Long Road to Ruin

Welcome Back

Darkness, my consciousness faded to darkness the longer I remained in this small piece of mirror and I could no longer observe what it was the outside world was doing around me. Here, trapped on the other side of the mirror, there was nothing. Literally, nothing, just a whole lot of empty space, which was something to behold when on the outside I knew this shard X treasured close to his heart was small, thin, and only two inches in length. If physics prevailed the size of my soul should have turned the two-inch long shard into glass-dust particles lost in the wind. However, since this was magic science counted for nothing and so here I remained … trapped in nothing.

That is until the solid darkness on which I stood on suddenly fell away and without a scream of terror or fear I fell into nothingness. A breath that didn't exist left my lungs … my weak hands clawed at empty space … and yet further and faster still I fell down the rabbit hole of my cage. It felt like forever and I was beginning to wonder if I was falling at all, and as if that was the magic thought my free fall grounded to a halt, I grounded to a halt. Gently, I stretched the tip of my already outstretched right leg's toe and with a sudden loud ting a ripple of water emanated from my single touch and radiated outward.

It expanded and didn't weaken or dissipate, instead it grew stronger and with a strong pulse of energy I felt my soul was given life, consciousness, a body! The darkness around me melted away to black and white and gently I floated down till both of my feet were planted firmly on a dry dead ground in a dry dead world. Twist trees with contorted and sickly deformed leafless branched dotted what was suppose to be an open field with a cliff, a cliff that dropped into the bottom of nothing.

I remember this place.

I've dreamt of it before, but then it was in color, and back then I was screaming.

Why was I screaming again?

Oh, that's right, because my one and only friend had willingly fallen over the cliff into nothing.

I wasn't stupid, I knew the boy in that dream was Drake, I knew it was a warning for future hardships to come … but what I didn't get was why he fell over a cliff. Why would he want me to follow him to his doom?

"You're being too literal." I spun around and narrowed my eyes on myself when a perfect mirror image of me dressed in yellow stood beside me with her right hand on her hip while her left middle finger pushed up the frame of her thick plastic glasses. She looked at me and I glared at her when she turned her attention back on the cliff, she walked up to it and stared over the edge. I stayed rooted in place as she turned to face me, "It's a dream, you know dreams can have their twists and turns, you need to read between the lines."

I scowled, "I know how to interpret dreams."

"Then you are in denial of its true meaning?"

"No, I just don't see the point of it all; it's just a dream, nothing to be taken seriously."

She shrugged, "Point taken." She looked over the cliff again and tilted her head, "But if it is just a pointless dream … why not take the jump? Why even now do you fear peering over this edge?"

"There is nothing there, so therefore I won't waste my time chasing down ambiguous symbolisms."

"But didn't you want to know what that edge was?"

I frowned in confusion, "What?"

The yellow me kept her back turned to me as she tilted her head to the left and yet continuously stared over the edge as she reminded me, "You wanted to know what that edge was. The edge … the one thing that you didn't have, that you were too afraid of, that he had and didn't fear … the edge …"

"… Wha …" I felt stupid, I took a step forward, but did not go any further as my frown darkened and I asked – no demanded, "What do you see?"

She shrugged, "I see what you see, and what you see is what you want to see, not what is there …" she finally turned around to face me again, but this time she took one small step closer to the edge and I scowled in annoyance when she smiled, "The only way you're going to see what you have to see is if you look over yourself …"

With that she closed her eyes, spread her arms out and threw herself over the cliff, for a second I feared the worst and jerked my being into motion to catch her, but then I figured this was all a figment of my unconsciousness trying to sort itself out, so I relaxed with a huff. My arms crossed over my chest and my scowl turned into an irritated sneer when my yellow self again appeared behind me. She whispered so close to my ear my imagination felt her breathing down my bare neck when she said, "That is why they call it a leap of faith, you have to have a little faith."

I growled, "I don't need faith when I have my certainty."

She chuckled, "And a lot of good that's doing you … wake up Raven."

I blinked and turned to face her, but she was gone.

"Raven …" the voice echoed in my head and engulfed the frozen dead world, silencing everything with its overlapping tones of my voice and another's.

"Raven …" I gasped when I felt a throbbing pain in the back of my head, my head began to spin as the black and white world wavered and became once again darkness when I closed my eyes and groaned.

The voice called my name again and as I tried to open my eyes my lids were suddenly so heavy that I'd rather leave them close and fall back into my sanctuary. However, the voice was persistent when I felt a cold hand touch my right arm, delicate fingers clasped over my flesh and held onto me firmly as it shook me from my darkness. I groaned again, gulped heavily when my throat felt so dry, and hissed when the throbbing in the back of my head became prominent. With my dry tongue I licked my cracked lips and carefully, slowly, I opened my heavy eyes and turned towards the cold hand still holding my arm. I looked down at it, then followed the white robed sleeve up to a shoulder that was connected to my mother's face.

Her chilled, yet worried violet eyes stared down at me while her cold hand left my arm to run the back of her fingers along the side of my face as she sighed in minimal relief and spoke my name once more, "Oh Raven, thank the Gods I didn't lose you."

I frowned and gulped again to try and lather up my dried throat to speak as I tilted my head from side to side on the pillow it rested on and as far as I could tell I was back in my room, but besides my mother I was the only one here. I turned back to Arella and carefully pushed my stiff body up into a sitting position, her face contorted into concern as she rested a hand on my shoulder to keep me from fully standing up, I huffed, "How long have I been out?"

She shook her head, "Not long, a few hours after the guards brought you to the temple."

"And the others?"

She sighed and sat back on a nearby chair that shouldn't exist in my small room, I figured she put it there to sit and watch me as I struggled to regain my body. And speaking of body I looked down and noticed the makeshift necklace X made of my mirror fragment was now around my neck. Arella explained with her trademark patience about her as she clasped her hands on her lap, "Your friends were immediately transported back to their world, granted not without a fuss, but they will receive no serious punishment for what they've done."

I shook my head, "That doesn't make any sense, we were armed, we fought against the guards, shouldn't there be some jail time for that?"

Arella smiled a grim smile, "Where you were suppose to fight for Marcus's case, the boy ended up fighting on your behalf … he is quite charismatic and made a strong impact on the monks."

She was holding back, I narrowed my eyes on her and pushed the subject she was avoiding, "And what of my punishment?"

She blinked and looked away from me for a brief moment before she scooted from her chair to sit on my bed. Her back was turned to me, her head bowed, her hair curtain around her face to keep me from seeing her expression, but much good it did, I was still an empath and I gulped when I felt guilt and sorrow swirl over her head as she sighed heavily. A dark feeling of dread crept down my spine when she turned to face me and without saying a word took me into her arms and held me tightly. She lightly kissed the side of my head as she whispered in torment, "I tried … I tried to overturn your sentence …" she choked and she held me even tighter, "Raven … you've banished from Azarath … for life …"

I went numb.

Banished?

Me?

Wh – no!

I scowled and shook my head to remove the numbness that was swelling in my head and creeping throughout the rest of my body. I knew why, so there was no point in asking, but it didn't lessen the weight of the painful truth bearing down on my shoulders. Azarath, despite its cruelties had always been and will always be my childhood home, where I grew up, and where I was taught everything I now know. To lose it, to never be able to return to it was a concept I couldn't yet wrap my fingers around. Especially when I knew I'd be able to see my mother again either. I wrapped my arms around Arella and held her just as tightly as she was holding me, if only to provide her what little comfort I could. She was taking the news harder than myself, not surprised … I was her only child and now I could never return to Azarath to see her.

Could she come to Earth to see me?

Maybe … possibly … but I highly doubt it.

Arella hated Earth with every fiber of her being since it brought back too many painful and shameful memories that she couldn't cast away even if she tried. She even told me herself that she swore she'd never go back to Earth. I gulped and sighed heavily as I looked up at the ceiling and waited for Arella to pull herself together while thinking to myself, Justice sucks. Sure I was on the heroic side, saving lives and standing for justice, but to be perfectly honest I didn't believe in all that bullshit.

Justice sucks … because there always has to be a right and a wrong answer and I didn't believe in that.

With what I've seen and what I've gone through, justice can't be that easy.

It's complicated, it's ugly, and it's unfair, but I pursed my lips and kept a straight face, simply because it's the way the world works. I was a dangerous half-bred demon girl with destructive powers that could bring down entire nations if left unchecked. With the chaos I caused in such a short visit back to my childhood home I knew it was only a matter of time before my crimes caught up to me. That's why my banishment came as no surprise. It was only a matter of time.

Some people lose, but most lose so much more … which one was I? I don't know, I'd like to think I was neither, I'd like to think I was the exception … the scapegoat … the one to point the finger at and make an example out of when something goes horribly wrong and for the most part I was content with just that. Until I met Red X some odd months ago when my perception of the world started to crumble, and I couldn't stand just being apart of the gears that kept society's clock ticking at a normal pace. He didn't help stabilize me, in fact, damn him to hell, he made it all so much worse.

He made me rethink everything I've ever believed in.

He changed me.

I hardly think I'm the same person anymore … I don't … I use to be a very good girl, the one girl that Robin could count on to never question his orders, to be upfront with him, and to keep the Titans running at a cool and even pace. I was the voice of reason. I was bland. I was boring. I was the predictable Titan that everyone could count on. Actually, I still think I was bland and boring, but according to X and Speedy I wasn't.

Speedy, Roy … I think … I think if I've never met X and I was still spiraling down my crumbling path Speedy would have been there to keep me in place. If anything, I think he was suppose to be my meant-to-be, my very own fairytale ending, or whatever the word was. However, the point is if X hadn't gotten to me first I wouldn't be struggling with right and wrong in the first place. Speedy would be my right way to go, the safe way to go.

Who knows, it's probably not too late to change back to the way I was before, when I was a good girl that followed the rules … following rules don't get people banished that's for damn sure. Arella huffed and finally pulled away from me, we stared at each other for a moment before she turned away from me with a sad frown and an even sadder posture. She stood up from my bed and headed for my door, but before she left altogether she said, "Once you feel strong enough to get out of bed, get dressed and come out to formally receive your sentence."

"…"

Yeah … Justice sucks.

Despite my fatigue I did get out of bed, I did get dressed, and I did exit my small room. Only then was I greeted by a couple of Temple Guards who cuffed me in heavy chains that dulled my powers as they lead me from my room to what I called the Judgment Chamber. There all thirteen of the monks would converge to dish out sentences and play judge, jury, and executioner to the poor soul that dared to cross their laws, the poor soul of the day being me. I sighed as the guards dragged me by my forearms, their grips tight enough to let me know if I tried anything I wouldn't get away with it, but neither was it unbearably tight.

Behind us Arella followed with the hood of her robe pulled up so I couldn't see pass the shadow to her sorrowful violet eyes. I had a cloak of my own as well, black in color, which was the color of a convicted felon, but I opted to leave my hood down. Hell, if I was going to be banished for being a nuisance and bringing about lethal chaos to Azarath in the form of unauthorized weapon carrying outsiders I might as well own up to my crime. Since, personally, I don't believe I did anything wrong, and I was going to stick to my guns.

In a matter of two minutes the guards, my mother, and myself all made it to the Judgment Chamber where I was thrust into the center of a single beam of light graced by the moon itself from the circular skylight over my head. The guards still holding onto my arms and my wrists still cuffed I held up my head and straightened out my posture when through the dim poorly lit chamber I saw the entire congregation of monks neatly lined in a row before me. The center of which I knew to be the commanding force (not necessarily the king or dictator, but he was well respected, therefore appointed the tediously burden-filled task of Head of the Court) Azar. He was a nice old man … well … as nice as a retired drill sergeant from the Marines can be.

He was straightforward, to the point, and wise.

I've studied under him a lot more than any of the other monks on the bench; he seemed to have taken a personal interest in me and did more than enough to help me through the worse of my powers. However, he didn't do so because he liked me, no, he felt sorry for my mother who decided to bare a cursed child such as myself and so did his damnest to make sure I wasn't such a fuck-up. Feh, a lot of good that did, I was still being banished from Azarath.

Azar stood up, his hood cloaked his eyes, but his voice boomed and vibrated in my core when he spoke, "Raven Roth, child of Arella Roth, born of the House of Trigon, you are hereby sentence to permanent exile from Azarath for your blatant disregard for the safety of the people of Azarath and your callus actions against the laws of this world. If you have any last words speak them now, but know that whatever you may say will not sway the people of this bench."

He sat down and as customary waited five minutes for me to speak.

I didn't speak … it was useless; there was no point in arguing my piece when they already made their decision so I stayed silent, but just before my five minutes were up the doors into the chamber were swung open. I glanced over my shoulder and glared when I saw Marcus panting, seemingly out of breath with a desperate expression on what use to be a stoic face. He shouted loud enough for his voice to ring in my ears, "You cannot do this! It's madness! All she has done was with the best of intentions you cannot expect the path of righteousness to be set in stone! You're all making a mistake!"

Azar, with a heavy almost irritated tone said, "Child you speak out of turn, we've heard your testimony and although compelling Raven Roth cannot go without the proper punishment."

"And being ripped from her home by the very people she trusted to leave me in the hands of?! I'd rather rot in the streets and suffer my father's wrath than to –!"

"Marcus," I said his name softly, but somehow he heard me and turned his white eyes to me, I nodded for him to come closer since the guards would not let me go or turn me around to face him. So he followed my gestured and hurried so he stood before me, under the moonlight with me, looking up at me with such pleading eyes that it reminded me he was still a young eight year old boy. I sighed, "I appreciate what you're trying to do … but you're just making things harder."

He gritted his teeth and reached up his hands to clasp them over my cuffed wrists as he growled, "It's unfair! If this is the price that must be paid to ensure my safety I say it's too steep. Why couldn't I foresee this?!"

Poor kid, I hooked my fingers under his chin and gently tilted his head back up to look at me, "Let it be a lesson learned Marcus, justice shouldn't be set in stone and the future is as fickle as it is flexible. Now go stand with my mother and say not a word."

"Ms. Raven –"

"Go."

"…" like a defeated kitten or a sad puppy Marcus trudged over to my mother with his head owed low and I straightened up to face my jury.

"Proceed."

Azar stood up, "The child takes a fond liking to you."

I scowled, "I don't see how the matter pertains to my banishment."

"It matters not; I just find it tragic you will not be around to teach him any more. You would have made a fine tutor, but as it is, Raven Roth, may the stars watch over you and the Gods have mercy on your soul."

The ground beneath me lit up with ice-blue symbols, I felt the power of the magic envelope me as the guards stepped out of the ring, the cuffs still on my wrists as I fell into a warp that jerked me this way and that. I cringed as the restrains on my wrists didn't allow me to control my fall (or flight, I couldn't tell anymore the faster I went) it started to become unbearable. Until finally with a rush of power the cuffs fell off my wrists, gravity returned to my body as it pulled me in the right direction. I flipped so my feet gently touched the ground in a soft float before the magic finally left me and I dropped to one knee in the middle of Titans East Control Room.

My finger tips touched the ground, but it all felt so surreal, it was dark, it was quiet, and I was so alone.

A cold chill raced down my spine when I felt the ventilation system blow cool air through the large room, I pressed my palms flat on the ground and let my head hang for a minute in mourning. Seriously … did all of what I remembered happen, just happen? Was I really now officially in exile? I closed my eyes for a moment to stop myself from spiraling into self pity, It happened Raven … it all happened … deal with it … I sighed heavily and then brought up a hand to cover over my face. I then pushed off the ground and with the cape draped over my body I rubbed my hand down my face and tilted my head back to glare up at the high ceiling.

I forced myself to go completely numb, and did what I do best, bottle everything up inside.

Still staring at the ceiling I flinched when the lights were suddenly flicked on and my eyes were temporarily blinded by the florescent lights, I flinched away and quickly brought up my hood to hide in safe shadows. I turned my head to the side and looked over my shoulder where I heard the doors hiss open. Bumble Bee stepped in, and stopped in shock, she said my name, I didn't respond, only turned to face her and the rest of the team, Robin included.

Everyone rushed to my side, especially Speedy who couldn't contain his rapture to know that I was still alive, but stayed true to his façade and kept himself as cool as can be in front of the group. Robin was the only one who didn't rush or crush me with hugs and swarms of questions; he calmly approached the group with his eyes locked solely on me. Although I can feel his relief to have me back, I could also feel his remorse and sympathy for me when through our bond I accidently conveyed the emotions of despair and great loss. I gulped heavily when I felt my numb cold wall breeched and as I bowed away from his welcoming smile and curt node of welcome a stubborn tear left my face and crawled down my cheek.

I didn't dare raise a hand to wipe it off in the fear of exposing an emotional side of me no one should ever have to see. So I stood in silence, waiting for the tear to dry, and as if my silence was the tall tale sign of something troubling everyone else grew quiet. Robin placed a hand on my shoulder and both in my head and through my ears he whispered, "Welcome back …" I tensed and another tear escaped my eyes in both sorrow and amusement.

'Welcome back …' I thought in my head as I shook it and sighed heavily, yes, I was welcome back into warm and loving Titan arms where I would always have friends and a home, but for a how long I wonder. Through the shadow of my cloak I narrowed my eyes on the analytical Speedy; how much had he told them … what did he know, and what did he want in return? I bit down on my lower lip when the amusing part of my sorrow hit me, this little welcome was a prologue to the true madness that would ensure as soon as the doors were closed and I was left with Robin.

If Speedy – and I know he told Robin something – said anything at all, I might have just overstayed my welcome. Gods did I hate to think about what had happened to X, I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't there to save him, like he saved me. My hand went up to clench the mirror piece still around my neck, the motion didn't go unnoticed to Speedy and Robin, but they didn't say anything. All the while Bumble Bee had lead me to the couch for a little story telling, she wanted to know what happened in Azarath after Speedy had come back.

She had said everyone was so worried about my condition, and then suddenly went on to ask if the new clothes I was wearing was my new costume. She was going so fast that before I knew it se was telling me all about what happened on Earth while they waited for my return and what she said shocked me. They had lost Moonburst!

"… I'll tell ya this much, that chick is harder than she looks –" I heard her say before I cut her off and turned to Robin with a glare set in my eyes.

"How did you lose her? I thought you were keeping her in the cell here?"

Robin sighed, "Protocol Raven, she's been here for more than twenty four hours, we had to send her to lock up in Steel City Pen. we tried our best to provide protection for the bus that took her, but I think it was her brother that ambushed us and took her away." The memory of a failed protection came to him and he growled, "Damnit, we've lost our only lead on X and Blackfire."

Not only that, but X's plan isn't going to work now … what is he going to do now? I continued to chew on my lower lip (which I've also now noticed has become a terrible habit), "How long ago was that?"

Bumble Bee scoffed, "Weren't you listening to me, I just told you we came back from a rough night, it just happened before you showed up."

Aqualad filled in the details, "We followed a trail for a while, but it was a dead end and so we all decided to regroup in the Tower."

That's when Speedy spoke up, "The bio-tracker implanted in her lead us halfway out of Steel before we lost her signal entirely, she and her brother vanished without a trace."

"They were headed due west," Robin concluded, "to Jump City."

I frowned, "Why Jump? That doesn't –"

"I know it doesn't," Robin replied before I ever finished my sentence, a side-effect of our bond. He sighed and looked at me with an apologetic face since he knew how much I hated it when he'd abruptly cut me off the way he did.

I turned away from him when Aqualad sighed, "Well, in any case, it looks like you guys are headed back home first thing in the morning."

In the morning? I inwardly scoffed, if Robin had his way we would be headed there right now, but he probably predicted a cry of protest from Bumble Bee and the others and thus kept his mouth shut to roll with the punches. Speaking of Bumble Bee, the Titans East leader nudged my arm and smirked, "So, we told you about our crappy days while you and Speedy were gone, what happened in Azarath?"

I shot Speedy and quick glance, "Didn't he tell you anything?"

She shrugged, "He told us you guys found whatever it was you were looking for, but then he said he was sent back here for some reason without you. So what? Did you succeed? What happened?"

"Uh, heh, Bee," Aqualad chuckled and set a friendly hand on my shoulder as he smiled warmly at Bumble Bee, "We've all had a long day, so why don't we call it a day and hit the sack," he looked down at me with that warm smile of his and asked, "Sound good?"

Good ol' Aqualad … always knew when to properly cut in and spare anyone from further exhaustion. He had a good heart. I hoped in the years to come he'd remain just the way he was now. It was a refreshing difference compared to all the other bullshit that surrounds me. I sighed and nodded while I stood up and without permission from the others I headed for my room. Robin and Speedy followed with me since as our rooms were generally in the same direction. It didn't take long to reach Robin's room, he bid us a grim goodnight and I thus concluded that Speedy hadn't yet told him anything important.

It was either that or Robin was a very good actor.

I couldn't tell, so I didn't say anything even as Robin's door closed and the air suddenly grew very heavy and thick with barely breathable air as Speedy and I took measured steps towards the corner to our hall. Yet, we still didn't say anything, not until we reached my room did he suddenly huff and grow wary of the unbearable silence, "Raven, I didn't say anything they didn't ask about."

I faced him, "I noticed … why?"

He shrugged, "It didn't seem fair since you weren't here to defend yourself …" I closed my eyes when I felt his hand gently caress the side of my face, I felt him come closer to me as he said, "You sure you're okay?"

I nodded, "I'll be fine …"

He didn't believe me; his masked eyes narrowed in frustration while he ran his hand through my hair and pushed down my hood, we were only inches apart and though I felt so warm being so close to him I never felt more alone than I did now. I felt empty and incomplete, although I could never call Azarath home sweet home, to lose it made me feel like a house cat suddenly kicked out into the cold and lonely city. Speedy, being the sucker for a girl in distress leaned down to wash away my despair with a single kiss, but I didn't feel like humoring him. I turned away just seconds before our lips made contact, however I didn't want to seem cruel anymore, so I softly kissed his cheek before he pulled away from me to stare long and hard.

The hand on my face fell away so it was propped on the door behind me as he sucked in a deep breath and slowly exhaled as he forced a smirk on his lips, "I never had a chance did I?"

"… You once did …" why did I say that? Why was I talking? I already rejected him, saying anything would just make the situation harder, but I couldn't stop myself. Speedy had that power over me, for some reason I felt like I could tell him almost anything and not be criticized for it. He was nice … but, despite discovering what nice felt like … a girl like me couldn't have nice, didn't deserve it really.

Speedy's false smirk finally fell and with much more compassion he took my face into his hands and said, "You know I'm not the kind of guy who emphasizes the differences between good and bad, but what you're doing … it's not worth losing everything for Raven …"

I already lost Azarath … I bit down on my lower lip and gently pried him away from me as I stepped back closer to my door and briefly turned away from him to open said. I further more stepped into the large room, but turned to shrug at Speedy in defeat, "I'll remind you to say I told you so when that day comes …"

I closed the door behind me with a fist to the manual controls and gulped when the realization of what I had just done finally hit me.

I made a choice … and that choice was X.

What have I done?

--

Disclaimer: Don't own the Teen Titans, Marcus, and the Temple Guards I do own however …

A/N: Holy hell!! This chapter was not only a bitch to make (because to me it's a filler for what's to come next) but the situations surrounding my real life is HELL!! Fucking finals are kicking my ass and I think I just bombed my editorial-essay for my English class, not to mention I now have to withdrawn from my Math class so the F for Fuck-up doesn't screw with my credentials. Add to that my father's been out of town so I now have to take care of my younger brother (who also likes to be told stories (completely originals) so that's been conflicting with the things I've been writing for you people).

Also, I'm getting really worried about my friend, she's become depressed and I've taken enough suicide seminars to see the signs of the unthinkable, so I'm worried. Needless to say, I've just been out of it and didn't feel like writing for a while, but lucky for all of you I've forced myself to continue and continue I shall. So sorry I took so long, and I apologize for my life story (ignore it if you will plz, I jus needed to get it off my chest).

I'm done talking for now.

I'll be sure to see u all in the next chapter …

L8er daez …