In our darkest moments, when our muse deserts us, we find something. A beta that keeps us going. A beta that pushes us. When all seemed lost, I found a pen. And I knew what I had to write.

Chapter 7 of many more. Slow but steady. Thanks greys. And Sachi, of course.

Transitions

The westerly wind pulled at the lower reaches of the hazy high cloud moving across the sky above Yamatai, drawing out long swathes of greyish brush strokes from the lower reaches of the yellowish white blanket that stretched from horizon to horizon; itself driven by a high altitude eastern drift, the wind painted ethereal feathery patterns and filigree fanned objects split finely into wispy strands as pine needles on the first new shoots in early spring. The harsh sunshine dimmed as it was embraced and softened by the faint shapes; life on the island awoke anew in the cooling afternoon, freed from the punishing radiance. Birdsong began to overlay the crickets' monotonous chirping on the palace grounds as the hill forest's many shades of green turned from subdued to lush once more.

The blinding luminance in the study with the whitewashed walls and floor - the one that overlooked the southern flank of the palace mountain and also the winding path leading up to the royal residence, had dampened to a light grey. The queen's robes glistening brightness turning to a regal white that contrasted starkly with the younger woman's red and orange garments.

Over a gap of two paces and a world, two pairs of sunken eyes met on equal height.

Sam's features on Himiko's ashen face were marked by deep lines on the brow and downwards from the corners of her mouth; her wary eyes were showing faint red lines on the once sparkling white while dark, bluish smudges accentuated the pronounced heavy lachrymal, that appeared for the first time on the youthful skin. She squinted very slightly, her gaze bearing the signs of a permanent headache as she scrutinized the person before her.

Lara's face was flushed from performing the submissive degoza bow, part was pain from her not yet fully healed ribs, and part was embarrassment for both herself and Himiko. Apart from the healthier colour, she showed the same fatigue on her features and she barely kept herself from swaying as the adrenaline left her system with the relief of having found the first foothold in her situation taking over.

Both women simultaneously nodded very slightly at each other before Lara lowered her gaze somewhat, a tiny smile of relief on her lips upon recognizing the mutual understanding. The treacherous quicksand under her feet, that she had done her best to navigate over the past days without going under, seemed to show the first signs of solidifying, allowing her to begin to regain her bearings in the unreality she had found herself in after awakening in the palace. Her strength was beginning to return in the care of the sun queen and as she closed her eyes for a moment she drew a deep breath to steady herself.

'I'd like to thank you for helping me recover, your majesty.'

It earned her a brief nod of acknowledgement. What once had been Samantha's ever not quite but almost loving eyes taking in her best and closest friend's every appearance wandered over Lara's body with a slightly satisfied but otherwise neutral and detached expression. Himiko paused with a soft sigh of irritation when she beheld the fresh and blood stained bandages covering the survivor's hands. Noticing the gaze, the girl's careful smile disappeared as she held out her hands with a souring look, preparing herself for the inevitable mutual embarrassment - to be scolded in the manner of a disobedient child once more.

'Realise that I take offence at your insistence on hurting yourself needlessly. What have you done this time? Remove those so I can inspect the damage.'

Blushing at the impatient tone and obviously hating herself for it, she ripped the cloth from her hands with a hiss, revealing the bloodied knuckles that she had cracked open when hitting hard the floorboards in her chamber in the ever returning vain frustration and grief over her broken promise. The already injured and stiff little finger on her right hand had not taken kindly to the treatment, the bluish red swelling stretching the skin almost up to the wrist.

The queen regarded Lara's hands without visible emotion before moving to the girl's side to take her right arm into both hands, feeling it carefully with skilled motions. Lara closed her eyes with an unsteady breath, at first shivering slightly as their shoulders brushed against each other and then flinching obviously at Himiko's soft touch who briefly, from the corners of her eyes, looked up to the girl's strained expression before calmly returning to her examination. As she reached the wrist the survivor's chest began to heave with deep and steady breaths, her averted eyes fixed on a crumbling piece of wooden carving on the nearest support beam. She tensed and emitted a soft hiss, yet held perfectly still despite her watering eyes when her little finger was probed and bent carefully in order to determine the state of both bones and sinews.

Finally, after a few minutes that had seemed like hours, Himiko nodded slightly and straightened up again, absentmindedly keeping her right hand on Lara's forearm in a lingering touch that could also have been the slightest of caresses. Yet her features only showed satisfaction as she neutrally addressed her patient.

'There is no need for me to strain myself as this will heal by itself, provided you give it time and desist from straining it any further. May what likely will be a week of discomfort remind you that I won't always come to your assistance although your sincere thanks for saving your life are well received.'

Unsettled by the disconnect between the detached admonishment and the soft touch of Himiko's hand that still almost but not quite rested on her arm, she slowly turned her head to face the other woman. Their shoulders still touching, she was close enough to register Sam's familiar smell, so well-known to her from countless embraces. She swallowed heavily and looked up with a wavering smile and an utterly confused expression.

Then their eyes met and Lara unconsciously began clenching and unclenching her left hand and gritted her teeth as she studied up close what once had been her best friend's face, now completely missing the sparkle of constant mischievousness; even the wrinkles around her eyes seemingly beginning to disappear into the perfect emotionless mask that had slowly crept on towards replacing the former familiarity. She forced herself to relax again into the previous soft stance under the neutral, entirely controlled gaze of Himiko. The queen, upon noticing the brief and quickly suppressed hardening of Lara's features, addressed her calmly while taking a slow step back, leaving an empty coolness where her hand had touched the skin.

'It comes with ease to confront an object of hate… yet willingly and calmly submitting oneself to its mercy, goodwill and care requires a strong soul indeed. What lies behind the wary eyes of the defeated warrior?'

'It hurts.'

'So you still cannot bear the lingering pain of your injuries quietly as you should be able to by now?'

'Being close to you hurts, your majesty.'

The dark glow that was deepening in her eyes belied her submissive tone and stance, the mismatch this time escaping the queen who had averted her face at the simple statement and had begun to circle Lara with slow steps, now meticulously keeping her distance and inspecting from all angles the girl who stood firm, squaring her shoulders while resisting the obvious urge to follow Himiko with her eyes.

'There are wounds no-one but the bearer will be able to heal, in the same way that it is not within my power to make a wilted flower return to its former beauty again. Yet if the roots are unharmed, it may well blossom anew, perhaps even more beautiful than before.'

'That flower's in a graveyard. Nothing of all this is going anywhere.'

Ignoring the bitter statement, Himiko looked Lara up and down with a satisfied expression.

'I am pleased to see you wear your unexpectedly unharmed garments with a fair amount of pride, just as I anticipated.'

'What is it you want from me, your majesty?'

With Himiko disappearing from Lara's field of vision, her words had acquired a fine edge, increasingly slicing away slivers of the subdued tone.
The queen stopped behind Lara's back, a nuance of irritation now showing on her face and in her voice.

'You will stop using this honorary title while we enjoy privacy and use the name you are well aware of; as I requested earlier.'

There was a faint, clicking sound of a roof tile somewhere above the greying room succumbing to the strain of a thousand years of heating and cooling, releasing a small amount of gravelly clay that softly clattered downwards and fell past the banister, the westerly wind blowing some of the accompanying fine red dust into the study that swirled around the warriors feet before settling down and disappearing into the cracks between the flaking whitewash.

'I can't address my best friend with her killer's name.'

Lara heard the queen take a sharp breath upon hearing the short sentence's challenging tone before she took a step closer to her back, pausing there for a little while before speaking in a low and distinctly colder voice, now directly behind her neck.

'You obviously neither know what you offered me when asking for my forgiveness and that I share my knowledge with a commoner in the way you did, nor do you have any sense of propriety after putting yourself at my mercy, and into my service, do you? I warn you not to strain my leniency, but I shall respect your request for now and give you the time you will require to adjust. Know that I did not 'kill' your friend; she became part of a greater whole during her ascension.'

'Her ascension?!'

Flinging the words out in a hiss, Lara spun around with a sudden fury burning in her gaze as she locked eyes with Himiko and closed the gap between them, their bodies almost touching just before the queen brought up both her hands, palms outwards. Something between a grunt and a growl escaped the survivor's throat as she hit an invisible wall, the impact deflecting her movement and forcing her to take a stumbling half step back. She stood, seething; her left cheek reddening from the restrained slap she had received while struggling to keep her balance.

Himiko, her eyebrows raised, regarded her with a once more carefully composed emotionless expression, her head slightly tilted to the right, rubbing her right palm while lowering her hands to her lap as she spoke.

'Your fierceness in spirit and loyalty are much to your honour and I would expect nothing less of a soul like yours. Your naivety and hot-headedness are less so, but we will remedy this in time. Behave yourself as befitting for the place you chose to accept of your own free will and I shall take care of you and teach you, just as a beautiful garden may nourish the spirit and body of the one taking care of it while she in turn ensures it's blossoming.'

Lara bristled.

'You expect me to behave now?!' She spat 'I went through a hell of your making! I lost those I cared most for! I killed God knows how many people for nothing!'

Himiko drew a slow breath, a spark of anger beginning to show in her eyes as she took a measured step towards the insubordinate newest addition to her court.

'Did I force myself on you - or you on me?
You guided her to her destiny… setting sail into the storm, towards new and unknown lands. It required the willingness to lose sight of the familiar shores and embrace or fight what the journey would hold in store for you.
You were willing; you fought, courageously at that, almost succeeding in stopping forces others thought of as unstoppable while the thought of giving up never crossed your mind.
You failed in your quest, not in battle, but when you suspected a traitor amongst your own and did not act upon your instinct because you clung to your conviction that no one would steep to such betrayal; contrary to the evidence you already had in your possession.
You allowed him to carry out his plan although you had seen through him.
You abandoned her to her fate by leaving her in his care against your better judgement.
And now you blame yourself for it every waking minute; the fear eating away at you that in the end she thought the same about you and your actions. That you let her down.'

For a little while, the wind in the trees outside the palace was the only sound to fill the room.

'She did not; of that I can assure you. So I would ask you to at least take this last and heaviest burden of all off your shoulders as to lessen the load you already have to carry. A load I am very well aware of… though the choice of believing your former enemy or not is yours alone.'

The fury drained from Lara's stance as quickly as it had come, leaving her pressing her fingertips to her temples before covering her face with both hands, slowly dragging them downwards until they rested on her chin as the leaden tiredness claimed returned. When she looked up again her eyes had dulled, carrying the expression of those too drained to cry anymore. The girl's voice was little more than a defeated whisper.

'How… how do you know all this?'

Himiko smiled a little smile that carried a hint of amusement but did not quite reach her eyes.

'I am not omniscient… but I do know a lot.'

'What do you want from me?'

Himiko straightened up, regaining her regal composure before answering Lara's toneless question.

'I seek understanding of the images and dreams that bring to me confusion and restlessness and I know you to hold the key to unlock their meaning since you know so well the mind they belonged to. But of much greater interest, and I would indeed venture the guess that you have asked yourself this question already, is the remarkable oddity of you, against all your instincts, not trying to flee when you had the opportunity and instead putting yourself at my mercy in an unexpectedly courteous way, surprising in its sincerity and endearing in its lack of refinement.
So I would ask you: what do you want from me?'

Slowly turning away to look out onto the mountain scenery, Lara sighed deeply and crossed her arms, her hands gripping her tunic's fabric, smooth and cool to the touch of her sweaty palms. Its colour seemed more saturated than when she had put it on, although it could well have been a trick of the greying afternoon light. A soft southwesterly wind played with a loose strand of hair as she shook her head slightly and let her gaze drift towards the horizon while her fingers began to trace the embroidered patterns on her upper arms once more. For a moment her face was darkened by a fleeting shadow, cast by a bird of prey soaring past on the updraft, its cry resounding from the rocky mountain sides and cutting through the stillness of the whitewashed room. She slowly turned around again, her left boot shifting some softly rustling leaves that crumbled at the touch. She sighed a long and silent sigh before she looked up and tiredly addressed Himiko once more, spreading her arms slightly and looking down at herself.

'I gather you know this already your majesty? I'm what you would call a scribe, I guess. I study the remains of ancient cultures… and I chose to focus on Japanese history and spent years gathering knowledge about the mythical figure of Queen Himiko and the vanished empire of Yamatai she was said to have ruled.'

Himiko, with a little self-satisfied smile playing over her features, leaned forward slightly, narrowing her eyes as she listened intently.

'I can't run away now. Not after having found Yamatai and having met in person the one historical figure that could give me first-hand knowledge of ancient Japan a thousand years ago… not only that but knowledge on a whole period spanning thirty generations. I just… I just can't. This whole Island is full of relics most archaeologists would probably kill for.' Her voice trailed off bitterly. 'Or sacrifice others for…'

Straightening up with a glint in her eyes and a self-assured smile on her lips, the queen beckoned Lara to follow her and turned towards the entrance without waiting for a reaction, heading down the dimly lit corridor at a brisk pace with Lara following her like on an invisible leash.

'And I made another promise' the young archaeologist added in a barely audible whisper.