A/N:Hello there beautiful people. School here in Greece is one week away *insert uncontrollable sobbing* which means that I'll only be able to update weekly. This chapter doesn't have much 'family time' moments, those will come next chapter.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I only own Fern and no other NCIS LA character.

Enjoy!

"Who would have thought that raising a kid would be this hard." Kensi said as she approached Fern's crib.

"You're right. And we've been babysitting for only..." he looked at his wrist watch. "5 hours and a half. I hope that wonder twins find her parents quickly."

Kensi couldn't believe that it had been half a dozen hours since they found Fern.

After leaving the boatshed and stopping at the drug store to purchase some items the pediatrician had subscribed, they made to Deeks' apartment because it was more suitable for a baby than Kensi's. Kensi busied her self with putting together the crib whilst Deeks prepared Fern's milk. She must have been really hungry because she didn't make as a noise when he fed her.

Fern then took a nap in the stroller as Kensi finished the crib and Deeks cleaned his apartment and sorted out the things Hetty had given them.

Evening found them bathing Fern. It was by far an easy task, but they worked together and in less than two hours she was clean, fed and asleep.

Amongst everything, they found time to eat, debrief Hetty and call Sam for some tips. All in all, it was a successful day.

"She looks so peaceful." Deeks said breaking the silence.

"And innocent. Like she has no worries or cares in the world."

"That's because she doesn't. Her parents are supposed to worry about stuff like that."

"Who would want to bring this fragile creature in this world where no one is safe. She probably got abducted while sleeping. God knows what would gave happened to her if we hadn't found her."

"Hey don't think like that." he said while placing his hand on her shoulder. "We found her and she's safe."

"This is why I don't want to have children. Who can guarantee to me that they won't be murdered, abducted or die from a terrorist attack? No one. I can't do it."

"Yes, but no matter how many criminals we put behind bars, there are always gonna be others to fill their position. It's a never-ending cycle. But life is short so you should enjoy it and if children bring you happiness then you should have them. They're worth the risk."

When she didn't answer he continued. "It's getting late and we need to sleep. You use the bathroom first."

A shower and a brush of teeth later, Kensi emerged from the bathroom wearing her pj's and settled on the right side of Deeks' bed, which of course had to smell like him: salty breeze and something else that was entirely him.

She had almost fallen asleep when she felt him pull the covers all the way up her neck.

"Deeks?" she whispered.

"Goodnight, princess."

"Deeks wait. Where are you going?"

"To sleep."

"The bed is here."

"I know that. I'm sleeping on the couch."

"And hear you complain tomorrow about your back? Not happening. Come on." she said as she patted the empty space next to her.

"Kanselina, are you trying to get me to bed with you?" he joked smiling but the smile did not quite reach his eyes.

"Deeks!" Kensi warned him.

"As flattered as I feel, I'm trying to act as a gentleman here and give you the bed."

"Deeks we've shared a bed before. For two weeks. One night isn't going to kill you."

"You don't know that. You sleep like a star fish, you could easily suffocate me. I'm too young to die." The smile again didn't reach his eyes.

Kensi knew that he was lying. After 4 years of partnership, she could read him like an open book. "Deeks stop lying to me. These are not the reasons why you don't want to share your bed with me. You're still having nightmares." It was not a question. She knew that he was still having them. Six months were not enough to get over the torture that he endured in the hands of Sidorov.

Deeks dropped his head in embarrassment and occupied himself by staring at the floor.

Kensi rose from the bed and standed in front of him. She placed both her hands on each side of his face and tilted his head so that she could look him in the eyes. Those ocean blue eyes she could easily drown into, were a darker shade of blue and filled with unshed tears.

She took a step forward as Deeks' hands came to rest on her wrists.

"Marty, you know that you can talk to me. I'm your partner and you'll get through this eventually. And I'm gonna be with you every step of the way, even when you don't see me, I'm gonna be there."

Deeks managed a faint smile as he recognised the words. He had said them to her three years ago when she was going undercover, alone.

"I'm sorry but I can't."

"I understand. Just know that when you're ready I'll be there to listen to you."

"Thanks."

"That's what partners are for."

Right. Partners. That word hurt more than a thousand bullet wounds because partners didn't begin to describe their relationship. They were more than that, they were best friends. They knew each other better than themselves and there was no other person they trusted more. And there was their thing. A thing that they almost never acknowledged. Almost. Because when Kensi accused him of having poor communication skills he communicated in the only way he knew. He kissed her. After all, actions were supposed to speak louder than words. Apparently not in their case because even though 6 months had passed since that day they had never come close to talking about it.

He fell asleep thinking about Kensi.

Kensi was startled awake. It took her a second to realise that she was at Deeks' bedroom and not hers. She looked at the nightstand.

02:37

She then looked at Fern. It had been too long since the last time that Deeks had called her Fern. She secretly loved it. She secretly loved the look he gave her whenever he called her that or any other terms of endearment. There was always an extra sparkle in his blue eyes. Her train of thoughts was interrupted by a noise coming from the living room.

Deeks.

He was having nightmares. Which was the reason why she had woken up in the wee hours of the morning. She got up from under the covers and made her way to him. He was sprawled in the couch, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

"Don't touch her. Leave her alone."

Her?

Kensi thought that he was having nightmares of his torture but apparently not. She placed her hands on his chest and called his name several times.

"Deeks wake up. It's just a bad dream. You're safe. Come on wake up." He didn't respond but kept whimpering and repeating "Don't touch her."

"Marty please, wake up. Please."

"Kens?"

Deeks woke up with a startle and looked around the dim light living room. When he was sure that there was no one else there besides him and Kensi and that everything was just a dream, he slowly pushed himself to a seated position. He took deep breaths trying to calm his racing heart.

Kensi stood next to her partner, her left hand on his back, watching him chase the nightmare away and return to reality. All she could do was watch him struggle with his demons.

"I usually have two different nightmares."

He said it with a voice barely above a whisper. She almost didn't hear it. She didn't reply, just waited for him to continue. She was not going to push him into talking if he wasn't ready.

"In the first, it's my dad who orders my... torture, not Sidorov."

Kensi felt the blood begin to boil in her veins. There was nothing worse that dreaming of your father torturing you. The one person who was supposed to love you unconditionally.

"In the second one, Sam is not on the other side of the room, it's you."

Kensi gasped. Her. It was Kensi he was dreaming about.

"This one is worse because I can't imagine my life without you and..."

Kensi moved closer and took him in her arms. "Hey, I'm ok. I promise you that nothing will ever happen to me."

He pulled away and looked at her, tears running down his cheeks. "You don't know that Kens. Don't go making promises that you can't keep. You made me promise that I would never die in the line of duty. Not even 6 months later I almost did. No one can guarantee that tomorrow will not be my last day on earth."

"It's part of the job description. Like you said, life is short and we just have to make the most of our lives and not have regrets."

"Do you? Do you have regrets?"

Does she have regrets? Of course she has. She regrets saying 'I hate you' to her dad before he died. She regrets not spending more time with her mom. She regrets not telling Deeks that she loves him, because yes, she does love him but her heart has been broken so many times by all the men that have walked away from her. Her dad, Jack, Dom, Renko. Even though she knows that Deeks would never willingly leave her, she's not strong enough to take that risk.

So instead of answering, she asks him the same question.

"What about you Deeks? Do you have regrets?"

"Don't do that Kens. Don't answer my question with question again. I thought we were over that."

"What do you want me to say Deeks?"

"The truth."

"About what?"

"Come on Kensi, don't play dump. It doesn't suit you. I want you to tell me the truth about our thing."

"You said that there was no thing."

"Really? You still believe that? I kissed you and you still think that there is no thing between us."

There. He said it. He mentioned the kiss. The ball is in her court and it's her turn to make a move.

"What are you so afraid of Kensi?"

"What if this doesn't work out? What if it ruins both our friendship and partnership?"

"What if it works? Have you ever thought about that? What if it turns out to be something amazing that not only doesn't ruin our friendship and partnership but it makes them even stronger? Why aren't you willing to take the risk?"

Because the last time she did, Jack abandoned her on Christmas morning, leaving her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

"You do know that I'm not Jack and that I would never leave you willingly?" Deeks said like he's read her thoughts.

Kensi just stareed at him because she knew that he's right, but that tiny little voice in her head is screaming at her, telling her that she's going to get her heart broken again.

"Unless, of course, you don't have feelings for me." he said and made a move to stand up from the couch.

She shook her head, trying to get rid of the voice in her head and to answer to Deeks' questions at the same time. She grabbed his hand, making him sit next to her once again. She didn't let go of his hand, instead she intertwined their fingers and was marveled by the way they fit perfectly together.

"I have feelings for you, very strong feelings, and it scares the life out of me because the only other time I felt like this was with... Jack and even though I know that you're nothing like him, I can't help but be scared of the outcome because I don't believe in happy endings anymore."

"You just need to find the right person to make you believe." He placed his free hand on her jaw and pulled her head towards his.

"How can you be so optimistic?"

He looked straight into her mismatched eyes, willing her to believe.

"It's easy, I believe in us."

His mouth was so close to hers that their breaths mingle. He was giving her time and space to pull away if she wanted to. He let her make the choice. He was so close that she could almost taste him. All she had to do was to lean an inch closer. She did and then she heard a cry coming from the bedroom.

Damn.

"That's what I call good timing." the blond said with a chuckle.

Kensi dropped her head on his chest and murmured something incomprehensible.

Fern let out another cry.

Kensi sighed before she raised her head to look at Deeks. "When this whole babysitting mission is over, we're going to talk."

"Ok" he replied and dropped a quick kiss on Kensi's forehead. He then intertwined their hands and tugged her towards the bedroom.

Did you like it?

I want to thank all of you who reviewed last chapter. More to come if you stick with me.

Until next time!

~F