Church's Crusade #18: Babysitting
Things returned to normal for several days after the events with the hover-bike. That is, as normal as they ever got in Blood Gulch. There were no more major attacks against Blue Base, although there were several assassination attempts against Church. He still had one of the sniper rounds in his head, rattling around like the ball in a can of spray paint. However it was not until several days after the hover-bike was finished and Church was on patrol when his radio crackled to life…
"…Hello, hello. Church? Are you there Church? Please pickup. Um…the end."
Church smiled wryly before flicking on his mike, "Yes Caboose, I'm here. What's up?"
"Oh hi Church! Um you know the guy in the armour that looks kind of like Sister's but is more…um…red?"
"You mean Grif?"
"Yes that is it! Grif! Well he has come out of the caves and has said that the guy in the red armour…"
"Sarge,' Church prompted.
"…wants to meet with you to discus the re-talli-tory operation. Ooh are we going to play Operation? I am good at that. I can make it buzz every time."
"No we are not going to play Operation Caboose. And where the hell is Tucker?"
"Oh well when Grif came over he found Tucker and Sister in one of the corners of the base. I don't know what they were doing, but Grif got very mad and chased Tucker up a tree and is now trying to shoot him down,' Caboose was silent for a moment before continuing in a whisper, 'Grif looks kind of mad."
Oh no. As much as he hated to admit it, they might need Tucker in the not too distant future. He spoke quickly into the mike, "I'll be there soon Caboose." He then switched it off before sprinting back to Blue base…
When he arrived he found Tucker still high in the tree and Grif still shooting at him. How Tucker had managed to get up to where he clung to the branches was beyond Church, as there were no branches for the first eight feet of trunk. Church walked over to Grif.
"Okay man, what's this all about?"
"I found him alone with my sister. Hell knows what they were doing."
"I see,' said Church, 'Look mate would you please stop shooting for a moment?"
"NO."
Church sighed, then reached out to grasp the barrel of Grif's riffle in one hand. He held it for a moment then tightened his grip, crushing the barrel flat. Grif glared at him a moment before drawing his knife and rushing to the tree to begin to scramble upwards. Church sighed again, then walked over to the tree and began to shake the trunk. He put most of his massive strength into it and shortly the two soldiers fell down to lie gasping in the dirt. Church reached down and grabbed Grif's knife before the orange armoured figure could bring himself to his feet. This didn't slow Grif down. As soon as he realised that he had been disarmed, he launched himself at Tucker and tried to strangle the blue team member. Tucker fought back just as fiercely.
Church watched this for a few minutes before reaching down and hooking a hand into the armour of each brawler and wrenching them apart. Even holding them at arms length did not seem to work, as both Grif and Tucker continued to try to hit each other. Frustrated, Church banged them together a few times then went to Caboose.
"Can you hold this for a moment?' he asked before passing him Grif. Caboose obliged and Church walked over to the hover-bike and picked up a coil of rope, carrying Tucker all the way. He then walked to one of the nearby trees and tied Tuckers hand s behind his back, before tying the other end of the coil to the tree and cutting off the excess rope. He then walked back to Caboose to collect him and tied him in the same way to another tree. The length of the ropes meant that the two men could just reach each other – if they didn't mind having their arms wrenched from their sockets.
Church looked at each of them sternly, "There we go. Now you can stay like that until you can behave like proper substandard soldiers." He paused for a moment before removing both soldier's helmets and turning on the helmet cameras. He then positioned each helmet so that it had a clear view of it's owner, then walked away…
In the morning when he went to check on them, Church was surprised at what he found. Tucker, being who he was, appeared to be fast asleep. Grif on the other hand was very much awake, his face covered in scratches. Church stared at him for a long moment.
"What happened to you?' asked Church, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice.
"What happened?! I got attacked by some sort of alien hedgehog that's what! Gods, it tried to eat my face!"
"I know,' said Tucker from behind Church, 'It was hilarious."
"Enough of this,' said Church, 'You can both stop trying to kill each other. Now please."
Reluctantly, both Grif and Tucker nodded.
"Now, Grif will you take me to see Sarge?"
Grif looked at Church for a long moment then nodded helplessly…
The characters Church, Caboose, Tucker, Simmons, Sarge, Grif, Sister, Donut and Doc are owned by Rooster Teeth Productions.