can play at that game, dear brother.

"Is this your go-to move?" Rebekah taunts. "Flight? Run away when you can't handle the pressure anymore? Is that it? You take the easy way out, not caring who you hurt in the process."

He doesn't stop, but she can see his shoulders tense.

"Go on!" she continues, her voice becoming more bitter with every syllable. "Push me away! Push Caroline away! For what, I don't know! But you don't need any reasons, do you? You push people away because you can! You're pathetic!"

Nik freezes. Pathetic.

"Maybe everything that Mikael said was true!" She stands tall; placing her hands on her hips and keeps her chin raised. Her shoulders are straight and she is not a little girl anymore. She will not take orders from little boys anymore. "You are an impulsive, selfish little boy! You are no man, Nik! Men don't hide behind masks and shut off their humanity! You are a fool!"

He turns around slowly, his face contorted into pure hideousness. Heinous and monstrous he is. His steps to her are shockingly slow and deliberate, on point and leaving behind maddening heat every time a foot leaves the ground. When he stands before her, his breathing is erratic and his eyes are wild. For him not to be Mikael's son, he certainly takes after him.

Rebekah swallows and takes another step forward. "What are you going to do? Hit me? Look me in the eyes and hit me, Nik! Become what you've always despised!"

Rebekah is unrelenting in her words. They are bullets dipped in acid piercing through his skin and becoming embedded in his organs. She is an axe cutting him off at the knees and she's the one kick that tortures his spine. Her eyes are wet and she looks at him with pure defiance. She isn't scared. She's tired. She doesn't know what's going on with him, why this is happening, but now isn't the right time to take out his frustrations on Caroline. All she's done is be good to him. Rebekah won't allow it.

"Enough!" Elijah's voice is the eye of a hurricane, two miles away from hitting the shore. And then suddenly he's on shore, destroying the coast. He's Katrina and Nik is NOLA, unprepared and tragic. Elijah's fist connects with Nik's nose, eliciting a loud crack. Elijah could feel it break. Nik falls backward, his hands covered in the blood gushing from his nose. His blue eyes darken—flecked with rage—glare up at his brother in astonishment. Shock. He tastes blood in the back of his throat.

"You are not the only one in this predicament, Niklaus!" he hollers, the veins on his neck protruding under his skin.

Rebekah's never saw Elijah lose his temper before. She shrinks back a little, a slight pang of fear evident in her breathing. She shrieks as Nik kicks Elijah off his feet, bringing him to a harsh fall on his back. He scrambles over to Elijah, delivering a hard blow to his face. Rebekah screeches, telling them to stop. This is not the right time for a feud. A brawl nonetheless! But they don't listen to her. It is like screaming at a brick wall.

They fight like rabid dogs at each other's throats. At one point Elijah gets the upper hand, but then Nik flips him over and suddenly a wave of fists are cast down on Elijah. Elijah's face is black and blue and then he's over Nik, straddling him and pounding down brutally on him. His nose must be irreparable at this point and his right eyebrow splits as well as his lip. His fingers wrap around his younger brother's throat tightly, squeezing and aiming to crush his windpipe. What gives him the right to think that they aren't in this together? It is not Nik's decision. He can be angry—frustrated—all he wants, but this is no way to go about it.

"Stop it!" Rebekah cries as she digs her fingers into Elijah's shirt! "Stop it! You'll kill him!"

"What makes you think this only affects you?" Elijah roars and he lets go as Rebekah continues to pull on him. "We're in this together, Niklaus! Get that through your thick skull!"

Nik rolls over to his side, coughing and gasping for air. "You are not part of this," he chokes out. "This is between me and Caroline."

"What about me?"

Caroline's voice is a tremble, soft yet laced with strength. She's a phantom standing at the far end of the hall, a white strip in the darkness. She takes a few more steps closer, blinking and never once taking her eyes off her Nik. What about her? Is that why he's so angry? So determined to push her away?

"What about me?" she asks again.

Elijah stands up, brushes his clothing off, and pats down his hair. He offers a hand out to Nik, who rejects it and gets up on his own accord. To be honest, he didn't want to face this. He didn't want to face Caroline and have this talk because it's so much easier to just ignore it. Ignorance is bliss, isn't it? But he can't just sweep it under the rug as much as he would love to. He can't be selfish with this. Not with her. And if she really is having a baby, then solutions need to be made because there's no way Caroline will live through that.

He approaches her slowly, his face covered in blood and bruises. She tilts her head to the side, worry for him and herself reflecting in her eyes. She purses her lips and readies herself for him to speak, but he just stares at her as if she holds all the answers. As if she would know anything.

"You've lost more weight than anyone else," he starts. Facts should go first, right? "You're sick and—"

"I'm not sick," she protests. She's not. She's hid it so well. There's no way anyone can know.

"I don't know what you are, sweetheart," Nik continues, putting his hands on her shoulders, "but you're not well. Caroline, is there…is there any chance you might be pregnant?"

The world stops spinning in this second. Nothing makes sense. Nik is speaking in a different language. Her vision is blurry and she fades into herself. How could he even think that? Why? No, no it's not a possibility! There can't be! She's just…she's just ill. She skipped her period last month and this month, but that's just irregularity because of her diet. Right? She's been irregular before. Her cycle just needs to reset or something. This doesn't mean anything at all.

"Why would you say that?" she asks. Demands. She's livid, a fire-breathing dragon. She knows her body. She's just malnourished. There isn't a baby. She isn't pregnant. "How could you think that?"

"If it's possible, then we need to know," Elijah interrupts. "I found a test and brought it with me. It'd be for the best if we found out as soon as possible."

"But I'm not pregnant!"

"Just take the bloody test," Nik says tiredly. The more she fights it—the more she denies it—the more he believes it to be true. And if he doesn't get confirmation within the next thirty minutes then he might go insane.

"And then what?" she whispers. What if she takes the test and it's positive? What are they going to do? Kill her? Leave her on the side of the road? "What if I am? What're you going to do?"

Nik swallows and looks back at Elijah. Neither of them have a plan. Stefan has kicked them out and rightfully so and the idea of taking over this place doesn't seem important any longer. They have nothing. What is the point? So they'll keep driving to Rhode Island. They'll keep driving and there will be a safe place. But all the wishes and prayers do not make dreams become reality.

"We'll figure it out," Rebekah voices. "We always do, don't we?"

Caroline feels like a prisoner eating her last meal before she's shipped off to die. She may have very well signed her death sentence months ago and even if no one wants to say it, she knows it for a fact. What are the chances that if she is pregnant, she'll make it through this? And how will she ever give birth? None of them are doctors. What do they know? What if she going to do, deliver the baby herself? Grey's Anatomy didn't prepare her for this.

She paces the bathroom until she's counted every white painted cement slab in it. The lantern is her only company. The lantern, the fire flickering back and forth as she moves, is fast fading just like her sanity. She eyes the pregnancy test lying on the edge of the sink, wondering how long it's been since she put it there. She couldn't just hold it in her hands and anxiously look at it every two seconds. It's only supposed to take a few moments, but she's been pacing for at least ten.

What does she do? What if it's true? She doesn't want to know. She'd rather not know. Just let it be a mystery. If she is, then she just is. She can't stop it. It doesn't matter either way, does it? It isn't exactly like she can just go down the street to the local clinic and get it terminated. Oops! Didn't mean for this happen! Better get rid of it! No. There isn't a way out of this.

She picks it up and sucks in a deep breath. She thinks of Nik and how he'll react if it's true. He'll be angry, disappointed. He'll hate himself and he'll hate her. She's a distraction. She's a woman. A temptress. His life would have been better if they hadn't met. He would have his sister and possibly his brother had she not been so curious that day; so curious and so alone.

She's to blame. This is her fault.

Their worries are confirmed and she lets it casually slip from her fingers. It slaps to the cold floor and Caroline does as well, anguish sweeping over her entire being. She sobs silently, covering her mouth with her hands. She lies on her side, bringing her knees up to her chest. She closes her eyes and pretends to disappear just like the fire has.

"You're beautiful, you're strong, you're full of light."

All candles fade and the wick withers until there's nothing left.

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A/N: More people will die. Yes. Plural.

In response to ilovetvd: if a woman has a miscarriage after the first trimester, then she'll get a D&C to get the fetus removed because at that point it cannot be expelled from the body naturally.

AND JUST HOLY SHIT THAT MID-SEASON FINALE OH GOD KLAUS WITH THE SWORD AND JUST OH GOD I'M A GHOST WHOA.

P.S. please listen to the TFD playlist. here's the link on my tumblr ohsaintniklaus

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