I don't own anything that Dick Wolf owns

He was wearing the T-shirt Fin bough, he through the other one, not ever wanting to see it. Finally they saw the doctor coming out of the hallway, Nick tried to read the doctor's expression as he approached them, it felt like he was moving in slow motion. He could see Fin was trying to read him too. Never in his career had he felt unable to do so as now.

"How is she?" Fin asked once the doctor was close enough.

"She is stable" he said, all Nick could grasp was that she is alive, at least she's alive "she lost a lot of blood" the doctor explained "if it'd been only a few more minutes then we would be having a different conversation" he took a little breath "We had to take her to surgery to stop the bleeding, but there is no organ damage" he took another breath, to let all the information sink in before he continued "but, I'm afraid the fact she's been shot and got an infection before makes her susceptible to another one so we will keep a close eye on her"

"Can we see her?" Fin asked.

"We're taking her to recovery, the nurse will call you soon"

"Thank you doctor" Nick said and the doctor left.

"I should call Liv" Fin said and Nick nodded. He had to make a call too.

"Amaro, how's it going?" the voice on the other line asked.

"It's fine" Nick lied, it was far from it "listen Tom, I need a favor, another one"

"What is it?" Tom asked.

""I need you to check that safe house, see if everything is fine there"

"Is there a problem?" Tom got the feeling something was wrong.

"Maybe, could you go in there?"

"You want me to check in on who ever it is your friend's hiding there?"

"Yeah" Nick answered "please"

"Ok" Tom agreed "I'll do it and let you know"

"Thank you"

He had to make sure Amanda's father was fine. Since Tom gave Amanda the address he didn't know where the safe house was, and even if he had known, there was no way he would leave without seeing her. He just wanted to look at her, make sure she breaths, touch her skin, her hair. To know she is alive, that would make everything else bearable.

Fin approached him "I talked to Liv, let her know what's going on" he said "SCU are finishing up at her place" Nick nodded "she'll be back here later"

A nurse walked over to them "detectives" they both looked at her "you can go in and see her now"

"How is she?" Fin asked.

"She is still asleep, the anesthesia should wear off soon, we'll know better than" she said and showed them to Amanda's room.

She had a bag with what seemed to be Amanda's thing in it and she placed it on the side table next to the bed and left.

They both stared at her for a moment. She looked so pale.

Nick felt a little dizzy he had to get out of there for a moment "I'll be right back" he told Fin, trying to sound as calm as possible, but he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Seeing her didn't make it better, what if she doesn't make it? She was still in danger, critical, the doctor said. Her face, she was so pale, how long has it been since he'd seen her? Kissed her lips, it couldn't have been that long but he couldn't remember.

He had to go out of the hospital, the walls were closing in on him. He felt like he could breathe when he was out of there. He took a couple of deep breaths and tried to fight the tears in his eyes, he has to go back there, he's not leaving her ever again.

"You ok?" Fin asked when Nick returned.

"Yeah" he answered.

"I've got to go call Liv, make sure someone will be guarding the room" Fin looked at Amanda before he walked out.

Nick sat on the chair next to the bed. Even though she was asleep she didn't look calm, whenever she fell asleep next to him he felt she looked serene. But now everything felt different, he held her hand and the skin didn't feel the same as the previous night, that's the last time they'd seen each other. He remembered kissing her, missing her when she left his house.

He shouldn't have let her go, not alone anyway. Why didn't he grab her and make her stay? The thought made him chuckle, as if Amanda would've let him do that.

He saw her stir a bit and looked at her face. She opened her eyes slightly.

"Hey" he smiled and kissed her palm.

She mumbled something and he kissed her again "Nick" she whispered.

"How are you feeling?" he knew it was a stupid question right now but he wasn't sure what else to say.

She closed her eyes again.

"You remember what happened?" he asked.

She didn't answer but slowly turned to look at him, he smiled at her and tried to kiss her palm again but she pulled her hand from him and turned away.

"Amanda?" he asked, he looked behind him, maybe she saw someone coming, but there was no one there "what is it?" he asked and got closer to her.

She looked at him again, every move seemed hard for her to make "Nick" she said quietly "you shouldn't…don't…"

"It's ok Amanda, you're safe" he tried to reassure her but she shook her head a little.

"You should go" she managed to say but he wasn't sure he heard her right "please Nick" she said once he held her hand in his again.

"What are you talking about? I'm not leaving you"

"It's too dangerous" she pulled her hand again and gently placed it on her lower abdomen, close to the wound "if they know, they might…might hurt you"

Nick had to smile a little, she was worried about him "hey" he whispered "I'll be safe, I promise"

But his answer didn't satisfy her, she shook her head "Amanda" he said "I love you, I'm not leaving"

He could see her eyes were tearing up a little "no" she said, a little bit louder now "you have a son" she closed her eyes "you need to stay away"

Her words stung, he understood she was only saying it to protect him and his son, but she needs him too. He can't just leave her, no, he loves her. It didn't even feel like a big deal to say it, it was the truth.

She looked at him again, he didn't know what else to say.

"Please go" she whispered and now he could see a tear rolling down her chick. He wanted to wipe it and kiss her lips but didn't want to upset her. He got up and left the room.

Standing in the hallway he rubbed his eyes a little. Fin walked over to him with an officer "this is officer Malagan" he introduced him "detective Amaro" they shook hands.

"She awake?" Fin asked.

Nick nodded "she seems tired though"

"I'll go in for a little while" Fin said "maybe you should let the doctor know she's up" he suggested.

"I'll do that" he agreed and Fin entered Amanda's room "make sure she's safe" Nick told the officer and walked away to find the doctor.

Through and through.

That's what Amanda said when he walked in to her room after she was shot. It's been so long but Fin still remembered it. She got hurt because she was his partner and he'd never forgotten about it. He felt guilty about it even though she said that's what partners do. He'd take a bullet for her too, or a stabbing. She was a good partner and he cared about her.

She looked different then the other time she was at the hospital. No happy juice, she wasn't smiling.

"Hey partner" he said and sat on the chair. She looked at him but didn't say anything "want to tell me what happened?"

She shook her head but after a couple of minutes she spoke "I got home" she said "he was right behind and…"

"Did you see anything?" he asked after she got quiet for a while.

"He had gloves and a mask I think, I felt it against my face when he held me" she closed hey eyes. Fin could see it was hard for her to talk, she looked weak and tired.

The doctor walked into the room "glad to see you awake" he said.

Fin stood up "I'll come back later" he said "take care of her doc"

Nick was outside of the hospital again. He decided not to listen to her, he's not going to leave. He sat down on a bench and just stared at nothing. It felt good not to think, not to feel, even if it lasted just a few seconds. His phone vibrated and he answered.

"Nick" it was Tom.

"Yeah"

"Listen man, I'm at the safe house" he said "there's no body in here"

tbc...