Long Road to Ruin

Toy-Soldiers

What did he see out there?

That was my first thought as I soared through the dark skies closer and closer to the Tower till I finally saw Robin on the rooftop staring into the black-horizon where even the lights from the glittering city could not reach. Total darkness, no stars, no moon, no nothing … just … black-out. What do you see …? I pondered quietly to myself, knowing that it'll forever remain a mystery since I know I'll never bother to ask, it was an irrelevant question, a fleeting thought, that didn't need to be addressed.

So with that I put it out of my mind and approached him, soundlessly, yet in the back of my neck slivering down to the pit of my heart I felt the tingle of our bond and since he was an exceptional human-being, I knew he could feel it to. The shadow of my raven-soul darted to the ground and like second-nature to me I manifested into a solid being. A strong wind whipped between us and my long violet hair that was tied up into a high ponytail was pulled with it; Robin's super-gelled hair (still spiky, but seemed to be growing out long enough to fall over his face) swayed, but withstood the forceful winds.

Only the hood of his deep-red hoodie was tugged, and it was then did I notice he was out of uniform … but he still had a mask on … still the same Robin mask of old. It made me remember what Starfire had said about Robin becoming some other vigilant who went by the name of Nightwing when she returned from the future. When would that come true? Would it ever? It didn't seem to be happening any time soon, Robin liked being Robin, though he did adjusted his uniform (as did the rest of the team and myself) to accommodate his sudden growth, and what a growth. He shot up till he surely matched – if not was a half-inch taller – than Starfire, he was a good head taller than me that was for sure, and his physic was nothing to laugh about.

As a matter of fact it was very impressive, not that it wasn't a few years back, it's just now there was a definite line drawn between being a boy and becoming a man. Needless to say, with Starfire at his arm Robin did learn to tone done his obsessive nature when it came to catching the bad-guy, but he was still – for the lack of a better phrase – a hard-ass. He still hated to lose, and he was a slave-driver when it came to practice.

So I braced myself for the worse when he finally turned to acknowledge my presence with a nod and his typical greeting … at least, typical between the two of us, "Welcome back …"

None of the others would ever understand why this greeting was so significant between the two of us … it was like an inside joke, no one would get it unless they were one of us. I liked that, but my feelings weren't on the line here, so I stuffed the warm-fuzzies in the closet and closed it by crossing my arms over my chest and getting straight to the point. No time like the present, "You needed to talk to me?"

He didn't answer me right away, he seemed to be – no, scratch that, he is – thinking about something and whatever it was it surely had something to do with me. I've noticed, with our years together I'm the only person he has to actually stop and think about the words he'd use to address me. Not only that, but I also noticed he's been more careful about his approach; he'd wait for the right moment to spring something on me and catch me off guard. I was like his little practice dummy so when the real mind-freaks mess with his head he'll be ready, and I had to be honest, I didn't mind much since it worked both ways. He can have his training in interrogation, and I can have my poker-face practice.

A vicious cycle, a titter-totter power play, a dangerous cat-n-mouse game; call it whatever it is, but what I'm trying to say is we've gotten so good at playing against each other it's lost its humor and become a problem. I closed my eyes when he shifted and stuffed his hands into his jacket pocket as the wind yet again roared around us and tore at our clothes, hair, and skin. I shivered ever so subtly, but made it look like a bored sigh so as not to imply that I needed his jacket to warm me. No … the last thing I need now was a comforting friend on a team I was growing weary of, in a tower I was suffocating in, on the outskirts of a city I was slowly hating, why?

I don't know.

But I promised myself when my affair with X began that I will find out.

I had to … it was my only chance to save the only life I've ever known.

"Where've you been?"

Dammit! I cursed softly in my head when I blinked open my eyes to stare at Robin with a dumb look on my face that lasted only a fraction of a second, but it was enough, I knew it was enough for him. Dammit! I cursed again when I realized he's caught me drifting into la-la land and he now controlled the flow of the game, which meant I had to somehow find away to tilt the game into my favor, so I kept my answer short and to the point, "In town …"

"Doing?"

It wasn't demanding, cynical, or spiteful, just an emotionless question that posed no threat that I decided to fight to see how he'd react. Maybe then I can break the aloofness of his line of questioning so I can end this talk before it went somewhere I don't want it to go, "Is there a reason you're interrogating me?"

He shrugged and remained in character, "Just wanna know what you've been up to … you've been … " he gave pause to tilted his head and narrowed his eyes contemplatively, again looking for the right words to use against me, and when he finally found it he said it softly, "… withdrawn, and I'm concerned."

My eyelids dropped while I felt a tug at the corner of my lip pulling my face into a dry expression of exasperation when I come to find my being on guard was all for nothing. All he wanted to know, embarrassingly enough, is how I was feeling. I huffed and said, "You don't have to be Robin, I'm fine, I just need my space."

Again, he didn't answer me right away, he started to stare, started to think and it made me wonder if the game really wasn't over. I braced for anything, only to get an equally dry, "Okay …"

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, "Is that it?"

"I don't know, you have anything else you wanna tell me?" I reeled my head back slowly and sneered, so he wanted to play it that way, fine by me. I prepared for an argument, but he stopped me before I unleashed all Hell, "Hear me out, Raven … we have this connection …" he paused, probably because he saw me roll my eyes in annoyance. I was getting so sick of him using our bond as an excuse that I, at times, completely tuned him out after I heard the phrase 'we have …' when referring to my inability to be a social monkey like Starfire.

I bit down on my tongue to keep it from lashing out while I glared impatiently at the boy-blunder who seemed to have his eyes glued on me, still trying to figure out how to go about his little talk now that I finally expressed my utter distaste for being here. However, it was in expressing this did I finally break his aloof-character when he let go a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his black-spiky hair as the wind continued to play with it. He finally looked up – or down, I was shorter than him – at me with his infamous stare-down that would make any other villain tremble at the weight he put into it.

Even his tone of voice changed, he was more aggressive, more insisting upon me listening when he said, "Raven, whatever it is you're going through, I hope you know you can talk to me about it, because, I can't exactly explain it, but I just feel like ... you don't trust me ... like you never did to begin with. Maybe it's just me, I don't know, but I'm not going to pretend there isn't anything to address."

I scoffed and dropped my arms from my chest to shrug dismissively, "No one said you had to pretend."

He frowned, "This feud you have going on with Terra ... it's not just about what she's done in the past anymore is it?"

There it is … I was wondering when he'd get to mentioning Terra, but what he said didn't register, I furrowed my brows in question, "What do you mean?"

"You've been picking fights Raven ... something you don't do often, if at all."

I propped a hand on my hip and shifted my weight onto one foot and asked, "So I'm a troublemaker?"

"Only when the situation seems to suite you ... yesterday it was with Beast Boy and the Gamestation, now it's Terra over a book?"

"It was a good book, first edition and she bent the pages." I responded quickly without skipping a beat, but I cursed softly when I knew I set myself up for failure.

Robin attacked, "Raven, I remember Cyborg had done the same thing to one of your scrolls not too long ago and you didn't jump all over his case then and don't try to tell me it's not the same situations, you even said so yourself you're not a materialistic person."

I scowled, "Hurry up and make your point."

He matched my expression, "You're making excuses Raven, and not knowing why is worrying me."

"If you're concerned about your trust in me as a teammate, don't be, I'm still your toy-soldier." I noticed a slight arch of his brow, probably questioning why I used the term toy-soldier to describe my position on the team. It was X's idea actually, he once cracked a joke that had something to do with Robin and his nickname boy-blunder, and somehow the term toy-soldier came into play and so it stuck. We got so use to referring my teammates and the other honorary Titans as toy-soldiers that it just slipped my tongue, but I digress.

Robin huffed in frustration and shook his head to disregard what I said to finalize his point, "Raven this isn't about the team anymore, it's about you ... I know something's wrong, but it's you who doesn't trust me enough to tell me the matter. I don't wanna push you into telling me what's on your mind Rae, but I gotta be honest, it feels like ... like I'm losing you …"

Wow … did he just lay his cards out on the table?

I stared at him dubiously almost expecting there to be another angle to this total vulnerability and complete honesty. I nearly shook my head in disbelief when I referred to Robin as vulnerable … Robin wasn't vulnerable … he was human, yes, but to willingly flip his hand open to show me his cards and gamble on my equal honesty was not a very Robin thing to do. However, when I finally realized what this talk was all about, I also realized that Robin not being Robin was Robin totally being Robin.

He knew I wouldn't expect his openness.

He was counting on my shock and my guilt to take over and confess whatever it was he thought I was hiding. Which also meant he suspected I was hiding something big enough for him to force my hand and admit that I was cheating, Well played … it was a good strategy, but too bad I was smart enough to spot it before I did anything stupid. Like tell him I had an associate who was ill inclined to follow the rules and was more inclined to follow his own set of means in achieving his goal, whatever they may be. A true rebel without a cause.

I sighed heavily and walked passed him towards the edge of the roof to stand dangerously close to its dizzying-drop, I accidently kicked some loose gravel that tumbled into the air as gravity set in place and the tiny pebbles plummeted to the jagged rocks below. Tauntingly the wind pushed at my back to force me forward, but I held strong and listened as Robin silently took his post beside me, close enough for me to whisper, "You're not losing anything boy-blunder …" I blinked and then through a tilt of my head I glanced at him through the corner of my eye and caught him staring at me in doubt. I forced a tiny, barely noticeable smile on my face as I pressed my right hand over my heart and lifted up my left hand and said, "Scouts honor."

He smirked at the joke that was just between us and I knew everything was right with the world again when he turned away from me to head back into the Tower, "Come on … let's get inside, you're getting chills, I don't want you to catch a cold."

"…" I dropped my hands back to my sides and turned my head to glance at the city one last time before I left, content with the fact that I had successfully thrown Robin off my trail, but still unhappy about something in my life.

I sighed inwardly to myself and dismissed the thought as the warmth of the Tower engulfed me, and the chill of the heavy rooftop winds were locked out when the thick steel door was slammed shut and locked-tight.

--

It was pass 2 am, I was already dead asleep when my communicator went off and rudely woke me from a dreamless slumber. I sat up from my bed with a groan and reached for the T-com I placed under my pillow incase of emergencies. Yeah, some people put guns, I put my communicator call me crazy, I don't care, call me stupid and I'd have to semi-agree for I failed to ponder why and who would contact my private-line at such an god-awful hour. I pressed the button to allow for two-way link and spoke into the speaker like a walkie-talkie, "Mmm … Raven here … go ahead …"

I released the button, the other line crackled as I ran my fingers through my tangled hair and tried my best to get it straightened out while I waited for the connection, I don't know why I bothered to grow my hair out, but I was beginning to regret it. Maybe I should cut it … I held that thought when the voice on the other side sounded mechanically distorted despite the very human grunt and hiss of pain, "Ahh … Raven …? You there …?"

I frowned, something about the familiarity in his (or hers, I couldn't make it out with all the white-noise) tone caught me off guard, how did they know me so well? I responded, "Copy, this is Raven, identify yourself and your situation."

They chuckled, but winced again in pain, "Ugh … not so bad … but not so good either … I need a little help, think I can borrow one of kid-wonder's toy-soldiers? Heh-heh …"

I stared at the T-com in shock, No way … I pressed down on the button and whispered hurriedly, "X is that you?"

More white-noise … more grunting, and then another cry of pain, I cringed when the reality of the situation finally came down on me and shocked me wide awake. X was in trouble, and he needed my help, "… Ahhh … look, I don't got much time, I sent you the coordinates of my location, follow it, but just to warn you the people here know about the Titans and if they find out who you're here for … well … use your imagination. Hope you come soon girl, I – (BANG!)."

I jumped and gasped softly at the sound of gunshots and the screaming of men, I brought the communicator to my mouth and tried to get a hold of X, just to see if he was alright. I whispered, I didn't know if he dropped whatever radio he was on and I didn't know if the people after him were still within the vicinity, "X? You still there? X …?"

Crackling … static … nothing … no response so I ended the transmission to be sure no one could trace the call. I then flipped it open to dial in the coordinates X said he sent me and a black and green graph came up highlighting the outer edge of Jump City with a blinking red dot and directions. I flew off of my bed and got dressed as fast as I could in my black and white sweat-pants and matching jacket, and a pair of black shoes with steeled heels and toe. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun with a pair of sharp chopsticks, then pulled off the red gem on my forehead and placed it in a jade-box with velvet linings.

I said a small prayer to ensure my control over my demons and recited a small chant to conceal my identity to the human-eye. Afterwards I rushed to my closet and dug out the bo-staff Robin had given me for sparing purposes, I wasn't as good as him and never will be, but I knew I was good enough to impress and that'll have to do. With a quick twist I shrank it down to a size big enough to fit in my pants pocket then snatched my communicator and phased out of my room without the worry of my teammates discovering my disappearance.

How I figured this was that X probably got mixed up with the wrong crowd and all I'll have to do is conduct a small rescue party. Get in, get out, and then get back home before early morning training starts. Not to say that I've done this before with X, no, this was a definite first and it wasn't until I was within the rundown, abandoned, and condemned block in the outskirts of Jump City did realization finally hit him like a 2-ton brick … I had no idea what the hell I was up against!

X said I couldn't use my powers, so I was already a sitting duck.

I had the bo-staff, but I only knew enough to flare and show-off, not actually win a fight!

I'm an idiot!

What the hell was I thinking?!

I sucked in a deep breath and slowly exhaled to calm myself down while I stood in the middle of the abandoned and empty street, I reached for my communicator and checked for X's position. The graph zoomed in to show a more detailed depiction of the neighborhood I was in, my homing-device positioned me about five hundred yards from X's location, southbound. I quickly put the maze to memory before I snapped it shut, stuffed it back in my pocket and started to jog southward with no plan of attack.

Not how I usually operate, but I didn't know what else to do.

Heroic instinct was to help those in need and X was in need … but as I navigated through the abandoned streets a frightening thought started to take precedence: was this a trap? True, X and I have this mutual relationship, but that didn't necessarily mean we were the best of buds. We still played our roles once our backs were turned and if X were true to his character what's to stop him from stabbing my back when I least expected it? Now would be the perfect time … I was alone … I had no plan … and I wasn't using my powers … I was doomed.

Yet, still, despite this probability I pressed on till I heard the faint sounds of people murmuring, older men coming my way, I stopped and slid into the shadows of one of the open abandoned buildings. With my back against the wall I slid down to the ground and peered out the door to see there were five of them, all with loaded handguns probably scouting out the block looking for X. I pulled out my communicator to check both X and my position, he was only fifty feet away in the next building over, I slipped the com back into my pocket and again peered out the door to see the five men had become just two.

I frowned and slid back up the wall, They split up … I thought as I carefully moved against the wall headed for the adjacent wall where a shattered window lead to the alley that'll surely get me in range of X's building. All I had to do was crawl under the first shattered window and I'll be home-free, oh, and make sure not to nick any debris lying on the ground. I came to the first window and got down on the ground with my hands helping to support my weight, I crawled towards the adjacent wall, I was nearly there when a sudden flash of light shone down on me, "Well, well … looks like I found myself a rat."

I quickly reached for the bo-staff, but couldn't unsheathe it for the bastard grabbed a hand full of my hair and yanked me on my feet, a scream ripped through my throat involuntarily as he dragged me out of the building and tossed me on the sidewalk. I rolled onto my hands and knees on the street and gritted my teeth to silence more sounds of pain; I heard the rest of the men gathering around to see what they caught.

One of them, the one that dragged me, snickered as he cocked his gun and pointed it to my head, "Don't move beautiful … it'll be a shame to splatter your pretty brains all over this pavement without getting to know you first, heh-heh."

I sneered and retorted with dry-sarcasm, "Oh you're so hilarious."

Another of the five chimed in with a dark smile on his ugly face, "So what is a pretty-girl like you doing in a place like this? Get lost or you jus' lookin' for a good time?"

The rest of his 'friends' snickered while I gagged in disgust.

I had enough.

The bo-staff was still in my hand and I was pretty sure I could move faster than any of these men could. So with a quick flick of my wrist the bo-staff extended and I twirled it over my head to gain enough momentum to knock the gun out of the first man I could reach. Bewildered he and his friends stared at me in shock while I spun around and smashed the staff against the side of his head hard enough to give him a serious concussion. Though I didn't stop there, his other associates had drawn their guns and started to fire at me. I ran in an arch to keep from getting hit, and when I found an opening I flipped into the air and came down on another hapless victim.

The staff connected to his head and he was out cold before he ever hit the floor, crouched on the ground I held out the staff so it was parallel to my right arm, my peripheral caught movement to my left, but I also detected another sneaking up behind me. It happened too fast for them to register how I beat them, but it was simple. Still crouched to the ground I twirled the staff for momentum and slammed it into the first of two of the men's ribs, then jerked it back to stab the second one in the gut, and flicked it back to the first and caught him in the temple. Before he fell I spun all the way around to clip the second man on the side of the head and down he went for the count.

BANG!

The last man fired a bullet I felt just barely graze the tip of my ear, the heat caught me off guard and I yelped, he fired another shot pointblank to my chest, but I dodged to the side, then jumped again when he continued to shoot off round after round in desperation. He growled, "Who the fuck are you?!"

I didn't answer, but when he ran out of bullets and reached for another magazine I held the staff like a javelin and tossed it to his chest, it hit the mark and the man fell to the ground, winded, and in agony as my staff clattered to the pavement with an unceremonious metallic ring. The man gasped desperately for air while I strolled up to him, kicked up my bo-staff and sheathed it before I crouched to his level and scowled, "Where's X?"

He gasped, "Who?"

I had no patience to play interrogation-tactics, I backhanded him hard enough to leave a mark and forcefully repeated, "Where's X?"

He glared at me as he clutched his chest and then with his other hand pointed to the three story building beside the one I had tried to hide in, he wheezed, "Second floor … but don't bother … he's already dead."

The warning didn't phase me, but as I stood up I stomped my heel on his chest and hissed while he cried out in pain, "For your sake, you better hope not …"

I kicked off his chest and ran for the building.

I stood under the spiraling staircase and stared up to check for anymore problems, the stairs were cleared, but I knew were rotting so as I flew up the stairs I made sure to take light steps or else fall through a weak point in the ground. Slightly breathless, I reached the second floor and shoved the door open then called out to X, but all the response I got was my echo down a long hallway with abandoned apartment rooms on either side. I rushed down the hallway peering into each room looking for any signs of life, praying that that bastard didn't lead me in the wrong direction, "X? You here?"

I waited for a response, but still got nothing, I started to get desperate when I reached the end of the hall where the final room had its door closed. I grabbed its door knob and tried to open it, but it was locked, now why would there be a locked room in a condemned building I wondered sarcastically. I leaned back and with a well aimed kick the door flew open and I was assaulted by a cloud of dust. Coughing, I entered the room swatting at the air to clear my vision as I looked around the empty room, I again called out, "X? Are you still alive …?"

I started to look around the apartment; I opened every door in the room till I reached one of the two bedrooms and found much to my surprise an opened T-com in the middle of the floor. I picked it up and concluded it must have been how X contacted me … but where was he? I frowned when my finger touched something wet on the com; I pulled it to my eyes and blinked when the seriousness of the situation finally hit me.

Blood.

Something in me prayed it wasn't X's … but with my unique ability to sense auras I knew the blood was his … his signature … his pain … I felt the memory of the moment lightly touch the back of my skull. I allowed it to help me locate X, and apparently he was in the next room joined with this … the master bathroom. Still holding the communicator I rushed to the room, but paused when I saw a smear of blood on the door, it shocked me, yes, but I had to see for myself if X was really here. So I pushed it open and with a quick scan I found an odd shadow slumped behind the shower door, I pulled it open and gasped when I saw X on the shower floor, propped up on the corner with his chin to his chest.

"X …" I knelt before him and pulled off his mask, but winced when I saw blood smeared at the side of his head and dribbling out the corner of his mouth. He was out cold, I lifted his head and slapped his face, "X! Wake up! You still with me?"

He didn't respond, his eyes were closed and he was cold to the touch, but I could still sense life in him if but faintly. It was then did I look down and found a pool of blood contrasting against the off-white tiled walls and floor. He lost too much … he was going to die! I felt my heart start to race and a cold chill tickle my spine at the thought of losing him, of losing X. I always knew our talks and time together wouldn't last … but I didn't think I'd lose him through death. It was scaring me and with each second I sat here feeling his life-energy slip into oblivion and out of my grasp a feeling within me grew stronger and stronger.

I couldn't lose him, for my selfish reasons, I couldn't lose him.

Not like this.

So with my mind made up, I condemned us both and engulfed him in my darkness, cradling him within my soul-self I soared through the skies fast enough to make Starfire proud and shot into the tower through the roof straight down to the Med-Bay. I dropped him on one of the beds while at the same time phased off his suit so he was in his blood drenched wife-beater and boxers. I couldn't stand still once I took my solid shape; I flicked on the machines and started to hook X into an IV to keep his body hydrated while I sifted through his blood-caked body looking for the wound. I found three, two of them were deep knife gashes and one of them was a bullet still lodged into his side, but much to my great surprise nothing nicked a vital organ.

He got so lucky.

I ran across the room to gather whatever supplies I needed to patch him up while I carefully monitored his stats, particularly keeping a close eye on his heart beat as I dug into the small whole on his side to yank the bullet out of him. Again, he was lucky he was out cold otherwise that would have hurt like all Hell, I'd know. Robin had taken a bullet once and I had the pleasure of tending to his care since Cyborg our usual medic was indisposed … that was when the cold reality of being human hit me so hard I nearly cried.

I began to literally stitch X back together when I heard the door to the Med-Bay hiss open.

I paused and held my breath, expecting the person on the other side to be Cyborg (his bio-cybernetics were attached to the Tower, he'd be the first to know when the Med-Bay was in use) I stared in bewilderment and stupefied shock to find it was Terra in her PJs. Her long blonde-hair pulled into a messy bun; her navy-blue eyes swept the Med-Bay and stopped when she spotted the bloody X on the bed, and then me. She blinked, and then shook her head, "Whoa … this is one weird ass dream …"

I scowled and barked at her to go away, but the words were caught in my throat when X's stats started to drop until finally he flat-lined; he was going into shock. I turned to Terra and shouted at her in such a desperate tone that it made her jump, "Crash-cart!"

She didn't think, she reacted and rolled in the cart, she grabbed the paddles, smeared the gel on and then pressed it flat on X, "Charging! Clear!"

She shocked him once and his body jerked violently, his heart beat jumped, but fell back down, Terra went again, but he wasn't coming back she looked at me and ordered, "Rae! Eppy!"

I injected the epinephrine and she jolted him again, his heart beat returned, but we held our breath if he should crash again, he didn't and I sighed in relief, "He's stabled …"

Terra put the paddles back on the cart and stared at X, then glared at me and pointed, "Who the hell is he?"

I looked at her, then down at X, and sighed as I grabbed the needle and threat and set on to finish his patch up while I softly replied in stark contrast to the freak-out not seconds ago, "I don't know …"

"What do you mean you don't know?" She was genuinely confused, and I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"I don't know … now unless you're going to help me save his life you're welcome to stay, if not then leave, I don't need you."

"…" she started at me in suspicion, but with a tired sigh she walked around the bed and proceeded to help me tend to X's life in silence.

She may not like me, and may not know the man on the bed was X, but she was a hero and in being a hero she had the strong desire to help those in need. It was her place and her responsibility, and like a good toy-soldier she did so without question.

--

Disclaimer: Don't own the Teen Titans, never did … DC owns

A/N: Okay, jus to get this out of the way that last scene with Terra, complete and total bullshit, I know there's something medically wrong with that whole scene, but I'm not a medic, I haven't taken medical-classes, and I don't plan to. I just felt like I had to put that there just to introduce Terra, because she will be playing a more significant role later on in the story, as will Speedy, so all you ppl who hound me about putting him in don't worry he will be there.

As a matter of fact, I should thank you for making the suggestion in the beginning, because I was a bit stuck on how a certain part of the story should go … then I got the Speedy-comment and I was like: Sweet! I know what to do now! So for that *bows* I thank YOU for that idea. You know who you ppl are … so in saying that I also thank you for your reviews they keep me going so keep'em coming!!

Until then, l8er daez!!