"That was the last time I saw L. And that was my choice. If I wanted to, we probably could've formed something real special.. But I didn't want to return. And I don't know why." I sighed, shrugging my shoulders and looking down. Did I wish I did return and find a way to stop L's death..? Maybe. If only.
"I understand." Dr. Phillip nodded his head, his pen moving in what must've been script across the paper. I never did understand how to write script. They taught it back in Wammy's House, and though I seemed to get the hang of it at the time, it was never really perfect. And I no longer know how.
"BB.. Sometimes you mention the other BB inside you. I want to know about that BB. Who are they? Tell me about them." He asked cautiously. I stared straight ahead at him for a moment, unblinking, before snickering and averting my gaze off to the side. "The other BB, huh..? The real Beyond Birthday. The murderous and psychotic Beyond Birthday that everyone thinks I am. That is him. He controls me, though I cannot control him." I answered simply, my nails digging into my arms without even realizing.
"Uh huh.. Would you mind elaborating a bit? Why don't you tell me about what happened after A's death? I feel that might have been when this.. Alternate personality of yours fully developed." He stated quietly. That same aching feeling I'd gotten so used to started up in my head, grunting a bit in displeasure and hanging my head. "Ugh.. It hurts." "What hurts?" He asked. "My head.." I knew exactly why. But no. I refused to let him take control. At least, not until this video was done. Because then.. The doctors would be ready and lock me up to die.
Flashback
Everyone has it. That little voice inside your head that convinces you either to do or not to do something. They call it their conscience. But I don't have a conscience.
I have an alternate personality.
Had it not been for him, I probably wouldn't have left Wammy's House so soon. At least I was able to wait until after A's private funeral was held, and was able to stand in front of his grave beside the others. I was able to tell him I loved him with witnesses this time, though if this were under different circumstances where A was still alive, he'd blush and tell me not to say anything like that in public. He was shy. He'd prefer people not knowing. But I didn't care. The more people who knew A was mine.. The better.
Once midnight came around, about two days after I found A in his room, I escaped Wammy's House. It was simple, really. I used the same back door A and I used in the past, only having one duffel bag with me, and wearing both my black hoodie and my black leather jacket to make more room in my bag. Not only that, but it would warm me up during what was sure to be a long trip.
Not only did I have all my money before leaving, but also A's and Roger's. With Roger, I felt no guilt while stealing the thick bundles of cash in his desk. But with A.. I felt guilt. Even though A was dead and could never use that money, I knew he had been saving up for when we left together to go to Los Angeles. Maybe even buy some new art supplies and a drawing pad for the trip. But no. I took it myself. And apologized for it too.
The first thing I did after leaving was count my money. I didn't want to risk doing so back in Wammy's, just in case I was heard and got in trouble instead of leaving. No, I wanted out of there as soon as possible. So I walked awhile before stopping under the railing of a train platform, counting all the money I managed to collect before paying for one train ticket to the airport. The man didn't ask questions about why a kid as young as me was going to the airport so late at night, but that was okay. I liked that.
It was about one.. Maybe two in the morning when my train came, and I sat down on the seat closest to the door. I knew it'd be an hour train ride before I got there, so maybe I could get something to eat before going on the plane at a four or five AM flight. Sounded perfect to me. However, I didn't really think about having to be extra careful on the train at this time of night.
An old drunk saw me stuffing my money back into my duffel bag, and he waited until I sat down before trying to snatch it and run off. A feeling I was still trying to adapt to, the other side of me that awakened when I snapped psychologically from A's death, took over instantly. Only now do I know how to somewhat control him. Back then, I didn't have even the slightest idea.
I jumped up on the train seat and pulled my fist back, giving one surprisingly hard punch in the face. The man ran away, clutching his broken nose, as I stared down at my bloody knuckles and the bag that dropped to the floor. How could a thirteen year old kid like me break the nose of what must've been a fourty year old man? Just as quickly as the other BB had taken over.. He disappeared. Leaving me with only blurry memories of what happened. I didn't remember things like I experienced them myself, more like I'd been watching a film without really paying attention, only enough to catch brief parts. Parts like my fist making contact with his face. And parts like staring down at the crimson blood on my knuckles.
People only glanced in my direction after that, trying their hardest to be subtle but failing to do so. I could see them from the corner of my eye, as I read from one of A's favorite novels. I was also one of the first people off the train once my stop came, holding the bag tighter than before and walking in the direction of the airport. I glanced down briefly at my watch to check the time, it was only ten minutes past three in the morning. I hadn't eaten since dinner.. And usually by this time I would've been asleep, so my body was not only tired but hungry as well.
Be careful.
I could hear that same voice inside my head, the one that sounded so much like my own but with a slightly darker twist. "Be careful..?" I spoke quietly, blinking a few times and stopping just in front of the doors. "Of what?" "That homeless man is looking at you.. He might try and steal your bag.. And you've got money sticking out of your pocket." Beyond Birthday told me, as I averted my eyes down to my pocket. There it was. A hundred dollar bill or two sticking out. I sighed and stuffed it back in, sending a glare over at the man who was watching while hugging the bag protectively to my chest.
The first thing I did once inside the airport was wait in the line for the front desk, counting out exactly how much money I'd need for one ticket to Los Angeles. Sometimes I joked about getting a luxurious first class ticket to LA with A, and he'd talk about how I didn't understand the concept of money, though I was only joking. He'd laugh with me, but he was also more serious than I was. "You joke too much, B." He told me once, sticking his tongue out at me. I ignored what he said, responding with licking his tongue. I got to see him blush and completely drop the subject when I laughed at him, and.. Well, now I wish I could go back to that moment.
The woman behind the counter was a bit skeptical about allowing me to buy a ticket by myself, but I wasn't exactly short for my age. For all she knew, I could've been older than I looked. I even booked a ticket ahead of time online using Roger's ID, and was able to pass him off as my father. Reluctantly, she let me go, though I still believe it was only because I was cutting into her break time.
After boarding yet another line for security, I decided to look around for something to eat before getting on the plane. The food court was almost empty, since it was a bit early in the morning and a few flights had just taken off. I had a jar of two of strawberry jam with me, but back then, I ate more than just that. After about five minutes of careful consideration, I decided to just go with a subway sandwich and take it on the plane.
I boarded my flight not too long after, managing to get a window seat, which is what I would've preferred anyway. "Finally leaving Wammy's.." I sighed to myself. No more Wammy's House. No more England. No more L. No more A.
"But we're not done with L Lawliet yet."
I blinked a few times, pulling up my knees and hugging them to my chest, as I continued to eat my sandwich. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly. A big reason why A and I wanted to leave was because we couldn't wait to get away from L and the orphanage's pressure. "He doesn't deserve to be let off that easy... Wouldn't you agree? I know you would. L Lawliet. The world's 'greatest' detective. What if the world's greatest criminal made a case even L couldn't solve?" "Criminal.." I said slowly, allowing the word to roll off my tongue. I knew exactly what Beyond meant. Of course I was angry. Of course I was depressed. Of course I missed A. And of course, if given the chance, I'd love to get back at L.
Even kill him.
"A serial killer who outsmarted L. We'll be famous! L will be so depressed if we beat him! Show him he isn't really the best! We'll accomplish everything we could possibly want with it!" The voice encouraged me. And at the time.. I really couldn't see a reason not to agree.
So you see, it wasn't exactly me who came up with the idea for the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. It was him. The voice without a name at the time. Find three perfect victims, all with the letter B names. The killing methods, the locations, the Wara Ningyo, everything and anything except the identities of the people were planned out on the flight. Even the outcome of the case. Because.. I didn't want to live in a world without A. The voice and I... We agreed on that. It just took a little encouragement to realize. I couldn't possibly live day to day. But after accomplishing the case.. I could die happily. L would never have considered himself to solve the case if the murderer wasn't punished by the law. I would win. He would lose.
It was perfect.
"A name..." The voice made me speak up, ignoring glances from others that might've been tossed at me while the plane was slowly landing, having just arrived in Los Angeles. "A name?" I repeated in a quieter tone, biting my lower lip and playing with the empty strawberry jam jar in my hands. "My name. My name will become your alias. And what's even better.. Both first and last name start with a B. B for Backup, huh?" I grunted at the alias 'Backup', shifting a bit in my comfortable seat.
Beyond Birthday.
Beyond Birthday.
Beyond Birthday was born.