Disclaimer: Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.
Pairings: There are only hints.
Note: It's good to see a review. It's by Baconbaka. I originally knew him as a fan of Cragmiteblaster and if you want to read his stories, go ahead. I know I haven't read them yet but they would be nice.
When the Nostalgia Critic put the teams together, he directed them to the cabins. It was there he said to the campers, "The Monkeys get the east cabin, Crocodiles get the west."
Upon those words the campers start to get settled into their new home. If you want to know about their luggage well here is your answer. Chris McLean is pushing all the luggage next to the cabins for the campers to pick up.
"Dude, is this really necessary," asked Chris, "I am getting sore all over. The back, the arms, the legs, everywhere!"
"Nobody cares Chris," the Critic retorted rudely, "and this is part of your pay check. The more work you do, the more money you get; that's how it goes."
(Mad Monkeys; Guys)
Malcolm and Victor were just getting settled into their side of the cabin. They were just talking about Li Zhang.
"I don't get it," said Malcolm, "No one in the Commune would be hostile to anyone else for very long let alone everyone else. What could be wrong with him?"
"I may have seen this before," replied Victor, "There was this guy where I come from called Vito who would beat up anyone in his sight because they were inferior in his eyes."
"A bit like Jim," Malcolm commented.
"Well to be honest he did call us beasts," said Victor, "I think that implies he got abused."
"Probably," said Malcolm, "It's a likely scenario, but many beasts back in the Commune were either domesticated, friendly or have not made contact with people."
Confessional: Looks like Malcolm lived a very stable lifestyle.
Malcolm: Back in the Commune, the cattle would sometimes go a bit crazy so I had to go in and wrestle them until they calm down. No one was injured though but so far I've only dealt with calves and cows. Bulls are probably too strong for now.
Victor: Trust me; I've seen that stuff before with Vito. How he and I are connected is a story I don't feel like telling now.
Li Zhang had decided to wait for Malcolm and Victor to leave the cabin so he thought it would be good to walk around the camp for a bit. He collected come wood and stone from the forest so as to make himself a training arena. Then he started to meditate.
Chris noticed the Chinese boy and asked, "Dude, do you really want to sleep outside?"
At that instant, Li Zhang got up and held his staff in an attack formation and said, "What do you want?"
"I just want to bring your luggage in," Chris replied with a hint of fear, "but seriously answer my question."
Li Zhang lowered his staff and answered, "No that would be stupid; I just want sleep alone."
Chris thought of an idea and giggled a little bit and said, "Why don't you sleep in the communal washroom? You can sleep in the stall at the very back and I'll put a 'do not open' sign on it."
"Fine," Li Zhang said, "But do not tell anyone where I sleep."
Li Zhang went into the communal washrooms to set up sleeping quarters but little did he know that Chris was expecting him to scream over the stench but there was no noise so he left disappointed.
Confessional: No kidding, Sasquatchinakwa had the runs in there.
Chris: No! I wanted him to scream from the bad stench and it would have been very funny. Never mind, he'll never get past Chef.
Li Zhang: It's not much and yes it does stink but it beats sleeping with other humans in the vicinity. Well actually, they'll be using this washroom but at least they won't be able to interact with me.
(Mad Monkeys; Girls)
The girls of the Mad Monkeys team were getting settled down. Lauren takes one of the top bunks and hides under the covers, Aurora was doing her nails and Mari was setting up her sewing kit, machine and all.
"Mari," Aurora asked calmly, "what is like up with the sewing machine?"
"Well I'm glad you asked," replied Mari, "My outfits are more variable than everyone's which makes me popular. The secret is making them from scratch, hence to sewing machine."
"Wow," said Aurora in amazement, "You and I could like get along. We're both popular where we came from but with your fashion sense and my knowledge of make-up, the boys will be so over us!"
"Yeah but I didn't come here for boys, just to have fun."
"Spoilsport."
It was then Jenny entered the room, looking half-confident. "All right ladies," she said, "sorry for being a bit dull due to separation but I hope you can fill in. Now what are your goals?"
"To have fun and start fresh," said Mari excitedly.
"To have a boyfriend," said Aurora.
"To keep busy while my family moves," muffled Lauren from under the covers.
"You don't seem very happy Lauren," said Jenny in a worried tone.
"Please call me L," Lauren shouted, "and no I don't want to talk about it!"
Jenny could only sigh.
Confessional: Let's play odd one out. Who of the girls is it?
Jenny: Don't worry about me, I'll try going on alone. Plus my teammates are cool. But I sometimes feel the Lauren is hiding something. Oops! Don't tell her I called her Lauren.
Mari: This is my first day in and already it's kinda fun. Aurora was fun to talk to as we have roughly similar backgrounds.
Aurora: Mari is cool and all and no I wasn't kidding about getting a boyfriend by the end of the game. But if you ask me, Mari could with a different shirt; butterflies are out. But she can make new costumes so it doesn't really matter.
Lauren: Piss off. I'm not in the mood what with all the girlyness of my roommates.
(Crazy Crocodiles; Guys)
The guys of the Crazy Crocodiles team were getting settled in. Abdul could simply sigh.
"Alright you three," said Abdul, "looks like I'm stuck with the likes of you."
"Abdul," Nickolas said calmly while getting some DC comic books out to read, "What's the matter? If it'll make you feel any better, I've got comics to share."
"You're cool," said Abdul, "It's just that I have to sleep with a bully and a crossdresser."
"I can't help it," said Jonny, "It's how I was raise. My mum's a feminist you know."
"So mon," Jim said to Jonny, "Which of the boys on this island are you attracted to? Is it us manly bunch?"
"Shut up Jim," retorted Jonny, "my eyes are on a girl. Gosh, you're even worse than my big brother Alistair."
"Tough call man," said Nickolas in slight sympathy then he passed over some Superman comics, "Here. Want to read one?"
"Sure why not," replied Jonny as he began to read the comic Nickolas gave him.
Confessional: The red head boy would do well in a British comedy. LOL
Jonny: My feminist mum raised me like she did to challenge current norms but I'm not outright girly. I was still allowed to read comics and play videogames like my sister did to incorporate both social genders into our lives. On a side note, I wear boxers, not panties.
Abdul: I wasn't kidding when I said Nickolas is cool but to me, comics are lowbrow. I prefer to read sophisticated novels with only texts as they build my brain more. Except Twilight, that can rot in hell.
Nickolas: I'm glad Jonny liked my comics, they define my character. But until now it had to be underground because the Californian government only likes Disney.
Jim: My roommates suck, Abdul's a nerd, Jonny's a sissy and Nick's a geek. To me they are deadweight. Now the girl teammates look really hot.
(Crazy Crocodiles; Girls)
The girls of the Crazy Crocodiles were getting settled. Well, Sheila and Midori are but Nessie is still looking at her device.
Midori was talking continuously about how the other campers resemble anime/manga characters. "Have you seen Li Zhang lately," she was going on, "he looks a lot like China from 'Axis Powers: Hetalia' sans the hat and attitude."
"Yeah I just noticed," said Sheila in a bored expression.
"And Jonny is similar to many trap characters," Midori continued, "Jenny resembles an older version of Mihama Chiyo and Mari could make herself a cardcaptor outfit, how awesome would be…"
"Will you just shut up," Nessie shouted at Midori, "I can't concentrate on finding oil with this thing!"
"Oil," Sheila said shock," But that's an environmental catastrophe!"
Not wanting this argument to go any further, Nessie refused to say anything else. Sheila groaned in frustration.
Confessional: Did you know that Sheila is like Misty from Pokemon in that they like the water?
Sheila: Midori's okay though I have to admit she drags on for a bit and I don't even know anime. But Nessie seems to be more interested in oil than anything. I'll try talking it out of her later when she feels like it.
Midori: I was just spreading the facts.
Nessie: Sheila needs to understand that my family cannot survive without oil, never mind our business.
Once everyone got settled into their beds (or in Li Zhang's case his stall), the campers gathered at the mess hall for lunch. Chef Hatchet, the cook for the show said from his kitchen in a sergeant-like manner, "Listen up! I serve you lot 3 times a day and you will eat my stuff 3 times a day."
What Chef has in his kitchen is quite questionable to say the least but really you shouldn't say anything.
"Grab a tray, get your food and sit your butts down now!"
The campers did as Chef said. They each had a tray to eat food from then they lined up to get their lunch, whatever it was.
In fact most were willing to question the palatability of Chef's cooking whether it was living sloppy joe's or something simple as gruel.
When Malcolm got his food, he asked Chef, "Um excuse me is this healthy? I tend to get all sleepy if I don't get my recommended sugar intake."
Chef's eye twitched at this, he didn't like being questioned. "Oh you can get a lot of SHUT THE HELL UP," Chef shouted and this caused Malcolm to immediately run for his seat shivering a bit.
Confessional: Oh, touchy.
Malcolm: What is his problem? Did his mom forget to nourish him?
"You know what," Abdul said to his teammates, "I'm going out for apples." Abdul was displeased with what Chef had to offer, not because it was pork but because it likely wasn't killed in the name of Allah nor would the source animal have been respected, whatever it was.
Anyway, next in line was Li Zhang who just stood there even as Chef gave him lunch.
"Hey," Chef said strictly, "You got your food so sit down!"
Li Zhang said nothing. He just spat at Chef's face in response and ran outside the building to eat.
Abdul came back with an apple from the woods when he noticed Li Zhang sitting there. "Let me guess," Abdul said to Li Zhang, "Chef giving you a hard time?"
"Get lost," Li Zhang responded.
Abdul said nothing as he re-entered the mess hall leaving the Chinese boy to eat alone.
Confessional: There is a region in north-west China called Xinjiang that is predominantly Muslim. Liberated, it would be called East Turkestan or Uyghurstan.
Abdul: Does Chef know nothing about Islam? I cannot eat meat unless it was killed with respect or in the name of Allah which he most likely did not do. Plus it would have tasted like crap anyway.
Li Zhang: The chef here needs to just leave me be."
"Hey Jonny," Nickolas said to his bud, "Have a cow." The two boys laughed at this one liner.
"What was that," Chef said offended and gesturing the two to come over, "Come closer fatass. I didn't hear you."
"Oh sorry," said Nickolas to Chef in a fearful tone, "I was just horsing around. I didn't say anything important." Jonny giggled again.
"I'm sure you didn't," Chef said sarcastically before turning to Jonny, "You, sissy boy. Give me your plate."
Jonny did exactly that so that Chef could put 'mystery meat' onto his plate only for it to cling back to the scoop but Chef shook it off so Jonny could sit back down.
Confessional: Western peoples don't eat horse meat, Central Asians do.
Nickolas: What Chef needs is a sense of humour. Oh well the lunch was nice.
Jonny: Back home, mum preferred to cook our food for being healthy. I can clearly see why.
"Uh, like what the hell is this," Aurora complained about her lunch, "I don't eat slop; it's bad for my complexion and…"
Aurora couldn't finish what she was saying because Chef glared at her.
Victor was also complaining about his lunch but in an old man sort of language, "Oh gosh darn it. Could the food industry get any worse?"
"Um excuse me partner," Malcolm asked Victor, "What's with the old man voice?"
"Victor? The names Chester, sonny," Victor retorted.
"Hey guys," Jim informed his teammates, "Looks like Victor became an old man." He started laughing but his teammates face palmed.
"Hey what's with all the laughing you whippersnapper," said Chester as he turned around to face Jim.
"Oh, sorry mon. I see you don't like your lunch," Jim pretended to apologize, "but if it's any consolation, I'll go get liverwurst on rye and pills." Jim started laughing again.
Soon enough, Mari joined in. "Oh Victor," Mari laughed, you crack me up."
Just the mere mention of his name reverted Victor back to normal. Then he said, "Wait what?"
Mari responded, "I loved your old man impression. It was hilarious."
"Why thank you miss," Victor returned, "just one of my many talents."
"I've seen funnier acts on the news when North Korea split in two," Chef mumbled to himself.
Confessional: Just like Mike from Total Drama Revenge of the Island huh?
Victor: You did not see anything.
Jim: This oughta be good for blackmail. But for now I'll just wet willy farmer boy.
Lauren: That was kinda lame.
Soon enough, the Nostalgia Critic coaxed Li Zhang inside so he could walk inside to make announcements.
"Hello campers," the Critic greeted the lot, "I hope you're enjoying your lunch."
"I know I'm not," Lauren responded coolly.
"Note to self, lecture Chef about healthy eating," the Critic whispered to himself before brightening up again and facing the campers, "anyway the point is you should get ready for your first challenge in one hour's time. Just follow the arrows." Then he left.
"What do you think he'll make us do," Midori asked Nickolas with a worried expression.
"What, it's only the first challenge," Nickolas reassured the Japanese girl, "How hard can it be?"
One hour later, the campers finished their lunch and followed the arrows to where the first challenge is going to be set where the Nostalgia Critic awaited. There were 2 big trees, each with a totem pole dangling off one of its branches.
"Okay campers," the Critic said, "what you have to do is cut the totem poles down and ride them back to camp. Simple as that."
The campers looked down the hill they had to ride down, it was huge. They all gulped at the daunting task.
Well folks, that was the second chapter, the third one will conclude this episode and will see who goes home first. Also, you may have now noticed some similarities to Total Drama Revenge of the Island because the plotline will be a bit similar to that season but far from congruent. There will be more interactions and sub-plots to keep the story fresh.
Next time: The campers perform the first challenge, one team loses and one camper is voted off.