Alright, sorry for the hold up, but I just went to see Rise of the Silver Surfer and now I love him even more!!!! (squeal) Anyway, I know I've been driving many of you crazy with all the cliffies, but I sooooooo dreaded Bella and Edward's encounter! I had to be knit picky about how they would find each other, what one would say to the other and such…but I can promise you that from here on out, there won't be that many. But still, I can't say I don't enjoy the 'hysterical/frantic/twitchy/insane and anxious reviews. Thank you for reading and keep up the reviews!!
All loving characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No matter what my dreams may claim.
Oh, before some of you start crying because I didn't write even a speck of this in Edward's POV, that's coming up in the next chappy. And no, after his entry, it is not the end of this. Not by a long shot.
Many thanks to my newfound beta!! I love you right now, blissfulmemories!!! I love YOU!!!!!!! (makes up a new funky dance around a fire)
-L-
Bella
If I could cry, I would. I would soak my pillow to no end and never resurface from a sea of tears. I wanted to see him so badly, and yet, I ran. The moment his lips parted, I ran. He came up to me with such a faked joyful expression and I couldn't stand it. I'd much rather hurt from his hatred than to be torn down by his pity. But apparently, his cynical contempt from earlier wasn't enough.
I was already in what was now somewhat of a safe haven, Charlie's closet, sweater off, only my wet undershirt on, my knees hugged to my chest as I tried to silence my hysterical panting. I tried to set my thoughts straight, but the sight of him
had me in such a frenzy that I even let my guard down enough to catch a whiff of my own scent. I tried to at least cover the scent, but I couldn't seem to even breathe, though I knew I didn't have to. My entire body was trembling, an earthquake working its way out from my core.
A broken cry escaped my lips when I heard the door swing open abruptly. I was so lost, I hadn't even heard the footsteps coming closer. I couldn't even recognize the face until he cupped my chin in his hands the way he used to. Once my face was at a stand still, my mind was able to digest the golden eyes that stared into mine with all the sorrow in the world. Or was it pity? He pulled me
safely into his arms, despite my attempts to reject the gesture. He rocked me back and forth like a child, as if trying to bring my mind back into the state it was in when I still thought he loved me. My panting became whimpers as he continued to unknowingly seduce me when he brushed his lips against the back of my head. Before I knew it, I was breathing normally again.
He had stopped rocking me when my whimpering had ceased and now we only sat there. I felt like a koala, my arms wrapped comfortably around his neck. Neither of us had said a word since he came in and pulled me out, but instead of feeling uncomfortable, I felt happy. For one final moment, I could pretend that he was still mine. I only wished the moment would go on forever, accompanying the many years of 'forever' that still awaited me.
"Bella…," he spoke, breaking the glorious silence. I shut my eyes, allowing my dead heart to melt away at the sound of his velvety voice. I brought myself off of his lap in response, sitting myself right across from him. I was trying my best to look as though I were looking straight at him. Instead I was concentrating on a single hair that lay on the tip of his nose. I briefly wondered if he even noticed it was there. I didn't mean to be rude, but I knew that if I actually did look at him in the eyes, I would react
much worse than I just had. That little strand of hair was the only thing between me and the hysterics.
"Yes?" I replied. My voice cracked halfway through the word, my pitch going into higher octaves with each letter. If I could blush, I would be beat red at the time. I ducked my head between my knees, only keeping my eyes visible to him.
"Don't do that." He scolded softly. He placed a hand on my cheekbone, lifting up my head so as to see my face entirely. He smiled empathetically. It seemed as though it truly tortured him to see me this way. He really was a good liar.
"I've gone a century without even so much as a glimpse of you. Please don't hide yourself away from me. Not now that you're within my reach." He finished. My breath caught in my chest again, feeding off of the wound he'd left behind. Why was he saying this?
"Oh, Bella, you'll never know how much I despise myself for not being there with you when…," he didn't even say it. "But I promise you, now that we're both here, together, I promise to never leave you again. Never." He was speeding up now. I
couldn't even catch every sentence that left his perfect lips. I wasn't really trying though, for every word I did hear nearly broke my heart into smaller pieces than I thought possible. How could he do this to me? Does he even realize what he's saying? Pity would only go so far, but here, in this moment and with
this god-like myth sitting straight across from me, it felt like he was merely making fun of me. I could feel my breathing stop and start as I tried to continue concentrating on the strand of auburn on his nose.
He shook my shoulders gently, snapping me out of my trance. "Bella, did you hear me?" he asked, an expression I'd never seen before painted on his face. It was somewhere between anguish and hope. "Bella, do you want me to stay?" he repeated, after I shook my head like an idiot. He spoke every word gingerly, as
if letting the meaning of each sink in.
"What?" I retorted. I didn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.
"Edward, it's hardly fair that you're doing this to me." I replied, my voice becoming crackly and louder by the second. "I can't believe you would be so cruel! Isn't it enough that you hurt me? Do you want to destroy every fiber of my being until there's not even a speck of my existence at all?" I accused. I felt disgusting as the words ran out of my mouth. I tried to stop it, but myself
only made me more hysterical. I wish I could have been blind, so not to see the pained expression on his face. I felt like I was butchering him inside out.
But it was too late. The accusation was made and my motor refused to stop. My voice began to falter as I felt my eyes wanting to cry tearlessly once more.
"You keep taking advantage of my emotions, only to slap them in my face when things don't go your way." I whined. I was whimpering again. "Edward, I just…" I couldn't find the right words for what I wanted to say. "I…"
"Bella, I'm not trying to hurt you…" he defended, his voice sounding weak for the first time. What on earth was I doing to him?
"Hurting you has never and will never be my intentions. I wouldn't live with myself, if that were the case." He added.
I shut my eyes, shaking my head slowly, eager for this talk to end. "Then why are you taunting me? If you know you don't love me, don't say these things!" I cried. I dashed to the back porch, trying to think. I'd hoped he'd leave me to my own misery; killing myself slowly for the lies I had just spoken. He must think I hate him. But if I tell him I still love him, would he reject me even
more so?
He didn't leave. He followed me out, sitting two steps behind me on the stairs.
"Bella…" he whispered. "I know what you must think of me…but how can I show you that what I had said to you was a lie?" I looked back at him, turning slightly.
Was he talking about now or…?
"When I left you…," he started, "Bella, I only wanted the best for you. I wanted you to lead a happy, normal life. Something I knew you would never have with me. I wanted you to be with a man who could kiss you with all the passion that he held within him, without the threat of him sinking his teeth in your neck. I wanted you to be able to do anything with him, not just the little things you and I were able to do." He explained.
His chocolate brown eyes seemed to melt with every word, as if they'd been waiting for them to be said for so long. "I was only looking to protect you." He finally said. It seemed to be an apology for all he'd done.
I looked down at the ant making its way across the board, in Edward's direction. It seemed to represent this heart of mine. A heart that hasn't beat for 98 years, and is now on the verge of giving in to the man that broke it so long ago.
"I know you could never find it in you to forgive me for what I've done to you, but, Bella, I do love you." He spoke the words so sincerely, I almost believed him. I had to turn away from him to bring myself to reality.
He was in front of me then, his lips in a hard line that never touched his kind, liquid eyes. They were pitch black, but I wouldn't ever have to worry about that now.
"I love you." He repeated. I shut my eyes, wrapping my arms around my stomach to ensure that it wouldn't fall to pieces. I could feel his skin against mine as he leaned in closer to me. He touched my forehead with his cool lips. "I love you..." the words drifted in an echo as he repeated the phrase over and over, his lips moving from my nose all the way down to my collar bone, as if taking his time in convincing me of the words. I shivered as his breath hit my skin. "I love you." He said, one last time. I opened my eyes in defeat, releasing my grasp to my chest.
He gazed up at me from under his lashes. I looked away from
him for a brief moment. If I allowed myself to tell him how I felt, there was a great chance that I would end up hurt once more. There was also the chance that he would actually keep true to his word, now that eternity had bound me by it's side as well. But still…I was so scared of the result of the situation he had
put me in.
When I turned to himagain, I couldn't help but sit upright and remove the strand of hair. His expression seemed to relax at my touch. I allowed myself to keep my hand there, tracing his face, trying to burn the exact memory of it into my retina. I could
really look at him now that the only thing in my way had been thrown aside. His brows furrowed in worry as he waited for a verbal response. It really was starting to make me think that the longer I took, the more I scared him.
I leaned into him to breath in his scent. He sighed when I gently began to let my own scent retreat slowly. He took a deep breath as he pulled me over to stand next to him. He held my hands in his tightly as he continued to breath in evenly, taking in my scent as I, his. He placed his forehead against mine, my eyes closing in defeat, reveling at the touch.
I opened my mouth to speak, when the drizzling began again. We looked up to the sky, small droplets hitting against our flesh softly before sliding down into the ground. It seemed as though all of my uncertainties were being washed away by the rain, and if I ever dared search for them, I would have to look through
the entire ocean. He faced me again, both of us soaked once more. I smiled at him. I was broken. I had been broken for such a long time that I believed it to be an impossibility to piece myself together again. But as he said my name again, so lovingly, I couldn't help but think that maybe I was wrong. I buried
my head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, reminding me how much smaller I was then him. He placed his lips on the top of my head and I smiled again, my heart content with a touch as chaste as this.
"And I love you." I finally said, the words seeming to carry on through the drops as we stood there, motionless.
He sighed in relief. He grinned, laughing so strongly that I'd thought the whole world had shaken. But the world didn't even seem to notice it. Only I did. He let me go and started running in circles around me, the way he had when we were in the meadow so many years ago. He truly did seem happy, which made me wonder, why did it have to take us this long to come to terms with our feelings for each other?
I laughed, knowing I would never have an exact answer to that. Not from him, nor from me. But it didn't seem to matter as I spun circles where I stood. He came up to me, pulling me up to the sky by the waist, the childlike grin still plastered all over his seraph face. I continued to laugh as he pulled me down, our noses briefly touching on the way. His lips were only inches from mine.
But it was only a matter of seconds until he changed that distance entirely.