This fanfiction was a bit of a dedication to the members of MTC's production of "Arsenic and Old Lace", as well as the house members who sat and deciphered all the lovely sexual innuendos. I don't even know what genre this was supposed to end up as, but I can guarantee that it will be pretty much all of them in the end. Good Lord. Have mercy, this will likely be the worst, most unrefined, inappropriate thing I've ever written. ~Cat.

Rating: T+, I think. For swearing, blood, and implied sex.

The wind whistled over the harbor as night fell over Manhattan. Cars came in a sparse stream across one of several bridges, and the electric skyline lit up in the background like a beacon. New York was an inhospitable place now.

Jonathan shifted his weight in the car's passenger seat as Einstein guided them across the bridge and into the streets. Buildings of brick and limestone loomed up like monsters on either side, and he couldn't help but feel a little small. He did not, however, question why he was here. He knew and yet he did not. Jonathan wanted home, and safety, but he'd have to wait at least until tomorrow.

"Can't you go a little faster, Herm?" He sounded a little bit too strained. The doctor turned his head and raised an eyebrow. [Where? Behind this wheel or in yer pants?]

Letting the plastic surgeon- an alcoholic- drive was a rather large gamble on Jonathan Brewster's part. But he was sick of doing of the driving- he'd done all of it since Frisco up until Chicago. Images of car pile-ups came to the man's mind, and he shook his head.

"Uh, ja, Johnny, I can," Dr. Einstein replied, keeping his eyes plastered on the cars in front of them. "It's another ten before the East Village at least, and I-"

Jonathan broke in. The smaller man quivered under his dark stare. "I can't wait, Einstein." His teeth were gritted. [*explodes*]

"Well, you're just goin' to have t', Johnny," the disgruntled blonde countered snappishly, turning around a block of stagnant automobiles. "I can't verr easily get nailed by cops, now can I?" He tossed an uncharacteristically angry stare at his partner.

Jonathan paused. It seemed Herman was getting a bit sober. "The faster we get there, the better," he hissed, words laced with cyanide and chocolate. There might have been a promise there, or a threat. All the dark-eyed man knew was that he needed to sleep, and Einstein needed his liquor or they'd both be in a bitch of a situation.

They shot back quippish little remarks at each other for the longest time until finally the surroundings seemed to mellow out. The traffic got a little thinner, and they were moving faster. A sign that hung from a post said "Now entering the East Village". Both men passed an irritated sigh of relief.

Dr. Einstein parked when Jonathan told him to, and the man got out, leaving his partner in the car. The small man analyzed his surroundings and found them rather unsafe. The nearest streetlight was nearly twelve feet away, and there were these strange - people - ­walking the sidewalks. He tried to look nonchalant, propping his feet up on the dash and grabbing a magazine. He didn't bother to check the contents, just pretended to flip through. [Not going to lie- knowing Jonathan, it's probably a fag rag.]

His efforts were vain. The tapping of fingernails on the hood alerted the doctor to the presence of a - man next to the window? Or... a woman? Einstein tilted his head and tried to determine the thing's sex. [Hermaphroditus dragicea.]

"Hey, doll," it said. It was a man dressed as a woman. The husky voice- not at all seductive- was rough and very masculine. "What are you doing so far from home?" Herman shrank into the other side of the cabin, but was unsuccessful in his evasion.

The queen's hand, though muscled, was rather soft. It caught the German's cheek and stroked it. "P-please, sir- ma'am, I don't- I can't-" he shuddered. His accent stuck out more awkwardly than usual.

"What, precious? Scared?" The man's words were still smooth despite the rising tension. "Such a pretty little Elysian-" [-In muh pants.]

A bottle broke over the drag queen's blonde wig, and he dropped to the ground. Poised behind him was Jonathan, and Dr. Einstein had to admit he'd never been happier to see him. "Mine, you stupid bitch. Mine." His dark brown hair shone under the streetlight as he spat on the writhing body of the costume one below. "Move over, Herm, that's enough excitement for right now." He got in and tossed a brown grocery bag on the floor. Glass and paper rustled and clinked against each other inside.

The blonde shivered and resisted the urge to fling himself at Jonathan. "Y-yours?" [SQUUEEEEE~] Herman looked a bit taken aback, more so than he'd been even moments before.

The smirk tugged at the corner of his partner's dastardly lips. "Yes, mine." For the first time in a while Jonathan cracked a full smile, and the doctor allowed himself to admire the perfect, white teeth. They were a bit carnivorous looking at the moment, yes, but rather attractive. Einstein blushed and stared out the window. [Won't you eat ME with your BIG, SHARP TEETH?]

"That's awful brash o' you, Johnny."

The ridiculously mesmerizing grin held its place. "Well, I'm brash, Herm." Jonathan Brewster turned the car into a gaslight motel's nearly empty lot and shut the car off. He pulled out his wallet and counted through the bills, diverting himself. "You know, tonight's the last night that we'll be sleeping in the same bed."

"Oh?" The surgeon felt his heart sink a couple of leagues into the pavement. Despite the often uncouth circumstance of their communions, Herman Einstein had begun to cherish the other fellow's closeness.

Jonathan pulled his eyes up from his adding. "Don't worry, there," he mumbled, pulling a few of the notes free of their fold. "You're always welcome to sleep where I sleep." He smirked again and got out the car. Not wanting another questionable predicament at hand, Einstein dashed after him.

The dark, ominous man winked and held open the side of the door for the doctor. The German could have fainted.

[I predict a forecast of rain and hot sex over the East Village this evening...]

Afternotes: SQUEEEEEEE. I had tons of fun fooling around with this pairing in between studying for my C40 and Finals... :/ Happy Senior Last Day of School, by the way.

More chapters coming around soon, as I have a glut of good ideas in the ol' brain. 8D Hoping to finish up by graduation as something of a present. To whomever's still reading this, and myself. So much smut references on the way, it won't even be FUNNY.