"Touta Mastuda..?" Dr. Phillip repeated slowly, blinking a few times and writing down the name on his clipboard. "Who is he?" "A police officer.. Who worked closely with L." I spoke vaguely, smirking slightly and returning my gaze up to the ceiling lights I was staring into earlier. Dr. Phillip tried to follow my gaze but only glanced briefly into the light, which I guess I could understand. The lights in this place could be sensitive for human eyes to stare into for more than a few seconds.

"Well.. Tell me about him. How you two met, maybe? And then how you found out about L's... Death?" He raised an eyebrow, clicking the black pen in his hand a few times with his thumb. I exhaled a long sigh, as if this was getting tiring for me, though it really wasn't.

"Okay.."

Flashback

The first time I met Touta Mastuda was about four months before I learned of L's death. Living in an asylum in Japan at the time, I was surprised to hear that I had a visitor that day. "Is it Lawli? Has he brought me some strawberry jam?" I automatically assumed with a grin, licking my lips from the thought. Sometimes L did come to visit me, and sometimes he'd also bring some strawberry jam in a plastic - not glass - container. Who else would visit me? No one I could think of.

But I was met with a surprise when led out to the visiting room, the only nurse I trusted gently touching my back to escort me there. I don't like being touched by the staff members at a prison or an asylum. If they try.. I'll bite. Hard. A doctor once lost a finger by making such a fatal mistake. But she was a young and attractive nurse, one whose smile seemed genuine, unlike the others, and that I allowed to touch me when necessary.

I saw a young man I didn't recognize stare straight ahead at me with a small polite smile, although I could see regret in his eyes, as if he was saying to himself, 'Maybe I shouldn't have come here...' I blinked widely and read the name and lifespan above his head, something I did on instinct without even thinking of anymore when meeting new people. "Touta Matsuda..." I spoke his name out loud, sitting down in the chair across from him and placing both hands on my lap. In this particular asylum, I didn't need to wear a straightjacket all the time. Just when I was acting up, but it'd be taken off the next day. I miss that.

The man known as Touta Matsuda blinked a few times, glancing above his head to see if there was anything there that I had been staring at before saying his name. "How'd you know my name..?" He wondered, wide eyes glancing back over to me. "It's a secret." I smirked, my crimson red eyes shining vibrantly back at him. "How can I help you, Mr. Matsuda?" I asked sweetly, my head slightly tilt to the side.

"Just call me Matsuda.." He cleared his throat, smiling again and rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh.. I've heard a lot about you, Beyond. I decided to come see you, even though Ryuzaki would probably be against it.." Matsuda mumbled to himself, biting his lower lip. I chuckled and raised an eyebrow, leaning forward a bit more in my seat. "Ryuzaki? So, he's using my alias these days, huh? ...Tch. I should've known." I rolled my eyes and waved a hand dismissively, as if it meant nothing.

"So.. 'Ryuzaki' talks about me, huh?" I raised my hands and made quotation marks when speaking L's new alias. Matsuda blinked and nodded his head, I could tell he was nervous since my facial expression was hard to read. "Only sometimes. Most of the time he wants to avoid bringing you up, like that time you were on the news and he changed the channel.." Matsuda trailed off, disregarding my snicker. "I think he suspected I'd come here to meet you. He told me to stay away from you, and that you were truly insane and unpredictable."

Those words hit a nerve in me, balling my hands into fists and digging my nails into my palms. "Lawli, with each passing second, I want to kill you more and more.." I grumbled to myself, barely audible but still enough for Matsuda to hear. "Insane, huh? I guess L's right. He's always right." I looked back up at Matsuda, my eyes slightly narrowed. "But he only told you what he wanted you to hear. Didn't tell you why I ended up going 'crazy', did he?"

Matsuda shook his head, obviously eager to find out. "No. That's kinda what I was hoping to learn.." He smiled slightly, as if encouraging me to continue on with the answer. And honestly, I had no problem in doing so. I told him about Wammy's House, when A, L and I were little. I left out the details about how close A and I really were, but I did make sure to include just how emotionally devastated I was when L's pressure drove A to suicide. I also mentioned how L didn't care one bit, just turned to me to be the next successor. I could see just by the look in Matsuda's eyes, that he was now much more understanding than when he first walked in the asylum's front doors.. Now he knew. He knew what happened the day I snapped. He knew about my reasoning behind the LABB murder cases, and he knew about my attempted suicide.

"I didn't.. Know that.. L never mentioned anything about A.." He trailed off, dropping L's stolen alias without a care and staring down at the floorboards. "I'm so sorry, Beyond.." I scoffed and shook my head, averting my eyes to the side. "I didn't tell you for pity, I told you to improve your knowledge on the situation. Simple as that. What's done is done, right?" "But still..! L always made it seem like you were the bad guy! Like you snapped and started killing for fun, without any reason behind it! But now that I know all this.." The poor guy looked like he had tears in his eyes. Damn, he really was sensitive.

"Hey, you're working for him, aren't you? It wouldn't be wise for him to know anything about what went on today." I stated clearly, placing both hands back on my knees after examining the palms, where a little blood had been drawn from my nails. "Not that I care about the consequences you'd face. I'm just stating what would be smart.." I shrugged, though my facial expression said otherwise. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, one who took the time to listen and understand. Even if I hate L, I wouldn't want him to face anything unfortunate.

"Yeah.. I already knew that." Matsuda nodded, clearing his throat and looking me up and down. "I don't believe you're insane anymore.." "I wouldn't care if you did." I smirked slightly, so he could know I was only joking around with him. Like I do with everyone 90% of the tme. "You were really that interested in me, enough to come here today, huh?" I asked, my smirk shifting into more of a smile. "Well, yeah, I'm glad I didn't back out.. Aha.." He chuckled, clasping both his hands together in his lap absentmindedly.

"How are things going with L? ...It's been so long since I've seen him.." I asked. I could've sworn I detected a knowing smile on Matsuda's lips, as if the first thing that came to his mind was, 'Of course Beyond really does care about L', which is not true.. I just wanted to be the one to kill him that's all.. When the time was right.. So what if I was infactuated with him? I still could've been the one to end his life..!

I think I'm getting a little off track here..

"Ah, you know.. Working hard, as usual.. The guy barely sleeps, he's really determined with the case.. Heck, we all are." Matsuda smiled, nodding his head. "Does he have any prime suspects?" I raised an eyebrow. Hey, I solved cases back in Wammy's House too.

"Well, yeah.. But I don't really think it'd be right of me to give away information on the Kira case." Matsuda shrugged, looking awkwardly off to the side. "Of course. But, if there's any two people in this world I wish to put an end to myself, it would be L and Kira. If I could accomplish that, I'd be ready to die." Matsuda blinked widely at my statement. "You'd kill yourself?" "Well, yeah, there's not really much else left to live for. I've got something important waiting for me in the afterlife, things I cannot tell you about. And even if I did, you'd only call me crazy.." I chuckled.

Matsuda frowned and looked back up at me, shaking his head as if he didn't know what to say. "Visiting hours are going to be over in a few." I warned. "What kind of excuse did you give him?" I referred to L. "Oh.. I said I was going to visit my Mom. Heh." Matsuda smiled, rubbing his arm. "Well in about ten minutes, they'll drag me back to my cell.. But I do hope you come again. You're a genuinely nice person, Matsuda, I'm glad to have met you today." I smiled reassuringly, believing this gesture was enough to make Matsuda relax.

At the time, Matsuda coming to visit me felt sort of exciting, since no one ever did this besides L. And I looked forward to Matsuda coming again, which he did about a month later. We did talk about things like the Kira case, L, my past, his past, and whatnot. I can't remember everything, since sometimes I was on what I like to call the 'loopy' meds, but it was enjoyable and I'd love to go back and do it again.

Then came the visit I was dreading.

"L is dead.." Matsuda told me, looking back at me with a serious expression, waiting for my reaction. "..." I was silent at first, crimson eyes wide, unable to speak. Even though I swore up and down I'd be the one to kill L, I knew I would do it when I was ready.. But now.. Kira, of all people, had done the job for me..? L was defeated by who I considered to be pathetic human scum? An absolutely pathetic excuse for a serial killer killed L?

"He's dead..?" I repeated, trying so hard to keep my voice from cracking, but unfortunately failing. It was only now that I realized how much L meant to me, even if I'd been planning to kill him, and I fully understood why I passed up opportunities to do so in the past.

I loved L Lawliet.

It wasn't just infactuation, it was another hard-to-understand feeling I couldn't quite accept.

Love.

I betrayed A, by falling for L.

"I'll never get to see Lawliet again.." My body started shaking as I fought to process his death, and Matsuda could tell. "C-Calm down, Beyond.. It's okay.. Kira's gonna be caught, and-" "NO!" I screamed and jumped up, instantly hearing nurses run into the room when an alarm was sounded to restrain me. "He's dead! It's not okay! KIra killed him!" The straightjacket was fit on me before I even knew what was happening, and a shocked Matsuda was told to leave. "My Lawli is dead.." I kept whispering to myself as they led me back to my cell, and ended up crying it all out into my bed for hours that night.

I never saw Matsuda again after that. Not that I was susprised. Of course I was upset over the fact that Kira killed him instead of me.. But I was also upset because I never got a chance to see L for the last time. And, if possible, I wish I could've gotten the chance to stop his death from happening. And be with L today. And kill Kira in the most gruesome death I could come up with.

Did L already know I loved him?

Yes he did.

I told him.