Disclaimer: Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome and the AVGN is owned by James Rolfe of Cinemassacre.
Note: You remember last episode when the team names were changed to Mad Marmosets and Crazy Crocosaurs? I just wanted to implement a little change to reflect on the members. And now, on with the story!
The Nostalgia Critic, having returned the Angry Video Game Nerd back to camp, stood on the Dock of Shame to give the intro.
"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island," he began, "the goddamn Nerd just got settled in and has forced Malcolm and Victor to the girls' side of the cabin but much to my surprise, none of them minded. Nessie on the other hand had chosen to go to the boys' side of the cabin so as to get company because, let's face it, she can't sleep by herself.
"After an escapade that put Chef Hatchet out of action for a while, the kid made their own breakfast. Here, Li Zhang has opened up a little bit to L but just a little bit.
"And then the challenge. It was going to be a dress up contest but unfortunately Corey had stepped on glass leftover from when the Nerd beat up Chef and now he was really pissed off. I had invited Midori back along with two teenagers known as Tina and Maxwell but Corey in his primal rage took the former one to Boney Island!
"That meant I had sent the campers to get her back. Jesus, this job is really starting to get me. Anyway, Victor, as Manitoba Smith, led the lot over to that hellish place. Once there, Corey proved to be way too strong so L decided to dress up in a hot dress to seduce him which didn't have much effect unfortunately. But because of lactose intolerance and the fact that she drank milk beforehand, L had immobilised Corey long enough to cure him.
"That was when Chris showed up to congratulate to Mad Monkeys once again. Nessie celebrated by blowing into a bugle she got off the vagineer to summon a really freaky monster called the snyphurr who threatened them with petrification. But to compensate for his sins for the day, Corey heroicly stepped in the way and took the hit, thus unable to work on this show anymore.
"Back at the camp, Jonny was told off for his hypocrisy and had decided to be alone for a bit. After being mocked, Tina told everyone her tragic backstory causing everyone to cry. Nessie, being affected by misery had revealed to you guys her evil personality. Jesus, so that's two people with MPD?!
"In the end, it was Abdul who had to go for being a wuss. I'm actually surprised he didn't try to bomb the place but well you can't have everything you'd expect. Nor should any of expect every Muslim to have a bomb on them! Due to having to deal with the Nerd at the time, Chris took my place and he not only swapped L and Nessie around but also changed the names of the teams to Mad Marmosets and Crazy Crocosaurs! Now to be fair, that is a clever idea.
"How will this new team arrangement play out? How will Jim cope with a tomboy on his team? How will Nessie cope with her inner demons and get along with her new team? And will the Nerd ever stop pissing me off? Find out right her on Total Drama Tween Island!"
(Theme song: I wanna be famous)
Li Zhang was sitting next to the toilet in his stall, thinking of his competition.
"This game is nuts," he thought, "aside from the tomboyish chick, everyone doesn't look right. I just know they'll find out about my mutation and it'll be like that one day all over again."
Later, Jonny walked in the communal washrooms to reflect on his experiences at the camp. He went to attempt to open Li stall only to get a 'Get lost!"
"Whoa, hold it;" Jonny said in surprise, "What are you doing here?"
"This is my home now," Li Zhang responded, "go away!"
"Look this cannot go on any longer," Jonny said sternly, "Sooner or later, you'll have to socialise with others!"
"Bull$#!%," Li cursed, "you have no idea what these people are like!"
"All I know is that they mean you no harm," Jonny tried to explain, "Well most of them. Why do you hate people so much?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Li rudely replied.
"Well then at least listen to my problems," Jonny explained, "I kinda got caught up in a love triangle. Midori wouldn't stop stalking me and I rejected her but I went on to stalk Aurora. And then she told me off and now I feel like a jackass! So you see, you're not the only one who has problems; I'm pretty sure everyone does so maybe that is incentive to socialise and get to know people better."
"Okay okay now go away," Li said. Jonny left promptly to sleep somewhere else then he heard someone else walk up and then he responded, "What do you want?"
"Dude, chill out," Lauren said, "It's me, L. You gotta come back."
"Or else what," Li asked.
"Just do it," Lauren ordered him, "And don't worry about Jim, I'll take care of him."
"Alright," Li Zhang gave in and exited the stall so he and Lauren could return to the Crazy Crocosaurs cabin.
Confessional: About time too! I needed to crap!
Li Zhang: With L I feel a little safer. But I still don't trust anyone else. I'm hoping she'll make things better.
Jonny: I cannot believe I let that out so soon. And to Li Zhang no less. I feel a little better already but I'm not so sure.
Lauren: I'm sorry, I just don't like the idea of isolation. It reminds me too much of those idiots at school. Li needs help!
(Crazy Crocosaurs)
Back at the Crocosaur cabin, Jim was sleeping when he heard Lauren and Li Zhang walk in.
"What do you want," he asked aggressively, "I was trying to sleep!"
"Li needs to sleep with other people," Lauren explained, "So I expect the two of you to get along!"
"No way," Jim retorted, "I'm not hanging out with that loser. It goes against my principles of dominating weaker people."
"Oh, so you go around bullying other people," Lauren angrily questioned, "That is being a jackass! Li is strong, so you should at least appreciate him more!"
"Alright fine," Jim gave in, "I just didn't want to disappoint my dad. Li we are officially peers but watch your step."
"I don't know about this," Li questioned, "He seems kind of rough."
"Look, just try to get along," Lauren reminded Li, "We are a team and I don't want to lose because you are being jackasses. Now let's see what's in that box, I can't wait any longer."
Lauren picked up the green key from the fourth challenge and used it on the green box, only to have it explode in an avalanche of dirty clothing.
"Ewwww, Chef's dirty laundry," Chris said mockingly as he entered to check on the Crocosaurs, "Pretty stinky."
"What was the point of this," Lauren shouted frustratedly as she threw all the clothes out of the way, "Was this meant to troll the old Crocodiles team?"
"Who knows," Chris shrugged, "but the good news is there are some movies in there."
Chris was totally right, the green box had a small plasma TV with around 200 movies to choose from.
"Sweet! Time for a movie marathon," Lauren cheered when she noticed something, "Hey wait a minute, how come they only go up to PG?"
"Sorry brah, them's the rules," Chris laughed, "Also I am going to tell one last thing about the elimination twist. As the winning team, the Marmosets get to sleep in the boss's trailer. You guys need to win a challenge in order to do that. Toodles."
And with that, Chris left and Lauren got a little bit pissed off.
Confessional: LOL
Lauren: Look, I want to keep winning challenges and I know from experience a stable team helps out. I want to sleep in the trailer damn it!
Jim: You want to know why I kick others around? Dad told me once to not trust anyone else for they are weak. I thought he was promoting Social Darwinism and I even read about it. I thought he meant that only I mattered so I went to dominate over the weak and show them who's the boss. That's why I bully others; it's to establish my status as the superior specimen.
Li Zhang: I don't trust Jim but I definitely trust L. Let's see where this goes.
(Mad Marmosets)
Meanwhile in the woods, Nessie is still digging up the hole which now has cement being poured to form the walls. This time, she had started digging a side tunnel to help ease the flow of the oil if it is released. Kyle was watching.
"Ugh, you're still going at it," Kyle questioned, "you must be really determined to get the black gold."
"It's for my daddy," Nessie shouted from in the tunnel, "he needs it to keep his business going." She then installed a bomb onto the end where she is certain is right up to the reservoir.
"Uh whatevs. I'm out of here," Kyle said bored.
Nessie climbed out of the tunnel to reflect on her work thus far. Seconds later, the vagineer appeared again.
"Elgub nmad eht kcab em evig," the vagineer shouted as Nessie ran back over to camp.
Back in the trailer, Mari was hard at work on her next outfit albeit carefully so as to not wake up the Critic who had gone to bed, Jenny and Aurora were conversing and Victor who had become Chester was saying his prayers.
"Dear god," Chester said as he tried to ignore the surrounding noises, "this game is a load of $#!%. Even if it goes on to the end, I do not want it renewed for another season or so help me…" However the noises were a bit too much to ignore now. "Oh would you ladies stop being so loud! I'm trying to pray here!"
"Sorry Vic," Jenny apologised, "Aurora and I were talking about Li Zhang. I think she finds him hot."
"Shut up," Aurora retorted, "I just want to help him overcome his problems!"
"Now the both of you shut up, I do not want this day to get any worse," Chester shouted just as Malcolm came out of the closet wearing the exact same dress that Lauren wore in the last challenge, "Oh god no! Where is this world coming to? People aren't conforming to their gender-designated dress anymore because it is 'old-school' and 'loser-grade' and $#!%!"
"What, I just did as Aurora did," Malcolm defended when the girls started giggling, even Mari, "What the heck is so funny?"
"Sorry Mal," Aurora said getting her ribs together, "It's just that the idea of a guy wearing girls' clothes is freaking hilarious. Yeah, I don't regret making you wear it."
"Oh boy, this is almost as funny as Victor's Chester impressions," Mari commented, "though I do have to admit he does take them a little too seriously."
"Well, no-one's perfect," Victor noted as her reverted back, "but let's assume that for now."
Just then, Nessie came in screaming in fear, causing all the other Marmosets to jump in surprise and the Nostalgia Critic to wake up.
"Oh Jesus Christ," the Critic ranted, "shut up already! I'm trying to sleep!"
"Well, don't blame us," Jenny said, "blame Chris. He put us here as a reward."
"Very well then," the Critic said, "just keep quiet." He went back to sleep.
There was a bit of silence and then Nessie spoke up, "Sorry guys. I was digging for oil in the woods when the vagineer came back."
"Now calm down, you're safe now," Jenny consoled the cowgirl, "we have all encountered the vagineer. Besides, maybe you should stop looking for oil, he doesn't like it and I don't think any animal does either."
"Well your 'boyfriend' isn't here anymore," Nessie said back, "guess you're going out single again."
"Let's just get some sleep," said Jenny as she went back into her sleeping bag along with Victor, Aurora and Mari.
"Okay, I will," Nessie declared, "but I will get that oil. Just you wait." She then turned to Malcolm and said, "You look ridiculous by the way."
After that, Nessie went to sleep. Malcolm however just stood there and looked at himself and began to giggle.
Confessional: Now there's some real drama right here!
Malcolm: I still don't see any wrong with wearing a cute dress. So this is how Jonny feels. Besides, that 'L' girl looked really hot in it. (Giggles again)
Victor: Mari cannot know of my MPD. It would freak her out! But why sulk all the time? I've got a prank to plan for tomorrow.
Mari: Maybe I should just stop worrying about Victor and just go along with it. After all, he is good all by himself, right?
The next morning, all of the contestants had gathered in the mess hall waiting for breakfast. Victor who was on the Marmoset table was giggling as his prank was all set up.
"Victor, what is so funny," Mari questioned. This time, she was wearing a Lolita gothic dress that was coloured blue but she retains her Pollyanna-ish attitude.
"Let's not focus on that," Victor quickly said, "What I would like to ask is how you could make those clothes in an instant?"
"Maybe there's a conspiracy going on," Nessie suggested, "but I will not say anything."
"Like I even cared," Aurora commented before noticing Jenny was a little down, "Hey what's wrong?"
"I'm kinda worried about Jonny," Jenny replied, "after what you said to him, I don't think he'll want to hang out anymore. Only this time, Corey's not here anymore so that means I can't use him for emergency happiness."
"Oh dear, that must stink," Malcolm noted (he was back in his usual attire), "I don't know about you but I'm starting to fall for Lauren. Boy, that dress looked real good on her, and me."
"You pervert," Nessie noted.
A while later, the Angry Video Game Nerd entered the kitchen; he served to be the cook until Chef Hatchet has healed.
"Yeah, where's the ^&%$ing cereal at," he said looking in the cupboard. He got out the Cheerios but then, "Oh &^%# where's the milk?" He then checked the fridge for the milk but then noticed something was off. "What the hell is a bottle of cola doing here," he asked himself, "*^#% it, I'm thirsty." So he opens the bottle only for it to explode in a fountain on his face.
Victor began to laugh at the Nerd's misfortune and, quickly, everyone else joined in except for Li Zhang.
"Alright, which of you jackasses set up the cola-mentos trap," the Nerd yelled to which Li Zhang replied, "He did it," pointing at Victor.
"So, you think it's funny huh," the Nerd scolded Victor, "well &%#$ you, it isn't!" Despite being told off, Victor was still laughing.
Confessional: You naughty little $#!%!
Victor: (Still laughing before calming down) Oh man, that was priceless! I completely forgot how much fun that was. Ladies and gentlemen, Anarchy V is back and here to stay!
Mari: I know it seems wrong but this was way too funny to pass up!
Li Zhang, at the Crocosaurs table, was quite cross with what Victor had done.
"Hey, what gives," Lauren asked, "that was hell funny."
"I didn't like it," Li said coldly, "now you see why I hate people."
"Oh boy," said Lauren before dragging in Jim to talk team strategies, "Okay you two, as you probably know, I was very lucky to be on a winning team and I would like to keep up the streak but now I am stuck with you guys. I think it would be in our best interests if we get along."
"Aw hell no," Jim refused.
"Jim we discussed this," Lauren said angrily, "If you start being a team player, we could actually win challenges and you now longer have to feel weak."
"Fine," said Jim as he began to talk to Li Zhang, "Okay I may not like you but I'm starting to think we have a lot in common."
"How so," Li Zhang asked.
"Well to put it simply we both think everyone else is below us," Jim explained, "I have no interest in knowing why you hate others but as for me, my father once told me to not trust anyone for they are weak and stupid. So it made sense I read up on Social Darwinism and come to realize that the stupid and weak will have to go extinct sooner or later. And I'm only doing what nature wants me to and you should too. Do Charles Darwin proud by actually hurting someone if you don't like them."
"Actually, that makes a lot of sense," Li Zhang summed up, "I may not like you for your constant bullying but if the world wants to hurt me then I must hurt them to prove my strength! L, Jim and I are going to get along nicely."
"Oh that's nice," Lauren said just as the Critic walked in to announce today's challenge.
"About time you got here Critic," the Nerd said angrily, "that kid in the orange cap had a cola bottle explode in my face! Disqualify him!"
"Sorry Nerd, I only disqualify people if their victims are hurt, not simply pissed off," the Critic said cynically, "Also, I would help you but when ratings are involved, anything goes. You just have to deal with it." The Nerd could only scowl at the Critic and Victor at this.
"But pranks aside," the Critic continued, "please follow me to the location of the next challenge!"
Confessional: I am usually one who sides with order, until today when that order was challenged by pranksters!
Li Zhang: Now longer will I hold back! These assholes are going down! But I must start small.
Jim: I did it! I converted someone to my way of thinking! I will not let you down dad!
On the way to the challenge location, Li Zhang was holding a water bottle he had smuggled from the kitchen.
"Um, excuse me Li," Jenny asked with caution, "I know it's good that you have a water bottle and all but don't you wanna share?"
"No," Li Zhang replied, "In fact, I'm not even thirsty!" He then shot the bottle at Jenny's chest dampening the fabric of the shirt.
"Oh man," Jim laughed, "that was cool twofold!"
"It sure was," Li Zhang responded, "wait, twofold?"
"I know for certain that wet shirts are more transparent," Jim said pervertedly. And he was absolutely right, Jenny's shirt was now partially see-through; you could barely see her green training bra.
Jenny groaned in embarrassment from the water attack which Lauren took notice of. "Sorry about that," Lauren apologized, "But I told my team to work together and beat you down. I guess they took it too serio…" She then stared at Jenny's chest for a bit longer than usual but then had to turn away once her nose started dripping with blood.
Confessional: Here! You can have some fanservice!
Jenny: Oh dear, this is so embarrassing! Even Jonny and I have differences in which he doesn't mind a wet shirt one bit.
Lauren: Okay, let's get this out of the way. I have a slight attraction to other girls. I'm not saying I'm not into boys because I am but this is pretty shameful. But then, my neighbour was full of idiots with too high expectations on what girls should and shouldn't do.
Eventually, the campers had come across a cave entrance with a big neon arrow pointing at it.
"Okay campers," the Critic explained, "today you go in a deep dark cave in order to find a big nice ass gem of your team's colour. The first team to get their gem and back wins immunity and a chance to sleep in my trailer. Sounds simple right? Actually no, I said it was dark for a reason. Early on, there exist flashlights and jars of fireflies to help guide you but if want to defend against wild animals down there then tough $#!%."
"Anything else," Aurora asked.
"Okay, you have 30 minutes to do this exercise. At the end of the time limit, the whole cavern will be filled with lava. But you may encounter it sooner as it will light up the room more efficiently then flashlights and fireflies. Now go!"
At that, the campers ran into the cave to get their gems. Then Chris decided to be a troll.
"Hey boss," Chris said, "do you think the challenge would be more fun if the campers were trapped inside?"
"Well I… NO," the Critic shouted but Chris already set off the detonator causing an explosion to happen above the cave entrance and the resulting landslide to trap the kids inside. The Critic got very cross at Chris and said furiously, "God damn it Chris! If these kids die in there, we might as well can the show right now! Now go with Jonny to the woods and clean up the nuclear waste for god's sake!"
"Okay boss," Chris said in submission as he and Jonny went into the woods to clear the waste.
Oh, cliffhanger! Don't those piss you off? So anyway, that was part one of episode 7. Now about the gag early on in the chapter, it was directly copied off the part in episode 2 of Total Drama All Stars where Cameron detonates a bomb in the sand that releases dirty clothes. Now that was pretty funny. Here we explore Victor's anarchic personality which is his true one by the way, the demon has been released. Also we learn the reason behind Jim's tactics and his influence on Li Zhang.
Next time: The trapped campers make their way out, Jonny makes a new friend, Aurora learns the horrific truth about Li Zhang from a certain giant bug and someone else is eliminated.