Chapter Twenty-eight: but tonight i'll need you to stay
In the woods there are bear traps and it is very hard to disable and see them when the ground is covered in snow. The first discover one when a deer just so happens to walk right into one, the force of it snapping one of its hind legs and the animal topples over, moaning in agony. Nik puts a bullet in its head out of mercy, but also for it to stop drawing attention to them.
"We're going to have to be more careful out here," Elijah says to them as he bends over and helps Nik lift the deer. "Look at the ground closely before you take a step. We can't see everything buried underneath the snow."
Rebekah picks up a stick buried beneath her feet and scrapes it into the snow absently. "If one of us gets caught in one, there won't be anything we can do about it."
Elena swallows at the implication.
"All the more reason to pay close attention," Elijah says as he holds the deer over his shoulders and walks to the front of the group. "Let's make our way back now."
Rebekah stays in the back, tilting her head at the offending object feet away from where they were all standing. The snow is speckled with blood and the remaining part of the leg is underneath the heavy piece of metal. She grimaces, anxiety pulsing through her. She has a bad feeling about this. Maybe they shouldn't hunt anymore, at least not in these woods.
Elena wishes she had a picture of her parents because she wakes up one morning and forgets what they look like. Well, not completely, but certain features are left out. She can't remember if her mom had brown eyes or were they just a really dark hazel? Was her nose straight or a little crooked? Did she laugh often? What did her dad sound like? Was his voice low and gruff or smooth and gentle? Was he going gray already and did he smile at her frequently?
Caroline sees Liz in her dreams a lot. Infrequently, she has nightmares about her; ones where she relives the night Liz died and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Others are where Liz turns into one of those things and attacks Caroline, but she always wakes up before teeth sink in. But in her dreams, the good ones, they are merely just flashbacks that Caroline gets to live again and again. They are memories that she had long since thought she'd forgotten, memories from years and years ago. There's one where she's a little girl, about seven in age, and Bill and Liz take her to the zoo one day in the spring. She laughs and presses her face against the glass while baby seals swim by in the tank, one stopping to look at her for a second before moving on. She names it Joey and Liz leans her head on Bill's shoulder, smiling with a twinkle in her eye.
There's another when she's thirteen and her mother is waving to her as Caroline looks out the rearview mirror of Bill's car. Caroline is staying with her father for the weekend to celebrate his boyfriend's daughter, Caitlin's, birthday. Caroline is under the impression that Caitlin is her age, but by the time they get to Steven's home, a quaint condo in Richmond, she discovers that Caitlin is actually nineteen and very much over her father's antics. She has strawberry blonde hair with pink highlights and tongue, nose, and lip piercings. Caitlin speaks in a monotone voice and she rarely smiles except when her cell rings and Caroline sees the name Daisy flicker across the screen. Caitlin promptly exits the room and her voice becomes ten times higher and more upbeat. Caroline doesn't question it. On the night of Caitlin's party, she doesn't show up so Caroline is forced to spend it with her estranged father and her boyfriend as they make puppy dog eyes in front of each other. She tries not to puke and believe that it's disingenuous since she remembers Bill gave Liz that same look too.
Rebekah doesn't like thinking about her parents for quite a few reasons, but mainly because they've been gone for so long that it's almost as if they never really existed. She was so young when her mother died and even younger when her father was taken from her so the connection is gone. The things she does remember—the good things—about them, it isn't very beneficial to recall without feeling like she's spitting in her brother's faces. Mikael was always sweet on her, he'd call her his princess and give her what she wanted because she was the only girl and was the youngest. But that was only when he wasn't drunk. Esther used to weave flowers in her hair and kiss her on the tip of her nose, tell her that she was her little garden nymph because of the hours she spent beside her mother in the garden in their tiny backyard.
No one talks about their parents in the bunker. A lot of the time they reside in absolute silence or pass the time by playing stupid board games they've found underneath one of the floorboards. They find that when they do talk, it's always about reminiscing over something and that is equally both disheartening and anger inducing. But, on the other hand, talking about the future is a pretty bleak subject as well.
Caroline has nothing on her mind but the wellbeing of her baby and she's pretty sure that if she starts talking about that nonstop then it'll drive not only herself, but everyone else crazy.
They go out on weekly runs to find clothing and more supplies, especially formula for the baby. No one ever says anything about it, but they all have acknowledged the fact that Caroline might not live through delivery. They aren't properly prepared for such a thing to occur and they aren't exactly sure whether they will ever be prepared. There is a hospital a few miles away, but it's much too dangerous to even think about going in. Elijah and Nik had stalked around the place, scoping it out, only to see the doors boarded up with spray painted messages on them not to even attempt to get in. Whatever is left inside must not be worth the risk.
Still, Caroline's due date looms over all of them like a rain cloud just waiting to start a downpour. They aren't exactly sure when she's due, but judging by the time frames they've managed to keep track of, it should be some time in April. That's a little over four months away, which will come sooner than they could possibly imagine.
"I think Christmas is tomorrow," Jeremy says as he picks over his dinner.
"No, it was two days ago," Rebekah debunks, but then reels back uncertain. "What does it matter? You expecting a tree and a fat man?"
Jeremy makes a face at that. "No," he scowls. "I meant, we didn't really celebrate Thanksgiving last month so—"
"We don't have Thanksgiving in England," Rebekah says snippily. "Also, what do you expect us to be thankful for?"
"That we have food and shelter," Elena cuts in, sliding in beside Jeremy. "And each other," she adds, resting her head on his shoulder. "We have a lot to be thankful for so maybe Jeremy has a point. We've been a bit pessimistic. Perhaps a little holiday cheer is what we need?"
Caroline smiles at this. "Maybe we could go around and say what we're thankful for," she suggests. "We don't have anything to…decorate with or any seasonal music, so it's better than nothing, right?"
Rebekah groans and rolls her eyes and she hops up from the table. "Yes, let's get a tad bit more Brady Bunch, Caroline."
"Okay, Scrooge, then you're welcome not to participate. We'll do it tomorrow night so everyone can think over what they'll say, okay?"
Elena and Jeremy nod, Rebekah rolls her eyes yet again, and Nik and Elijah are silent and are content with the fact that Caroline hasn't thought to include them somehow. It's ridiculous anyhow. Yes, they should be proud of the little things they have, but it is a stark contrast to the big things they don't have.
Before everyone turns in, Elena heads into the bedroom first, leaving the door cracked for Caroline while she catches Nik before he heads into the room down the hall.
"I'm not supposed to say until tomorrow," she whispers, "but I'm thankful for you; for letting me come with you, for saving my life at the funeral home, and for coming back to me."
"You don't have to say any of that, you know. I should be the one telling you those things." Because if it hadn't been for Caroline, then he may not have found Rebekah and he definitely wouldn't have found Elijah. He probably would've died in their house that first day.
Caroline shrugs. "Regardless, thank you, Nik."
They haven't kissed since that day when he went hunting with the rest of them, and neither of them have really tried anything since then either. Nik had felt terrible after the whole thing and apologized as soon as he came back, but Caroline waved it off and said it was nothing. Said she wasn't angry, just surprised. She wouldn't admit that she quite liked it and would love for him to do it again and again. The thing about the kiss was like it was the first time and not just first time between them, but like her very first kiss that was barely there and shy.
She would've never used that type of terminology between her and Nik as "barely there and shy" was the complete opposite months ago, but now it was almost as if they were just beginning to realize each other for the first time so it was new and exciting and incredibly slow. Caroline had dreamt about more many a night since they made up, but she never shared her thoughts with anyone. That's all they were anyway; dreams that weren't going to come true. She had made it clear that this wasn't about them anymore to begin with, so her own selfish desires would just have to be put on hold for the time being.
So, before she does anything stupid or he decides that this might be another chance, Caroline promptly bids Nik a goodnight and slips into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her as she listens to Elena's light and even breaths.
The thing about bunker life is that there is literally nowhere to go. It isn't as if you can just go out for a walk or a Sunday drive. There is barely any entertainment inside either, unless you count the stupid board games that Rebekah has thrown off the table in a rage several times before. There aren't even any books, which is terribly disheartening since reading was Elijah's favorite pastime. Well, that and nursing a glass of brandy.
When Elena approaches him the next afternoon, her expression unreadable as she climbs up and joins him on his top bunk, he has no idea what she could possibly want. They all normally spend their time in silence, only speaking when absolutely necessary because seeing and living with five other people 24/7 is exhausting as well as aggravating.
"Talk to me," she says, pulling her knees up to her chest.
Elijah regards her strangely. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."
"Tell me your life story. I'll tell you mine."
A confused smile tugs at his lips. "You are very…strange, Elena."
"Why? Because I'm not interested in small talk and want to continue where we left off the other day?"
"The other day was weeks ago," Elijah points out.
"My sentiments exactly."
Elena, Elijah thinks, is someone he could get used to. Well, someone he is getting used to. He likes her smile and her devotion to her brother. He likes when she laughs a lot that at the end she eventually ends up snorting and the faintest hint of a blush splashes across her cheeks and nose. He likes that when someone is talking to her, they have her full-undivided attention and she never breaks eye contact with them. Not once. He likes that she's compassionate and warm and caring and hugs Caroline close when she breaks down in a crying fit out of the blue. He likes how she feels she's overprotective of Caroline and Jeremy as if they were her children when she's constantly asking how they're feeling and if they need to eat something. He likes how fearless she pretends to be because it reminds Elijah of himself.
"Where do I start?" he asks.
"The day you were born."
Elijah would think she was joking, but when he looks at her there is no smirk or smile on her face. She's waiting and one-hundred percent serious.
"June 8, 1976, Nottingham City Hospital…" Well, he figures, he's got nothing but time.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to sleep in the back from now on."
Caroline is surprised when the door to the bedroom swings open because she just got out of the shower and hasn't finished drying off. Elena quickly apologizes and starts to back out after she's made her announcement, but Caroline just wraps her towel back around her and tells her to come in.
Apparently, there's this "thing" with Elijah and it's super "complicated" and Elena kind of wants to "uncomplicate things" (her words) and there's enough room in the second bedroom to talk quietly without disturbing the others.
Caroline attempts to understand what the hell Elena is talking about, but the only thing she gets is that her and Elijah had some groundbreaking discussion about abandonment and selfishness and he has man pain so Elena thinks the only way to help is to smother him 24/7. Caroline rolls her eyes at her friend because it is not Elena's job to try and fix a sad man who she barely knows, but that's her prerogative. Caroline still thinks it's stupid and, yeah, maybe she's a bit PO'd because she just lost her bed buddy.
"But if it really bothers you then I can stay," Elena assures her. " It's nothing too serious, but I just want to get to know him better, you know?"
And you can't do that during the day hours?
"No, it's fine," Caroline hears herself say. "Besides, you're a blanket hog."
Elena grins and is ready to hug Caroline, but then she realizes that she's still wet and just nods her head and trots back out.
As Caroline gets dressed, she's hit with a wave of fear because she hasn't slept by herself since last July and it will definitely be weird not having another body beside her. Elena didn't provide that much warmth, but she was a presence that was very soothing. Caroline just wishes she had just told her the truth instead of beating around the bush. If she had a thing with Elijah, then Caroline wouldn't care. Honestly, she wouldn't. She has better things to worry about. Like concentrating on not being jealous even though that's totally preposterous because what should she even be jealous about? And why? She's being ridiculous and what does Caroline do when she knows she's being ridiculous? Blame it on the pregnancy. That's the reason why she's so irrational and disagreeable as of late. Her hormones are just all over the place.
The first night of sleeping by herself goes as well as expected. She wakes up just about every other hour, her arm absently reaching out for a presence that is no longer there. The thing with Elena was that she was always curled up in a ball of long limbs, with her hands pressing against Caroline's back. It was unpleasant, but calming. Now with Elena gone, Caroline can stretch out comfortably without the sensations of fists in her back, but the warmth of a body is gone and it feels noticeably cold.
The night after that she barely sleeps at all and she thinks to ask Elena about coming back, but Caroline noticed how she spent majority of the day with Elijah, which would seem ridiculous in such a tiny space, but it was blatantly obvious that Elena didn't really want to be bothered with Caroline nor anyone else.
At first, Caroline was understanding of it and even was happy for Elena. Yay, she's happy and moving on from Stefan and smiles a lot more than she did before, but then Caroline just became envious. She wanted that too, but it seemed so hypocritical to even want it when after all she's thought about and said. Caroline made it clear several times that she was done with trying to work out a relationship in this whole mess. It wasn't worth it.
She didn't know what the hell it was at first. Caroline had tried to pass it off as gas, but gas isn't that physical and doesn't feel like something is literally pushing against her skin. Then she thought it was just muscle spasms that happen from time to time, which tickled every time it happened. But one day Caroline realizes that it is neither of those two. She notices once that when she looks down at just the right moment, a little bulge pushes against her skin and then disappears just as quickly as it appeared.
Oh.
She's the only one in the bunker when she notices and wishes that they would hurry and come back so she can tell them what's happened. They've been gone for more than two hours so what the hell?
Impatiently, she sits on the sofa and waits with a scowl on her face. How can no one be here when she just realized that her baby has been kicking? And kicking for who knows how long! This is important and they're all off hunting or whatever while Caroline is stuck here being a grump with her swollen feet and achy back. What about her needs? Who gives two flying fucks about a deer that they may or may not even be there? She is important and needs to have someone here with her and she will let the first person that bangs on the door know. Hell hath no fury.
That person happens to be Nik and he's caught off guard at the sudden onslaught of curse words, some he's never even heard of. Rebekah snickers as she comes in behind, murmuring under her breath that she knew it was a bad idea to leave her alone. Elijah has three rabbits held by their ears in one hand and Elena's hand is in the other while Jeremy pretends that he doesn't exist, bypassing the scene as quickly as he possibly can.
"And what if something had happened?" Caroline yells, her finger stabbing right into Nik's chest with every word uttered.
"Love, you're the one who…explicitly suggested that we all left during hunts," Nik tries to reason, because explicitly is a nicer way of saying that Caroline was a fire breathing dragon on steroids because she could "barely have one moment of fucking privacy in this place!".
Caroline huffs and crosses her arms. She said that like three weeks ago. How is she supposed to be held responsible for something three weeks ago? Seriously?
"Regardless," she says, snippy, "while you all were out acting like Bear Grylls, something happened."
Nik's eyebrows rise slightly. "Something as in?"
"I felt something," Caroline explains, leaning her back against the shut door. "The baby kicked."
Nik takes a step back as if he just got the wind knocked out of him and it isn't too long before he's smiling and Caroline would tease him if she wasn't smiling like a big goof herself.
"When?" Nik asks eagerly, bending over slightly and peering at her belly, his hands ghosting across it gingerly.
"Few hours ago." Caroline shrugs. "I felt it before, but I always disregarded it as something else. So, I guess now we know for sure it's a baby and I don't have a weird, abnormal growth."
Nik looks up then, meeting her sarcastic and humorous gaze. "You've gotten progressively snarkier over the last few months," he comments.
"Oh, I've noticed," Caroline replies. "I don't know, but it could be because I have a human being growing in my abdomen, but that's just a guess."
Nik shakes his head. "You misunderstand. I don't think it's just that. Perhaps snarky wasn't the right word." He thinks it over for a few seconds. "Bolder and more independent, I believe. You've really changed, Caroline. You're stronger than I've ever seen you."
Caroline casts her eyes down to her feet, but she can't see her feet for obvious reasons. She really hopes she isn't blushing because Nik's being super cheesy and it's actually working and she wishes he would stop and now it's too late because she's thinking and she's probably insane but—
"You can share the room with me if you want," she blurts because she's stupid and dumb and in love and she can blame everything on her hormones because that's what every pregnant woman does to get away with their stupid mistakes.
Nik is taken aback, obviously not expecting her to say anything about that. Truthfully, he hadn't thought about it in a while. Of course, he did and he partially gets why Caroline was so pissed about not having any privacy (but he probably had very different reasons here), but this is a step in the complete opposite direction and Caroline might not even understand what she's even saying.
"Exactly just what do you mean?" he asks because it's best to be completely clarified.
"I mean what I said, Nik. Do you need me to spell it out for you?" She eyes him suspiciously and steps away from the door, heading for the doorway. "It's up to you, but ever since Elena left it's been lonely and…" She stops there and the rest of her sentence is dropped to the bottom of the ocean, never to be seen again.
Nik does a lot of thinking the rest of the day. Caroline's invitation to share her bed is possibly a terrible idea and he doesn't want to fuck it up by doing something stupid and overstepping the boundaries she's set, which he isn't exactly sure what boundaries there are anyway.
Several times he thinks to ask her about it, but his cowardice outweighs his confidence so he sinks back and goes about his business, her words rolling over and over in his head. He's amazed at how much his character has regressed throughout all of this. Or maybe, perhaps, progressed. He once was a loose cannon, doing whatever he pleased and whenever. There was a time where he didn't care about anyone or anything aside from himself and finding his siblings, disposing of whomever was sorry enough to get in his way. He was—is terrible and the amount of blood on his hands is enough to make him hate himself, but those are the things he's never told anyone and doesn't plan on it. The days before he made it to Mystic Falls were bloody and filled with betrayal and backstabbing, thieving from poor folks who just wanted a chance to survive as him and mercifully putting them out of their misery. He said that if he could just let that be his driving force—that he was actually doing them a favor…that they didn't have a chance in Hell of making it anyway—then it would be justified in the end. In a way, he was their savior.
But somewhere along the way, after Caroline arrived, the water became murky and he couldn't see through it as clearly as before. In the beginning, there was a beginning and an end. There was a cause and an effect, but Caroline was the plot twist he never expected. Caroline was the roadblock he didn't want to find another way around. And, yes, he fucked up a lot through most of it, but she forgave him when she had every reason in the world not to. And now she's calling out to him, asking him to come back into her life. Maybe it's not as serious as Nik thinks it is, but he hopes. He hopes that this is just the beginning of fixing everything and making it to the way they were.
The baby kicks once again when Caroline is getting ready for bed. She wants to go back out there and tell someone, but she's so sleepy and doesn't have any energy to do anything but pull back the covers and climb in.
When she does so, she doesn't expect Nik to walk in.
"Hey," she yawns, "I was beginning to think you were stupid enough not to accept." She smirks and Nik rolls his eyes.
"I almost was," he admits, coming around to the opposite side of the bed. "I thought you were joking."
"I'm beginning to think you don't know me at all, Niklaus."
Caroline turns off the light on the table beside her and settles on her side, her back to Nik.
"You came just a few minutes too late. She kicked. Or he. I don't know."
She feels Nik sit up and shift on the mattress. "Why didn't you call for someone?"
"Mm...too tired and too tired to have this conversation."
Nik huffs and lies back down, folding his arms across his chest. "If it wakes you up, then wake me as well."
Caroline snorts. "Sure."
"I'm serious, Caroline. I don't want to miss it again."
"Okay."
"Caroline—"
"I promise. Do I need to cut myself to prove it to you?"
That gets him to shut up, and in all seriousness, Caroline will wake him if the baby does indeed kick again. Of course, it only lasts for a few seconds or less and then it's gone, so waking him could be completely useless. But she's thinking over something that might not even happen so she figures it's best to just get some sleep. And if, at some hour in the night, she slides over just a bit until her back is against his chest, then it's definitely not her fault. And if, at some point after that hour, somehow their left hands entwine across the side of her belly, well…
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A/N: I honestly just had a lot of trouble with this chapter and that's really the only reason why it took so long. Two more chapters, the last one might be really long I don't know, and an epilogue left.
I'll give you guys some spoilers since I've not been around much WHICH MEANS YOU SHOULD LEAVE RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE ENDING! SCROLL DOWN IF YOU WISH TO PROCEED ;)
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-The baby comes in the next chapter. I am not writing a birth scene so just putting that out there. I have no idea how to even tackle it, but I'll talk about it after the fact a little bit. I'm not going into gross detail so don't worry about that.
-The kid's name is either Haven or Logan
-Klaus and Caroline will get even closer in the next two chapters, especially with the baby being born oh my creys
-There will be two deaths in the last chapter. Technically, I guess it'll be three if you want to count a missing person (missing person?) as a death, but that's really up to you to decide since it won't be resolved and you won't really get any answers.
-You will cry because I cried thinking about it
-I don't know maybe you won't cry
-Maybe I'm just a lil shit and pretending that the ending is really sad when it's not
-No no it's actually kinda sad not gonna lie
-The epilogue is a major time jump and there will be different characters (all TVD canon characters) as well as a few of the ones remaining in the last chapter