"You.. Told him?" The doctor blinked, the look on his face was just begging me to continue on. Was I really that much of an interesting person? ...Of course, I was. "Yes. I did." I responded vaguely, raising my thumb to my lips and biting the nail, much like Lawliet used to do. It happened on instinct, sometimes we didn't even realize it. Our mannerisms just really were that similar.
"I see.. What did L say when you told him you loved him? Could you tell me what happened?" Dr. Phillip asked, flipping over to a clean sheet of lined paper on his clipboard. "Of course... Every detail.. It's impossible for me to forget such a significant day." I chuckled, tasting blood on my lips and looking back down at my thumb. By accidentally biting the tip of my thumb, I must have opened that cut from earlier.. Huh. "Blood." I mumbled to myself with a sigh, licking the red substance off my lips, but continuing to bite there once again.
Flashback
It wasn't the first time I broke out of prison, but it was the first time I'd finally been able to track down L Lawliet's exact location all by myself, and didn't need to pay a dime for help. I stared up at the hotel with vibrant red eyes that shined with excitement, a grin spread on my lips. "Oh, Lawli.. Betcha missed me, huh?" I chuckled to myself, biting my lower lip and walking over to the side of the building. Most might wonder why I didn't just walk in the front doors of the hotel, but I didn't need any unnecessary sitings of myself by witnesses in case it'd come back to bite me in the ass later. You can never be too careful with these things, especially if you're me.
I skillfully climbed up the not-so-sturdy fire escape on the side of the hotel, hands gripping the bars and staying as calm as possible. The last thing I needed was to get nervous and look down or have my palms become to sweaty to hold a grip. I exhaled a sigh of relief and lifted up the metal latch on L's hotel room window, pulling up the window silently and making my way inside. I dusted myself off and looked down at my hands, rolling my eyes at the stains of red paint, dirt and blood that were left over. Figures.
Staying as quiet as possible, I walked towards the bedroom door with a devious smirk on my lips, that only spread once I pulled it open and came face to face with L Lawliet himself. Or.. More like the back of his head. He sat at a computer with a fork in his right hand, scooping up more strawberry shortcake and raising it to his lips as he watched over some security tapes of God knows what. Where else could I suspect to find him?
"L Lawliet." I made my presence known with a chuckle, pushing the door closed with my thumb and walking up behind L. His naturally dark eyes widened as he spun around in the chair on wheels to face me, clearly uneasy by the sinister look on my face and clutching the fork, as if that would be a useful defense against my knife. Hint hint, it probably wouldn't. "Beyond.. What are you doing here?" He blinked widely, trying to remain looking as monotonous and unfazed as possible. Though in the current situation, he wasn't doing a very good job.
"What? I can't stop by and pay my dear Lawlipop a little visit..? What a shame.. And here I thought you'd be happy to see me. You missed me, didn't you?" A giggle escaped my lips, crimson eyes flashing a more vibrant ruby red on command, though this form of intimidation seemed to work on everyone but L. To L, it just worked to provoke annoyance. "I can't say I have." He responded simply, emitting a long and overly dramatic sigh before setting down the fork. He must have come to the conclusion that I meant no real danger for the time being.
"Aw.. That hurts BB's feelings." I frowned, folding my arms across my chest while my special pocket knife was still gripped tightly in one hand. If there was anyone in the world I had to keep my guard up with, it was definitely L. "You shouldn't say such hurtful things to someone who cares and thinks about you an awful lot.." A smirk curved back on my lips, not able to frown around L for too long. It was just.. Too fun to toy with my Lawlipop.
"Let's cut the crap, Beyond." L surprised me with his sudden change of attitude, clearly displaying how anxious he reallly was to figure out what I was planning and standing from his chair. I noticed his left hand hover above a red button on his belt, and even an idiot could assume this button would call for Watari. "I want to know why you're here. Don't think I'll just let you go either. One press of this button.. And back to prison you go, Beyond Birthday."
"Oh, no.. There's no need for that." I waved my hand dismissively, walking backwards casually towards L's bed and plopping down comfortably with a sigh, acting as if we were best friends, just hanging out normally together. I placed the knife down beside me to show that I wasn't intending on hurting L with it, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a half empty strawberry jam jar instead, opening the lid with a seemingly loud pop in the silent hotel room.
"I came here for an important reason, L.. One that can only be said today. Press that button and you'll never know.." I smirked, knowing I had him hooked with just a few simple words: 'You'll never know'. The most important thing anyone could know about Lawliet was, that he needed to know everything. Needed to. If there was something that L didn't know, it drove him crazy to figure it out. So I now knew that, even if I stood and decided to leave on my own, L wouldn't let me without getting a proper answer. "..Fine, Beyond. You have one minute." He pointed at me. "Go."
"I'll talk at my own pace, L, we're meeting today under my conditions for a change.." I smirked, raising an eyebrow and extending my hand out hesitantly to lower L's. He didn't pull his back or even tense up in the slightest, dropping his hands to his sides. "Anyway.. I came here because.. Well.. You won't have to worry about me much longer."
L raised an eyebrow, obviously confused about what I was getting at. Though he didn't open his mouth to speak, urging me to continue on without using words.
"Heh.. Don't you understand? In less than twenty four hours from now, I'll be dead."
Yet again, those naturally wide eyes of his grew if it were possible, raising his thumb to his lips and biting the nail without even realizing. "What do you mean, Beyond? Are you saying you plan on attempting suicide again? ...What are your motives this time?"
"There's no motives this time, Lawliet. I've grown tired of my life, as hard as it may be to believe. I was happy at first, traveling from country to country with more money I could want, being payed to do something I loved - which was killing. But unfortunately.. There are things I feel that you don't understand. Things I've seen and dealt with that continue to hurt me more and more as time goes on. Time heals all, my ass." I grunted, shaking my head.
"Do you even know what love is, L?"
The young detective looked completely stumped by my question, blinking a few times and lowering his thumb slightly to speak, though it still rested on his bottom lip. "Love is a strange emotion.. One I haven't been able to feel. One I've lived without, and am perfectly content to continue doing so." He answered simply. Just as I'd assumed.
"I've felt it twice in my lifetime. And yet I've been with so many people." I hinted sexual intercourse with a hidden smirk, knowing L wouldn't catch on. But surprisingly he did, looking as if he really didn't need to know that information. "I never would've guessed you'd grow up this way, Beyond.. Back when we first met.. I had faith in you. I knew you'd grow up to be extraordinary. You were talented. And still are."
"Yes, but that all changed the day you pushed A too far with his final exam. You pressured him. Maybe if you grieved for his death, I wouldn't harbor such a strong hate for you. Wouldn't have pinned all the blame on you. But you didn't care. You didn't back then, and you didn't now." Well.. That wasn't exactly truthful of me to say, considering a small portion of the blame could also be pinned on me.. But that argument's not something I want to talk about again.
"Of course I cared.. How could I not, Beyond? I'm human too.." L insisted. "Barely." I scoffed, actually not referring to myself as human since the day I lit myself on fire. After that, not only was I a Shinigami, but I was also a monster. The demon everyone assumed me to be.
"I know you loved A, Beyond.. But who else did you love..? Did they die too?" He asked curiously, taking a seat beside me on the bed, as if he was much less intimidated by me than he had been earlier. Was L ever really scared of me? I often wonder, and come up with different answers each time. "No. They're still alive today.. That's what I came here to say." I turned to face him, clearing my throat and trying to act as calm and normal as I could possibly manage.
"I love you, L.
It took me awhile to realize, but I do.
It started off as infactuation when we first met, and I hated the fact that it grew to love, but it did. And it will never fade. I'll continue to love you until tomorrow, when I die without Naomi Misora to stop me this time." I frowned at the thought, images of orange and red flamed immediately coming to mind..
"You.. love me..?" L seemed more surprised than he had been during this whole conversation, which I guess I couldn't exactly blame him for. After hating him and us despising eachother for years.. This definitely wasn't something anyone would suspect.
"Yes.. I just.. Wanted to tell you that before my death. That I loved you." I shrugged my shoulders, averting my gaze down to the floorboards. After what seemed like an eternity of silence from the both of us, I placed both hands on the mattress, hinting I was intending to stand and leave. "Anyway.. I guess I'll be on my way.."
"No!" L suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist in a desperate attempt to make me stay, my widened crimson eyes flickering down from L's hand to his gaze. "No..?"
"..Kiss me, Beyond."
"Huh?" I blinked widely, at first unsure if I heard him right, or if this were all some kind of delusion I was having before I died. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if it was.
"Kiss me." L repeated, biting his lower lip and looking up at me with a light pink blush on his cheeks. I never saw L act this way before.. It was a turn on. "I want to see how it feels.. Maybe I'll feel the same way about you.. But I can't know for sure-"
I gladly cut his explanation off with a kiss, leaning forward and pressing my lips to L's. Our eyes closed at the same time, and even though it was L's first kiss, it didn't take him long to catch on. Something I thought would be only a brief kiss turned out to be so much more than that, both of us on the bed with our legs tangled together and hands on eachother's bodies. I won't go into great detail.. That'd just be awkward for both me and whoever's watching, heh.. But.. He didn't want me to stop. And I wasn't about to insist on it. He wanted to know what love would feel like, so I showed him exactly. And I felt complete after that. I felt loved. I felt, if I died, I'd go out with a smile on my face. Not one sinister and evil like I'd imagined.. But one genuine.
I know what we did that night could've turned out to be more than just a one night only thing.. I know after that, I no longer felt the same anger whenever I thought L's name. I smirked every time Lawliet came to mind, thinking of the night I took my enemy's virginity, and made him love me. Because I know he did after that. Our feelings were mutual. He wanted me. He needed me.
And I left early the next morning while he was asleep, leaving my side of the bed unmade, with a strawberry jam handprint on the wall, as if it were an indirect form of mocking him. I'll always remember how much more exciting it felt to be with L more than any of the other males or females I hooked up with after escaping prison for the first time in Los Angeles, how I really did want to spent another night with L, but also keeping in mind it was for the best if I didn't.
And so..
To put it simply..
Something the world is only just now learning, is..
I fucked L.
And when I left without so much as a goodbye, I took his innocence and his viriginity with me.
Kissing his forehead and whispering an, 'I love you' before climbing back out that same window, never to come face to face with L Lawliet again.