Chapter 5.
Lily felt numb.
The kind of feeling that's indecisive and unsure, when you don't even know what you want to feel. You've been to almost all the bases. Sadness, anger, frustration, worry. And then…nothing.
She had curled up into a ball, perched on the window sill, watching the oversized raindrops hammering violently against the window pane. The sky was a murky, depressing grey, the clouds threatening to erupt with thunder at any moment.
In the glass, she could see the reflection the seventh year Gryffindors, sitting in the common room, chatting animatedly with each other or engaging in heated games of Wizard Chess. Lily's eyes lingered on James figure in the window, his dark hair was falling into his eyes as he focused all his concentration on the game in front of him. Sirius leaned over to whisper something in his ear and James gave him a playful shove in lieu of a response. As she watched, he began to fiddle, almost nervously, with the cuffs of his shirt, and then he looked up, reflection James' dark eyes meeting Lily's.
She froze for a moment, scared that he had noticed her staring, but she soon relaxed. She wasn't even facing him; he was just looking at her. She studied his body language, watched as he shifted uncomfortably, still observing her. His features were arranged in a small frown, as though he was trying to solve a particularly complex puzzle whilst he looked at her. Lily realised it was probably the same face that she made every time she looked at him, when she was trying to understand what was going on in his mind. She heard Remus give a little cough, and say.
'It's your move James', in a soft, concerned sort of voice. He gave Lily one last lingering look, before reluctantly turning his eyes back to the game.
Lily's eyes shifted downwards, looking at the copy of the Daily Prophet she had been clutching in her hand ever since it had landed on her table this morning. Plastered all over the front page was the, rather horrifying, scene of several Muggle houses being engulfed in flames as the inevitable emerald green skull floated high above them.
DEATH EATERS ATTACK MUGGLE TOWN NEAR SURREY. MINISTER OF MAGIC CALLS FOR CULPRITS TO COME FORWARD.
She swallowed nervously as her eyes scanned over the news article for what must have been at least the 100th time today. The Death Eater attack hadn't been far from her home. Where her Muggle parents were living right now, like sitting ducks to a death eater.
Lily gazed out the window again, over the dark, shadowy hills, out onto all the fields that appeared miniscule from her position. Somewhere out there, her parents were going about their normal everyday lives. They would sit and watch the news, listen to the media proclaim that a bunch of young thugs had burnt down a few houses and then they would shake their heads, mutter something about how awful such things were, and move on. For they were blissfully unaware of the danger that they were living in; oblivious to the hazard of having Lily as their daughter. If the Death Eaters were to somehow find out where Lily's parents lived, the parents of a Mudblood, they wouldn't stand a chance. Gone in the blink of an eye and a swish of a wand. These people were merciless, and Lily had only just started to completely appreciate the threat that they posed to her family and friends.
'Lily?'
Lily looked up as Marlene and Alice flopped down on the carpet beside her.
'Hey.' Lily shot her friends a half-hearted attempt at a smile.
'We've missed you, you know. Playing Wizard Cards isn't half as fun without you giving us a ridiculous fact about every famous person that comes up.' Marlene joked, nudging Lily in the ribs.
Lily gave a little laugh, and shook her head slightly.
'I'm just tired, I guess.'
Alice ran a hand through her mousy brown hair, and gave her friend a doubtful look.
'Oh come on, Lily. We know you.'
Lily tugged on an escaped lock of hair for a moment before sighing and sitting up, tossing the paper onto the floor in front of her two friends.
'That could be my parents, guys. My parents, on the front of the paper. My house, gone up in flames. That place, right there, is barely a half an hour drive from where I live! And these people, well they were just normal Muggles! What is going to happen if those scumbags find out that lurking only a short distance away are the parents of a Mudblood?' She whispered fiercely.
Marlene clenched her fists. 'That is not going to happen, Lily. No way. The Aurors are going to find them. My parents are going to find those bastards before they can get anywhere near your parents. I promise you.' She said determinedly and with such sincerity that the two girls were taken aback.
The red head gave a sad smile, and glanced down at her lap.
'I just don't know what to think. Look how much has been destroyed already. 7 Muggles dead, and what, about 4 wizards have gone missing, and how long have we been at Hogwarts? 5 days!'
Marlene and Alice remained silent as they avoided Lily's gaze.
'I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to my family. And that includes Petunia. Hell, I'll even include Vernon, if he's what makes my sister happy! Because it will be my fault. For not being there to protect them, for putting them in danger because of who I am.' Her voice shook dangerously as she tried to refrain from shouting.
'Petunia will be right. I will have destroyed our family. Me and my magic. And the people I couldn't protect them from.' Lily finished quietly, wringing her hands out as she spoke.
Alice and Marlene shifted closer, practically hiding Lily from view.
'Lily. If anything were to ever happen,' Alice began, patting Lily on the leg. 'It will absolutely, one hundred per cent not be your fault. And do you know why?'
Both Lily and Marlene stared expectantly at Alice, silently requesting she carry on.
'Because, the way I see it, you get two choices in our world.' She continued. 'The moment you come to Hogwarts, and you start to learn about this amazing power you have, you make a decision. What are you going to do with this magic that's within you? That's coursing through your veins right at this very moment? Are you going to use it show everyone that Wizards and Witches are the ultimate leaders of this world, the superior race? To eliminate everyone who's not like you? Or are you going to use it do these simple, brilliant things that we learn every day! To stop someone's glass of pumpkin juice from falling before it goes all over that potions essay they've been working on for weeks! To make a first years day by conjuring up some butterflies from the end of your wand! And to grow up to become someone that's going to make a difference in this world, this good world that we all want and long for each day! To become a healer? A teacher? An Auror? Anything you want to be, Lily, you can be! And I suspect that you've never even realised you made a decision about whether you're going to be light or dark. Good or evil. Because the moment you walked through that door in first year Lily, you were good. You are a good witch. And you always will be. And for that simple reason, the fact that you've chosen not to don a big, dark cloak and a disgustingly ugly skull tattoo, is the reason that it won't be your fault. Because your good, Lily. And every second that you're good, is a second used in the fight against the dark side. Every second you spend using magic to help others, no matter what their blood status, is a second you're using to show Voldemort that he's not won. That you're not done fighting, not quite yet. And that's what counts Lily. Not being out on the battlefield, not yet anyway. Being right where you are, doing exactly what you're doing right now. You're fighting your own fight. We all are. And we won't lose!'
Alice's stern eyes bore into Lily's, and Lily could help but let her mouth gawp open. Never had she hard Alice speak so heatedly, yet passionately about anything. Ever.
After a few seconds of letting her words hang in the air, Alice turned her head shyly.
'I'm so sorry Lily! I didn't mean to speak so angrily, I don't know wha-,'
Alice was promptly cut off by Lily who took the opportunity to launch herself at her friend, and wrap her arms tightly around her.
'Thank you, Al,' she murmured into her shoulder. 'That's exactly what I needed to hear.'
'Oh thank Merlin.' Alice sighed in relief, hugging her back, and Lily laughed.
Both girls made an 'ooft' sound as they were sent hurtling towards the floor as an extra weight jumped on top of them.
'Group hug? I think it's group hug time.' Marlene giggled.
Both girls spluttered in agreement.
'Oh, and then, let's play Wizards Cards!' Alice squealed.
Lily smiled, a genuine, honest smile that she hadn't been able to master all day. It was all she could do to thank every deity she could think of that these two girls were her best friends.
/
Someone was shaking her.
Lily's eyes fluttered open, and she jumped a little as James Potters face flooded her vision.
'Evans,' He said softly, still shaking her slightly.
Lily stretched out her feet, letting them bask in the warmth the fire in front of her was providing. She was lying on the floor, with Marlene and Alice and a scattered pack of Wizard Cards keeping her company.
'Potter?' She mumbled in a croaky voice. James gave her a small smile and pushed his glasses further up his nose.
'You fell asleep. I went up to my old dorm about two hours ago, and I'd assumed you'd leave when curfew was coming around, but here you are.' He shrugged.
Lily gave him a sleepy smile. 'Here I am.'
James looked stunned for a moment, but then smiled back. They held eye contact for a moment, before Lily sat up.
'Let me just wake up Mar and Al and then we can go.'
He nodded, and stood up, shifting over to the couch to sit down.
Lily quickly woke up her two friends, and waited for a moment as they drowsily stood up.
'Are you just going to stay in our dormitory tonight?' Marlene asked as she wearily rubbed her eyes.
Lily shook her head.
'Nah. I need to sleep in my own bed tonight. My back is killing me.' She replied, rubbing it slowly.
'I'm just going to walk back with Potter.'
Alice and Marlene shared an annoyingly knowing look, before sighing and shrugging their shoulders.
'Right, well, you too have a nice walk then.' Alice said through a yawn as she began making her way towards the stairs.
'Alone.' Marlene added as she followed her, giving Lily a 'We need to talk when I can actually process what's happening look'. Lily stifled her own yawn and gave them a wave as they disappeared up the stairs. She turned to Potter, and gestured towards the door. 'Let's go then.'
They began to walk towards the portrait, but just as James put his hand on the handle, Lily came to an abrupt halt.
'Wait. It's past curfew. What if Filch see's us? Just because we're Heads doesn't mean he still won't throw a wobbly.' Lily hissed.
James turned his head and scuffed his foot on the ground.
'Ah, you see…that's the thing. Filch won't see us.'
Lily let out a laugh.
'I know he's old, but he's not quite blind…yet.' She added as an after-thought.
James shook his head.
'No, that's not what I meant. Wait, just - if I show you this, you can't tell anyone, got it? I'm not even supposed to have it in school.'
Lily frowned.
'If it's against school rules Potter, I'll have no choice but to confiscate it.' She replied sternly, holding her hand out.
James' eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak, before Lily smirked and dropped her hand.
'I'm kidding, James! Do people seriously think I'm that uptight?' She grumbled, crossing her arms in frustration.
James stared at her for a moment, before a huge smile took over his face.
'You need to promise though, Evans. It's important.'
Lily took a deep breath, stood up straight, and put a hand on her heart.
'Scouts honour.'
He gave her a confused look.
'Oh just show me the bloody thing!' She snapped.
James jumped, and finally reached into his pocket, pulling out a shimmery looking cloak.
Lily raised an eyebrow.
'It's just a-'
She froze. She studied the piece of material in his hands for a moment, before reaching out to touch it gently. It glimmered underneath her fingertips.
'Is that… is that an invisibility cloak?' She whispered in awe.
Lily had only ever read about them. She had doubted that she would ever see one in her lifetime.
James looked up, and smiled, that familiar mischievous glint twinkling in his eyes.
'Yeah. Yeah it is.'
She looked up, her eyes wide in amazement.
'How did you even get a hold of this, Potter?'
'My dad gave it to me. And his dad before him, and his dad before him, and so on. Family heirloom.'
'Wow. This is… incredible, James. Truly.' She looked back up and smiled at him.
'Shall we get going, then?' He smiled as he spread out the cloak, and held up one end, giving her room to get underneath. She watched as only his head became visible, laughed, and pulled the cloak tight around her as they set off.
/
Lily let out a deep breath as they closed the door to their common room firmly behind them, and pulled the cloak off.
'That was unreal.' She sighed, leaning her head against the wall.
James chuckled. 'I guess so. Who'd have ever thought me and Lily Evans could take a civilised walk together without her ripping my head off?'
An awkward silence engulfed them and Lily suddenly became incredibly interested in her feet.
James coughed. 'I'm going to bed. Good night.' He broke into a brisk walk past her.
'James, wait!' She reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back.
James stood very still, and Lily quickly dropped his hand.
'Potter…about the Heads meeting.'
James held his hands up.
'No need to explain. I get it. We don't need to be friends. It's cool.'
He began to walk away again, and Lily let out a frustrated noise.
'Merlin, Potter!' She yelled, stamping her foot on the ground in her rage.
James stopped, and turned around, eyes wide.
'I'll admit it, this ' new you ' is freaking me out. I mean, where's the old Potter that I could always rely on for an argument, eh?'
James stayed silent, his face completely blank.
'But…maybe I don't want to argue anymore.'
He looked up, a shocked grin on his face.
'I think, just maybe, not ripping each other's heads off every chance we get, could be a good move for us.'
James laughed.
'Agreed. Definitely a good move.'
Lily smiled reluctantly.
'Don't think that means I'm going to call you James all the time though, Potter. You're still Potter to me.'
'Wouldn't dream of it, Evans.' He beamed.
Lily smirked, and they started to walk up the stairs.
'Goodnight, Evans.' He whispered, as they reached their parting of ways.
'Goodnight, Potter.' She smiled politely, and creaked opened her bedroom door.
Once within the safe confines of her bedroom, she collapsed on top of her bed, groaning in exhaustion.
'Goodnight Lilykins!' She heard James shout from across the hall.
She couldn't help it, she laughed,
'Shove off, Potter!'
Despite all the horrible things happening outside the castle, and how upset she had been earlier, Lily fell asleep with a smile on her face.
Authors Note: I'm so sorry for the delay in updating! I had major writers block, and I was taking a break over the summer!
Thank you to my beta faithless98!