Susan Pevensie, Boarding School, Dance Class:
Susan was in love.
No, that was wrong, she had a deep, abiding admiration. She admired Mr. Trébour, because truly, he was quite handsome. And yet, when he looked at her all he saw was a silly little girl, not yet a teenager and hardly suitable for the likes of a man in his mid twenties. But oh, Susan fancied him very much, because when Susan looked at him, she saw him how a woman would see a man, and not at all as a girl would. And it was ever so frustrating to stand here like this and not be acknowledged! Why, if she had been back in Narnia, she would have had Mr. Trébour begging at her feet or gifting her with beautiful jewels!
But now? She was thirteen once more and had to grow up all over again. It was the single most frustrating thing Susan had ever experienced in her life! Even more frustrating than the time when that awful Prince Rabadash had tried to capture her hand in marriage, and they had had to steal away during the night. At least that had been exciting! And she had been Queen then too. Queen Susan the Gentle, renown for her great beauty and kindness.
Susan desperately wanted to be that woman again. She would give anything to be that woman again - to not have to grow up all over again and experience those awful pains that came with adolescence.
Susan remembered how she had already made mistakes. When they'd gone back to help Caspian, Susan knew it was her fault that they had almost died. And it was all because she'd been put back in this childish body, she knew. In fact, she was certain of it. Only a thirteen year old would have made those mistakes. Queen Susan never would have, but young schoolgirl Susan most certainly did. And it hurt to have betrayed her country like that - and Aslan. Oh how disappointed Aslan had been.
Susan cringed.
She hated disappointing people - especially those she cared about - and that was why she had to become her former self as soon as possible, so she could gain respect and recognition. So she wouldn't make childish mistakes and disappoint her family and her country (to Susan, England was no longer her true country, instead, Narnia had replaced itself in her heart).
As she watched with simmering jealousy, Mr. Trébour's partner - some plain woman named Marie - came into the room, and Susan told herself that this time she wouldn't beat around the bush. This time she would grow up like the other girls, but always be one step ahead. It would be her, Susan Pevensie, who would show the other girls how to do adult things, and it would be her leading them through their awkward adolescence. She would be the leader of the pack, the one everyone turned to for advice and the one everyone looked up to. She would establish her place in the social hierarchy...the closest thing she could get to being Queen.
At least in some small way she could still be admired for her generosity.
"We will now demonstrate one of the many dances you will soon be learning," Mr. Trébour announced to his eager class of young girls.
Susan perked up slightly. She had opted to come to this class, which was mostly meant for the older girls, because if there was one thing she could improve upon immediately it would have to be her dancing.
Susan knew that as Queen she had been the most graceful and beautiful woman in Narnia. Even Lucy had admitted that Susan far outclassed her in such things. Through these lessons Susan hoped to gain back part of the grace and poise she had so unfairly lost.
"Wow, they're so beautiful!" One of the other girls sighed.
Susan eyed the dancing couple and knew that she could do better.
"And Marie! So pretty!"
No, it was Susan who was the beautiful one, not Marie.
Trébour and Marie finished their dance to the excited clapping and sighing of the room. Susan smiled to herself. She knew a Narnian variation of that dance, it would be easy enough to adjust slightly.
Sighing, she thought of all the balls she was missing. Right now she could be hosting foreign royalty, or riding across a meadow, or ordering work on part of the castle grounds. In fact, she would be walking down a lightly lit stone corridor lined with beautiful tapestries and wall sconces, and somehow Lucy would catch her by surprise by popping out of a well-hidden doorway. She would gasp and scold her sister for acting inappropriately, but she would be smiling too and laughing on the inside. Lucy would smile impishly and link arms with her, walking with her to help her check on the orchard work. They would be talking about the recent news from Archenland and speculating about -
"Miss Pevensie? Are you present?"
Susan blinked and stepped back slightly, reaching up to adjust her crown in order to hide her surprise...but wait, there was no crown. That was odd.
"If you would line up? Unless you know this dance already? If that is the case you may go if you wish, or perhaps give us a demonstration?" Clearly, Mr. Trébour did not expect her to know any dances. He obviously wished to make her contrite for not paying attention.
"Yes, of course I know this dance," said Susan, smiling diplomatically and not letting any hint of her ire show through her serenely smiling face. (A queen did not display such unseemly emotions in public).
"Is that so Miss Pevensie?" asked Mr. Trébour sceptically, clearly surprised.
"But of course, sir," she replied.
There was a hush of whispers from the girls that Susan only now realised were lined up in the middle of the room.
"Then would you be so kind as to grace us with a demonstration, so that I may judge your current level?"
Susan didn't think Mr. Trébour had been expecting her to take him up on the offer, so when she held out her hand for him to grip, it took him a few seconds before he reached out to grasp it lightly. She would have to compensate for the height difference, Susan reflected absently as she was led to the centre of the floor, the other girls having cleared to the side to watch in avid interest. And she would have to adjust the dance to British standards as well, though she had no doubt Mr. Trébour was good enough to adjust to her own style as well.
Trébour's arm went to her waist and the other grasped her hand delicately. Her left hand then went to his shoulder. Automatically her posture adjusted itself as her body recognised the beginnings of a dance that was almost second nature. Her head tilted slightly to assume the correct position and they were ready.
"Marie?" came the soft spoken request.
And then, there was music.
It filled the room and Susan's senses. She closed her eyes and smiled slightly.
"If you are ready, Ms. Pevensie?" asked Mr. Trébour.
Susan opened her eyes and nodded her head slightly, then let it fall back into position.
Mr. Trébour began to move. He guided her across the dance floor, step by step, twirl by twirl.
At first Susan managed to keep up with him. She closed her eyes again and imagined she was back at Cair Paravel. It helped her when she danced in a foreign environment to pretend she was somewhere else - like back in Cair Paravel's warm, golden halls. But the memories were so fresh and lucid that soon she was completely immersed in them, and could almost feel the reassuring weight of her crown on her head and the whispering folds of her gown as it moved with the dance.
But...something was wrong. The dance was strange. She wasn't doing something right and it felt off. Without thinking, Susan adjusted herself and felt pleased. She had corrected her mistake. Or, perhaps it hadn't been her mistake, but her partner's, because she felt him stumble slightly and try to compensate for her shift. Yes, it had been her partner's. He hadn't known the dance as well as she.
No matter, she smiled to herself, he would soon catch on.
And he did, and the dance was beautiful. They swept across the wide floor, almost floating above the polished wood. Susan's eyes were open but distant, caught up in her own imagination and memories of a time not so long ago. To Susan they weren't in a large, mirrored dance studio, but a wide marble ballroom with draping flags and banners, and multiple couples on the floor. In the ballroom at Cair Paravel, there would be the dais to the back of the hall with four gilded thrones, one for each sibling. No doubt Peter would be reclining in his own, and Lucy would be sitting in Susan's making conversation, as she was wont to do. Edmund would be by the large banquet tables set up for the guests, eating and chatting with foreign dignitaries, ever the diplomat. And of course Susan was dancing, it was something she always did. She would take turns, gracing each man with her hand, and stealing a few dances with her brothers. They would cycle through all the waltzes and maybe have a few quicksteps. Lucy would always join in on those. She always liked to joke that she was about as graceful as a giant, but could quickstep like the rest of them. Her sister's jubilant nature always allowed her to make light of things and always be optimistic, a trait Susan sometimes wished she shared.
The waltz continued.
Suddenly the music stopped and the dance ended. Automatically, Susan sunk into a curtsy, wondering why her dress didn't spread like it should. She waited for the man to bow and complement Her Majesty, but he never did.
Blinking, Susan looked up at an astonished Mr. Trébour and realised with sinking disappointment that she was really just plain Susan and not Queen Susan. There would be no "Your Majesty's" ever again.
"Miss Pevensie, what...?" Mr. Trébour seemed at a loss for words.
Susan straightened from her curtsy and watched his expressions as they flitted across his face at lightning speed.
"What," he tried again, "was that?"
"The Dryad's Waltz," Susan responded immediately without thinking about how silly it might have sounded to someone not from Narnia.
"The what?"
"Uh, never mind," Susan hastily said, blushing mildly at her mistake.
Turning quickly, she walked towards the group of girls waiting to the side and took up a position among them. Instead, they all made a bubble around her and watched her with wide-eyed gazes of jealousy or admiration and no small amount of wonder. Susan felt slightly ostracised.
But wait, she scolded herself, isn't this what you wanted?
Uncomfortably, she wondered if it really was. Annoyed at her uncertainty, Susan shoved those thoughts to the side and lifted her head up high, ignoring the other girls' looks.
If she wanted to grow up, then she'd best start now so there were no room for uncertainties. Nodding to herself, Susan readied herself for the upcoming battle.