He can only hold her for so long
[…]
Though he tries to pacify her
what's inside her never dies.
Even if she's content in his warmth
she gets pained with urgency.
Urgent kisses.
He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Winehouse (Back to Black).
"Where were you last nigh?" Cho Chang demanded one more time in her high-pitched voice.
But Cedric wasn't paying attention. Not at all. Most of his mind was wandering, back to that hall last night.
What had happened?
In a heart beat he felt like flying, next he was depressed. And all because of…a girl.
A girl? No, more. Not just a girl. The sweetest girl he had ever seen. He remembered how her cheeks had turned pink when he looked her directly in the eyes. How cute she looked! Her brown eyes that twinkled with every emotion. Her perfect lips. Everything seemed so wonderful to him.
And the way she said his name...
"Cedric!" Said Cho angry. Her eyes where reproaching. "Did you hear me!?"
"I'm sorry, what?" Cedric said distractedly.
Cho sat next to Cedric looking worried, but her eyes were still arrogant. She gave him a quick kiss in the cheek. When he didn't react her expression became once more arrogant. Usually he reacted to her kisses, blushing or mumbling incoherently.
"What's wrong Ced?" She said forcing him to look her directly in the eyes.
But his mind was still half lost, wandering in the memories of last night. He had to concentrate on Cho and what she was jabbering or he could loose it and give away something.
"I....nothing. I just had a fight with Morgan and I went for a walk." He looked her eyes. He had never realized how strange she looked when she was being like that. So arrogant.
She appeared to be waiting for something else. Like she was actually hoping for him to cheat on her- She looked surprised for a moment but quickly composed herself.
"Oh, ok. I think he's actually a bad influence for crying out loud. He's always doing crazy stuff and he could damage your reputation as a prefect." She was stroking his hair and suddenly, he didn't know why, this bothered him a lot.
"I've gotta go...lots of homework" He mumbled, shrugging her off.
"Maybe I could help." She suggested hopefully.
"Thanks, but I prefer to do it by myself. I'm sure you've also got lots of homework." He said, not looking back. He had to be alone, he had to think.
***
There's no combination of words
That I could put in the back
of a postcard.
No song that I could sing
but I can try for your heart.
[...]
Love is the answer
For, at least, most questions
Of my heart.
[...]
It's not always easy
And sometimes life can be deceiving.
I'll tell you one thing;
It's always better when we're together.
Better Together- Jack Johnson (In Between Dreams)
She hadn't slept well.
Usually this was because she had spent the whole night crying quietly, trying not to disturb her roommates. But last night, she had spent her time rolling in her bed. Trying to focus, to think clearly. Had she actually encountered Cedric Diggory? Did he actually comfort her? Had she actually cried all over him and told him everything that bothered her mind? Had he actually said he would die to date someone like her? Why he felt that way about him?
Oh my... Was the first thing she could answer. All her thoughts were confusing in her head. And, suddenly she realized something. Between all that confusion she knew she liked Cedric Diggory. And she didn't know why or how. She just knew.
As slowly as she could, she opened her eyes and stood up. She looked around her room. All her roommates were already having breakfast, or probably outside in the grounds.
She sighed. It was probably late. Maybe even midday.
She went to the bathroom to have a minute. She looked in the mirror. Usually when she cried her reflection looked sad, pitiful. Now it just looked like she needed a good nap. But what surprised her most was the fact that she was smiling.
Other than feeling tired she felt nothing. She even felt a little happy. A little hopeful to go outside. Maybe she would encounter him once more.
But as suddenly as she had thought of this she blushed. What would he think about her, about last night? Nobody had ever seen her broken.
But, before she even thought of that she needed a shower.
She got under the hot shot of water waiting for it to relax his muscles. It worked. She focused on every muscle, wanting nothing to distract her. Not thinking. She washed every part of her body carefully. When she was finished she just stayed there until the hot water was over. Then she wrapped herself in a towel. When she was completely dry, she dried her hair with her wand and then dressed simply with blue jeans and a red shirt. She brushed her hair absently, still thinking.
So, she liked Cedric Diggory. Did she still like Harry?
She thought it for a second.
Yes.
Ok, she liked Cedric and Harry. Who did she like more?
Who knows!
Yeah, that seemed fine. And now, she knew why she was happy. This meant that maybe; just maybe, she was starting to forget about Harry.
But, she now liked a boy who felt that was out of her reach. Even worse, he was Cho's boyfriend. Even now, life seemed unfair.
She looked into the reflection once more. Now she looked decent. She focused a little more in her face. There was something different in her, but she didn't realized what it was. She forgot about it quickly and went downstairs to the common room.
It was almost empty. Predictable. It was Sunday, who would prefer spending the day inside the cold common room when outside it was still sunny? Obviously, only Hermione and maybe a companion or two.
Yeah, two.
"Heya Herms, Ron…Harry" Why had she stopped on Harry's name? Oh right, she still like him.
"Hey Ginny" Said Hermione without looking up from her book. Ron merely nodded without taking notice on how radiant Ginny looked. Harry looked at her.
His deep green eyes looked at her.
"Hi Ginny. You look nice today." He said without taking his eyes of her.
The weight of the whole universe seemed to fall on her. The sensation of despair came back. Knowing that those eyes would never see her like she was something more to him than a sister made her want to cry.
Still, she resisted. She would have blushed seeing how she was looking her but, weird enough, the blush never came.
"Yeah. I slept excellent last nigh." She said, trying to sound indifferent. Even though she felt her voice would broke any moment, it surprised her when she answered steady even sounding convincing.
"Oh, good." He said indifferently, turning to look down to his homework.
She let escape the even more quiet sigh yet. She turned and left the common room.
The hall was even more dark and cold than it had been inside the common room. The walls grew tall and dark on every side of Ginny and the paintings in them were whispering, just a muffled sound and yet, still annoying.
She hurried to get out of there. It just made her feel more depress.
She was now walking toward the Great Hall distractedly, not knowing exactly what she was doing.
And then he appeared, probably out of nowhere that she had seen. But then again she was distracted.
Maybe it was the sun, but to her he seemed to shine. She stopped. He was looking at her, his eyes intent. Suddenly he blush. Ginny decided to get closer.
"Heya Ced" She said smiling. They both stared in each other face. Now she blushed.
"How are you?" She felt blushing even more. "I mean, about yesterday." He added quickly, not knowing what he was doing.
" Oh. Yeah sure, I'm fine." She said half-smiling.
There was an awkward silence until he decided to break it.
"Are you going to have breakfast?" He said trying not to sound like the idea was making him feel sad.
"Mmmh, I think I'm not hungry" She said truthfully. She looked him into the eyes but he was gazing to his feet. She wasn't that hungry, meeting him made her feel strange – strange along the lines of feeling butterflies in her stomach thing- but not irritated.
"Wanna go for a walk?" She suggested.
"Sure."
They went quietly, as if one was the other's shadow. They felt the other's presence.
It was wierd in a good way.
O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
As a rich jewel in Ethiop's ear-
Beauty too rich for use, for earth to dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows
As yonder lady o'er her fellow shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place to stand
And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For ne'er saw true beauty till this night.
Rome & Juliet. Act 1, Scene 5; A hall in Capulet's house. Lines 44- 53. (Romeo).
He actually felt lucky. Like the luckiest person in Howgarts, or maybe even in the entire world.
Feeling her, so close to him made him wonder if she felt the same way right now.
Obviously not, silly answered a voice in his head. She likes another boy. Probably some one better than you.
The thought terrified him and suddenly had the urge to kill the one that was making Ginny suffer so much, the one that Ginny seemed so attached to.
Why was he feeling this way?
You're in love. Answered the same voice.
The fact shocked him, not as much as he had expected though. Probably deep down he already knew it.
He got closer to her. Feeling her that close made it hard for him to breath. It knocked the air of him. The way her hair shined hypnotized him, he felt a sudden urge to hold her really close.
"Wanna sit here?" He asked pointing at the shadow an old tree made, it was in front of the lake so it would be refreshing.
"Sure" she said without hesitating.
When they were both comfortable under the tree's shadow, Cedric couldn't stop his urgency to ask her more about her life.
"Tell me more." He said, suddenly dazed at her beauty. She was enjoying of the fresh air playing with her hair, kissing her eyelids.
She turned to loom at him with question in her eyes.
"About what?" she asked with that polite tone of hers.
"About...you" He said shyly.
Surprised, he saw her smile a warm smile he had never seen on her. Or maybe he hadn't been watching closely enough.
"Why do you want to know about my life?" She half-laughed as if the thought was funny to her.
"Well, I'm really curious" he said shyly, smiling wryly.
"Well, me too. Come on Ced, tell me why you want to know" she said once more looking him directly into his eyes. She had a hard-blazing look in her face that took him off balance.
"I...well. You got me again. I want to know the whole story, all since you were born. I'm burning with curiosity. Please." He asked once more.
She considered this for a moment.
"Exactly, what do you want to know?" Even though she was smiling there was some apprehension in her eyes. He was suddenly intimidated.
"I, well. Why don't you tell me more about your brothers?" He suggested a little doubtful.
"Well, they're so...Weasly." She smiled like this explained everything
There was silence while Cedric tried to understand that.
"You lost me." He admitted at the end.
"Well," she said doubtful " they're like any other big brothers just that they exaggerate. Even though they treat me like I'm just another 'guy' their always telling I shouldn't be such a tomb boy. And not just them, also my friend and my parents. Especially my parents, with all the you're-the-first-Weasly-girl-in-I-don't-know-how-many-generations thing, always saying a lady shouldn't behave like this and a lady shouldn't spit to a person. Bah!
"And when I try to be a girl, I'm the crazy teenage of the family with changing hormones. When they see I've got problems of my own the usually run away. Ha! Family! Just exactly what I need, people to share things with, people to tell me what to do every second of my life!
"But no" Suddenly she looked like she was talking more to herself than to Cedric, "I won't be like them. I will be myself, I'll do whatever I want whenever I want! I'll do things on my own, I won't be stuck with lots of children. I'll kiss whoever I want, I'll dance with whomever I want and I'll leave as soon as I can from that stinkin' place."
She looked at Cedric, surprised. Like she hadn't realized he was there.
"Sorry." She said with an apology in her face. "It's just that it's strange to talk this aloud. I'm sorry if sometimes I loose myself"
Half-smiling he looked at her deeply. Suddenly she turned away, blushing.
He turned away quickly.
"I'm sorry too." He added quickly. "Sometimes I also loose myself. I was just thinking ... It just that sometimes I also feel like that. With my dad and my friends ... but whatever. Tell me more. How's school doin'?" He said, interested once more.
And so they talked.
They talked about school, about life, about parents. They talked about the yes's and no's they had received and had given. And time, as usual, played a trick on them. Before they noticed, it was getting darker and the next day was school day.
"See ya, Ced" Ginny said brightly, smiling.
" 'night Ginny." Cedric said, smiling too knocking the air right out of her
They walked silently to the castle, feeling once again each other so close and still so far.
"So ..." Ginny started. They had stopped in fron of the hall that lead down to the kitchens. "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow" She said a little sad.
"Yeah, school" He answered as sad as she was.
"Sleep tight Cedric." She said half –smiling.
Let's talk in silence.
How important are the words?
Language of your eyes,
Language of your hands,
Rumors of mystery,
Message of the souls.
Laura Anselmo.
Cedric looked her directly into the eyes. He got closer, she felt frozen. He moved his hand with deliberation and softly as if she was a porcelain doll he touched her cheek. He turned abruptly and left.
She standed there, touching where his hand had touched. After several moments she turned and went back to her dormitory, back to thinking. Not knowing exactly what she was doing.