Dr. Phillip didn't judge me. Not one bit. I could tell by the look in his eyes. Dr. Reynolds always looked a bit uncomfortable when A was mentioned, as if the idea of two males being together was wrong. But Dr. Phillip was just fine with it, just as anyone would be with a relationship between a male and a female.

"Well, BB.. I can definitely tell Aiden was an important part of your life." He smiled with a nod, as I watched his hand finish writing whatever notes he was clearly taking of A. I wonder what's on that clipboard.. I want to ask him, but I wouldn't say anything. And even if I did, I doubt I'd get to see.

"He is.." I mumbled, curling my toes in and out absentmindedly. I didn't want to use past tense when it came to how much I loved A. Because it didn't end, did it? I still love him. He is still important to me. Therefore, he is important to me. Not was. "Then tell me a bit more about him? Anything you're comfortable with sharing. You're the only one who knows so much about A, even those who have passed on never knew as much as you do. Anything you'd be willing to say.." Dr. Phillip encouraged.

I sighed and nodded my head, looking back up at the ceiling lights. Were they always this bright? Sure did seem that way to me...

Flashback

I loved A's attitude of course, but it wasn't anything like mine. He was the perfect child, simply put. Always listened to adults, did well in school, didn't do anything bad, and was rarely scolded. He didn't even use swear words, unlike me, I was a potty mouth as a child. Nothing like him. But opposites do attract I suppose, huh?

Which is why, when I told A I wanted to sneak out of Wammy's grounds with him that night, he hesitated immediately. "I don't know about this, B.. We could get in trouble." He squirmed a bit where he sat on my bed, legs swinging back and forth. "Nah, I've done it before." I waved my hand dismissively, slipping into my old black sneakers. "Huh? You have? When?" A blinked. "Sometimes. See, even you didn't notice. That's how good I am." I grinned, holding out my hand. "Now, let's go."

A sighed and reluctantly took it, though he still didn't let go even after he stood. We walked quietly downstairs and out the back door, making our way past the gates of Wammy's, and down the narrow street. "Where are you taking me?" A wondered, looking around and shivering a bit from the cold. "Just a park I sometimes go to. Thought it might be a good place to hang out at, don't you agree?" I looked over at him and rubbed my thumb in circles on the back of his hand, in an attempt to warm him up. He blushed but still didn't let go, averting his royal blue eyes ahead. "Yeah.. It's been awhile since I've been to a park. My Mom used to take me there all the time." He smiled.

Once we reached the park, he let go of my hand to sit down on a swing, holding onto the ropes with both hands and pushing himself off the ground. I took the swing beside him, and for a few minutes, we were having a sort of contest to see who could swing higher, though A soon complained about me going 'impossibly high'. I laughed and slowed down a bit before jumping off, landing smoothly on my feet and standing a reasonable distance away from A's still moving swing to avoid injury.

"You jump off too." I dared him with a devious smirk. "Huh? No way, I'd probably fall!" A shook his head quickly, gripping tightly onto the ropes as if I'd force him off. "No you won't, 'cause I'll catch you." I insisted with a snicker. "Why do I have such little faith in you.." A joked with a grin, eventually agreeing to my idea. "Don't worry, I got you." I smirked and stood in front of the swing, arms out wide. I was glad A was smaller than me, since I only went stumbling back slightly when I caught him. I hit my back against the fence but laughed, since it barely hurt or ripped the fabric of my black hoodie.

The next minute.. I remember so clearly.

I remember once we stopped laughing, neither of us made an attempt to move. I remember tilting A's chin up and leaning in, as I kissed his lips for the first time, and held him close. I remember how fast my heart raced in my chest, feeling nervous for that split second that A remained frozen, eyes widened. But then.. After I felt him kissing back.. I was happier than ever.

After that day, we were no longer just best friends. We were much more than that. Did we ever give eachother the title of 'boyfriend' or being in a relationship? Not exactly. But I knew he was mine, and he knew I was his. That was all that mattered. We were even more inseperable after that, than we had been as just friends.

He started sleeping in my room every night after that, too. Our rooms were right beside eachother, so it wouldn't be hard for him to sneak out at night. But I always made room for him in my already small bed, wrapping his arms around him once he was beside me and kissing him whenever we were alone. He hugged me for a second longer after the day at the park, and I started hugging him first as well, which was something I never used to do. We went back to the park more often after that as well, it became our special spot.

I was the one to say 'I love you' first. "I love you, Aiden." I told him one night before bed, nuzzling affectionately into his warm neck. I was so much more affectionate when I was younger than now, huh? Now, I don't know what love feels like anymore. And I suppose I never will again. Because I'll never get to hear A tell me 'I love you' again, or feel his warm hugs, or kiss his lips. Not even hold his hand.

End of flashback

"When we first met.. You said it was true that you were a monster." Dr. Phillip stated after a moment of silence, taking off his glasses to clean the lense with his sleeve. "But that's not true, BB." He offered a warm smile, putting them back on a second later. "Monsters don't have that kind of love, not even from the start. Even if you don't think you have those emotions anymore.. What you had with Aiden was special, and something 'monsters' don't have."

I don't know why.. But.. Hearing that.. It just made me so much more relieved. Happier. A smile graced my lips, believing that maybe I wasn't a lost cause after all. Maybe I wasn't as monstrous as others make me appear to be. "Thank you." I mumbled quietly, thanking someone for the first time in forever, and blinking away what could have been possible tears brimming in my eyes. I couldn't help it. That's just what the thought of A did to me. Made me human.

I was happy to provide both the video and Dr. Phillip with more memories A and I had, though I left out our more intimate times, figuring that wouldn't be something I was comfortable with everyone who watched the video to hear. We were thirteen years old, and gave our virginity to eachother. Did I regret it? No. We just loved eachother that much. And it was only two days before I said 'I love you' to him for the last time...

"BB.. I know this might be hard for you.. But I'd like to hear how Aiden died. I want to know from your prospective, and really feel your emotions.. Will you tell me? Take your time." He cleared his throat, leaning forward a bit more in his seat expectantly. The sparkle from happiness in my eyes died immediately, as an image of a bloody A hanging by a rope in his bedroom closet came to mind. I visibly shuddered, which I noticed Dr. Phillip take note of.

Flashback

We had a fight the night before it happened. Our first fight. Ever. It wasn't worth fighting about, now that I look back on it, I wish I just kept my damn mouth shut. But the numbers above his head.. There was still so many more years left for him! He would've lived for a long time! How was I supposed to know his lifespan could change within five seconds from a stupid deicison he'd make alone in his bedroom?

I got angry. I didn't like how A was too stressed all the time from L's work, how we could never spend that much time together anymore without A turning back to complete some homework L gave him. I wanted all his attention. He was mine. I told him that. He argued that he needed to do this for his future, he needed to succeed L and live up to everyone's expectations. He told me this was all getting too stressing for him, and he felt trapped. But I argued back. I told him he didn't have to stress himself with all this work, and that if he started going down in the academics department, L would soon give up on him and turn to the next successor. Of course, that would probably be me.. But it wouldn't be hard for L to ignore me, due to my reputation.

I grabbed A's wrist and pulled him closer, but that was only because I was trying to hug him.. He thought I was going to hurt him, flinching and raising his hands in self defense. I stared at him with widened crimson eyes, watching him run out my bedroom door, and slam his own. "A!" I chased after him and knocked hard on his door, though I recieved no answer, just as expected. "I love you.. Please.." I knew he couldn't possibly hear that part, I only whispered it to myself.

I couldn't stand to sit there and listen to him crying on the other side of the door, knowing he was probably curled up under the covers, the door locked and a chair in front of it. If only I was as good at picking locks back then as I am now.

The next morning.. I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. In my sleep, I was actually hugging a pillow and not A. I sighed and tossed the pillow off to the side, rubbing my eyes and pulling open the bedroom door. "A..?" I mumbled tiredly, knocking on his door once before even attempting to open it. To my surprise.. The door was no longer locked.

That was where my suspicion for the worst started.

At first I assumed A might have climbed out his bedroom window, and ran off. Even that would have been better than what actually happened. "Are you awake, love?" I pushed open the door and bit my lower lip, glancing over at the unmade, empty bed.

A single drop of blood caught my eye on the sheets, knowing that A was always the clean freak, while I was messy. If he saw even a bit of dirt on his clothes, he'd immediately take it off and run to go clean himself up. That's just how he was. So what was he doing..? "A.." I whispered and looked over at the half open closet doors, body shaking nervously. "A.. Please.." My breathing grew shaky as I approached the doors, swinging them open with a deep breath.

The first thing my eyes landed on.. Were the slit wrists of the boy I loved. Blood ran down his clothes and his arm, the blade he'd used to cut himself lay abandoned on the floor. As if blood loss weren't a quick enough death, he'd tied a rope around his neck, his body hanging limply from the closet. My eyes grew wider if it were possible with a gasp, tears running down my face, hands balling into fists.. It felt like.. I couldn't breath. If this was a dream, I wanted to wake up. Right. Now. I wanted to run to A's room, even if he was still sleeping, and hug him tightly. I'd probably be crying, but that wouldn't matter, because I'd have him here to assure me that everything was alright. And I'd never fight with him again. Never leave his side.

Suddenly, I heard screaming. A heartbroken and tearful scream, and though I didn't recognize it, it was coming from me. I clutched my chest and dropped to my knees, hanging my head and shaking violently as I heard footsteps running upstairs.

After that, it was all just a blur. More screams were heard, and those weren't from me. I was ushered out of the room as quick as possible, and my eyes were hid by a blanket. They called for an ambulence, though they knew it would make no difference. What time at night did this happen? I suddenly recalled waking up for only a split second in the middle of the night.. Could that have been when he did it? If I wasn't too tired to get up, could I have ran in and saved him?

I think that was the only time I ever cried so heartbrokenly, allowing my tears to flow in public, and allowing everyone else to see that I was really human. That I really had feelings. That I really cared for someone. L even looked sympathetic, the man I now grew to hate. Ever since I saw A's body.. I subconsciously decided to hate L. To blame him. It was his fault! His pressure! A said so himself before storming out! It couldn't have been my fault! I refused to take the blame!

I screamed at L and, even though he was taller than me, a sixteen year old while I was thirteen, I surprised everyone with my strength. I charged forward and started wailing on him, accusation after accusation being thrown his way until I was roughly pulled off by what might have been three people. "You killed him!" I kept screaming, "It's all your fault! I hate you! I-I'll kill you!"

I'll kill you.

From that moment on, I snapped.

I became Beyond Birthday.

The psychotic, mentally insane, emotionally unstable, monstrous, evil, serial killing, Beyond Birthday.

And I could never return to how I once was.

Happy.