Chapter Twenty-One: didn't i, my dear?

"Rebekah, check on her, will you?" Nik tells his sister. He would barge into the bathroom himself, but he isn't sure how he would handle himself.

She disappears behind the door quietly and that's the end of it. Nik leans up against the wall and slides down to sit, resting his head against the cement and closing his eyes. It shouldn't have taken this long just to find out, so either she didn't take it yet or she's stalling. The sooner she gets it over with, the sooner they can move on to wherever that may be.

"We'll make it to Rhode Island," Elijah says, "and if Caroline is pregnant, we'll see if they have any way to end it before it progresses too much. And if not, then we'll have to make sure she has the best pregnancy she can possibly have."

Nik drops his head and settles his gaze on his brother siting across from him. When they were kids, Elijah seemed to know all the answers. Elijah had all the plans. He took them places and tried to distract them. He was the protector, always shielding Nik when he could. It wasn't enough, however. It was never enough.

The door to the bathroom swings open and Rebekah steps out with a blank face. She doesn't say anything—doesn't have to say anything—the answer is clearly written.

"She um…," Rebekah starts to say. "She should try to get some rest. She's pretty weak." Rebekah walks as swiftly as she can away from the scene because she herself cannot even bear it. When she walked in, Caroline was just lying on the floor with her face in her hands and Rebekah just knew. She didn't know what she could say that would appease her so she just took the pregnancy test, looked at it once, and then crushed it into the floor with the heel of her shoe as if that would erase the truth.

"You need to talk to her," Elijah tells his brother. "You're the only one who can—"

"No," Nik says. "The last thing she need is me right now." He gets up and brushes off his pants, starting off the in the opposite direction. "You get her together and I'll get the RV ready."

Nik figures that him not being there with Caroline will prevent him from saying anything to her that he'll regret. He doesn't even want to look at or see the tears on her face. Just thinking about it does nothing but make him angry and upset and if he doesn't leave this place soon then he could seriously go on a killing spree.

On the other side of the building, Elena is still sobbing and Jeremy is holding her in his arms to no avail. Stefan has disappeared into himself and he doesn't look good and Bonnie is just there, wondering whom she should go to. She's friends with Elena, but she's also friends with Stefan. He just lost his brother and from what she can gather Damon sacrificed himself for Stefan, but Damon's never exactly been saintly.

Nik goes past them and into the room where they keep all of their weaponry. Bonnie eyes him suspiciously and goes after him.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asks, her eyes glazing over all the guns and ammo.

He doesn't answer and instead gathers up what's theirs and hitches them over his shoulders and holsters two magnums into the waist of his pants. He'll have to make a second trip. He turns around to leave the stock room, but Bonnie stands there with her hands on her waist.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asks again. "You can't take those."

"Sweetheart," Nik sighs, "I don't know you which will make it so much easier for me to shut you up. If you value your life, then I suggest you step aside."

Bonnie purses her lips and stares daggers at him. Who does he think he is? Excuse?

"They're not yours," she says. "You aren't even allowed in here. Put them back."

Put them back. That's cute. She caught him on the wrong day.

"Bonnie, what are you doing back here?"

Nik and Bonnie turn to see Stefan, his face tired and his eyes bloodshot. "Get back out there with Elena and Jeremy."

She purses her lips and gives Nik the stink eye before following Stefan's orders.

"Is that all you brought?" Stefan asks tiredly.

"There's more, but I'll be back to get it," Nik informs him. He starts to walk out of the room, but then stops. He turns back around and Stefan's face is blank. He's so gone. Like, really gone. If people have souls, then Stefan's must've left with Damon.

"You should come with us to Rhode Island," Nik suggests. "If there's even the slightest chance of a refuge, then staying here won't—"

"I'd much sooner swim in a pool of my brother's spilled blood, but thanks."

Ouch. Well, he tried.

Caroline says there has to be something they can do. She says that there is someway to stop it. If they have to kill her, then do it. She'll die if it means not bringing a baby to this world. Her life doesn't even compare to that of a newborns.

Elijah tells her to calm down and that getting upset will only put more stress on her and might result in something terrible. Caroline reads between the lines and figures that means miscarriage. But it wouldn't be the most horrible thing, would it?

"I'm sorry," Caroline mumbles through tears. How many times has she apologized for this? More than a dozen times.

"It is not solely your fault, Caroline. It's not even a fault." Elijah tells her, but she keeps tuning him out.

It is her fault. It's all her fault. Every little bit of it. She initiated this whole thing ever since the motel. She was the one who kissed him first. Her, not Nik. She was the one who wanted to get closer and have a better understanding of him. She was the who kissed him in the mausoleum, told him she'd take care of everything. She wanted to feel something. Anything other than pain and resentment. She practically seduced him and Caroline has never thought of herself as a seductress before. It's not in her nature, but how it is. What was she thinking? Oh that's right. She wasn't.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" she asks, backing herself into a corner. He must hate her. It's the only reason why Elijah is here and not him. He's so angry with her—he's so disgruntled that he'd probably kill her where she stood. And she wouldn't fight it either because death is a better fate than what's to come.

"My brother loves you, Caroline," Elijah says. "And if there is one thing I know about my brother, then it is that he will never hate you."

Caroline shakes her head adamantly, gripping her hair tightly. Maybe some more will fall out and she'll be utterly undesirable. What is her life? It has no meaning. Someone just end her right now. She's absolutely horrid. How did they put up with her this long? She's so very stupid. God.

"Can I just—can you just give me a minute?" she asks Elijah, but he shakes his head.

"You're not being left alone, Caroline. Not in the condition you're in."

"Pregnant?" she screams. "That condition, right?" She sinks down to the floor again, wanting to ball up and for them to just leave her here. Seriously, they should keep on to Rhode Island and not ever look back. Just drive until they are so far gone that Caroline is nothing but a distant memory—a distant, dangerous, reckless and careless memory. She's a tragedy, isn't she? It seems wherever she goes hopelessness follows. Her mother is dead, her father is probably dead as well, Rebekah and Nik nearly died because of her, and Damon's death is indirectly because of her choices. If she had never brought them here, then they would have supplies. They would have food and he'd still be alive and and—

"Caroline, it may seem like a disaster at the moment," Elijah says softly, crouching down in front of her, "but in a few days our lives may be better than they have been. And in the chance that it is—better—then you have to look at this as a blessing. We don't know how little the human race is. We'll have to repopulate eventually."

She laughs darkly. "That's what you're thinking of right now? The human race?"

It's such a preposterous thought. She could die because of this pregnancy and he dares speak about the fate of humanity. Who the hell cares? She's watched people die. She's killed someone. Most likely, they're not going to make it through this one way or another. Sooner or later they're all going to die. Whether they get trapped in an alleyway by a horde or they starve; death is inevitable. In the back of her mind, she doesn't even think there's any safe haven in Rhode Island. If she had anything left to bet, then she would put it all on the table that there's nothing there. Nik told her they would find a boat if there was indeed nothing but a wasteland, but that seems like a dim chance. Everyone takes a boat in an apocalypse. Everyone wants to get as far away from disease as possible even if that means in the middle of the ocean.

They and everything is hopeless.

When Nik has the RV all packed up and he starts to head over to the other side of the camp, Elena and Jeremy stop him. The girl's face is stoic, but he can still see the tears stained on her cheeks and how much the color has drained from her face. No longer olive skinned, but just a ghostly white. Her younger brother is much more revealing in his emotions. He shakes and puts on the guise that he has to hold it together for him and his sister, but he's not fooling anyone.

"We're coming with you," Elena speaks first, but she's very unconvincing from that quivering lip.

Nik grins. Oh really? This girl and her imp of a brother think they're tagging along? No. That's so absurd it's almost funny. Almost.

"No," he simply says and turns back to continue on his way.

Elena's hands ball into fists at her sides and she mashes her lips tightly together.

"We can pull our own weight," Jeremy calls.

"Don't care," Nik responds over his shoulder.

"We're Caroline's friends!"

"Really don't care."

Jeremy is out of excuses as he drops his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Elena, on the other hand, won't give up so easily. She storms after him, brushes past Nik and breaks out into a furious sprint. She can't stand to be in this place for another moment. It weighs her down like a ton of bricks. Just seeing Stefan…imagining him leaving his brother for dead…how can he? She doesn't give a damn if he "sacrificed" himself or whatever—she would never leave Jeremy by himself. No one ever deserves to die alone.

She scouts out the rest of the group and comes across Rebekah who's leaning up against a wall, resting her head against it with her eyes closed. Her arms are folded tightly across her chest and her mouth rests tight-lipped.

"Where's Caroline?" Elena blurts.

Rebekah's eyes peel open and she slowly turns her head towards the girl. "She's not taking visitors at the moment."

"Rebekah," Elena snarls, "tell me where she is."

Rebekah tilts her head and steps up to Elena. "And I said she's not taking any visitors," Rebekah repeats slowly, her voice low and menacing. It's in her blood; the Mikaelsons have perfected the phenomena of speaking as a sadist. It's that voice that makes your skin curdle and makes you visibly wince. For such a sweet and innocent looking girl, she's utterly frightening.

"What have you done with her?" Elena asks quietly.

"I've done nothing," Rebekah hisses. "None of us have. She needs her rest."

"She was fine two hours ago."

"And two hours later she isn't." But she's never been fine, truthfully. Not for a while now; it just took them a substantial amount of time to figure it out.

Elena crosses her arms and drops her head. "You're leaving and I want to talk to my best friend."

Leaving? What?

"What are you saying?"

"That's why your brother is readying the RV, right? Because you're leaving."

What? They aren't leaving. They don't have a reason too. Besides, they would've told her. She can't go back out there. It's been so safe here. There haven't been any problems and there's no risk of ever being discovered. They can just stay here forever, can't they? Those talks about Rhode Island and shopping malls and boys were just her dreaming. It would never be a reality. This is their reality; this place and its gloominess.

She brushes past Elena and heads toward where her brother may be and Elena goes in the opposite direction. If something's wrong with Caroline, then she needs to know what and why it's happening. Yes, she's thin and sickly looking, but they've all been eating just about the same amount of food. There's no reason for her to be so weak when Elena doesn't even have hunger pains. Or maybe she's just gotten used to them.

She catches Elijah striding out of the bathroom, his head low and shoulders slightly slumped. She ambles over to him; twisting her hair into a ponytail and then taking it right back out again. She can't help it and it's truly horrible because she doesn't exactly know why she can't help it.

"Elena," he greets when she stands before him. He straightens up. "It's been awhile." How long exactly since they first met? Two months? Has it really been that short? Seems like centuries.

"Yeah," she agrees and offers a soft smile. "I hear that you're leaving."

"The circumstances are a tad bit complex at the moment," he tells her vaguely.

"Complex like what?" she ventures. "Because maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but something tells me that it has to do with Caroline. And I won't let you take her anywhere without me."

"I admire your dedication to your friend, Elena, however—"

"I'm coming with you guys. I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to go insane."

He tilts his head and boldly brings a hand to the side of her face. She turns away from him and hardens her gaze.

"Tell me, Elena, is it because you're afraid you'll go mad or is it because you can't bear the company of Stefan? Because he's a stark reminder of what could have been prevented?"

She swallows, but doesn't let her gaze waver. It's true, she concludes. It has nothing to do with loving Damon or whatever—no it's the fact that he had to go the way he had to. It's the fact that he was torn to shreds while Stefan ran away and did nothing. That's what kills her repeatedly. She knows that wounds heal over time, but how much time can she afford in this place? She'll literally drive herself bonkers.

Elijah should tell her how he played a role in Damon's death, because he did. Stefan was right. If they had picked up the walkie-talkie—turned it back on after his stupid little plan—then he'd still be alive. Maybe. But they would have gone through with the plan, wouldn't they?

"My reasoning has nothing to do with it," Elena explains. "I'm going with you. Me and my brother."

"And your other little friend?"

"She doesn't trust your brother." She shrugs. "Does she have reason not to?"

"At this point, Elena, it doesn't matter." He tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and she presses her lips together, glancing off to the side. "Caroline's in the restroom."

Elena doesn't think before she breaks out into a sprint past the man, determined to get to Caroline and tell her the "good" news and find out what's wrong with her. When she bursts into the room, the scene hits her like a ton of bricks. There's broken glass everywhere, like an explosion went off. And there's blood, splashed across the shards of glass like a crude painting.

"It was an accident."

"How dare you not tell me we're leaving?" Rebekah demands when she finds Nik. He's leaned against one of the walls in a corridor, smoking and it's so dark she would've walked past him had it not been for the stench of tobacco.

"You'd be surprised, but informing you on every single detail isn't exactly on my list of priorities."

"And Caroline isn't?" she counters, knocking the cigarette from his hand. "Is that why you had me check for you? Because she's not a priority."

"Rebekah, be a good girl and get your things together," he says nonchalantly, pushing himself off the wall. "It's time to leave."

"Stop pushing me around!" she shouts. "Ever since we met up that's all you've done! Push, push, push! As if I am some weak little girl!"

"But you are, Rebekah. You let go of Kol."

She takes a step back. "What…"

His eyes widen. "You didn't hold tight enough, did you? Maybe if you had just stayed in town for just a little while longer, then he wouldn't be dead."

Rebekah visibly shakes. Is he…is he serious? "That's not my fault."

"If memory serves correct, that's not what you said before."

She doesn't need to think about it before she smacks him. Loud and hard and it makes her hand sting with hurt.

"I thought you were dead," she sniffs. Her heart feels like it will pop like a helium balloon. "I thought you and Elijah were gone. I thought I was the only one left and you say this to me? I mourned you, Nik! For days I was on my own, lost and confused and you shift the blame to me because you're too proud to admit how badly you've fucked up! You don't even make sense!"

She slaps him again and oh, she wonders how she ever got cursed with such a horrible person for a brother. She could just kill him. How dare he? And he has no words for her. She hits him and punches him and screams in his face and he does nothing to stop her. She thinks that her father was always right. Nik is a bastard. He is a monster and he's terrible and she hates him. She hates him with every fiber of her being and her entire existence. Kol's death ate her up for days, weeks, and he brings it up again just to blow it in her face? As if she hadn't tried her best not to stop it. If there was anything she could ever be able to take back, it was that day. No, no. Rebekah would go even further back. She would stop them from ever leaving England in the first place. And she won't stop there. If she's undoing everything, then why can't she just prevent Mikael and Esther from ever meeting? This torturous family doesn't deserve to be alive and breathing—what remains of it. Mikaelsons. What a name. What a cruel, vicious name.

"That's quite enough," Nik says, stopping her right hand before it connects with his cheek again. "I told you to get your things together. Don't make me say it again."

Rebekah's lips curl in disgust and she snatches her wrist away. "I hated myself for what I said to you months ago," she hisses, "but I don't anymore and I don't know why I did. You'll always be the selfish, impulsive, possessive arse you've always been. And for that, you've lost me. Forever."

"How was it an accident?" Elena screeches as she dashes over to Caroline, dropping to her knees as she takes in the gashes on her hands and arms. "What were you thinking?"

Caroline shakes her head, at a loss of words. She was just so angry and the mirrors were there and she was so ugly and she swear she saw herself laughing in her reflection and—

"Keep them elevated," Elena yells, peeling off her shirt. She wraps her shirt around Caroline's wounded skin and helps her to her feet, helping her out of the restroom. She calls for help as apologies tumble from Caroline's lips and she knows she really fucked up this time, didn't she?

"Caroline, come on," Elena urges, pulling her along, but Caroline's feet are made of cement. She doesn't want to move; just wants to stay here and rot. Bleed out and wait as the light begin to fade from behind her eyes.

"It'll get infected!"

"I don't care," Caroline, scoffs, shaking off the shirt from her arms. She looks down at her arms, covered in crimson and tiny fragments of glass embedded in her skin. It's sad, really. In the beginning, when all of this started, she remembers crying on her bed, silently screaming as that ravenous creature tore at her door, wanting in. And she was strong then. She put on layers of clothing and fetched herself a weapon, squeezing out her window and climbing atop her roof. And she didn't just stay there and watch as Mystic Falls burned. Caroline went down into the streets, trying to find some help or someone that needed help because maybe she was hopeless and a lost cause, but that didn't mean everyone else was too. Yet through her journey to find someone—anyone—it ended up being just as hopeless as her life. Everyone was gone. They were dead. Because she was so alone, there hadn't seemed like a better time to do herself in. As far as she knew, everyone she knew and loved was dead.

But she couldn't. She kept on fighting to survive because that's what her mom would've wanted her to do. That's what her friends would've wanted her to do. She was going to survive this and stick up her middle finger to the world because it was ugly and she was the last pretty thing in it. However, over time, she grew weaker. She became more unstable and more desperate. More selfless. Selflessness didn't make you a hero; it just made you stupid. Caroline knows that better than anybody.

And now she's pregnant. It's like she's cursed or something. Born under a bad sign.

"I'm pregnant, Elena," Caroline mumbles.

Elena stops shaking off the shirt and her breath catches in her chest. "What?"

"I am pregnant," she says again, clearly and enunciating every syllable. "You know, with child?"

"I know what that means, Caroline. I just…just come with me so we can wrap this up, please?" Elena tries to change the subject because the sight of blood is making her sick to her stomach. It isn't like Caroline is going to die from a few cuts, but if it gets infected then she could very well get sick and what are the chances that'll end nicely? Elena doesn't even want to think about a baby. Not right now. Maybe later. Or never. How does Caroline even know? That's not something to just go around blurting based on silly little assumptions.

"Why do you think I broke the mirrors, Elena?" Caroline asks. "I'm a dead woman walking."

Elena's face contorts into confusion. When she joked about Caroline and Nik earlier, she was joking. That's it. Joking. But to find out it's actually true and this is the result…

"Walk and talk," Elena finally says, holding the shirt underneath her arms. "Just walk and talk."

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A/N: there will be a few lighter moments coming up soon. maybe a few laughs, some fluff, some actual hope...Klaus will stop being a douchenozzle after awhile. i didn't take it too far, did i? well i did, but like you know...

and I changed my tumblr URL again. now I'm klausshummingbird and you should go listen to the TFD playlist at post/29088313069

will try to update sooner this time! blame it on my current addiction to Supernatural D: