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"We're The Band"
Chapter 7: Last Kiss and Catharsis
The Path to School
Monday had arrived as an overcast, cool morning with a threat of rain. Unlike many other mornings, Rei, Asuka, and Shinji actually had gotten an early start to the day and were enjoying a relatively relaxed stroll to school.
Rei was carrying her school bag hooked onto the end of her umbrella with her umbrella over her shoulder. She had recently been taught to whistle by Shinji and was practicing by whistling the same song he had sung to her at the dance.
Asuka and Shinji were holding hands now that they no longer had to hide their relationship from the random encounters with classmates. In fact, Shinji was carrying both their school bags as well. He was in a surprisingly good mood this morning. The family had had an uneventful weekend that allowed him to feel like he had finally recharged his batteries and achieved a semblance of normality and stability in his life. He had even had a chance to spend an uninterrupted afternoon with Asuka.
Flashback: Sunday in the Park
Shinji and Asuka sat on a grassy hill overlooking much of the city enjoying the cool, autumn breeze in the warm afternoon sun. Asuka had a hold of Shinji's arm and had leaned her head onto his shoulder.
"Shinji?"
"hmm?"
"Are you happy?"
A bit startled at that question coming in unannounced, "Why do you ask?"
"Shinji, you're not supposed to answer a question with another question," replied Asuka as she lifted her head to look her boyfriend in the eye. "But, to answer your question, no reason. I was just curious."
Shinji raised a skeptical eyebrow but wisely decided to just answer the question. He had learned that Asuka was rarely "just curious" but that these lines of "curiosity" typically led to the discussion she wanted to have, but didn't want to just come right out and ask.
"I think so. I don't have a lot of experience being happy, remember?" replied Shinji as a he gave her a rueful little smile.
"Aaaaannnd?" prodded Asuka.
"Let me try and take stock a different way. Happy plus – I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves me," ticked of Shinji to be rewarded with a quick hug and kiss. "Happy plus – our friends are back and safe. Happy plus – I have a new mom and sister who love me. Happy plus – with the deal we took with the UN, there is a lot less stress in my life. Happy minus – I'm still in the military and a test pilot at that."
"So, is being a pilot making you sad?"
"I wouldn't say that it's making me sad. It's just not what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I've found other things I want to do and spend my effort on. I guess, right now, I just view it as a temporary job," Shinji had the first steps of an intuitive leap pattering about in his head and blurted out, "How about you? Are you happy about the piloting commitment?"
"Well, being a pilot was always a big part of who I was. It formed a major portion of my identity. I don't think I'm ready to let go of it yet."
"That's good. Because, with you earning a pilot's salary I can become a musician and house husband while you bring home the paycheck," teased Shinji.
"Lazy, free-loading baka," retorted Asuka with a playful slap to the shoulder.
The conversation had slipped into a comfortable silence as they continued to look out over the city. The implications of the end of the conversation had gone unspoken, but not unnoticed as Shinji put his arm around Asuka and she hugged him closer to her.
End Flashback
The trio of teens entered the school main courtyard at an unhurried stroll. Rei had mercifully stopped whistling the same tune over and over. Asuka had made a mental note to have Shinji teach her some other songs, so they could at least have some variety on the walks to and from school. As they made their way to their lockers, they were the subject of some interesting looks and whispered conversations. This was all pointedly ignored by Shinji and Asuka as they had always been the subject of such gossip, but Rei was a bit unsettled. While the students had always gossiped about her, she had never really taken notice and rarely even acknowledged it.
It was into this mental churning that a pile love of letters spilled out onto the floor as Rei opened her shoe locker. Rei knelt to pick them up and noticed both the subject and quantity of the letters with address lines such as "To my beautiful goddess" and "To my darling Ayanami". Looking up at Shinji and Asuka with a confused and almost pleading expression, "What is the meaning of all of this correspondence?"
Shinji glanced at Asuka and quipped, "Yours."
Asuka merely rolled her eyes and suppressed both a growl of annoyance and a giggle as letters fell out of Shinji's locker as he opened his.
Turning back to Rei, "Don't worry about it. We'll talk about these at lunch. Just stick them back in the locker for now."
Shinji had shoved the letters back into his locker as a similar avalanche fell out of Asuka's. Asuka didn't bother with putting them back in her locker and merely stomped them into little dirty pieces and threw them in the trashcan. Looking at Rei and Shinji, she quoted Westley, "I can't afford to make exceptions. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time."
The laughing trio made their way to the classroom. The normal routine of class started but Shinji was quickly bored. They had history first and nothing about it was in anyway appealing, so he opened his school computer to be met with messages filling his inbox. It seems that his appeal to the girls in school had gone up considerably now that Asuka had proven that he was interested in girls. Shinji just began to delete those messages out of hand. He wasn't interested in them at all. The threats of violence from jealous boys were also summarily deleted.
He sighed and looked over at Asuka to find her doing the same thing. A glance at Rei found her not staring out at the sky as was her normal routine but also trying to manage the electronic onslaught of fanboys vying for her attention.
Shinji just decided to mentally check out of class. In truth, the only parts of their school education that interested him were math, science, kanji, and English. Everything else just seemed like drivel, and science only interested him because they had mercifully left biology behind and were learning more of the physical sciences. As his mind wandered, it drifted off to his favorite daydream – Asuka, but was rudely brought back to reality by a message alert.
Seeing that it was from Kensuke, he opened it to find a digital picture of him kissing Asuka on stage. In the text of the message were a bunch captions from Kensuke and Toji that were basically of one of two themes: "The Newlyweds seal their vows" and "The Demoness Claims Her First Soul". Shinji was about to fire off a reply when the lunch bell rang. Startled at having little recollection of the past couple of hours, Shinji grabbed his bento and headed to the roof with Toji and Kensuke while Asuka, Rei, and Hikari wandered off to talk about "girl stuff".
The Stooges had eaten in relative silence with only some idle chat regarding music practice that afternoon. It was obvious that Toji and Kensuke were gearing up to ask something. Putting down his chopsticks, Shinji motioned to them to just come right out and ask.
"It's been weeks and I still don't understand why you're with her," mumbled Toji around a rice ball from the lunch Hikari had made for him.
"Yeah, what's the attraction of the Red Devil that caused you to sell your soul to her?" added Kensuke.
"She can be such a biatch sometimes," announced Toji, piling on even before Shinji could respond.
"Why couldn't you have picked Hideko instead?" prompted Kensuke not really realizing that only he and Toji were having a conversation. This continued for a couple of minutes until Shinji finally put an end to it.
"Look, let's end this right now," interrupted Shinji with a forcefulness that surprised his friends. "It's a little complicated, and I haven't sorted through all of this yet. But, since you're my friends, I'll tell you what I can." Seeing nods from his friends to continue, Shinji took a breath and started, "First off, you need to stop calling a biatch and stuff. It's not appropriate any more. The reason I'm with her is the same reason that I'm not with one of the other girls – they just don't understand. She's the only one who has been through the same things – Eva, losing our moms, all of it. She knows me, and I know her. She's always been there for me, and when I'm with her, I feel like I can be better and can hope for something more. It's like an empty place in me is suddenly full when she's around. So, that's why you need to stop calling her names. It's really bothering me."
Just as Shinji finished a shadow crossed over the Stooges. As a group, they all looked up to find Asuka looking down at them. All three Stooges immediately began to sweat in the crisp, cool breeze. Surprisingly, it was Shinji who broke the awkward silence.
"um, hi, Asuka-chan. Uhhh, how long have you been there?"
"Long enough to know that I am the Red Devil Biatch," she snarled at Toji and Kensuke. Shinji just cringed at the tone. "Scram you two. I want to talk to Shinji."
Realizing that discretion was the better part of valor, Kensuke and Toji beat a hasty retreat with Kensuke shouting over his shoulder, "We'll see you in class if you survive."
Shinji just shook his head and heaved a heavy sigh as he watched his retreating friends. Asuka sat down next to Shinji causing him to turn back to her only to be surprised at the smile on her face.
"You're not mad?"
"No, I really don't care what they think. But, what you said was very sweet, Shin-chan, Do you remember what I said this morning about not letting them think I'd gone soft?" replied Asuka, giving him a little hug.
"Heh, yes, I remember," laughed Shinji. "I thought you were having lunch with Hikari and Rei because you had to talk about girl stuff?"
"Well, we did talk about girl stuff – mostly about the letters that Rei got this morning." Asuka noticed the slight frown on Shinji's face as if he had come to a certain realization about the letters. With a small giggle, "Don't worry. We'll let you exercise all of your overly-protective, big brother instincts."
"What? I – I – I wasn't . . . what do you mean 'overly'?" stammered Shinji.
"Shinji, you're so easy to tease! But, that's not all we talked about."
"Oh?"
"We want to be a part of the band," declared Asuka with a firmness that surprised Shinji.
"In what way?" was about all Shinji could do to delay the inevitable discussion.
"Well, you've been teaching me guitar, so I could probably do that. Rei wants to learn bass. She got that idea stuck in her head from some video she watched of a girl playing bass in a band – some American group that I didn't recognize. Hikari doesn't actually want to be in the band, but she could probably be the manager. She's actually quite good at driving a hard bargain."
Shinji pondered the sudden and surprising proposal put forward by his girlfriend. It was also surprising that Asuka hadn't tried the sexy, wheedle something from your boyfriend gambit. She'd actually just put it out on the table for its own merits - that in and of itself deserved some consideration. Shinji went down that little side alley and concluded that she must be serious about this to have not tried any of the usual games. It also probably meant something else, something like Shinji being on relatively equal footing with her now, at least in Asuka's perspective. Shinji started at that not really sure that HE was ready for that kind of revelation.
For her part, Asuka merely waited as patiently as she could as Shinji tried to sort through his thoughts. She had come to realize that Shinji's silence didn't me 'no'. It merely meant that he was giving it the serious consideration that he felt it deserved – and rightly so, didn't this come from her, his beautiful and intelligent girlfriend?
"Well, I don't see any reason why not. But, what about Toji and Kensuke? I doubt that they'll just agree to this?" wondered Shinji out loud.
"Baka-kun, do you really think we didn't have a plan for this? You guys really are Stooges," harumphed Asuka. In an irritatingly superior tone, she began to explain to Shinji as if he were a child. "Hikari will convince Toji. Once I tell her you agreed. Kensuke will whine about it, but he's committed to this band thing. Haven't you heard the rumors that he might actually have a real girl interested in him now? I mean he did get to dance with one. Besides, he'll do whatever you and Toji say."
Shinji just stared at Asuka and realized how much she wanted this and the level of planning she had put into making it happen. "Asuka-chan, I'll agree on one condition."
"Okay, name it."
"Tell me why you want to be a part of the band."
Asuka sat up a little straighter. This was definitely not the condition she had expected. She had figured there would be something along the lines of no girly tunes or something like that. A query into her motivations was completely out of the blue and she was at a loss for words.
"Um, well . . . I . . . just . . . hmm," was about all she could get out while Shinji waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts. "Fine."
Shinji just nodded and smiled waiting for her to continue.
Taking his hand in hers and playing with his fingers to calm her nerves, Asuka dropped her eyes to their hands. "I know how much music means to you and I . . . I . . . I'm . . . I'm scared that it will take my place in your heart if I'm not a part of your music," blurted out Asuka.
Shinji could feel her hands shaking in his and suddenly realized what it must have taken for Asuka to have admitted that to him much less herself. He pulled her into a warm embrace to whisper in her ear, "Asuka-chan, nothing could take your place in my heart, not even music. Liebchen, I promised you we'd always be together."
A wave of relief washed the tension and anxiety out of Asuka and she pulled Shinji into a passionate kiss that he enthusiastically returned. Their moment was interrupted by the bell signaling the restart of classes in a few minutes. As they pulled back, Shinji helped Asuka to her feet and said, "Besides, like they said in the movie, 'This is true love. Do you think that happens everyday?'"
"Baka!" replied Asuka with a playful slap as they started towards class.
Classroom
Shinji and Asuka appeared in the doorway to the classroom holding hands. They didn't even realize that they were. It had reached a point where it just felt natural, and they did it unconsciously. Their classmates, however, hadn't reached that point and a general uproar ensued with looks of jealousy and disappointment, conversations erupted between groups of girls and boys, and Toji and Kensuke each wore a vaguely sour look at the development. In the middle of this, Hikari looked expectantly at Asuka who gave her a small nod. Beaming, Hikari stood and shouted, "QUIET!"
The silence in the room was absolute, not counting the ringing in the ears of the students closest to Hikari. All that was necessary to complete the tableau would have been a tumbleweed blowing past in the dust.
"I just got a notice that we have free study this afternoon because some teachers have called in sick," continued Hikari. "Keep the noise down or else the other teachers will be in here to administer disciplinary assignments."
In the general confusion, Asuka and Shinji made it to their seats. The class was a little rowdy but the realization that a teacher in the next room could walk in and drop discipline assignments on them kept them mostly in check. Asuka and Shinji watched as Hikari went over to Toji and began the brow-beating process to agree to Asuka's plan. Shinji watched in amusement as Toji went through denial, then anger, then mute acceptance under the onslaught Hikari unleashed on him. With every glance from Toji, Shinji merely replied with a serene smile much to his friend's consternation.
Club Time in the Music Room
The group of friends had reformed in the music room where they had set up their instruments. The long discussion with Kensuke had occurred and while neither he nor Toji were taking it well, they really didn't have many alternatives.
Shinji, on the other hand, had absolutely no problem with it. For him, good music was good music. The band wasn't some sort of "guys thing" and he really thought Kensuke and Toji were moping around as some sort of revenge on the girls.
As they had done every previous practice, they pulled out a new tune to learn to keep practice fresh. It wasn't a very hard tune – it's roots were back in the glory days of rock and roll, so it really seemed like just a three chord deal. It actually allowed Asuka and Rei to get up to speed pretty quickly and it gave Shinji a chance to come close to memorizing the tune.
"It's almost the end of club period. How about you guys try a full run through like a dress rehearsal?" asked Hikari as she eyed the group of students who had gathered in the hallway and in the room. While new for her, it was actually old hat to the boys. People were always stopping in to listen.
Getting nods from everyone, Asuka leaned over to Shinji, "Hey, you need to put a little emotion into this. I heard you earlier and all the vocals just seemed a little flat."
"Uhhh, ok. It is the dress rehearsal after all," replied a sheepish Shinji who had in fact been a little lazy about the vocals.
At this Toji counted off "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam.
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
Shinji had inadvertently drawn links to his most painful memories of the times when he had thought he had lost Asuka. His voice was full of the heartbreaking loss and anguish associated with those memories . . .
We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last
Shinji's eyes closed and while he was physically singing in the middle of a junior high school, his mind was back in that horrible battle where he was forced to remain locked within the Eva cages while Asuka's mind was defiled by the Angel. He remembered the horrible sound of her screams echoing through his skull as he begged and pleaded to be allowed to save her.
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
Shinji's personal guilt dragged him away from the screaming to the memories of Asuka comatose in the NERV hospital. He had felt so alone - the crushing weight of having not been there for her squeezing the will to live out of him.
When I woke up the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said,
"Hold me darling, just a little while"
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss.
His subconscious delivered the coup de gras. It brought him back to Asuka's fight with the MP Evas. It dragged him back through the guilt of having been too late because he was too weak to stand up to his fears. It reminded him of the howl of despair he had unleashed at believing she was dead – taken from him forever. Shinji had actually started to tremble and tears began streaming down his face. This brought worried glances from his friends who were wondering what was happening.
Well now she's gone
even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night.
Shinji was back in those horrible images of Third Impact and the gut wrenching temptation to accept the blissful ignorance of pain and heartache. He was so close to giving in, to making it all just stop . . .
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good
Asuka had not played the last verse. She had put her guitar down and reached him as he finished the last verse sobbing and trembling, lost in the pain and guilt that had been his father's hope to push him into accepting the siren's song of Third Impact. Rei, with and inkling of what was happening, motioned for the others to clear the room and give Asuka and Shinji some privacy.
As the others left the room, Asuka cupped Shinji's face trying to get him to open his eyes and come back to the here and now.
"Shinji . . . Shin-chan . . . sweetie, it's ok," was all she got out before Shinji sat down hard on the floor still sobbing and shaking, his eyes now open and unseeing.
Asuka followed Shinji to the floor and was kneeling in front of him having not release his face. Looking into his unseeing eyes, she desperately sought some way to bring him back. She gave him a solid kiss and again looked into his eyes and saw them focus in on her face. Asuka saw the realization within Shinji that he wasn't back in the dream world of Third Impact and that Asuka wasn't gone. She was startled when he clutched her into a fierce embrace with a new round of sobbing as she heard him repeating over and over, "I'm sorry . . . so sorry . . . "
"Baka-kun. I'm right here. What are you sorry about now?" Asuka whispered to him while rubbing his back with one hand, trying to get Shinji to calm down and come back from the brink of where ever he was. It took a few minutes for Asuka to soothe Shinji's shattered nerves enough for him to finally explain.
Looking into her eyes with a gaze racked with guilt, "I couldn't save you. I wasn't there when you needed me most. I was afraid. I wasn't strong enough."
Asuka's features softened in understanding. She knew exactly what he meant. In those long, non-days on the LCL beach, he had punished himself for not having been her knight in shining armor. She had thought that he had been able to let go of the guilt during those painful discussions, but obviously he hadn't. This time, though, she information she didn't have during those last talks.
"Shinji, look at me," she commanded as she held his face. "You don't need to apologize. You did save me. You were strong enough to reject Instrumentality and save a world for me to come back to you. You saved us all." She was watching him closely. Asuka had become a very keen observer of Shinji-isms, and she saw that he was starting to understand. "If I hadn't forgiven you, would I do this?" she asked right before pulling him into a deep, kiss. She knew that she had gotten him to understand as he began to return the kiss and the embrace went from tentative to bone crushing tight. As they came up for air, she rested her forehead against his, "But if you still feel like you need to be punished, I'm sure I can think of something for you to do," came the mischievous little laugh.
"ASUKA!" blurted out Shinji at once shocked and, truth be told, a little excited.
Asuka caught Shinji's gaze in her own, and, in a more serious tone, "Baka-kun, I love you, but you need to stop punishing yourself for sins of the past. We've got a whole future together that you'll miss if you continue living in the past."
"I love you, too. I'll keep trying. I . . . I think I may be past this. I don't feel that same weight that I did before," admitted Shinji.
Looking closely at him, Asuka was both hopeful and a little skeptical, "We'll see. Do you feel ready to go home, because I'm hungry and it's your turn to make dinner."
"I always make dinner, and I think so."
As they stood, and headed towards their relieved friends, their hands found each other automatically, and they started their trip home.
Author's Parting Shots: Didn't really have any for this one :) Hope you enjoyed this chappy. Next one up soon. Actually, I did have one. If you have these tunes, you should listen to them while you read the chapters – it provides a soundtrack for the scene.