Chapter Six: The Heart of the Matter
She could feel her body heat rising by the second. Her mind, cluttered with thoughts, was spinning like a hurricane, and she began to feel lightheaded. Her breathing-rate increased a bit, but she didn't notice. Clenching her jaw tightly, she stared in awe at the woman standing before her.
"Azula! My daughter! I thought I'd never see you again!" the woman said, rising to her feet. She stepped back from the woman in disgust.
"Please! You can stop right there," she said with sadistic aggression. The woman clearly took offense to this, as her smile faded to a frown.
"You don't have to pretend to have missed me. I know what you really think about me," she finished just as coldly. The woman moved an errant strand of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
"And what exactly do I think about you?" the woman questioned, her voice revealing her pain.
"I'm not going into this. Not again," she responded as she turned to leave the room.
"Have a nice life, Ursa. You seem to be doing well, so far," she said as she attempted to make her exit. Before she could leave, the woman grabbed her arm.
"Azula, please, I love-," the woman tried to say until she was interrupted.
"DON'T!" she growled as she pulled her arm away from the woman. The woman nearly fell over from the act.
"Don't. Even. Speak!" she demanded in fury. The woman's face expressed sorrow and a bit of fear.
"You don't love me. You never have," she said, not looking the woman in the eye. She was distant, like she was watching the scene play out instead of being part of it. The woman, however, was present and attentive with certain stubbornness.
"Why would you think that? I love you Azula, I do. I love you more than life itself. You're my little sun and stars, remember?" the woman said, half in tears. Hearing her mother say that almost broke her heart. When she first learned to firebend, her mother commented on her talents. Her mother jokingly said that she burned with the intensity of the sun and all the stars in the sky. Ever since, the woman referred to her daughter as her little sun and stars.
What really hurt her about the nickname was that it was misleading. Her mother never actually liked the fact that she was so naturally talented at firebending. With this painful memory being thrown back in her face, she knew she couldn't hold back any longer.
"YOU NEVER LOVED ME! STOP PRETENDING!" she yelled with conviction and wrath.
"YOU LOVED ZUKO, NOT ME! YOU THOUGHT I WAS A MONSTER!" she continued as she felt her eyes become damp.
"Azula, please, that isn't true!" the woman pleaded, reaching out to her daughter.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURT? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO KNOW YOUR OWN MOTHER HATED YOU?" she yelled, her voice cracking. Tears were flowing from her face like raindrops. The woman didn't know how to respond.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DID TO ME?" she asked in rage, feeling as though she would explode in anger.
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU CAUSED MOTHER. BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT!" she screamed, her whole body stiff. As she said this, all the candles in the room grew enormously and turned bright blue. They were scorching the ceiling, the sudden rush of heat in he room causing a large sonic boom.
With a few rushed and precise movements by her arms, the flames in the room came toward her, clashing together in a large fireball. Spinning, the fire followed her, and with a punching motion, she sent an astronomical burst of flame toward her mother's direction. The woman ducked under the blast with surprising grace and agility. The flames went crashing into the wall, pulverizing the wall in a loud and bright explosion.
In a flurry of movement, she unleashed the full effect of her firebending, sending torrents of fire in every direction, burning the room in an azure glow and blazing heat. Finally, she finished her onslaught with a long, graceful kata. Appearing as though she were dancing with a certain rigid finesse, electricity began appearing before her. It grew larger and larger, following her fingers like her willing pawn. Pointing her two fingers at the ceiling, she released the built up electrical energy. From her fingertips came a large bolt of lightning, destroying the ceiling and ascending into the cloudy night sky. The force of the thunder was so powerful, all the furniture went rushing violently in random directions. The woman was sent flying directly into a wall, and groaned in pain.
Heaving, she stood there in silent tears for a while, staring at her mother. The woman looked up at her daughter, her mouth wide-open in awe and fear. Rising from her feet, the woman walked over to her daughter with difficulty, and attempted to embrace her. She stepped back again, and pointed her fingers at her mother, a spurt of electricity flying from them. The woman raised her arms in surrender, but stared directly into her daughter's eyes with a stern face.
Suddenly, she collapsed to her knees before her mother. She was so angry, so emotionally distraught, she found it impossible to stand, and breathing was becoming more difficult as well. She began heaving faster and faster, placing her hand to her chest. The woman bent down and put her hands on her daughter's shoulders.
"Oh my daughter, what have I done? What have I done?" the woman cried in sorrow as her daughter sobbed in madness. Looking to her mother, she glared with deep-rooted anger.
"I should have showed you more love. I should have been there for you. Azula, I'm so sorry. From the bottom of my heart, to the pit of my soul, I am sorry, Azula. You have every right in the world to hate me," the woman said, struggling through tears.
"Mother, I'm so angry! I'm angry…all the time! I'm…I'm so hurt! I feel…like my heart is…burning away!" she struggled to say through heavy breaths. She felt like she was losing control over her body.
"I could say that I'm sorry until the end of eternity, but I know you could never forgive me for what I've done to you," the woman cried as she hugged her daughter tightly. Upon this embrace, she began crying and coughing loudly, unable to assimilate words.
"But I want you to know something, Azula. I love you. Did you hear me? I love YOU. I never want to you to question that ever again!" the woman cried as she brushed her daughter's hair with her hands. Finally, she hugged her mother back. It was a crushing hug, a hug so full of love it could melt even the coldest of hearts.
"Mother! I love you, too! I love you too," she cried heavily, sobbing into her mother's dress. The woman closed her eyes and smiled brightly, tears of joy and sadness streaming down her cheeks. She continued sobbing into her mother's dress as her mother stroked her daughter's hair and rocked her side to side.
"It's okay. Shh, it's okay, Azula. I'm here. I'm here now," the woman said as she tried to stop her own crying. Suddenly, she pulled away from her mother and began shaking uncontrollably with short breaths. It was clear at that point that she was having an anxiety attack.
"I can't…breath…it hurts…need air…I need…air!" she heaved in a panic. Pulling her daughter off the ground, she began walking her outside through the side of the room her daughter destroyed.
"Easy now. It's okay, we'll get you some air," the woman said with a maternal tone as she directed her daughter outside. As they stepped onto the cold sand of the beach, she left her mother and walked rigidly towards to ocean. Trying to calm herself down, she focused on her environment.
She listened to the rustling of the palm tress, the crashing of the ocean waves, the coldness of the night air. Suddenly, she felt a drop of cold on her nose. Opening her eyes and touching her nose, she discovered a speck of water. Looking to the sky, she heard thunder echo in the distance, and with a flash of lightning, rain came falling from the heavens.
The rainfall became heavy, but she didn't mind. The cold, purifying feeling of the rain was welcomed to her. Because her body heat was so high, the rain evaporated promptly as it hit her. With steam rising from her body, she raised her arms to the sky as a streak of lightning dashed across the clouds. With a loud and startling roll of thunder, she began smiling and crying at the same time.
Feeling as though she were being cleansed, she came to a revelation. The thing that had caused her so much pain, the inevitable cause of her mental collapse, the heart of the matter, was the uncertain love of her mother. Realizing she was wrong, and that her mother did love her, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It was almost like rebirth.
Back in the beach house, water mysteriously came through the destroyed room, extinguishing the intense flames. From the hall emerged the girl with a bright smile on her face and a tear or two, moving her arms with angelic grace and fluidity to motion the water to stop the fires.
As the fires ceased, the girl walked up to the mother and placed a sympathetic hand on her should. The woman looked back at the girl as she wiped away a tear, smiling as well. The two set their sights on her, still with her arms raised towards the sky.
Dropping her arms, she put her wet hair behind her ears. Feeling an uncontrollable happiness erupting from her soul, she leaped into the air. Dancing, spinning, leaping, and frolicking in the rain, she let the rain wash away her sorrows and vendettas, her pains and regrets, and ultimately, her hate. That moment, that moment in the rain, that moment on the beach, that moment she shared with the girl and her mother, would forever be the most beautiful moment of her life.