What if Nathan had died in 9x10 instead of Dan?
He was breathing fast and anxious but his eyes never left the ones before him, which belonged to one of his kidnappers and who was now carrying a gun and pointing it right to his face. He knew then that it was his last moment.
He prayed silently that Haley and his children would learn to live without him and that they wouldn't suffer to much. He prayed that they could be happy again after hearing about his passing and he prayed that Haley wouldn't loose her beliefs in love. He even prayed for her to find love again. He couldn't stand the thought of her being lonely and miserable.
He then thought about his children and hoped that they would be fine without him. He hoped he could always be watching them and he promised himself he would try to protect them nevertheless.
He hoped he could. He had to watch over his family. It was his responsibility.
He looked at the man again. He didn't know how much time he passed, but it couldn't be more than a few seconds. With a last breath he eyed the monster before him who carried a shameless grin and he closed his eyes. He heard the man's steps as he neared him and felt the cool gun against his skull.
„You wouldn't listen to us, Nathan. Bringing your friends wasn't a smart choice."
He couldn't even register his words clearly. He just hoped his family and friends would be okay.
„Goodnight, Scott."
A gun shot was heard, than a thump, a short laugh and then silence.
Julian was running through the building, hoping he would find Nathan. If he was honest he was terrified but now that they had come so far he wanted to make sure Nathan.
He was just about to take a turn to the left when he heard the gun shot. For a moment he gulped and then he broke out for a sprint.
He was carrying a baseball bat in his hand, and a gun was hidden under his shirt.
He heard noises. And he recognized that one of them was from Dan. Another shot was heard. And then another one. Julian breathed heavily. Was Dan dead? Silence.
He heard someone cry quietly then and he was scared to go any further. He followed the sobbing noise when he was suddenly in front of what looked like a storage room.
The view broke his heart. Nathan was lying on the cold floor, not moving in his fathers arms. Julian noticed the blood that was coming from his head and was dropping to the floor. He shivered.
He didn't even need to ask. In that moment he knew that Nathan was dead. He had failed.
Then he noticed two other men who were lying in a corner. They were also dead but he didn't care. One of them had killed a friend. Both of them had violated him. Him. Nathan. A man with a family! Julian gulped as he thought about Haley, Jamie and the little girl Lydia.
He felt the tears and took a step forward to put an arm on Dan's shoulders.
When he finally started to think more straight he knew he had to call someone.
His fingers moved nervously over his phone, shivering when he began to type the three numbers. 911. He couldn't even remember the words he spoke or how much time passed until they arrived.
„You need to come to the hospital, Haley."
It was the most difficult phone call he had ever had to do. He didn't even give her a chance to answer him, he couldn't tell her over the phone. And he couldn't lie to her that it was okay.
Because it wasn't. Because it never would be.
Haley inhaled sharply as Julian ended the call. Hospital? Was it Nathan? It had to be, right?
Was he finally coming home? She rushed for her car keys and ran out of the house, driving as fast as she could.
Once she arrived the hospital, she sprinted through the doors, searching franctly for a nurse, or someone who could tell her where her husband was. Was he hurt? Was it bad? She was dying inside.
And then she saw him. Dan. Sitting on a chair, sobbing, his head in his hands, while Julian held an arm around him. Suddenly she couldn't breathe. She didn't even dare to go any nearer.
She felt the tears rise and felt like dying. Why was he crying? Where was Nathan?
She saw Julian catching her eyes and she knew that something was wrong.
„Haley.", he spoke quietly and she shook her head.
„Where is he?! I need to see him!", she almost shouted. She was tired. She just wanted Nathan to take her in her arms. Telling her it was all okay. She needed to know. She needed her husband.
„Haley… you can't..", Julian started again and she shook her head again.
„Don't! Don't lie to me! Where is he, Julian? Damn!", she was getting angry.
„I'm so sorry, Haley.."
„No!", she didn't even listen to him. She knew what Julian meant. She knew it the second she saw him and Dan crying. She felt it the second Julian had phoned her.
But her heart. It didn't believe Julian. It couldn't be. He promised to come home.
She fell to the floor, not moving. She didn't even blink or cry. She just lied there curled up in a ball.
Julian couldn't bear to see her that way so he moved her up again, guiding her to sit a chair as well.
„I'm sorry, Haley." It was Dan's voice that broke the silence.
However, Haley didn't even look his way. „You promised, Dan. You promised to bring him home!"
She was shouting now, pointing a finger at him sharply, screaming and sobbing loudly.
„Hales. You need to calm down. Haley!", Julian held her arms and let her lean into him, as she she tried to control her sobs.
„I need to see him. Let me see him! Please, Julian. I need him.."; she cried while she clung to Julian's shirt.
„They shot him Hales. He is not coming home. I'm so sorry. We were to late.. I'm sorry we couldn't save him. I'm so sorry."
They shot him. They shot him. …shot him. He is not coming home… We were to late.. They shot him.
She pushed herself out of Julian's arms.
„This is your fault! You promised! I should have tried something! Should have done something but you wouldn't let me!", she screamed at Dan.
„We tried Haley. I was to late. I couldn't help him.", his voice was broken. He knew he was a failure. He hadn't been able to save his son. What a father couldn't save his son?
„I hate you! It's your fault that he is not coming home! You told me to stay back! It is all your fault! I never should have let you live in our house!"
Haley knew that she shouldn't say those words but her heart was breaking little by little.
She couldn't imagine a life without Nathan, she couldn't even think about telling her children.
Her little family would never be okay again. They would always feel the hole Nathan had left.
Maybe her kids would start to be okay someday. When they would have families of their own. She knew they would.
They would heal. She knew it. It would be hard at first, but she would promise herself to make sure they would be okay. They were all she had left. They had to be happy again.
However, she never would be. Not truly. She knew that without Nathan, she wouldn't have survived after her mother had died.
And now that it was him who had left her, she couldn't seek comfort in his strong arms, in his smell.
It was like she was dying right there on the spot.
Nathan wasn't going to come home. The realization of it all cut deep into her heart. Leaving a never healing wound.
He wasn't going to see their kids grow up.
He wasn't going to tell her one last time he loved him.
She couldn't tell him how much she loved him, how much he and their life together meant to her.
They wouldn't learn more about each other.
They had had their last conversation. Their last kiss.
She would never feel his love again. She would never be whole again.
She had lost the love of her life and with his death he had taken her heart with him, her soul.
It would never be okay. She would never be truly okay anymore.
She was right. There was really no magic in the world.