Chapter 4 – Life and Death
Standard disclaimer – don't own any of JK Rowling's works, nor am I profiting from them.
Summary: Harry assembled his closest friends at Grimmauld Place and gave each of them meaningful gifts. Ginny received Harry's first snitch as her entire gift and was understandably upset. Hermione shouted Ginny down and vented her feelings for Harry at the youngest Weasley. They discover that Harry has left to America to receive some treatment to help him recover from injuries suffered during the War. It is unknown whether he will survive or return.
A/N: I would like to thank the reviews and follows that this story has gotten. I know it is a bit angsty now and it seems like Ginny is getting bashed pretty hard, but it only lasts a few more chapters, and there is good reason for the conflict. Also this chapter shows some of why she and Dean are together.
Harry arrived in America with little fanfare and he rather enjoyed the anonymity. It helped that he flooed into the lobby of the treatment facility. His senses were assaulted by the smell and sounds of the ocean, like at Shell Cottage but closer. He double checked the slip of paper Matheson gave him; he certainly did not expect this. It seemed to be a Muggle resort, complete with umbrella drinks and people walking around in bathing suits.
The completely confused look on his face made it easier for the doctors find him. Steering him into a huge room with an amazing view of the ocean, they sat him in a high back chair facing the most normal looking wizard Harry had seen in quite a while. A small middle-aged Japanese man sat in a thick leather office chair, dressed in a smart pink polo shirt and crisp white linen pants. He gave a small smile as he stretched out a slightly tattooed arm, "Harry Potter? Hideki Saito. Come let's take a walk. I'll show you around." They exited the back of the office and stepped directly on to warm white sand.
As they walked out to the beach, Dr. Saito kept quiet, instead looking Harry over. Judging him for whatever reason Harry did not really mind, he was used to it. He was also giving the man a once over. Hideki was a small man maybe a few inches shorter than himself with neat hair and sharp glasses, he looked professorial almost. Like a Japanese Remus, perhaps not as threadbare, but the quiet dignity and intelligence beamed off of him, but his eyes were different though, they held a mischievous glint to them. Harry's eyes strayed to the tattoo on his right arm and a familiar anger flashed into his eyes.
Hideki noticed him glance at the tattoo on his forearm, "Not the dark mark, I assure you. If you need more reassurance", he shrugged his shoulders then tossed him his wand. "Good enough?"
Giving a wry smile, "Good enough. So, umm, where is this place, what kind of treatments do I get here, manicures, massages?" Harry winced at how childish that sounded. Fifteen minutes here and I sound like a bloody silly teenager, great. His nervousness bled over and he began unconsciously twirling Saito's wand.
Dr. Saito snorted and arched an eyebrow to the young man. "If you feel that is necessary Mr. Potter, but how about we start with some information before you make use of the facilities. As far as where you are, this is a Muggle resort, what better place to confund Muggles than with alcohol and bathing suits?" he deadpanned. If he waggled his eyebrows, it would have been a reasonable likeness to Sirius. That thought staggered Harry and he stumbled slightly in the sand.
The small man, with surprising strength, pulled him up with ease, as a concerned look flitted across his features, "Perhaps only information now and we'll let you recover from your ordeal. Let's head to a cabana, and get you off your feet" Hideki raised his hand in supplication, "The treatments can wait until you are more fit; the information is weighty enough, trust me."
"I do" Harry said as he threw the doctor's wand back with a smirk.
"What do you know of magic, Harry Potter?" He said with a remarkably good Dumbledore impression. Internally, Harry groaned, he knew this level of vagueness meant a protracted lesson with lots of confusing questions and no real answers. He settled deeper into the beach cabana, he had better get comfortable.
"Never mind Harry, your face says it all, a little impatient, perhaps suffered enough under Albus? He is correct in teaching most things the way he does. I just think he enjoys deciding what's good for people because he keeps all the secrets" Saito gestured off handedly. "The ideas I espouse are controversial at best, traitorous at worst, so naturally he and I don't get along. Too many secrets amongst us old folks." He added with a wink.
"Dr. Saito, ummm, Albus Dumbledore is dead". Harry's voice trembled very little, a fact that was not lost of the Japanese man.
Hideki cleared his throat rather loudly, and a sheepish thin smile appeared on his face,"I am sorry to hear that, he was a man of real conviction, though his aim was a little … skewed." Apparently Dr. Saito shared much of his feelings about the former Headmaster, "Back to the matter at hand, what do you know of magic?"
"I know magic is different across races, goblins, house-elves, wizards. Wands are important but not essential." Harry was about to drone on more about theories, when Dr. Saito stopped him.
"Perhaps this will be faster than I thought", the doctor mused. "Our idea and treatment revolve around this one premise, magic is primal and essential. It exists everywhere for everyone. The key is tapping into it. Muggles even do it, they refine it through technology. Ever wonder why goblins collect gold? Wizard history tells you they are greedy for gold, but here you will know better. Goblins need precious metals to focus their magic, like wands for most wizards, notice how they gravitate towards metal working, mining ore, or sitting on the largest piles of silver and gold in the wizarding world?" He finished with a conspiratorial whisper and a wink.
Harry jumped in at the pause, "Is that why house-elves can bypass wizarding wards like apparition wards? They focus in a more basic way, tied to magic at a more natural level?"
Dr. Saito's smile grew impossibly large, "Indeed Harry Potter, believing this is so, instead of that drivel about wand superiority or even necessity, will help greatly. Wands are crutches. Did you always need a wand to cast magic? I would assume not, in times of stress you didn't swish and flick, you just did. Wand making is a big business and makes easy the tracing of one's magic. Much harder to track and catalogue people and why give magic away when you can chain people for fifteen Galleons a wand?"
Harry's sneer was all the affirmation that Hideki needed to see. Having been manipulated and controlled from the time he was one, made it easy to spot the possible conspiracy. "But, doctor, how do you control magic without a wand, consciously I didn't jump to escape bullies, I just wanted to get away and it happened?"
"Ahh, well now we are at the reason for your arrival. Your magic core is growing and bonding to you again, I am sure you have been told how rare this spontaneous internal growth is at your age. It is so rare because you know control before your magic has completely suffused. With children, magic, accidental as it may be, comes before control. It is our task here, to bring that magic to the conscious mind. To have you cast spells not gesturing like you are swatting flies, but to think and have it happen, like when you were young, err younger."
Harry's eyes were unfocused and glazed over as he tried to make sense of it. When I was a child, I made magic happen subconsciously, when scared or angry. Now that I am older, could I direct my newer magic with my mind instead of a wand? How would I even gain that kind of focus? Harry liked the idea in theory because it gave him an avenue to control his fluctuating magic and emotions, he just lacked control. Get control and be able to go back home for good.
"And you know how to make this happen? Can we discuss this a bit later, I really need to think about this..." His eyes followed a wandering co-ed. "Because I need to go, to a funeral, I mean." Harry blushed in the blonde girl's direction, then looked down as the guilt of Fred's death stormed on him again.
Saito's eyes softened, he knew Harry's story, almost all of it, and just for a moment, he was a normal lusty teenager. Harry reminded him of his own son, crushed under weighty expectations, and a small idea began to bloom in his mind. It would not be fair to either of them, especially Harry, but an opportunity lay here to test his theories, both of them.
As it was, Harry was going home if only for a short visit. Fred's funeral would be a large gamble to stay clear of the Unspeakables, but an oath is an oath, even when it's not a magical one.
The last two days had been so very uncomfortable at the Burrow, Hermione and Ginny were still shooting daggers at each other along with not speaking. In the small confines of the Weasley home, one of them basically had to be outside at all times. That suited Hermione fine, she was busy poring over the Potter tomes, looking for anything to help Harry. Recessive diseases in the family line, different properties of the Potters, anything she could find to help find him or what was troubling him was devoured in short order.
Ginny, however, needed to move, to exercise her tension off. Quidditch seemed wrong without Fred; it would be wonderful again to fly, just not right now. And the increased Auror presence meant privacy of any kind was out, which was disappointing because she needed the easy reassurance of physical comfort. It wasn't snogging that she wanted; she needed to touch someone and know they wouldn't disappear like Fred … or Harry.
She felt so distanced from him, the last year turning their relationship upside down. Ginny was under no illusion that her relationship with Dean was healthy; it was born of desperation to stay connected to someone when everything seemed so lonely. She was no slag, they hadn't experimented very far; there was neither the time nor mood to try anything intimate. She was also jealous of Hermione, she was the one that Harry chose to go on his quest; she knew all of the legitimate reasons, but it still hurt. It was Ginny's place to support him and give him strength, and since Hermione had her brother, Harry was her responsibility.
Ginny sat at the edge of the front row at the pavilion still lost in her mind. The funeral was planned much like Bill's wedding, it had to be at the Burrow, this was Fred's home and Molly wanted her boy close by. Instead of a happy couple, there was a lectern for eulogies, instead of joy, there was bittersweet sadness and survivor's guilt. She absently reached for a hand, and sighed audibly when she remembered that Dean wasn't here. Dean, for all his chivalry and supportiveness, still felt as an intruder to the Weasleys especially in this time of grieving. He wasn't Harry, and never could be. Ginny hoped her family would give him a chance, but for now it was just too uncomfortable. Especially since Ginny wasn't even sure what to make of their relationship. He told her this morning that he would be unable to attend the funeral, seeing as how it was a time to share with family.
He couldn't be there at the Burrow, Ginny wasn't meant for him; she, herself, had dreams of being with Harry since before she could remember. At least Mom got one relationship she wanted. She glared at the other end of the row at Ron and his girlfriend. Not for the first time today she cursed Dean silently for leaving her alone for that factor alone. Unfairly or not, she also blamed Harry, he should be here to honor Fred, he should be the one comforting her instead of Dean. Fuming she turned towards the dais, wishing for a quick end to the formalities, so that they could honor Fred personally without the Ministry fanfare.
Unbeknownst to the Weasleys, a dark cloaked man watched the proceedings hundreds of feet away. He was quickly joined by a statuesque woman carrying a small bundle. After a cursory nod, the pair began talking animatedly.
"Then I hope you understand why I can't be here." Harry finished his story with a trembling voice. "Is this him?" he asked through the tears in his eyes.
"It is, this is your godson, Harry." Andromeda sternly considered Teddy's godfather, she knew what the Prophet wrote, which led to her reservations about Remus and Nymphadora's decision, but then she heard him tell his story. His life contained so much loss that even Andromeda's losses paled. They both lost loved ones, but Harry was the one who had to leave everything and start a life somewhere else. She sadly watched the first and probably last meeting between Teddy and Harry, whose face was a frenzy of emotions.
Oblivious to her judgments, Harry held onto Teddy as if he were an anchor to life itself. In his arms he held the most painful reminder of his failure, a boy like Tom and himself, forced to live without parents. That horrible realization was only made much worse that he would have to leave the only real family he had left, even being here was risking the wrath of the Unspeakables.
Andromeda's delicate hand broke his reverie, her kind eyes held no anger, just an intense sadness that shamed Harry. He stared hard at the ground, until those same soft hands brought his face up to hers. "Remus chose well, you may look like your father, but your kindness is like Lily". Harry merely nodded, eyes turning back to drink in the sight of his godson. The boy's hair had turned a raven black and his eyes a brilliant green, to match the teen staring down at him. Harry's awed smile placed a deep ache into Andromeda's heart, losing this was just another trial Harry would have to suffer. He was a decent man, one whose time had come and past, but who still suffered from being everything the Wizarding world needed.
Harry's happiness lasted until the final eulogies after which the weeping began in earnest. The sobering sounds carried on the wind reminding Harry of why he was here. He grudgingly turned his eyes to the pavilion and noticed the dispersing crowd. Handing Teddy back to his grandmother, Harry gritted his teeth at the meetings that were coming. His guilt was still nearly overwhelming and even being here seemed wrong, he had no right to be here honoring someone he helped die. His frown deepened when he saw the red haired girl marching towards him with both Hermione and Ron in tow. He noticed that George was alone near the headstone, no doubt talking to his twin.
"What are you doing here?" Ginny's voice was confused, her pain was palpable; Hermione's words fresh in her mind as well as her own thoughts.
"I promised George I would come and I had to see Teddy before I left." Harry's admission placed the cold truth before his own eyes and whatever else he wanted to say died on his lips. This may be the last time I see him, see any of them.
"That's all?" Ginny asked incredulously. He couldn't just leave like this, he couldn't be this cold. He loved me…
"Where's Dean?" Harry replied with a stony gaze.
"He's not here", Ginny spat, "Well now that you fulfilled your promise, you can go ahead and leave. Since there's nothing else for you here..." She was shaking with the effort to stay calm, looking like she would snap in half under the strain, her tears streaming down her face. So Hermione was right, it was Dean. I needed him and Dean was there for me then, but even now he won't even fight for it. He'd rather be an asshole. Ginny's pride flared in her heart, she was not some simpering fan girl anymore.
"Leave, like you always do. GO! Run, you abandoned me once, why not again! You are a coward, Harry Potter. We don't want you here, just leave!" Ginny's screaming battered his heart. If Harry hadn't be so consumed in guilt and anger at already being forced from the only family and home he had even known, he would have heard Ginny's love barely concealed in her wild screaming. Ginny dismissing him and calling him a coward was all it took to immediately convert his guilt to cold wrath. An unfamiliar surge of rage welled inside his stomach and Harry's voice gave birth to it instinctively.
"Shut up". The words came out clear and low, laced with real venom. Hermione's hand flew up to her mouth in shock, and Ron took two steps back as if he were punched in the gut. The air had stilled and an unnatural charge settled around them, as if waiting for a tempest.
"I gave up everything to keep you safe, to keep all of you safe. I risked my life to save your family and you." Harry hissed through clenched teeth. "My cowardly love saved you", Harry gave a derisive laugh. "It won't happen again", his icy green stare struck Ginny's heart and her eyes couldn't contain the devastation it wrought. Hermione felt his furious eyes drift to hers and she had to look away, she knew those words weren't only meant for Ginny.
She felt a charge in the air, the hostility and power pressing on her lessened and an intense white light flared. The raven haired wizard was gone.
As the spots cleared from her vision, it was replaced by a furious George Weasley. Red with rage, he pointed at Ginny, "WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE?"
"I brought him here! To be loved by the only family he has left, to know that Fred wasn't his fault..." George was apoplectic. "He has no one, to prop him up and keep him breathing until he learns how again. You stole that chance from him! I swear Ginevra, if we find him dead..." George couldn't finish speaking, his voice failing him when he saw Ginny's face. There was nothing there but desolation and utter misery. She wanted Harry to fight, to tell her what she already knew, that he loved her, but she had pushed too hard and something in Harry had snapped.
She felt a comforting hug around her and George's voice whisper in her ear, "I am so sorry Ginny, I didn't know, I thought … Dean..." She shook her head numbly, against her brother's chest. George glanced about and whispered something for her ears' only, "You can't be with him now; no one can." George pulled her back into an embrace as she fought to get away. "Listen. Ginny, listen, Harry is lost in every way possible; we just have to hope and pray that the Harry we love survives." Silent tears ran down Ginny's face as she balled her fists into her brother's shirt.
Everyone was so absorbed in their own thoughts; they didn't notice the two Ministry officials, cloaked in black, slowly holster their wands and apparate away. The light from the tracking spell faded into the late afternoon sun as George consoled his baby sister.
A/N: A bit of foreshadowing for the next few chapters, the pace will pick up and spells will start flying soon. Reviews are great so keep them coming.