Disclaimer: Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome.
Note: Now I have been reading Baconbaka's fanfiction Total Drama Dictionary and I have to say it is awesome. He's quite fond of my work and has even volunteered to include my character Midori (his favourite camper) in his story. May he serve you well Midori-chan. Also Cragmiteblaster let me use his characters and so did Baconbaka.
The Nostalgia Critic stood on the Dock of Shame to give his recap of the last episode.
"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island," he was saying, "I was looking through Midori's luggage and thought it would be a good idea to give a proper critique of Sailor Moon so I left my intern Chris McLean in charge for the time being but it turned out that I don't know any Japanese so I decided to have my job back."
He got angry, "And whoop-de-^&$%ing-do! He was forcing secrets out of the contestants and potentially scaring them with a vagineer! I should have known he would do that given that he ordered our newest intern Corey the dinosaur to injure Jenny who as a result could not compete for the day!"
He calmed down, "Anyway, Abdul formed an alliance with Victor called the Children of Abraham for some reason and Mari's invited. I think it'll do jack$#( . We got to the alternate challenge, an obstacle course where there was roughly an equal footing. Malcolm only won because Jonny was distracted by how brutal Chris could be.
"And that was his downfall. That and Nessie convinced the rest of her team for some reason. This left the twins crying hard! Even now she won't shut up! Will she cheer up? And how will it be done? And what sneaky moves is Nessie going to try? Find out right here on Total Drama Tween Island!"
(Theme song; I wanna be famous)
(Dock of Shame)
Jenny was right at the edge of the Dock of Shame still crying over her twin brother's loss and seemingly permanent separation. Sheila just so happened to be nearby.
"Jenny, crying is not going to solve anything," said Sheila, "besides; Jonny would want you to keep going." But Jenny was still crying. "We should probably head back," sighed Sheila as she started carrying Jenny away who had torn off a bit of the dock form gripping so tightly.
"Oh Jonny," Jenny sobbed, "I miss you."
Meanwhile at the campfire, Corey was busy roasting pork sausages. "Aw man this is beautiful," he said as he ate one. He then saw Sheila bring Jenny, still crying, over to him.
"What's the matter is she freaking stupid," asked Corey still eating his sausage.
"Well, let's just say it was a long goodbye," Sheila replied.
Corey swallowed his sausage and said to Jenny, "Hey how long have you been together?"
Jenny calmed down just enough to talk, "Well practically forever. We have never been far apart. But not too close either so as to be conjoined twins. But then…" She had started crying again.
"Look that was to be expected given the context," Corey said be Sheila glared at him which meant, "That doesn't solve anything."
Corey was thinking of some ideas and then he got a few in mind.
Confessional: I wish I had someone to speak to besides occupants.
Corey: Alright, here's how it's going to go. I have two plans in mind for tomorrow. Plan A goes like this: Jenny is 13 years old and so is at an age when she can have a boyfriend. Well truth be told they can have relationships at any time, man humans are complex. Anyway, I will act as a boyfriend but being a dinosaur, I have hired someone to help me out. And if that doesn't work, there's plan B (calls someone on a phone that is allowed to have signal).
(Mad Monkeys; Guys)
Malcolm was curious about the tutu that Jonny had given Victor.
"Hey Victor," asked Malcolm, "Why did Jonny give this nice outfit."
"I don't know actually," said Victor, "Tutus are usually girls' clothing. With Jonny it's understandable given that he does wear girly clothes but why I get to have it is quite a mystery."
"Well whatever it is," Malcolm said caressing the tutu, "it's so soft and silky."
Victor is too embarrassed to let this go on any further so he took the tutu and said, "Okay that's enough. Let's talk about something else." He put it under his bed.
"Well okay," Malcolm said, "well my digi-egg had finally hatched. And why do I have twins? I don't get it."
Victor gasped in shock and said, "You just got lucky! The one with the black pixels is Conomon and the one in the white pixels is Zerimon. These are very rare, usually only one digimon is born from each egg."
Malcolm looked at his egg in amazement; who'd have thought that a communal boy that most likely smells from cow dung could get a rare hatch of some sort of digital monster.
Confessional: That has got to be worth a fortune! You can forget about competing!
Malcolm: What I just experienced is a one-time event that may never happen again. Also, the outside culture is kind of weird, who would be so cruel as to taboo boys from such silky stuff!
Victor: Due to Svetlana saving me yesterday, everyone would want to see her in action. Well maybe there is a use for that tutu after all.
(Mad Monkeys; Girls)
Mari was doing her sewing as usual, but was quite worried of Jenny's state of emotion.
"Oh gosh, poor Jenny," Mari said, "To lose someone very dear is certainly heartbreaking."
"Oh please," Lauren said rudely, "She's useless. We did fine without her. We might as well kick her off the island now."
"I heard that," said a stern voice. It was Jenny. She had returned, still a little bit sad but a lot calmer.
"Oh sorry I didn't see you," Lauren quickly said.
"You think I am not an asset to the team," Jenny said to Lauren, "well I think I should prove my worth as the team leader. Starting tomorrow, you will do as I say in the challenges. Any questions?"
"Yeah," asked Aurora while applying lipstick, "how are you like going to cheer up."
"Simple," Jenny replied, "Corey volunteered to cheer me up with a hot sexy body. Hey even I admire hot guy bodies you know."
Confessional: How come I can't help out!
Jenny: The only people on this island with 'hot' bodies are Jim, Li Zhang and Chris and they are assholes so they can be ruled out. Maybe Corey hired someone.
Aurora: Jenny's intention to look at hot bodies to get her mind off Jonny is like making me so jealous! I need a boyfriend now!
Mari: Out of all the boys here, Victor seems the hottest to me. Tomorrow I am going to do his hair and cause a lot of squees, mostly from me.
(Crazy Crocodiles; Guys)
Nickolas was waiting in line for the newest issue of 'Aquaman' in the city of Townsville.
"Oh, come on," Nickolas groaned, "I don't have time for this! I came all the way here away from Disney just to wait in a huge line?!"
Meanwhile in the air ducts, two chipmunk sized creatures dropped a small cherry bomb onto the counter. It detonated and caused a big fire and everyone was running away.
"Uh, what the heck is…? Ahhh," Nickolas screamed as the fire inched closer to him.
Fortunately, something zipped through the sky and stared down at the fire. "Alright, let's do this," said the new figure as it summoned a ball of water and threw it at the fire, dousing it. Everyone cheered it for saving the day but not before flying in and coming out with two chipmunks.
"Sheila? Is that you," said Nickolas recognising the figure. It was Sheila who for some reason looked like a powerpuff girl.
"Well, well, well," said powerpuff Sheila, "Chip and Dale. What do you want this time?"
"We wanted to claim Townsville as property of Greater California," declared Chip.
"And we decided to take down the DC comic store to spread our message," said Dale.
"I think I've heard enough here," said Sheila as she threw Chip and Dale into the sky. Nickolas ran up to her and she said to him, "Oh hey Nick. Just saving the day."
"Wow, Sheila," said Nickolas amazed, "If you hadn't arrived I could have been dead. How did you end up here in my dreams?"
"Well my friend," Sheila explained, "I have mind powers. I can infiltrate other people's dreams and affect their outcome. It was taught to me by grandad to relieve the dreams of the masses."
"I'm sure you'll do well," said Nickolas.
Confessional: Greater California had annexed some territory already. Even in the dream world they try.
Nickolas: I'm not exactly sure what happened in my dream but it was awesome! That really takes my mind off of Jonny huh?
(Crazy Crocodiles; Girls)
Nessie had returned to the woods to try again.
"Now where is the…? Bingo," shouted Nessie as she at long last found oil underneath her feet with her device. She had begun to dig underneath her.
"It's only a small start," Nessie said to herself, "but given enough time I should be loaded with oil to send off to daddy."
"I have an even better idea. Let it all spill into the forest!"
"I don't care Bedlam. I just want the oil and leave it at that."
"Woooooo!"
"Oh no," Nessie said fearing up again as she caught sight of the vagineer as it said, "Em ot sgnoleb taht gnihtemos evah uoy!" Nessie ran away back to her cabin screaming.
Confessional: Hey I can understand backwards speech you naughty girl!
Nessie: I had finally found my oil but that dumb vagineer ruined it for me! (Starts sucking her thumb).
Vagineer: Hurr!
Sheila: That poor Nessie just won't learn. And I wasn't kidding about going into others' dreams either!
Meanwhile in a secluded, well-hidden region of the island, Wallace has had Corey strapped to the wall for something.
"Mwahahahaha," Wallace laughed evilly as he set up his apparatus and explained to Corey, "So, I see you want to become a human being."
"Yes I do," said Corey taking note of his position, "But why set it up like this?"
"Because if I want the job done," said Wallace, "I'd prefer it in the most evil fashion possible." He then hits the button on his device and evil organ music starts playing out of nowhere.
"Okay, I am getting freaked out," said Corey.
"Anyway, that's how I lost my physics licence," said Wallace, "Now this is called the Biomorph 4000. It can turn any organism into what is displayed on the screen." He referred to the human shaped silhouette on the screen before putting in an old cell. "Unfortunately it uses a lot of energy so I'm putting in thorium cell so as to…" He tried to activate the machine but the cell exploded. Wallace's hair was set on fire but he quickly put it out.
"What the hell was that," Corey asked.
"That was progress my friend," said Wallace, "Hey Alec, go get me a bigger fresher thorium cell!"
"Will do, for SCIENCE," said Alec, Wallace's assistant as he went over to the storage box for the big cell. "No. No. Not this one. Gah. Oh, here we go." He found the cell he was looking for right next to a robo-pirate head.
"Kill me," said the robo-pirate head.
"Later," said Alec before giving the cell to Wallace, "Here you go boss. One large, fully charged thorium cell for your machine. This will bring glory to the world of SCIENCE!"
"Yes it will Alec," said Wallace as he inserted the cell into its slot. The machine charged up and eventually it was ready for use.
"Mwahaha, this is going to be fun," laughed Wallace as he activated the Biomorph 4000. The machine shot a green beam at Corey and he undergoes the transformation. Once that was done, Corey was set free as a silhouette.
"Wow, how do I look," asked Corey.
"It was a rousing success," said Wallace, "however the effects will wear off at sundown, after that you are back into a dinosaur. Come Alec, we must return to 2075!"
"For SCIENCE," uttered Alec as Wallace teleported both of them via his pocket watch time machine back to the future. Corey now stood there puzzled.
Confessional: I'm going to saw through your bones!
Corey: (as a silhouette) Well that went well, a little freaky but it had to happen. Now to wait until breakfast.
The next morning at the mess hall, the campers were eating their breakfast.
"Ugh," Abdul groaned at his unappealing breakfast, "now I understand why gruel rhymes with cruel."
"Hey guys," Nickolas announced to the rest of his team, "I had a bad dream last night. Well actually, it would have been bad had it not been for Sheila. She can infiltrate dreams and purify them."
"Well, that is actually kind of lame but imagine what nightmares I could bring if I had that power," said Jim as he ate his gruel but then started choking.
"Oh crap," gasped Sheila as she gave Jim the Heimlich manoeuvre and subsequently releasing a small beetle.
"Oh thanks toots," said Jim in relief.
"Screw you Jim," Sheila retorted, "I just wanted to save this little beetle."
A while later, Lauren was pulling a disgruntled Li Zhang to the Mad Monkeys table.
"What do you want," Li Zhang asked uninterested.
"Oh, I just thought you and me could have a little eating contest," Lauren explained, "or are you chicken?"
Upon hearing that, Li Zhang now had a competitive drive going, "Come at me!" The two were eating away at their gruel until Li Zhang had had enough, "You know what, screw this!" He hit his plate right at Victor's face and ran out the door again.
"Hey quit throwing your %#*^ing stuff at me," said Chester, "back in my day we ate with our hands like civilised folk!"
Mari was laughing at Victor's Chester 'act', "Oh Victor, you never cease to amuse me."
"Heh heh heh, just lightening up your day," said Victor having reverted back, "by the way you look pretty cool."
Today Mari was wearing baggy jeans, a blue hoodie and a low tie ponytail for a more masculine look. The others took notice of this.
"Ew," said Aurora in disgust, "you look like a bogan."
"I beg to differ," said Lauren, "I like her outfit." She turned to Victor, "You know you should probably drop the old man act but with Svetlana? How do you do it?"
"I don't know," replied Victor, "I practice in the mirror."
Confessional: Some people prefer girls who act in a more boyish manner. True words of a liberal.
Nickolas: With Sheila's cool powers, I'm more motivated. I shall carry on his legacy!
Sheila: I may have been taught to tolerate all but I was reminded that exceptions are allowed to apply if necessary. I don't abuse them but here it goes to Jim. The bug is kind of cute though.
Lauren: What happened next will probably mind&%*# you.
A while later, the Nostalgia Critic coaxed Li Zhang inside as usual while he gave the morning speech.
"Good morning campers," said the Critic, "As you know, last night Jenny just wouldn't stop crying so in light of this Corey, the guy who injured her in the first place no thanks to Chris, has volunteered to help her out. This is what he did."
The Critic stepped aside to reveal a blonde man with a gold headband with feathers, on orange tube top, orange detached sleeves, yellow gloves with grey claws, orange hot pants, an orange fake tail with gold feathers and yellow and gold shoes with grey claws and sickles.
"Everyone," the Critic said referring to the man, "this is what Corey looks like as a human being."
Instantly, Jim started laughing and Lauren muttered under her breath, "He looks really gay." For Jenny, the response is the opposite; she started squeeing at how cute Corey looked now.
Confessional: Almost like a Jonny 2.0
Jenny: Corey is just the cutest guy ever! He looks so hot that I suddenly got Jonny off my mind! I am happy again.
Corey: That's right, I have effectively boosted her morale, but I hope she won't be too distracted. Why do I look gay? Well you probably know that theropod dinosaurs like myself are ancestral to birds which tend to make males more fabulous than females, if you think peacocks.
Nostalgia Critic: Note to self, remind Chef to take remedial cooking classes.
"Now that that's out of the way," the Critic continued, "allow me to remind you that Jonny's luggage is missing a ballet outfit but I will not dwell on that in case Chris gets any ideas. And now allow me to direct you to your next challenge.
The campers follow the Critic over to a huge pile of rocks that is Mt. Looming Tragedy.
"Alright campers," the Critic explained, "for the first part of today's challenge, climb to the top of Mt. Looming Tragedy. You can do it with your bare hands or whatever's in that pile trash if you dare."
The Nostalgia Critic referred to the pile of junk next to him with a huge beetle in it. "For some reason, that giant bug infiltrated the pile and is territorial so only use it if you have balls! And I mean it in a metaphorical sense so females get involved."
Well, that's part one. What's the deal with Corey as a human? He is supposed to lampoon all the 'furries' that tend to pop up on image boards by being hot and gay looking because well, girls like bishounens. Also, Chip and Dale belong to Walt Disney, the Powerpuff Girls belongs to Craig McCracken and Wallace and Alec belong to Cragmiteblaster and Baconbaka respectively.
Next time: The campers climb Mt. Looming Tragedy, face each other in a snowball fight and someone is voted off. Oh, and what happens next will please Jenny.