Disclaimer: Total Drama is owned by Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network while the Nostalgia Critic is owned by Doug Walker of Channel Awesome and the AVGN is owned by James Rolfe of Cinemassacre.
Note: Sorry if I'm a bit late here but, happy 2014! Yeah I know I should have said that in the previous chapter but still.
The Nostalgia Critic stood on the Dock of Shame to give the intro.
"Last time on Total Drama Tween Island," he began, "some weird $#!% happened! First off, Malcolm fetish for silky fabrics went further as he put on Victor's ballet outfit from episode 4! Lauren caught him on the act though but instead of kicking his ass, she giggled at his naivety which apparently turns her on. That and the fact he saved her before had them hook up.
"The next day saw Chef recover from his fight with the Nerd from episode 6 and Kyle the midget the Nessie messed around with join our intern crew to replace Jonny. Turns out that Nessie didn't want to do that but did anyway for her family's and country's sake! Anyway, our remaining campers got to see their friends and family from outside the show. One such asshole, Oscar who is Nessie's father got her to cry and that's when her evil self, Bedlam took over! Okay, now I'm convinced she had MPD as well! Also, I'm starting to think Mari and Jim have some personal insecurities.
"The challenge had the campers stuff themselves with all sorts of delicious desserts on 7 rounds. Some left sooner on from barfing, others pressed on, leading to some very big bellies. In the end, it all came down to Victor and Sheila, the former having puked on Chris of all people at the last minute giving the latter the victory.
"Later that day, Li Zhang finally confessed his history to Lauren who was actually pretty cool with it. Oh, and Mari and Victor hooked up! Oh great; two hook-ups in one episode! But in the end, it was Malcolm who had to go and he was glad to; he felt he didn't belong on the show anymore! Who's going to look after his digimon now?
"So yeah, we are now at the merge! Our final 7 are Jim, Lauren, Li Zhang, Mari, Nessie, Sheila and Victor! Who will be the next to fall? Who will pull through? Find out right now on Total Drama Tween Island!"
(Theme song: I wanna be famous)
In the forest, Weaselcake had gathered up some of the wild critters and monsters of Wawanakwa.
"G'day mates," Weaselcake began, "Today, we have a new recruit. Here it is; Sh*t Pickle!"
Sh*t Pickle who just showed up simply bounced around and uttered its name several times in glee.
"And now on to the main part of the meeting," Weaselcake continued, "A few days ago, I befriended a young boy known as Jonny. He heard from some nerd that someone's been dumping nuclear waste on this island. Well I'll be honest with you. There is a certain spot on the island that has a concentrated load of the stuff. Maybe that's it?"
"So then what happened," growled the bear.
"I took Jonny over there for a split second. Trust me, I'm too scared to go there myself but maybe I will for a few times in his honour. What he wrote down about the area was taken away by a rude man known as Chris Mclean. So I managed to take the notes back with me without him knowing."
"Elgub ym elots ohw hctib eht ot teg ew od nehw," asked the Vagineer.
"You mean Nessie," Weaselcake replied, "Yes I know she committed the great forest crime of setting up an oil extraction apparatus that as I speak is pumping the stuff. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed in the camp area so we'll pounce on her when she gets to the forest. In the meantime, there's the waste."
(Crazy Crocosaurs)
Meanwhile, in the Critic's trailer, Li Zhang had just reluctantly told his story to his teammates.
"Oh Li," Sheila cried from bed, "that's horrible!"
"Dude, that is so lame," Jim commented.
"Yeah I know," Li admitted, "It's not the worst life ever. Go ask someone who's had to live through a civil war." Suddenly, Chris could be heard screaming over Victor dropping cockroaches on his head. "Or Chris. And judging yesterday, you must have had a bad home life too."
"Shut up," Jim shouted, "It's none of your business!"
"Well it must have been pretty horrible," Sheila commented when her still very swollen belly cramped up and gurgled loudly, "Ooh, my tummy hurts!"
"Shouldn't your stomach be empty by now," Li Zhang questioned.
"It is," Sheila responded, "Urp! But don't forget I ate one banana, a slice of chocolate cake, a bowl of ice-cream, a glass of milkshake, a really big strawberry tart, a huge chocolate bar and 3 pancakes! It's all pushing against my intestinal walls!" She burped again while her belly gurgled a few more times.
"Here, let me help," Lauren said while she began rubbing Sheila's more sensitive areas, thus relieving the pain.
"Ahh, thanks Lauren," Sheila thanked.
"Look, I don't want you spewing," Lauren responded, "That would suck big time. Say, may I use your belly as a pillow?"
"Sure, be my guest," said Sheila as Lauren laid her head down on the grumbly, over-stuffed belly, giggling when she heard gurgles.
"Ugh, that's it," Jim groaned in frustration, "I'm out of here!"
Confessional: Off to Chef, are we?
Jim: I know Sheila's hot but she's quite annoying. On top of that, those who tormented Li Zhang should rot at the bottom! But this time, not because they were impure by blood.
Sheila: (rubbing and patting her swollen gut) Ooh. Another reason why my tummy is so sore is that excessive blood sugar may lead to nausea and they let gas build up. Urrrrp! I'm hogging one of the toilets in the morning! (Her belly starts gurgling and she moans in pain).
A while later, Jim met up with Chef Hatchet in the kitchen.
"What do you want kid," Chef asked irritated.
"Can I come in for the night," Jim requested.
"Your teammates being annoying again," Chef asked to Jim's nodding, "Okay, come inside."
As Chef let Jim in, the Jamaican boy sat down and requested help.
"So sir," said Jim, "I recently learnt why Li Zhang is so insecure around other people. Turns out he lived in an evil Chinese village that wanted him dead over his mismatched eyes."
"And you're bringing this up because," Chef questioned.
"Well, all I have is a father who I believed is a Neo-Nazi," Jim explained, "He taught me that everyone else is filth so I took it that they were losers and needed a good beating up."
"Are you rooting the source of your bullying to your own father," Chef questioned.
"Well, it's the only thing that pleases him," Jim said, "I kept thinking it is fun to keep on doing it but when I heard Li's story, I didn't have the heart to humiliate him whether over his sucky history or his eyes. All they did was remind me of my own insecurities. You've been in a few wars so you should help me here."
"I fought in Syria and Afghanistan kid," Chef noted, "and just like the Chinese boy, find a good time to explain yourself to others. Sooner or later, they have to know. The more people know, the better the relationships. And I've seen how stupid a lot of people can be from those wars alone. Okay, are you fine sleeping on the floor?"
"Yes sir," Jim saluted, "Goodnight."
Jim slept on the floor as Chef turned the lights off.
Confessional: If you have problems, ask others for help, usually elders.
Chef: I'm willing to bet that that kid has seen a lot. May God be with him.
(Mad Marmosets)
Meanwhile, in the Marmosets cabin, Victor was playing on Malcolm's digivice that was left behind.
"Come on, come on," Victor was going as he got the Gargomon and Turuiemon to battle his own digimon when they won and started to digivolve, "Yes! Finally, they are ultimate form! Malcolm would be so proud." They became Rapidmon and Antylamon respectively.
Suddenly he noticed Mari was drinking a lot of coke. "Hey, Mari," Victor asked, "Why are you drinking my coke?"
"Oh, sorry Vicky," Mari apologised as she put the bottle down, "I just felt like doing what you do. I wanted to fill my belly with 3 litres worth which is 5 bottles." She started rubbing her belly and she burped, "This is my 3rd bottle but I don't know if I can go all the way because I'm starting to get super-full."
"Mari, take it easy," Victor suggested, "you should probably stop there and let your gut expand so it can hold more in next time. That's how I did it."
"Okay Vicky," Mari said.
"I just have one more question," Victor asked, "Why do you keep calling me Vicky? Isn't that a girls' name?"
"Oops, sorry," Mari realised, "It just sounded cute on you! Don't you like it?"
"Okay, yes," Victor admitted, "But it's what my mama usually calls me. That may change soon with my bar mitzvah in a few days. It's a sort of Jewish ceremony where boys transition into men and there're a lot of presents."
"Oh cool," Mari shouted in glee, "that sounds like a very special birthday!" Suddenly Kyle showed up.
"Aww, look at you two," Kyle cooed, "I can see you going far later in life."
"Kyle, don't just barge in," Victor scolded.
"Sorry but I would like to speak with you in private," Kyle explained.
Confessional: Does he have secrets?
Victor: Is Kyle hiding something? Oh dear!
Outside, Kyle was explaining to Victor, "Look kid. I've caught on. You have MPD, don't you?"
"Alright, you got me," Victor confessed, "But Mari cannot know! She might freak out!"
"Trust me, she's more understanding than you might think," Kyle assured, "But if that's what you want then allow me to take over as aid."
"Okay," Victor accepted.
Confessional: What is he up to?
Kyle: I felt it was time to help the kid. I'm just a little paranoid that he may freak out all by himself.
The next morning, Bedlam was spilling cooking oil onto floor near the door to the kitchen.
"Now to cause a bit of trouble between Victor and the Nerd," Bedlam maliciously whispered when she ran out of the way. Then the AVGN showed up to go in the kitchen.
"Well, time for another $#!%ty morning," the Nerd mumble when he slipped on the oil, "Oh *$^&!" He fell flat on his face.
Bedlam tried her best to suppress her laughs before putting her 'Nessie' façade back one to say, "Oh, that must have hurt!"
"You're telling me," the Nerd said angrily, "I'll bet it's that Jewish boy again!"
"Yeah, it's probably him," 'Nessie' assumed while the Nerd got up to work in the kitchen with the restored Chef.
"Welcome back, Mr Nerd," Chef said quietly.
"Let me guess," the Nerd assumed, "You want to kick my ass over what happened a several days ago!"
"Not really," Chef denied, "You got me by surprise there; you're clearly the better warrior. But it was still excessive so you get to clean up that spilt oil."
Chef handed a broom over to the Nerd who cursed silently.
Confessional: Oh $#!%.
Bedlam: What I did just there was an attempt to frame Victor so that the Nerd may turn biased against him. He should be out of the game from there, or at least disadvantaged.
Later that morning, the campers sans Sheila gathered in the mess hall. Noland and Victor (as Chester) were painting pictures.
"Mein fellow peeps," Noland announced as he finished his painting, "Feast your eyes on zis!" He revealed a picture of Aurora in some anime style.
"Wow, you did well," Li Zhang congratulated, "and I'm normally hard to please. God I miss Aurora."
"You'll see her again," Lauren assured before commenting, "if Midori were here, she'd go ape over this picture."
"Aw that's nothing," Chester scoffed as he revealed his picture: a rendition of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam but with the Nostalgia Critic as God and Victor as Adam (with a flower covering his 'elephant').
"Hah," Noland scoffed, "I've seen zat parody too many times now!" Everyone else laughed at this.
"Does it matter anyway," the AVGN said from the kitchen, "After all, he did spill oil on the floor!"
"Hey, how dare you accuse me of such childish behaviour," Chester retorted much to Mari and 'Nessie's' amusement for different reasons.
Suddenly, the door opened. "Hi guys," Sheila greeted, "Sorry I took so long on the crapper. I just took the absolute biggest dump!"
"How much did it weigh," 'Nessie' laughed, "8 courics?"
"I don't know why you guess that," Sheila said, "but if you want to beat me, let me help you."
Sheila began to stuff 'Nessie's' mouth with a whole handful of grass.
"Here," said Sheila, "That has plenty of fibre. Eat as much as you want and out could crap out 12 courics."
'Nessie' spat out the grass in disgust when Jim said, "Nice one! I never thought you'd do it of all people."
"Well she had to pay for hurting that elf and potentially ruining the Wawanakwa ecosystem," Sheila responded.
"Don't remind me," Kyle grumbled.
Confessional: LOL!
Sheila: Okay, that was a bit extreme. But she needed the payback. Now we're even.
Just then, the Nostalgia Critic came in to announce the challenge.
"Hello kids," the Critic announced, "I have a surprise for you. As of today, the teams are gone! It's merger time!"
Everyone cheered at this.
"From now on, it is everyone for themselves," the Critic explained, "All challenges will be done for individual reward! Today's challenge is… not until the evening."
Everyone groaned at this with Mari going, "Aww, but why?"
"I just wanted to give you guys plenty of time to prepare for a talent show tonight," the Critic responded, "However, you will have to wear a different set of clothes for it. Ta ta."
At midday, Mari gathered the others inside the former Mad Marmosets cabin.
"Okay guys," Mari explained, "Today, we will face each other off individually; I myself included. So it made sense that I invited you all in."
"Hey, why should I listen to your orders," Jim retaliated, "You should be below me!"
"Yeah, you'll have to excuse Jim," Sheila mumbled, "But really, you're our equal."
"I know," said Mari, "but the Critic wanted us to wear new clothes so I figured I should make them custom made. Tell me what you want to wear and I'll make it for you."
"Alright then," Jim said neutrally, "My outfit will have jeans but you don't have to make them. But you do have to make me a brown shirt and grey hooded jacket."
"Okay," Mari accepted as she jotted down what Jim wanted in her notebook.
"I need a new leotard," stated Lauren, "I left mine at home and it kind of sucks."
"How so," Li quietly asked.
"I have a photo of myself wearing it," Lauren replied, "Anyway, make my new one black in colour with a yellow wavy line on the belly with gold stars, and long orange sleeves. And make it high cut."
"Okay," Mari said as she jotted the details down, "You might want to come back for measurements as leotards are skin-tight garments."
"Can I also have a leotard," Li Zhang asked, "But make it sleeveless and in the pattern of the Chinese flag. And make some blood-orange shorts too."
"Alright," Mari said as she wrote in her notebook while a few others looked at Li.
"What the heck," 'Nessie muttered, "Anyway, remember when Lauren wore that sexy dress to distract Corey?"
"Why are you bringing this up," Lauren stated angrily.
"Because I want to wear that but in blue," 'Nessie' said to which Lauren sighed.
"Well I might want to go swimming," said Sheila, "So why don't you make me a swimsuit that is practical but cute."
"The most ambiguous yet," Mari stated.
"I'll just take short overalls," Victor said, "I never wore them but I want to know what they're like."
"Okay Vicky," said Mari as she jotted down Victor's request as well as her own costume, "Now wait here while I take some measurements."
Mari proceeded to measure the other campers via measuring tape; she took note of the arm length and width, leg length and width, chest, torso, waist and hip of the other campers as well as her own.
"Okay guys," Mari said after taking all the measurements, "I may be an expert at making outfits but I don't do it immediately. It's a process that takes hours at least so whoever wants their outfit done first can watch how it's done.
Confessional: Secrets revealed!
Bedlam: I could take this as a plot to expose Mari for the fraud she is. No-one can make clothes that good so I'm guessing she bought them online. Good thing Nessie's daddy got her a camera hidden in this hat. Of course, it's mine now.
"I'll go first," said 'Nessie as she raised her hand meaning everyone else left to wait.
"Okay then Nessie," said Mari as she examined the orange dress that Lauren had once worn and got to work on the blue coloured replica. After about an hour of this, Mari got out some blue shoes to match the dress that she made.
"Okay, cool," 'Nessie' said in excitement before putting her hat down to face Mari and took the dress away to get changed, "Thanks."
Confessional: Nothing to say here.
Bedlam: I normally don't do good manners but unfortunately I have to do this in order to not be suspicious.
After a while, 'Nessie' exited the cabin with her blue dress in hand. She shouted, "Outta my way," to the others as she rushed over to the communal washrooms to get changed.
"Okay, who wants to go next," Mari cheerfully offered to the others.
"Me," said Sheila as she walked in to watch her outfit get made.
"Okay then," Mari pondered, "You want a swimsuit that's both practical and cute. You plan on surfing?"
"Yeah, you could say that," Sheila replied as she looked something up on her smartphone, "This is what it looks like."
Sheila showed Mari her dream swimsuit; it was a long-sleeved one-piece with yellow arms with gold zippers at the end, pink neck, black front torso and butt and greyish-blue sides and upper back. There's also a hole in the middle back and a big zipper at the front.
"Sheila, this pattern already exists," Mari said skeptically, "Also, why is it long sleeved? Aren't they normally sleeveless?"
"Well, we all know that sometimes people will buy something if it looks nice," Sheila explained, "Grandad knew this so he took that in mind when working on practical solutions to reducing skin melanomas. So he encouraged local swimsuit manufacturers to market one-pieces to both genders but at a reasonable pace to prevent much backlash. Arm-length and leg length are customisable as are some other aesthetic features but the usual method of using sunscreen continues as it should. P.S. Those are just random patterns that no-one really owns."
"Wow, talk about sun safe," Mari said, "You're in luck because sleeved one-pieces are all the rage in North France. I'm just going to get the spandex and lining."
Confessional: Obscure costumes for the win!
Sheila: Skin coverage is in back at the PRA. Of course, males often opt for longer legs or lower leg cuts than females. Bikinis are not banned by frowned upon nowadays. Well, it makes for fewer wardrobe malfunctions!
Meanwhile, at the amphitheatre, the Nostalgia Critic and his interns were conversing as they wait for the campers. It was 3 o'clock.
"Oh my god I am so bored," Kyle complained.
"Then why don't you go for a walk around the camp," the Critic suggested.
As Kyle did so, he noticed that the AVGN was getting a little ticked at his 3DS.
"Hey, what are you playing," Kyle asked.
"I'm playing Pokemon X," the Nerd replied, "Or at least I'm trying to if I didn't cause this damn glitch! You see, if you save in the streets of Lumiose City, turn the game off and come back, the Glitch Gremlin will have taken it hostage!"
"Hahaha," the Glitch Gremlin cackled from within the game, "I see you must have stumbled into Glitch Boulevard. You wanna leave? Then pay me your rent!"
"Or I can just reset the game and never save in the streets again," the Nerd shouted as he reset his game much to the Glitch Gremlin's dismay and protest, "Oh God, now I gotta do it all over again!"
Kyle groaned at this as he left for the camp centre. After observing some of them, like with Jim's cool outfit and Victor's overalls, he went over to the communal showers to pee.
"Ugh, I need to wee," Kyle muttered before gasping at the sight of Li Zhang, "Oh crud! I didn't see you there!"
"Dude, what the hell," Li Zhang said surprised, he was wearing the Chinese flag leotard Mari made for him and his ponytail was no longer braided but rather straight, "Could you at least wait until I put my shorts on!?"
"Look, I said sorry," Kyle reasoned when he noticed Li's crotch wasn't bulging out as much as usual, "Why is your crotch less bulgy?"
"I'm wearing a jock strap underneath," Li Zhang quickly answered, "most boys do that when they wear leotards." He then put his sunset orange shorts and socks on. "There, I'm done now. Just please check next time."
"Oh I will," Kyle repeated.
Confessional: Talk about walking in at an inappropriate time!
Kyle: Look, I was in a hurry to pee, alright! Besides, it's not like I could see who's in there anyway.
Li Zhang: Did I overreact? Maybe. But that was uncalled for! Well, on the plus side, this does feel a bit snug on me.
Lauren was waiting in the cabin for Mari to do her leotard.
"So tell me Lauren" Mari inquired, "Why do you need a new leotard? Don't you already have one at home?"
"Well yeah," Lauren replied, "But like I said before, I don't like it. I mean check out this photo of me wearing it."
Mari examined the photograph that Lauren gave her; it depicted her sitting on her bed wearing a leotard with orange sleeves and bright pink torso with a rose pink heart on the chest and a sun on the right side.
"What are you talking about," Mari said sceptically, "You look really cute in this!"
"Mom bought it for me at a second hand shop," Lauren lamented, "It just doesn't fit my character! I mean, I'm a tomboy for god's sake! I just wanna wear something that looks cool, not girly!"
"Oh, okay," Mari said when she finished Lauren's new leotard, "Okay, I'm done! You can go get changed now."
"Okay then" Lauren said as she walked out the door, "And while you're at it, make me a new swimsuit as well. Mine's a bit too small now."
So Lauren was walking to the communal washrooms with the leotard in hand while Mari worked on her own outfit. When she got there, she noticed Chris standing by the door.
"Chris, what are you doing here," Lauren asked irritatedly.
"Nothing," Chris said.
"Okay," said Lauren, "Well I'm going to get changed now so please do not peek through the window at any cost; I'm a bit paranoid in this context."
But just as Lauren went in to get changed, Chris looked at the door, giggled devilishly and went for a peek anyway. Suddenly, Kyle used his S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. on Chris's butt.
"Owwww," Chris screamed in pain, "Dude, what was that for?"
"Well she did say no peeking, Pedobear," Kyle mockingly repeated.
"Well you stink," Chris pathetically retorted as he tried to leave but the door slammed on him as Lauren walked out in her new leotard with orange socks. She turned to Chris and gave him the 'L' sign.
"That's what happens when you try to peak at little girls changing," Lauren taunted, "You get the door on you!" She left smugly but not before high-fiving Kyle.
Confessional: Trust me guys. Pedophilia isn't cool.
Chris: Yeah, I'm going to get rid of that girl for ruining my face!
Lauren: (admiring her black torso'd leotard) Wow. This looks and feels great on me! Maybe that's what Chris wanted to look at. Or maybe (she shudders at the thought). Uh uh, no way!
It was now about 6 o'clock in the evening and all the campers were dressed up for the show and gathered at the amphitheatre for the Nostalgia Critic to explain more news.
"Looking good kids," said the Critic as he examined their new clothes, "There's just one problem. Where the hell's Mari!?"
"I'm right here sir," Mari arrived looking all huffy and puffy from all the sewing and running; she was wearing a pink princess dress with a jewel encrusted tiara. Victor and Lauren could only marvel at such beauty.
"Okay, that's enough staring because I have a few new rules for the merge," the Critic explained, "From now on; the individual winner will get to sleep in my trailer bringing one more person of their choice with them. However, as for the bottom two in each elimination ceremony, whoever gets the last marshmallow and just scrapes by will be immediately denied that privilege and instead must sleep in the kitchen with Chef. Everyone else can sleep in the former Mad Monkeys cabin because the one for the Crazy Crocodiles will be taken by the interns."
All the campers cheered at this.
"Okay, now for the rules of the challenge," the Critic continued, "you will be participating in order of decreasing age; however, whether or not you will do individual shows or combine them is up to you. After each performance, you will be ranked by four judges: Chris, the Nerd, Chef and me. Now I'll give you half an hour to brainstorm."
And that's it for this chapter! This is the first merge chapter, the point of no return. Yeah, with Nessie's plot involving her evil alternate personality, Bedlam, she is a character belonging to Cragmiteblaster; he let me use her. Also she will be an improvement over Mal in the actual show.
Next time: The campers do their performances, some good, some okay. And another person is voted off.