Alright, here's the next chapter. There's not much for me to say except for that the song Bells is talking about is 'Down with the Sickness' by The Disturbed. It's actually a good song for fights, but please, don't listen to it around adults. That will most likely end badly.
-L-
Bella
Do you remember watching the funny cartoons where someone sings or dances so horribly that the only responses they get are crickets, coughing and baby wails? Imagine that I had done a most pathetic dance maneuver-AKA, atrocity- in all the land and all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. Eventually, I heard buzzing in my ears as the cafeteria grew louder still, but no Cullen or Hale said a word. Now I knew that they didn't normally talk during lunch, but you could practically taste the heavy atmosphere. You all but swallowed and gagged on it.
My hands were trembling in fear as I mutilated my food; starting with my chicken. First I was poking it, awaiting someone's words of disappointment. When that didn't happen, I began to puncture holes here and there, nibbling on the strands of chicken meat that stuck to the fork. I wandered into Alice's mind, but she had a barrier up that made me think she was either having a conversation with Edward or she simply didn't want part in it. Emmett was in the same position, but he looked like he wanted to speak, but was being forced to shut up. It reminded me of how when you're five years old and your mom gives you the 'look', you stop talking all together for fear of not living to see the next day. Rose and Jasper managed to look indifferent, but I could feel Jasper working his power over me with no success.
I stole a glance at Edward, who was sitting in front of me. For that moment, not only did he look like a Greek god, he felt like one. All I could think of was Dionysus as he had the crazed Maenads tear Pentheus limb form limb. His shoulders were tense, his jaw clenched. I couldn't bear to look into his eyes too long, for fear of being burned. He seemed to be staring off beyond the glass of the window on the wall next to our table. His hand covered his mouth as if trying to refrain from doing something. I shuddered at the thought of what that might be.
My eyes darted back to my plate as my hand found its way to the fork again. I stabbed at the chicken breast before me. If my heart were still beating, I could already imagine it thumping in unison to the introduction for a song by the Disturbed. I tried to distract myself by attempting to remember the name of the song and the lyrics to it, but to no avail. Once I remembered, it made my fear even greater and caused worry for the singer's mother.
After my chicken was dismantled, I moved on to the little cube of apple pie that was meant to be dessert. I struck it with more energy than necessary and it penetrated through the plate and into the hard wood of the table. A thud was heard through our table and a couple around us as the action vibrated through it as if in complaint against my accidental cruelty.
When I realized that eyes were on us, I acted like there was nothing wrong and soon enough, the others looked away nonchalantly. I sighed, staring at the fork that was now standing upright on its own. I cupped my face in my two hands, embarrassed beyond measure.
Emmett arched an eyebrow at me as if questioning my sanity. Alice made a choking sound and tried to cover it up casually, but she broke out in a fit of giggles. Rose smiled and let out a little laugh herself while Jasper joined me in dismay, his head cupped between his hands, peeking at the others through his fingers, a smile hesitantly spreading across his face. Edward didn't budge for a while, but then his eyes strayed from the window to face me directly. I froze, wishing I knew what he was thinking now more than ever. I swallowed hard, watching him, waiting for him to get started. His eyes gleamed as he let them wander toward the fork.
He laughed. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding until then, feeling my limbs ease. First, the laughter was unwanted-something done involuntarily. Then, as the grin grew across his face, the laughter grew louder. I stared at all of them in disbelief, but him especially.
"Edward, this is hardly funny." She started, but the laughter was like a virus. It spread around us all, and eventually, it began to creep into her system as well. "She could have gotten hurt." She finished, but it was hard to say between the guffaws.
The other students were staring at us again, but there was nothing any of us could do now that would help get them to turn away. Nothing we were doing now was making it any better either.
I felt arms wrap around me from behind, cool lips leaving kisses on my collar bone and cheek before pulling me up out of my seat and dragging me outside. I wasn't really over the shock yet when this happened, but I was forced to snap out of it as Edward began to speak. His eyes were serious again, but I realized that he wasn't mad, just worried. What I'd felt wasn't fear, for even at his worst, I could never be truly afraid of him. It was guilt. Though I knew that no other man-creature- would ever be as important to me as he was, I ran in an instant to see if the only human who tried to catch up to that was still alive.
I leaned against the wall, breathing in and out to calm the rupture of laughter from earlier and to put this incident behind me now. Edward stood in front of me, pressing his forehead against mine and resting his left hand against the wall.
"Where did you go?" he finally asked; his voice distant. It took me a while to reply to that. If I told him the truth, he'd think I'd gone mad. If I didn't, I would go mad. The words slipped out so suddenly that I didn't even realize I had said them until I saw the look on his face.
"I saw Jacob." I whispered. Like I said, it was unintentional, but it seemed that today, most of my actions were. Edward's expression was a mix of shock and betrayal. I couldn't tell which was the one that won over him the most.
"You mean the Quileute?" he asked, his breath catching even as the words came out. "The one who helped you figure out what I was?" he added. I nodded my head feebly.
Why had I even said it was Jacob? What if it wasn't? If Jacob hadn't died so many years ago, he'd be extremely old. No way would he look as young as that guy had. Still, it could have been a descendant. Edward voiced my thoughts, but in a tone a little more hopeful to the second option. I didn't understand why. Edward had never really known Jake as I had gotten to after his departure.
"Are you certain you didn't make a mistake?" he asked, still a bit incredulous.
"I don't know. I searched all over Forks, but I couldn't go on into the La Push territory, so I came back." Edward's reaction to that was bad and I soon realized the grave mistake I'd made in putting the words in that order.
"You mean to tell me that you wouldn't have returned if it weren't for the fact that you weren't allowed to continue searching other lands? That was your reason for turning back?" his voice trailed a little louder than before. I shrank back, but before I could respond, a teacher came outside due to the gravity of his voice. I could tell from his thoughts that he thought Edward was hurting me. I knew it was the other way around.
"Would you like to continue your conversation in the Principal's office, young man?" he asked, pointing at Edward with his eyes. Edward's own eyes were fixed on me, waiting for a reply like a wolf waits for its chance to pounce at his prey. I swallowed, attempting to make no defense, for some stupid, stupid reason. Edward looked away from me, a certain pain gleaming in his eyes as his mouth hardened into a thin line.
"No, sir. There's nothing more to say." he responded to the teacher. I watched after him, scared that I might have lost him. He began to walk towards the 4th building where his next class was. I stood there, feeling human for the first time in a long time. I wondered if he would skip next period because of me as well. My knees felt weak and my breathing faltered. I tried to stop breathing, but I couldn't even will myself to do that. I stood there like an idiot until Alice came up to me with the others rushing on ahead. Edward was so far from me now that it seemed I would never be able to catch up. I wanted to cry.
"You shouldn't have left like that, Bella. I don't know your reasons, but you had us all worried that something was wrong. Especially Edward. He thought that someone might be after you." Alice whispered behind me. I nodded, not knowing why. Then I realized something. Did she not see who I was running after?
"What do you mean someone coming for me?" I asked her, trying to sound normal. The attempt was pathetic.
"I saw you running so quickly and when I caught a glimpse of your expression, you looked like you were running from Death himself." She said, sounding confused herself. So that's why. Edward was worried because he was only informed of my running-not the reason. When I told him…
"Didn't you see who I was running after?" I asked her. She shook her head, opening her mouth to speak, but the bell for class rang. She sighed and turned back into the building.
I began to make my descent towards building 2 ever so slowly. She didn't see 'Joseph'. And Edward could have found me easily by entering his mind, but apparently, he didn't look in.
I turned around with hopes of seeing Edward still, but he was gone.
Edward
I sat during social studies wishing I could run out and drop at Bella's feet, begging for forgiveness. Of course, it still bothered me that just at the thought of that boy being alive, she would throw everything aside in chase of him, but she didn't deserve what I did. Just as I had a right to be furious-and perhaps a bit insanely jealous-she had the right to want to see her dear friend again.
I began to think back on when I left Bella and how I saw her image every which way that I turned. It must be even worse to know for a fact that he died for her, when she wasn't even dead. Still, I couldn't see how the boy would have any son or grandson. Sure, he was 26 when he gave in to the sweet seduction of death, but in the files we had found on him, there was nothing about a marriage or a girlfriend.
Perhaps it was something that wasn't planned for?
Honestly, thinking about him got me even more frustrated. Instead, I searched the thoughts of the students to find Bella. I found her walking through the halls through some girl's mind and saw immediately how much pain I'd caused her. If I wasn't already dead, I would kill myself for doing such a grievous deed.
It took everything in me not to run to her classroom in that instant. I was clutching to the bottom of my chair like a child holds onto his blanket when darkness comes when a crumpled piece of paper landed on my desk. I looked around, and searched minds, but none pointed to the shooter. Emmett wasn't here either, so I knew it wasn't him.
That's when I noticed it. There was a mind that I couldn't enter. It was strong, sturdy and fenced like an army protects a kingdom. I probed, but to no avail. Finally, I caught the owner of it.
She was blonde with unusual lime green eyes. They were very cat-like and her hair was about to her shoulders. She had slanted bangs that partially covered one eye, but I could still tell that both of them were set on me. As she saw me watching her, a playful smile crept across her lips. They were a little smaller than Bella's, but any male in the school would know she was beautiful. Even I acknowledged it, but it was still no comparison to my love.
I turned away from her and picked up the piece of paper. There was a message scrawled written in neat, cursive:
I'm curious as to whether you enjoy your hunt as much as it seems. Was the bear really as delicious as you made it look, Edward?
I reread the short, but powerful, message five times before reacting to it. It wasn't really much of a proper reaction. I whipped my head around to face her again, but she was looking away from me as though she had absolutely no idea why a vampire was looking her way. That was the shocking part, though. She knew I was a vampire.
As soon as class was dismissed, I rushed out. I would have stayed and quarreled some with that strange girl, but I had already decided that Bella would come first.
As soon as I caught sight of her heading out to the gym, I all but showed my true speed in my chase. She was walking with her eyes on the ground, thinking of something I would only ever be able to guess. I stopped myself once I was in front of her, but she had kept walking and bumped into me. She apologized and looked up, still partially in a daze. When she registered who I was, she dropped her books and threw her arms around my neck. I was caught off guard, but it only took a matter of seconds to return the embrace.
"I'm sorry," we both said the phrase more times than I counted. I stroked her hair and held her close. Her grip around me tightened with her new strength, but I hardly felt the difference.
"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for- I was being completely insensitive. Of course, it was only after I said all that blunder that I realized it, but you have reason to have run after the boy, whether it was him or not. The point is that it could have been, and I know that you just wanted to-" she cut me off with a little kiss on my moving lips. It shut me up until her own parted.
I sighed, grateful that I was forgiven.
"I know…" I said. "I…I understand. It doesn't make me any less resentful of another man in your life-who wasn't your father- but I see your reason now." I finished. She was grazing her nose against my throat and I wondered if she was listening at all.
"I know that if you weren't here right now, and I saw someone who looked like you, I would search around the world for you." I finished. There was something familiar in that, but I couldn't quite tell what it was.
"That's still no reason for what I did. I should have at least contacted Alice through her mind and told her that I was going out. I should have given you guys some kind of warning so that you wouldn't worry, and I didn't. I'm sorry for that." She started.
"And what I said…earlier. I'm sorry about that too. Though I did come back because I couldn't go into La Push, I also came back to be with you." She added. She looked up at me, and I knew that if she were still human, there was a very good chance that she would be crying.
"Even if Jake was important to me, you are the love of my life, Edward." She said the words so lovingly that I almost could have believed I was worth it. "I'm sorry for making you worry. I just…I haven't really come to terms with his death. It…" she cut off.
"It hurts like the utmost depth of hell to know that you were the cause of a loved one's suffering. It's even worse when you know that you were the cause of their death."
I shut my eyes, finally realizing why I felt acquainted with this occurrence. The words were like crashing waves against me. I actually had done what she did just today.
I felt like a monstrous being when I found out that she had killed herself, and yet, even when I was convinced she was dead, just at the thought of her being alive-I ran in search. How selfish I must be to have blinded myself to her pain. Unlike me, the person she misses truly is gone.
I tightened my arms around her, wishing I never had to let her go. I wished with all my might that this burden of hers was lifted, but I knew that the closest I could get to that was lifting her off the floor when she tripped over a soccer ball in P.E.
I pulled away with my arm still around her waist as we made our way to the gym. We were silent along the way until we made it to the entrance and Bella caught sight of the balls set on the center of the floor to play dodge ball.
I could sense her loathing even without her vocalizing it. I laughed, despite the heavy moment we had just now.
"Don't worry, love." I said, kissing her forehead.
"I'll catch you if you fall."
Again, say it with me. "Aw..."
Heh, anyway, reviews please!! You know how much I'll love you if you do!
Tah!
-L-
P.S. If you're wondering who the blonde is, you'll get details in one of the two next chapters. For now, refer to chapter 14. (insert evil authory laughter)