Title: Snogging 101 with Professor Granger

Author: Me!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. Though I'd like to point out that several people have mentioned "The Snogging Chronicles" and before today I had never read it. I have read it now and, really, our stories are nothing alike.

Author's Note: This... I'm sorry, this is kind of a boring, slow chapter. I don't know why. It just happened. I really felt like I needed to get Ron and Ginny into the story and once I took time to do that, I didn't have the energy to spend a whole lot of time on Lesson Two. Hopefully Lesson Three will be more fun. *still needs to decide what lesson that ought to be*

Lesson Two: The First Date and Contact

It was getting more difficult for students to be out of sight of a teacher without getting in trouble. As such, Hermione hadn't set up a time for a new lesson. On top of rising homework levels, Umbridge, and the search for a place to practice Defense Against the Dark Arts Harry's schedule was pretty much swamped anyways. Angelina had practically been crying when she told Harry that they might not be able to do Quidditch. Of course that had been taken care of straight away by McGonagall, adding something else to his ever growing list of things he'd rather not waste his time on.

Having Umbridge around kind of sucked the life out of Quidditch anyways.

"Harry, you'll be glad to know," Hermione said, cornering him in the hallways on Thursday, "that I have spoken to that woman supposedly teaching us Defense."

She was frowning heavily and Harry had a distinct feeling that her frustration at Umbridge's lack of teaching skills had quite over crowded her focus. He snapped his fingers in front of her face.

"You were saying, Hermione?" he said, drawing the brunette's attention back to him.

"Oh, yes," said Hermione, straightening up. "She has agreed to allow me access to that classroom to do as I please. I told her I'd be holding an anti half breed club there. Invite only, so she couldn't be sending Slytherins my way." Hermione looked positively sick. The thought of such a club was rather nauseating.

"Basically we have full range to hang out there when we want?" prompted Harry as Hermione seemed distracted in her own head again. Probably something about house-elf rights and wanting to come up with some sort of club to go alongside spew.

"Yes, pretty much," said Hermione. "Unfortunately that doesn't do us much good for practicing Defense… but we can get your personal problem solved."

"Will there actually be kissing this time?" inquired Harry, raising his eyebrows.

Hermione grinned and started to walk away. "Show up tomorrow at six o'clock and find out."

She was totally bating him. Probably it was another test. See how long he could hold out not kissing her. It seemed like a Hermione sort of thing. Prove that Harry was a decent guy and meant what he said about not kissing her until she was ready. Started to make her think if she really ever snogged Krum.

Scratch that. He was most certain she had snogged Krum. Possibly Ginny walked in on it too and told one of her brothers who "accidentally" let it slip to Ron. Would explain why he was always so angry when Krum was brought up. Not that Ron had ever need an excuse to be angry about the subject of Hermione. He just seemed more so than usual lately.

"My essay is just fine!" Ron was shouting in the common room the next day as Harry came down from the dormitory. He paused half way down a step. He had left the two of them in good enough spirits. What had changed in those thirty minutes in which he had gone to get his invisibility cloak? "Leave my introduction alone. Bloody hell, woman, you don't own me!"

"I'm your sister," Ginny's voice floated up to Harry, and entirely perplexed he continued down into the common room. "Of course I own you," the red headed girl scoffed.

Strange. Harry had quite expected Hermione. But as he looked around the common room she was no where to be seen. He glanced at his watch but he still had half an hour before six. Where had she gotten to? The library? At this time? Would be just like her! Even more likely for her to get so caught up in some book of hers that she'd forget about Harry.

"Harry, tell my pig headed sister that my essay is fine," Ron moaned as Ginny finally claimed the piece of parchment and started charming ink splotches off of it.

"Sorry, mate," said Harry, holding up his hands. "Not my department. Hey, Ginny."

The red head looked startled and glanced up at Harry. "H-hey, Harry," she said, her eyes wide. Strange. It wasn't like Harry didn't acknowledge her from time to time. Especially since she had stopped getting into strange accidents when he did so. Wasn't she dating somebody? Michael… something. He had been at the first meeting.

"Any ideas so far…" murmured Harry as he came closer to the duo. "For Defense…"

"Michael and I have been discussing," said Ginny, her embarrassment seemingly forgotten. Probably just a childish relapse. Harry could forgive her that.

"You mean, in between sticking your tongues down each others throats," scoffed Ron, reclaiming his essay.

The look on Ginny's face could have rivaled Mrs. Weasley. "Just because you've never snogged somebody before in your life doesn't mean you have to diss those that have!" Ginny snapped, jumping to her feet. "I'm sorry Hermione's first kiss was with an available guy that liked her back instead of a prat like you!"

Both of the guys gaped at Ginny as she stormed up and into her the girl's dormitory. Well, that proved it then. Ginny probably had caught Hermione snogging with Krum, had told Ron, and the git couldn't forgive his sister for telling him. Frowning, Harry sat down across from his friend, crossing his arms.

"What?" snarled Ron. "I'm not in the mood."

"Forgive her," said Harry sternly.

Ron glanced up at the girl's dormitory then shook his head. "Can't. I'm not allowed up there."

Indignantly, Harry reached out and slapped Ron across the head. "Listen, you're my best mate. But sometimes you can be an idiot!"

"What was that for," moaned Ron, rubbing his head.

"She's your sister," said Harry. "She thought she was helping you by telling you about Hermione and Krum."

Ron looked up heatedly. "Oh, did you know as well? Does the whole bloody castle know? Did she just tell everybody but me?"

"Nobody got told anything, Ron," said Harry. Though that was partly a lie. After all, Hermione had confessed to snogging with Krum to him. But that was confidential and she probably hadn't felt uncomfortable telling him because they were just friends while Ron obviously fancied her. Even if the stupid Weasley couldn't admit it. "Look, usually the way things work out is when a guy likes a girl he asks her out and if things go well, the two get to snog! But apparently you missed that basic memo."

For a moment the red head sat there in stun disbelief. His blue eyes had become unfocused and Harry found himself glancing at his watch. If he didn't leave soon he'd be late for Hermione's lesson. How was he going to get out of this conversation with Ron? Perhaps he'd say he needed a book from the library. Then when he came back with Hermione he could be all, "Oh, well we met in the library!"

To which somebody would reply, "It took you an hour to get back?" How suspicious everybody would be…

"Are… are you saying I ought to ask Hermione out?" said Ron. He was really white and slowly turning green. The poor guy seemed like he was about to be sick. Harry reached out and put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Yes!" he said firmly. "She's only been waiting about a year."

Ron gulped and mutely got to his feet, wandering over to the stairs to the boy's dormitory, and walking up them. He didn't even glance back at Harry. More than likely he'd gone to collapse on his bed. Or puke in the toilet. Possible both… Hopefully not in that order.

However, with both Weasleys safely in their dormitories, Harry had the perfect chance to escape. Remembering the excuse of the anti half breed club, Harry rushed through the hallways to the empty classroom. When he reached it he found himself looking at a door with a sign. At first glance it appeared to simply say "Stay Out!" On second glance, though, it said quite boldly:

Snogging 101 with Professor Granger.

Harry just about had a fit of giggles right out in the hallway. He slapped a hand over his mouth as a couple of sixth year Ravenclaws walked by, looking at him oddly. Probably – if Harry knew Hermione, which he ought to after five years – all they saw was the "Stay Out!" The other sign was probably just for his benefit. No wonder Hermione had come down here early.

Finally feeling the master of his emotions, Harry pushed open the door and walked in. His eyes immediately fell upon a single desk that was standing solitarily in the center of the room. Two chairs sat on either side, a blue tablecloth had been thrown over it, a rose in a vase adorned the middle, and there were two tea cups on both ends. It looked rather like a date.

He looked around but Hermione was no where to be seen. This was just brilliant. Feeling flustered, Harry looked around for somewhere else to sit. But it seemed like it was either at the desk or on the floor. He opted on the chair, but only on the edge, waiting impatiently for "Professor Granger" to show up.

Which she did in only a few minutes. She was wearing a knee length navy skirt and a skin tight black tank top. Hermione's hair was up in a practical ponytail and she was wearing silver hoped earrings. She looked, oddly enough, like she was about to go on a date.

Harry jumped to his feet, staring wildly from the table to Hermione.

"Calm down, Harry," said Hermione, rolling her eyes. "You wouldn't want to act like that on your first date with Cho, would you?"

Harry gaped at her. "You've lost me."

"This is lesson two," said Hermione, waving her hands at the table. "The First Date and Contact. Because normally you go on a date before the snogging begins. Usually, anyways."

"Right," said Harry, raising his eyebrows. He was still rather lost but he supposed it mad a small amount of sense. "I suppose we're cover Small Talk as well."

"If you'd like, Harry," said Hermione with a shrug.

That wasn't very like her. Harry stood there pondering. Yeah, the moment she stepped into the classroom the second lesson had begun and he'd probably failed some sort of test. Now was the moment to learn, though.

"Okay, what I do wrong?" said Harry, frowning.

"Nothing yet," said Hermione. "But you've done precisely that: nothing. So you might want to offer me a chair, Harry."

She flashed him a smile and Harry scrambled to pull out the seat he had been sitting in. Graciously Hermione took the seat and Harry attempted to push her in. Once she looked situated, he went over to the other side and tentatively sat down. Now what? Hermione was sitting there, looking at Harry, with a smile plastered on her face. Was he supposed to do something else now?

"Alright, we'll say that's a sufficient amount of time," said Hermione after five minutes of that. Harry let out his breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "I think we would have our drinks by now."

"I see," said Harry. Though honestly he didn't.

"I would estimate that after about five minutes in a small tea shop we would have ordered our drinks and received them," said Hermione. "At that point the true test begin."

"Enlighten me," said Harry. "What's step number one?"

Hermione giggled and then rested her hand on the table near the vase. They sat for a few moments entirely silent, Harry's eyes flashing from Hermione's hand to her face. He was completely lost. How was this supposed to help him.

"You fail," said Hermione, though she didn't move. "By this time Cho would have taken her hand away and be completely bored."

"So what?" said Harry, furrowing his brow.

"Grab my hand!" cried Hermione, looking amused but flabbergasted. "It's not like you didn't get enough practice at that by now!"

Perplexed, Harry reached out and gripped Hermione's hand. As soon as he did so, the atmosphere did feel more romantic. Harry grinned. He thought he got it now. Contact. Of course. And if there wasn't a bloody flower in the way, he could lean in and kiss Hermione on the lips. Now just to find a way to move that flower without making it utterly obvious…

"The next step would be conversation," said Hermione. "As strange as this may sound but sometimes girls like to hear what you have to say about them."

"I'm guessing you're not talking about compliments on breast size and firm butts," murmured Harry.

"No-o!" said Hermione, shaking her head. "More like smiles, hair, things we're good at…"

"So, I could compliment you on your outfit," said Harry, still half trying to figure out how to get ride of that darn flower. It was placed just squarely in front of his nose! "And then say how good you are in school. Though you don't need me to tell you that, since you should already know."

Hermione's cheeks went a little pink and she fluttered her eyelashes. "It's still good to hear, Harry." Then he face cleared and she seemed to be her usual self again. "But what about Cho?"

"She's in Ravenclaw so I probably could compliment her on those as well," laughed Harry. "I'd also mention Quidditch. And if we ever manage it, how well she does in the Defense lessons."

"How clever, Harry," said Hermione, beaming. "At which point she could turn the conversation around to how great a teacher you are, how brave you are, and probably talk about your seeker skills. Nice and subtle."

"Er…" said Harry, raising his eyebrows and pulling his hand out of Hermione's. He suddenly wasn't too keen on trying to kiss her anymore. His stomach was all in knots. "I'm not really.. I'm not trying… Look, what if I don't want Cho to talk about me?"

"Then you change the subject as soon as possible," said Hermione with a shrug. She reached out and pushed the vase to the side, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the table. What? Was he supposed to try and kiss her now? "Though I wouldn't let go of her hand just because she started talking about you."

"If she starts talking about me the conversation will eventually turn to Cedric," sighed Harry.

"Understandable," said Hermione, with a short nod. She looked at her watch and then slowly got to her feet. "I need to change back into my robes. Should we have our next lesson on Wednesday?"

"I'll let you know if I'm busy," said Harry, also getting to his feet feeling a little weary. This lesson hadn't been all that eventful. There certainly hadn't been any kissing. He started to leave but then paused by the door, looking back at Hermione. "Hey, Hermione…"

"Hmmm?"

"Was I supposed to kiss you?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "No, Harry. That wasn't what this lesson was about."

"Ah…" said Harry, faking understanding. Though honestly, he couldn't see what Hermione was taking so long to get to the crucial bit.

Yes, why isn't Hermione going to the kiss already? Wonder when you'll get the find out :P

Anyways, thanks for those of you who have reviewed so far. I did not expect this to be this popular. I've never had a fanfic that got 6 reviews on its first chapter after only one day. *hands out cookies* Keep the reviews coming though. I'd love to hear what you think!