I am bored. What do I do when I'm bored? I write. A lot. So here's a new chapter of Never Before that I hadn't planned on working on till sometime tomorrow. Aren't you special? So that means it'll be time to update Everything I Want to Be or What Lurks in the Shadows. You guys decide. What should I update next?

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Octavian's POV

…

I'll be completely honest with you guys, because I know you won't judge me too harshly. I wasn't denying the love between Percy and myself. I knew it was there. I wasn't trying too hard to shovel my feelings back down my throat. I was only trying to protect the shred of dignity I had left. I cared about Percy. A lot. I'd be devastated if he left me too. More than devastated. He was the only person left who still cared about me in a miniscule way. Those thoughts swirled around in my head as Percy drove us back to his place. He'd taken one hand off the wheel to twine his fingers with mine, almost like we were an actual couple now. Every now and then I glanced over at him, and noticed he had this goofy half smile, half smirk on his face.

"What?" I asked him, scowling. I was getting better at not smiling when he smiled at me. "What's with the smile Jackson?" Said smile melted right off his face and he actually turned to look at me. He looked hurt, like I'd deeply insulted his mother and I would pay for it at a later date.

"Are you okay Tavy?" he asked me, real worry dripping like golden honey from his voice. "You've been awfully quiet this ride. I know you're generally a quiet person, but not around me. Come on, humor me. Talk." My scowl deepened and I turned to glance out the window. But my heart was aching. I wanted so bad to talk to him, but I couldn't let myself get sucked in. I couldn't get attached. I wouldn't be hurt again. Percy sighed. "Okay, fine," he huffed. "I bet you'll talk more when we get to my house and eat."

"Not hungry," I replied shortly. It was the first two words I'd said to him in about five minutes. Percy jabbed my side, and I swatted his hand away. Percy's neutral face dropped away and he sat in silence, staring at the steering wheel. This was going to kill me, but I pried his fingers apart and took back possession of my hand. Percy's arm still laid like a limp rag doll across my seat, but I didn't dare touch his hand again. I couldn't do physical contact right now. We pulled up in front of Percy's place, and I began to gather my things. Percy got out of his car and wordlessly opened my door, refusing to meet my eyes. Aw great. I'd hurt him worse than I thought. "Thanks," I mumbled as I climbed out. Percy grabbed his stuff from the backseat and led the way inside without a word.

"You know the way," he said, turning his back to me. Ouch. I went down to his room and set my stuff on the same bed I'd slept on last time. But seeing it again brought back the visions of my dad beating me to death. I shuddered. I really hoped I didn't have a nightmare tonight. I wouldn't count on Percy to be of much help. All the fire had gone out in his eyes tonight, and it was all my fault. I'd effectively broken the person I didn't want to break me first. Terrific Tavy, you're doing a bang up job in the relationship department. Get your sorry ass memo in the in box before it's too late! I took a few deep breaths, changed into pajamas, and made my way back into the kitchen. Percy was busy staring blankly at the oven. I peered over his shoulder and saw a couple frozen pizzas on a tray. So tonight was sort of fast food.

"Hey," I said softly, and Percy didn't even turn to look at me. He continued to watch the pizza like he excepted it to flip over in the oven and commit suicide in the flames. I sat down at the table and rubbed my dry throat. I was parched, but it was rude to go rooting around in someone's fridge without permission. Percy didn't seem willing to offer, so I sat at the table and stared at my hands. "I'm sorry," I tried instead.

"Sorry?" Percy asked, finally turning to look at me. His eyes were bright with unshed tears. "You're sorry? Tavy, whatever I did, I'm sorry about it, but that hurt. I was fine until you took your hand away. I get it. You don't like me like that. I was stupid for believing you did. There's a reason I don't date. I always end up falling for the wrong guys." I listened to him in stunned silence. Sure, Percy has told me stuff about his life before, but nothing this personal. He laughed without humor. "If you don't want to date me that's fine Tavy. Please, don't toy with my feelings anymore."

"No!" I exclaimed, a little shocked and a lot outraged. How dare he make me feel sorry for him? "It's not like that at all! I do like you. A lot. More than I care to admit sometimes. Percy, you're the most important person in my life." Percy gazed at me with an unnerving expression.

"Even more important than your family?" he asked. "Be honest."

"Yes," I said hoarsely. "Yes, more important than my family. Are you kidding me? My mom acts like a dog. My brother doesn't want me calling him. My father doesn't even bother sending child support. I've got no one in my life to care about me." I titled my head thoughtfully to the side as Percy slowly made his way over to me. He plopped down in the chair next to mine and turned to face me. "At least, I didn't," I amended. "I guess I have you now."

"Yes," Percy agreed softly. "You definitely have that." Percy reached out as if to touch me, but he let his hand drop. "I don't plan on leaving Tavy. But if you really don't want me in your life, I can get out."

"No," I said, choking down a sob. This wasn't how I planned the evening at all. I could faintly hear the alarm on the stove going off, but it sounded so far away and unimportant. "No Percy, I don't want you out of my life. Quite the opposite. But…" I trailed off, biting my lower lip. I couldn't do this. I couldn't tell him. Percy reached out and gently rubbed my upper arm. I looked up, and we held gazes for a second. He leaned over and gently brushed his lips against mine, then pulled away so we were still centimeters from each other. "Where was I?" I asked him, and he gave me a tiny smile.

"You want me in your life, but…" he prompted, resting his forehead against mine. "You can tell me anything Tavy. I won't judge." I sucked in a breath. It felt like I was trying to take air into lungs full of sand. "Deep breaths Tavy," Percy instructed. "It's alright."

"I'm scared," I whispered, barely audible. "I'm scare to get close to anyone, because everyone I've gotten close to has left. I wouldn't be able to stand it if you left me too. I'd die without you." I closed my eyes and willed away the tears. "But you have everything, so why would you fall for the guy who has nothing?"

"Is that what you think?" Percy asked me softly. "That because I seem to have the good life, I would be so shallow as to not give you a second thought? That's outrageous! I've never heard anything more idiotic in my life." I sighed.

"You haven't given me a second thought for two years," I pointed out to him, and he flinched, almost like I'd slapped him. "I hate to point this out Perce, but for two years, I've stood on the sidelines while you got all the glory. Why the sudden interest now?" Percy seemed to ponder that for a second. Our pizzas were probably blacker than coal right now, but that seemed a small detail compared to the discussion we were having.

"I've always been a little scared to approach you," he admitted at last, his sea-green eyes seeking mine. "I've never known what to say to you without breaking you. You've always been so fragile Tavy. I didn't want to break what little pieces were left. This is the first year you've seemed more put together."

"Yeah, well," I began. "Toby moved away this year, so I've had to fend for myself. Shape up or ship out, right? So I had to pull the missing pieces back together and get my life together fast before I was lost forever." I winced. I'd never told anyone that, not even the remaining family members. Percy wrapped his arms around my shoulders and gently squeezed, smoothing my hair down in the back with one hand.

"Can I help you Tavy?" he asked, kissing my forehead. "Can I help you gather the missing pieces? Will you trust me enough not to leave you?" I trembled in his arms. I didn't trust easy, which often made me come off elusive and sometimes even mean, but my past didn't exactly reassure me. "Shhh, Tavy, it's okay," Percy murmured into my hair. "Don't cry honey. It'll be okay." I reached up and gently touched my cheek. It came back wet. I hadn't even been aware of the fact I was openly crying. "C'mere Tavy," he whispered, pulling me onto his lap and circling his arms around me. I buried my face in his shirt. It felt good to finally have a shoulder to cry on after two years of none.

…

"Gah!" I cried out, throwing the pillow across the room as I woke. This night's nightmare was more gruesome than the last. This time, Toby was hovering over dad, refusing to stop him. Sometimes, he'd laugh at my pain. Other times, he simply reminded me I was on my own. I wrapped my arms around my knees and shook. "Percy!" I sobbed. "Percy, wake up!" Percy was up on his feet instantly, swaying from side to side uncertainly. He couldn't seem to remember why he'd gotten up so fast.

"Tavy" he asked groggily. Then he shook off the fog and vaulted onto the bed, pulling me close. "Shhh Tavy, it's okay. What happened this time?" I clung to Percy and sobbed into his shirt.

"T…Toby wa…was laughing at m…me," I said around hiccups. "And dad b…beat me." Percy laid down with me still in his arms and rubbed soothing circles on my back until my sobs and hiccups ebbed away. "Thank you," I whispered hoarsely.

"Any time Tavy," he replied seriously. "Do you want me to leave you alone now? Or do you want me to stay?"

"Stay," I responded. "Please stay." Percy tugged the blanket over both of us and tightened his grip on me. It felt reassuring rather than menacing, and I felt myself snuggling up against him. He was warm and strong. I liked that.

"That's it Octavian," Percy murmured, and my real name sounded so strange coming from his lips.

"Tavy," I said. "My name's Tavy…"

…

Percy's POV

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Holding Octavian while he slept was a bit like holding a time bomb. At any time he could go off again. I was expecting another nightmare at any time. They seemed to plague Tavy the way insomnia plagues others. He couldn't sleep a full night without the haunting images of his father and brother doing the worst to him. I think Octavian had abandonment issues, and that was why he was so scared to get close to me. I brushed his bangs out of his face and he mumbled in his sleep, smiling slightly.

"Aww, cute, Mr. Holden," I whispered. I kept thinking about what he told me before he finally drifted off to sleep. Tavy, my name's Tavy… He used to hate that nickname. Loathed it in fact. He tried to get me to change my ways and call him Octavian. But now it seemed weird to call him anything but Tavy. The nickname stuck, and not just with me. All my friends referred to him as Tavy (though I think it's because most of them didn't remember his real name). But it was my nickname for him. In case you didn't notice, I gave all my friends nicknames.

"Percy, go to sleep," Tavy whispered, causing me to jump slightly. I looked down and saw a smile on his face. "Go to sleep warm furnace," he mumbled. "Stop playing the hero." My grip on him tightened.

"Never," I said, a smile of my own playing on my lips. "I will forever be your superman."

"Knight in shining armor," he amended, opening his dazzling blue eyes, his delicate eyelashes going up. "Or tinfoil. Hell, knight in bright white underwear would be suffice. I'm not picky." I laughed out loud and kissed his forehead.

"Dashing Prince," I corrected him. I was glad for the playful banter. It made our fight seem so far away, even though it only happened…about five hours ago. I bet those damn pizzas were still in the oven. I'd turned it off, but I didn't want to remove the hockey pucks most definitely in there. "Is that okay? Dashing Prince? I like that title."

"If it makes you happy, okay," he said, smiling a genuine smile at me. "Dashing Prince it is. Hey Percy?" he asked my shyly.

"Mmmm?" I asked, tucking the blanket around him. I wanted him to be comfortable tonight. Hopefully, the nightmares would go away if he had a reassuring presence around.

"Can I get a kiss goodnight?" he asked. Chuckling, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, gently running my hands over his hips. He moaned lowly and grabbed my wrists. His lips parted slightly with our kiss, but I didn't do anything about it…yet. I wanted to gain his trust before exploring too much new territory with him. "Good," he mumbled against my mouth, pulling away and settling down. Huh. It was the first time he'd broken the kiss first. Maybe he was getting more comfortable around me. I replaced my arms around his waist and anchored him to myself while he snuggled up, fisting my shirt.

"Goodnight Octavian," I said, making a conscious effort to use his real name. I should anyway. That way all my friends used it too. Even Jason.

"Tavy," he corrected me. "Night Dashing Prince. Now get some rest." I chuckled.

"Yes sir!" I said with a mock salute. I then fell asleep listening to the soothing sounds of Tavy's breathing and heartbeat.

…

Well, that was cute and a little heartbreaking. I hate making Octavian suffer in this story, cause he's as innocent as a kitten. And about as fragile as glass. At least he's got Percy now.