Disclaimer: Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.
Note: This chapter was written at the end of the first semester of my first year of university. As such there will be exams coming up. While most authors have had to stop to study, I will press on but due to the need to study progress would slow down. So please be patient.
Once the whole gang understands to horrible circumstances (either spill the beans and face bullying or risk facing the vagineer) Chris said the Crocodiles, "Okay Crocs. First question: whose middle name is Courtney?"
To Chris's disappointment, there only a few giggles, mostly from Jim and Lauren. "That would be me sure," Nickolas said shamefully as he hit the button and got electrocuted earning the Crocodiles one point.
"Don't feel bad Nick," Jonny said to his friend, "in spite of common opinion, Courtney is actually unisex. Mum's reminding everyone that."
"Thanks man," said Nickolas.
"Okay Monkeys," said Chris to the Monkeys, "who wears brown contacts on their black eyes?"
The Monkeys said nothing but Aurora blushed and sweated.
"I saw that," said Lauren to the Latino, "your sweat and red skin are a total giveaway!"
"Brown contacts are in fashion at the moment," retorted Aurora ash she pushed her button and got shocked.
Confessional: Oooh. Naughty, naughty.
Aurora: I just thought brown eyes were in okay?
"And we are at one all," said Chris as the Monkeys earned their first point, "Okay Crocs. Who here has schizophrenia?"
No answer from the team. "Oh crap, he cannot have known that," thought Nessie but kept her cool so as to not attract suspicion.
"No," said Chris as he chuckled, "then it's off the see the vagineer!"
Chris hits his button dunking the Crazy Crocodiles as they confronted the vagineer. Nessie shivered as she saw the monster from last night eat her up. The Crazy Crocodiles re-emerged with Nessie following soon after having broken free of the vagineer but covered in a white slime.
Confessional: No comment.
Nessie: (very angry) I am going to sue the pants off of Chris when daddy finds out! (Finds a bugle on her foot and picks it up) Hello, what's this?
Vagineer: (notices his bugle is missing and screams loudly over it).
Chris laughs at the Crocodiles' misfortune, "Hahaha. That was awesome! And now the Monkeys. Who here has…?"
"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH CHRIS!" It was the Nostalgia Critic furious over when Chris had done.
"Boss," said Chris, "Shouldn't you be watching your anime?"
"I was but I don't know Japanese," the Critic angrily explained, "I trusted you to behave but no you had to expose kids to a terrifying, nightmare inducing monster!"
"What? It didn't scare me," Jim interrupted but the Critic didn't listen.
"Oh and another thing, those are the contestants personal secrets your giving away," the Critic continued, "They could be facing a life without self-esteem because of you! It's their business and not yours! I'm taking over! Now go clean up the waste!"
"Fine," said Chris submissively as he went off to the forest mumbling under his breath over his dislike of the Critic.
After this charade, the Nostalgia Critic calmed down and said to the campers, "He won't bother you again. I made sure of it. But don't worry; I have developed an alternative challenge for you to do. Just follow me."
Confessional: Everything went better than expected.
Victor: Oh thank God.
Li Zhang: Oh thank Confucius.
Nessie: Oh thank daddy.
Abdul: Well so much for Chris. He won't survive a minute in Saudi Arabia the way I see it.
Sheila: Well that's Midori for you.
While the Critic was leading the campers to the alternative challenge, some of them were in active conversation.
"Woo wee, at least Chris didn't ask me anything," said Malcolm relieved, "it would have been a disaster."
"Well what is your secret," asked Lauren.
"There was this one time I drank a bit pa's beer to see what it had tasted like." The rest of the team started laughing.
Confessional: I'm drunk. You don't have an excuse.
Malcolm: Why is the outside world so cruel?!
Abdul went up to Victor for some reason.
"Hey Abdul," Victor said, "look if you're going to bash me over Israel and Palestine, trust me, I may be Jewish but I prefer a two state solution; give Palestine another chance while keeping Israel."
"As tempting as that sounds, no I'm not here for that," Abdul explained, "I am here to make an alliance."
"But we're on different teams," Victor pointed out.
"That need not matter," Abdul continued, "We shall call ourselves the Children of Abraham. We could show the world that Jews and Arabs can co-exist without conflict."
"If that's so can Mari join," Victor requested, "She's Protestant."
"Yeah sure," Abdul replied, "I don't see why not. At least she's not Catholic."
Confessional: There exist Israeli and Palestinian parties calling for the two state solution but these two have the right heart.
Victor: Cool an alliance. And Mari is invited. Let's see what Protestants think of the whole issue.
Abdul: I did what I had to for the best of both. But Catholics are an abomination the Abraham's teachings! I can only hope that the rest of the Middle East does something about the Romans.
When everyone got there, the Nostalgia Critic explained the alternative challenge, "Okay kids. May I present to you the Mad Skills obstacle course? This relay race begins at the kick start, and then we have the cannon ball run, wrecking ball alley, the gang plank, double trouble and finally the grand slam."
The obstacle course itself had the huge kicking boot to start off, cannons shooting from the side, spinning logs with wrecking balls, platforms with mutant beavers eating away at their supports, rubber balls to jump over and a huge baseball glove with swinging ropes to finish it off.
"Oh and I almost forgot," the Critic continued, "You have to be wearing drunk glasses just to ramp up the hard factor. No take your positions!
"At the kick start is Jim vs Aurora,
"At the cannon ball run is Sheila vs Li Zhang,
"At wrecking ball alley is Nessie vs L,
"At the gang plant is Nickolas vs Mari,
"At double trouble is Abdul vs Victor,
"And finally at the grand slam is Jonny vs Malcolm."
"First team to finish wins immunity and the other loses someone tonight. And as this is a relay race, you will need something to pass."
Chef hands over a baby crocodile to Jim and a capuchin monkey to Aurora.
"And go!"
The boot kicks both kids. Jim falls down with the crocodile biting his butt while Aurora cautiously hands over her monkey to Li Zhang who reluctantly takes it.
Confessional: And away we go!
Aurora: I don't like to handle monkeys. They are gross beyond comprehension!
Li Zhang: I may have been tempted to quit but I know one thing, work leads to merit. And I am better than anyone else here.
Jim: I can't see $&^#.
Jim manages to hand over his crocodile to Sheila just as Li Zhang easily slips through the cannon balls.
"Oh two can play at that game," said Sheila as she put her mind into meditation mode and easily slip through the cannon balls.
Confessional: People have often complained that Australia had become a second China. Did that come as evidence?
Li Zhang: Oh and I forgot to tell you. All those years with kung fu had made me make use of my other senses besides sight.
Sheila: Back at home, I used to meditate all the time. Aren't you surprised? You probably expected the government back home to ban all mystical activity right?
Sheila and Li Zhang had given their animals to Nessie and Lauren at roughly the same time. Nessie was treading carefully on her log but one of the wrecking balls threw her at Nickolas who promptly took the crocodile. While he was hopping, one of the platforms broke courtesy of the mutant beavers. He ran away from them screaming to avoid the beasts.
Meanwhile Lauren had quickly conquered her part and gave the monkey to Mari who hopped by smoothly due to the beavers being distracted. This guaranteed her passing to Victor but then he just stood there.
Nickolas caught up soon enough to give the crocodile to Abdul who bounced through the balloons and right into the mud because Jonny distracted by his thoughts about his sister.
Confessional: You big head wanka!
Abdul: Look I may be in an alliance but my team comes first. I don't want to make anyone too suspicious.
Nickolas: When I gave the crocodile to Abdul, I decided to let the beavers chase me just to lose a few pounds.
Lauren: I am naturally an athletic figure but seriously I can't see %#^ .
Victor stood there thinking about how he could get past the balloons.
"Oh dear," he said, "How do I do this? I'll have to be a gymnast to get past this." Suddenly his mind snapped and he began to take a more feminine pose. "Looks like a job for Svetlana, top gymnast of the world," said Victor's new persona Svetlana as she jumped around the balloons with ease and gave the monkey to Malcolm.
Abdul's second attempt was more successful and he gave the crocodile to Jonny. The last two had simultaneously run to their ropes and swung. What they didn't count on was the baseball bats in the way. Jonny had hit one of them and fell into the mud but Malcolm had successfully landed on the glove.
"And the Mad Monkeys win again," said the Critic.
The Mad Monkeys cheered for Malcolm but the Crazy Crocodiles were dismayed.
"Monkeys, you can have a shampoo kit," the Critic explained the prize, "Crocodiles, I'll see you at sundown. Until then, do what you want."
Confessional: Ouch!
Victor: Jesus! Another one? Never mind. Svetlana could actually prove useful.
Jonny: I really need to leave Jenny out of my mind.
Malcolm: Did Victor become Svetlana? I must look into this!
Later that day when the Mad Monkeys were busy congratulating Malcolm for his lucky shot, Victor was sitting on the steps to his cabin embarrassed because of Svetlana. Jonny saw him while carrying a blob a pink fabric, went up to him and said, "Hey, what's the matter?"
"I don't know what happened," Victor explained, "but some way or another; I became Svetlana, a girl gymnast."
"I wouldn't worry about that," Jonny said, "I am proud to be a dude but I have worn girls clothes and taken part in girly activities; well actually I still do but no-one, not even me has complained once. Here you can have this."
Jonny gave the pink fabric to Victor who found out what it was, "Why are you giving me a pink ballet outfit?"
"So that you can feel in touch with your feminine side," Jonny explained, "don't feel ashamed, take pride. Shame only makes a person weaker."
Confessional: Lock your doors everyone, Sissy disease is contagious!
Victor: Well it's nice to see someone support me in this dark time. Well I must soldier on!
Jonny: It was one of my spare tutus I accidentally packed. Don't laugh!
Meanwhile in another part of camp, Nessie was walking around thinking about something.
"Tonight I shall vote for Sheila," Nessie said to herself, "I do not want to put up with her nagging anymore! Now how do I convince everyone else to vote for her?"
"No you won't," snarled a foul voice in her head, "If there is one thing I can tolerate even less than communists is crossdressers!"
"Oh please," Nessie said, "Jonny has never harmed anyone before."
"Don't be too sure. People like him are a stain on the human race! If we allow then to exist then they could influence others to take in the sissy fest."
"I think you are over-exaggerating."
"You don't believe me? Just imagine your daddy in a dress!"
Nessie winced at the thought and said, "Alright, you win! Actually come to think of it he did cause my team to lose. I think I know what to do."
Nessie went up to her team to discuss her suggestion.
"Guys I have made my decision," Nessie said to her teammates, "I wanna vote for Jonny."
"Any specific reason why," asked Abdul.
"I thought you were going to vote for me," said Sheila, "I'm only guessing since you don't like me nagging."
"Well I'm quite glad that you finally admit it," said Nessie, "but Jonny did get distracted right?"
"I'll bet it was his sister he was thinking about," declared Abdul, "separation of the two has done us more harm than good! Nessie I know what to do now!"
Confessional: This oughta bring in ratings.
Nessie: Look I wanted to vote for Sheila! But I can't because of those dumb voices in my head! (Covers her mouth).
Abdul: If I could organise a team swap, I could. But I want this team to win so it's important to drop dead weight.
Jonny was waiting outside the medical tent to see if his sister is alright. When Nurse Hatchet let him in, he saw Jenny all healed.
"Turns out all that were needed were cell regrowth powder," said Chef but this was interrupted as the two twins went to each other and started squeeing so he shouted, "Take annoying sounds somewhere else!"
The two went outside to discuss matters of Jenny's recovery.
"How did you recover so quickly," Jonny asked.
"Well Nurse Hatchet did say something about cell regrowth," Jenny said cheerily. "Now I am good as new!"
"Yeah but that doesn't change the fact that Chris did this to you," Jonny said bitterly, "God when I get near him, ugh, he is going to have his balls kicked!"
"Just forget about it Jonny," said Jenny, "We may be on different teams but are still here on the same island and we can be together outside of challenges. Just don't leave."
"Let's just hope I won't," Jonny said to himself.
Later that evening, all of the campers had gathered at the campfire elimination ceremony. Corey, Chris and Chef were at the flagpoles ready to lower the one representing the eliminated camper. The Nostalgia Critic stood at his oil drum holding a tray that had 12 marshmallows.
"Good evening campers," said the Critic, "welcome to the second elimination ceremony. Now, as the victors of today's challenge, the Mad Monkeys will now take their marshmallows."
The Mad Monkeys, one by one had each taken a marshmallow and sat back down.
"Crazy Crocodiles," the Critic continued, "one of you must leave the island and they cannot come back EVER! You may now vote."
Confessional: It's time to vote yet again!
Abdul: (He holds up a vote for Jonny) I am so sorry that I have to do this but you must pay the penalties.
Sheila: (She holds up a vote for Nessie) Looks like I trolled you that time! As if I'd vote off someone nice.
Jim: (He holds up a vote for Sheila) If I want to win, I have to preserve my teammates until the merge, and then I can beat them up. Thing is sissy boy is more important to this team than the hippy girl.
After the votes were cast, Corey brought them to the Critic for counting. But it is not time to call them out yet.
"You have made a decision now," the Critic said, "and now for the questions. Jonny, what was on your mind that caused your team to lose?"
"My sister Jenny sir," Jonny answered, "I cannot but help how cruel Chris McLean is the way he treated her. I'm also still a bit cross at you for separating the two of us."
"Oh, harshness," said the Critic, "Nessie, I have check the cameras. That's how I knew Chris was up to no good. That and I cannot understand Japanese. How does it feel to be the first person to encounter the vagineer?"
"It was horrible," Nessie mumble, "'Nuff said."
"Nickolas. How does it feel to have Courtney as your middle name?"
"It was kind of embarrassing since I thought it was a girl's name," said Nickolas. "But now I know it is unisex. I think we have Disney to blame for this."
"Now that we have the questions out of the way," the Nostalgia Critic said, "let's hand out the marshmallows. The first one goes to…"
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Only Sheila and Jonny were left. Only one marshmallow is left. "Oh look, one more marshmallow," said the Critic, "but only one shall take it and that person is…"
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"Sheila."
Sheila was much obliged to take her marshmallow. Chef proceeded to lower the British flag but only up to halfway because, you know. But Jonny was still not happy nor was Jenny.
"I don't believe this," said Jonny in disbelief, "I thought you would forgive me because ultimately it was Chris who indirectly caused my downfall."
"Oh crap what have I done," said Abdul, "I forgot about Chris! And here I am being selfish. Allah help me!"
"Okay I forgive you Abdul," said Jonny, "I must have lost via majority vote. I guess a lot of you didn't like the idea of a crossdressing contestant. Did you honestly think you could get rid of me? The idea is here to stay and just to be sure I have given my tutu to Victor. It's really for Svetlana."
"See what I mean by it spreading?!"
Nessie shuddered from the voice in her head.
Jenny was teary eyed. She wanted Jonny to stay on the island. She ran up to her brother and started crying.
"Please don't go," she cried, "It won't be the same without you."
"I didn't want to go either," Jonny started crying too, "but this had to happen."
And the two cried a lot as they went to the Boat of Losers. Due to the inseparability of the two, Chef was needed to pull them apart. He held Jenny back as he threw Jonny onto the boat.
"I'll miss you Jonny," Jeeny cried.
"I'll miss you too sis," Jonny cried back as the Boat of Losers left.
The Critic observing the whole thing said to himself, "Okay, that's a lot of ratings coming in." He turned to the campers and said, "Okay nothing to see here! Go to bed!"
Confessional: Exactly like Katie and Sadie from the actual show.
Jenny: (still sad) Jonny's gone and I probably will never see him again. Whoever did this is going to pay.
Nessie: I had never wanted this sort of drama! I really hate the voices in my head!
While Nessie was heading off to bed, she stopped momentarily.
"Alright this is getting out of hand," Nessie said to her mind angrily, "I did what you said and only caused more drama!"
"But that is what Total Drama is all about."
"I don't care! I need help." Nessie ran back to her cabin to find an antidote. What she didn't know was that the vagineer was watching the entire time as it said, "Haimaloo!"
The Critic turned to the camera and said, "Well that was an eventful day: I told off Chris and two of the campers have been separated for good. Or have they? What sort of demon does Nessie have in her head? How stupid would Victor look in a tutu? And who would be the next person off the island? Find those out and more next time on Total Drama Tween Island!"
Well Jonny's gone. But unlike Midori, Jonny does not have a minor role to play here. If anything his story had just started. I know some of you may have liked him or not. Besides, I wanted to see a crossdresser compete on Total Drama.
Votes
Abdul: Jonny
Jim: Sheila
Jonny: Sheila
Nessie: Jonny
Nickolas: Jonny
Sheila: Nessie
XXXXX
Jonny – 3
Sheila – 2
Nessie – 1
Mad Monkeys: Aurora, Jenny, Lauren, Li Zhang, Malcolm, Mari, Victor.
Crazy Crocodiles: Abdul, Jim, Nessie, Nickolas, Sheila.
Eliminated: Midori, Jonny.
Next time: The campers have to climb up a high cliff. And Jenny won't stop crying.