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Chapter 18

Edward's POV

"Bella" I breathed a sigh as I thought of the girl I had nearly raped. She was beautiful and still so pure. I could never allow myself to lust after her as I did ever again. I had to find away to make her forgive me for what I had done to her. And become mine once more so that I could prove to her and myself that I could love and worship her mind, body, and soul the way she dissevered and show her that I not only lusted after her body but her in general.

I had never thought that Bella would become a vampire I had hoped that by keeping my distance and allowing her to grow old as a human and find love in another that maybe if she were to move on that in time I could as well. I had been so very wrong…

Instead of moving on with her life she put herself in danger again and again looking for my family and I. And when death did find her it was not the permeate kind that would allow her an eternal rest full of eternal bliss but one that would condemn her to watch the rise and fall of centuries as a monster that would never rest again. But for her she was not the monster I believed myself to be she was a fallen angel trapped in this hellish existence.

I would make her existence worth living if she would pass her judgment on me and find me worthy of such a revered task. I would gladly bow before her and beg for her forgiveness for every day, of ever hour for the rest of my eternity if she wished for me to and would allow me to feel her soothing touch and hear her gentle voice.

Was it so horrible of me to feel happy that she was still alive when she should be aged with children and perhaps grandchildren? Was it so wrong that I wished she would still love me when I had so terribly wronged her? Why did I still yearn for her light touch of her soft skin, the smooth feel of her sweet lips? Why did I have to still want her and could not have her?

So here I sit in Alaska on the mountain in a forest still pinning after my sweet innocent Bella. My Bella who 32 years ago I gave up and walked away from and now I couldn't stop thinking about I had tried to forget as much as possible about Bella and done so well after I left Bella I had come to Denali and made Tanya my mate and stayed here in her arms and pretended that Bella could never be with me in the ways Tanya was and I even stop myself from thinking about her for long periods of time Tanya had readily complied to all my needs even when my needs tended to leave soft bruises on Tanya's most sensitive parts she never complained.

And yet I could not get the thoughts about one girl out of my mind. I was a very sinful being and I dissevered to rot in the darkest pits of hell and repent my sins forever but if Bella could forgive me then maybe I would be brought from my eternal damnation to the holy ground of salvation.

But then the cycle would start all over again.

I had returned to Tanya and though I had told her of Bella's return, I had also told her that I did not wish to be near Bella and that I would remain Tanya's mate as I should. But I was not telling the truth. My still, cold, dead heart ached to be with Bella. It demanded that I go to her and accept whatever punishment my beautiful, elegant, temptress could give me to bring me back into her good graces and allow me to be by her side once more.

Tanya would be furious for what my traitorous heart wanted. But a part of me that was a gentleman told me I should be ashamed to be making love to one woman that was to be mine for all eternity, and wishing for another. And to go as far as to imagine my mate as Bella when I made love to her was a grievance sin of all.

I hate myself all over again was there no way to redeem myself of my one mistake that made this whole mess? I shook my head any time the small part of me that was a gentleman felt shame I would growl to myself the larger part of my being shouting that it was better to imagine the woman I wanted to have and couldn't than to continue to mope about with wanting.

I sighed again as I stood up I had come here to get away from Tanya with the excuse that I wanted to hunt alone. But as I looked at the dead moose at my feet I could only sneer in disgust. I had come out here to be away from Tanya and her thoughts.

My imagination was getting the better of me as of late the past few times as I made love to Tanya I pictured she was Bella instead and of course when I think of my Bella I could never pound into her as relentlessly as I do to Tanya and my body reacts without me having to think to make it move more appropriately. My body slows down and I move softer, my hands and lips move to give softer caresses, lingering kisses to all parts of her body. I nip gently so as to not leave dark purple marks no matter how quickly they would heal. I move to give the most pleasure and the least amount of pain.

And when I finish and I am out of the throws of my passion for Bella I realize that she was never there and it was always Tanya that lays beside me panting and caressing me and holding on to me in the twisted sheets and bed clothes. I feel disgusted and as if someone had stolen from my precious moments.

But it was Tanya's thoughts that would be the death of me. She believed that every time I had sex with her and I had my moments of passion for Bella that I was seeing only her and that I was making love to her and only her. I would feel ashamed to say that I was somehow taking advantage of Bella when I made love to her in my mind. We vampires have excellent memories and almost picture perfect recall.

So even I can recall the way her warm skin felt from years ago and adds to the erotic fantasies I have in my mind of Bella. I shake my head again as I prepare to leave and return to the Denali house when my cell phone beeps alerting me that I have received a message. I take out the simple piece of plastic and look at it with aspiration. It is from Alice she is letting me know that the family is moving to the house in Alaska that is close to Denali.

I frown as I think about the house near the ocean. I knew the family could not move back to Forks so soon but I had thought that they would move to one of our other houses in the Middle East. I was wondering why the family had not decided to go to Ohio or maybe one of the houses in Europe. But then again I realize they still thought I would come back soon and would not want to be separated by such a long distance.

Although I had only been away from the family for two months I knew what this must have been doing to Esme my adopted mother for more than 150 years. She would be undoubtedly missing me and would want to know why I had left and want me to return. Esme had a soft spot for all her children but I had been with Carlisle from the beginning and Esme thought of me as her first son in this life. So it would be only right that I feel ashamed that I had made her worry for me.

Rosalie would no doubt bitch at me for worrying and breaking apart a little of the family. She was always the family protector even to those who did not need the protection like Emmett. She would still stand her ground when it came to our family.

I sighed again thing s were going to get more complicated between Tanya and I. She would want to spend time with the rest of the family and I had a sinking feeling that she would want to gloat about being my mate to Bella. After all the years Bella had been gone Tanya still felt the need to make Bella feel like she did not dissever to be with me.

Although I think Tanya will not get the satisfying reaction from Bella that she wants. I realized that the low growls I was suddenly hearing were coming from me. I was shocked. I could only feel hatred towards my brother Jasper as I thought about how close he and Bella had been before I had left home to come back to Denali and I could only imagine how close Jasper and Bella had become since my absence.

I looked at the message again that Alice had sent me before texting a message back to her. The message was short and to the point. It said simply see you soon love E. Alice would be happy to hear from me after all this time that I had ignored her messages and phone calls, but would Bella be happy?

I heaved a groan as I looked at the snow. None of the pure flakes had melted on me I was already as cold as the snow. There was no point in worrying about Bella right now when I would see her soon enough. I brushed my hands down the front of my blue button down shirt and faded blue jeans trying to straighten out the wrinkles. Turning to look out across the plains of white I started to walk back to the Denali house there was no point in hurrying there was no one there I wanted to see anyways.

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Jasper POV

As I drove I kept watching Bella from the corner of my eye. She was beautiful I don't care what Alice or anyone else said about blue being Bella's color, blue didn't even look remotely as good as green did on Bella's figure. Bella was wearing a long sleeved white Tee shirt under a green short sleeve tee shirt. The green shirt hugged Bella tightly around her chest and waist leaving little to the imagination.

Both the green and white shirt stopped just above Bella dark washed jeans and a small band of her smooth toned belly peeked out. I know Bella has always thought herself plain but to anyone that had half a brain knew she was a gorgeous woman. Thin with nice muscle tone, but not too much muscle she had a very feminine figure with wide hips small waist and a generous amount of soft-mounded breasts.

I had to look away fast and try to rein in some of my lust that was poring off me as I heard her moan softly and realized I was projecting my feelings…cursing slightly to myself. Bella turned her head to look at me and smiled as if she already knew what I had been thinking about that made me project feelings of lust to her. I ducked my head and realized that she probably already knew what I had been thinking about.

I tried in vain to keep my eyes on the road as best as I could. But not very long after I started to stare at the road my gaze drifted back to the object of my obsession. I sighed as I gave up trying to not look at Bella.

Bella's bell like laugh made me look at her again. Her eyes shone with amusement, Bella pointed her finger at the rear windshield as an explanation. When I looked behind me in the rear view mirror I could see Rose yelling at Emmett for driving to fast and reckless with their new daughter in the car. I snickered quietly with Bella and sent waves of calm to the car behind us.

Emmett looked grateful and Rose calmed down enough to only shoot Emmett glares now and again before she would turn around in her seat to look at Sabrina who was out of my line of sight in her car seat behind Emmett's seat. Bella smiled beside me as she looked ahead of us at Rosalie's M3 which was being driven by Esme because Rose wanted to ride with her daughter in Emmett's new car which she thought was safer.

I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. Sabrina was going to grow up a human child in a family of vampires that would always make her happy. She would never go with out and when she turn 13 we would tell her our secret and she would also be given the choice when she turned 18 to be turned. We would not be able to deny her anything her little heart could ask for. For she already had us all wrapped around her little fingers and we hopped she never let us go.

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Normal POV

As Jasper and Bella turned down the drive and on to a gravel road Bella turned to Jasper to ask if they were close to the new house yet. Jasper could only smile. But he replied to her all the same. He told Bella that they still had a 50 mile drive to get to the house because Esme had built the house from the ground up and wanted it to be a get away home far from the prying eyes of humans and it was to far away for any stray hiker to find by accident.

Jasper proceeded to inform Bella that the property also had no trespassing agreement with the town of Denali so no one was always on the property anyways. Bella smiled and nodded as she asked Jasper to tell her more about the house and grounds.

Jasper was more than happy to tell Bella about the beautiful home they would be living in. Esme had at one point in her long life had fallen in love with the ocean and Carlisle wanting nothing more than to make his mate happy bought a large property on the ocean front for her.

Esme the interior decorator that she was wanted to build the house of her wildest dreams here. The house had four floors, a heated pool, a garden maze/ water garden, there were stairs leading down to the ocean and beach from the back patio.

Bella noticed that ever since they had pulled onto the gravel road there were many different lilac bushes and several different Japanese cherry blossom trees every couple of feet. And they were surrounded on two sides with a thick dense forest.

As they continued down the length of the road a large structure came into view and it two was surrounded all-round by forest and on the one side by the ocean. Bella could see that there was a huge garage that jasper was driving towards that looked like it could hold 10 cars easily if not more.

Soon as they were pulling up to the house Jasper followed Esme into the large garage and parked Bella's car easily. As the rest of the family arrived Jasper took Bella's hand and started to lead her into their new home.

Bella's mouth hung slightly open as she stared at the house in front of her. It seemed more like a castle rather than a house. "The fourth floor is the guest rooms and attic area, the basement is the entertainment area and the first floor is the grand hall and living area's the second and third floors are where all our rooms are." Jasper explained as he led Bella to the front door.

The front porch if that is what you could call it had six massive roman pillars supporting the second floor porches. The third and fourth floor had several balconies Bella assumed were attached to different bedrooms and bathrooms. The whole building looked to be made out of some stone that shown like granite in the dying sun light that gently filtered to the house from the horizon of the ocean. The sight before Bella took her breath away.

Jasper reached out and turned the ornament handle and pushed the door lightly open. The door swung easily open to reveal a large entryway. The hall led to a large room with a massive stair way the second floor where there was a landing the had a hall that went right and left from the stair way as it continued to the third floor. Bella spun a slow circle to look at all the beauty that was before her. The floors were made out of a black marble or onyx while the stairs were made out of a pearly color stone that Bella did not know.

Jasper tugged lightly on Bella's hand to lead her into the room off the entry room that they were standing in. As Jasper led Bella into the next room Bella noticed that all the ways were painted a light cream color maybe a light peach she wasn't sure. Bella was lost in the beauty of this magical place.

In the next room was a living room set up the far wall that faced outside was covered in wall to floor glass windows, which gave a nice view of the surrounding forest, which Bella made a note to go hunting in later. This room had a large fireplace and plush thick rung that covered almost the entire room in its rich wine color. There were also two long white couches a coffee table in the center of the room and several large comfy looking recliners formed into a sitting area.

The lamps and end tables match the rich colored rug well. The tables were made out of a red wood, and the lamps were cream colored. Along the walls that were not windows were several paintings that depicted ocean scenes and sunsets. The room had a peaceful feel to it.

The next room Jasper led Bella was the dinning room. In it were more painting, and a dark table that was long enough to sit at least 20 or more guests. On the outside wall was a glass set of double doors leading to the out side in the back of the house. Bella could see through the window that there was a pool like Jasper had promised but also that there sat a large Hot tub as well.

Bella could also see out to the stair leading down to the beach and ocean. Jasper promised to go with Bella later to the beach after they were done unpacking. Bella nodded before following Jasper into the large kitchen that only Sabrina would use. The gleaming counters and the many trendy appliances made Bella sad that they would only get the minimal use out of them.

When Jasper and Bella returned full circle to the entry hall Bella noticed a closet set in the wall close to the door and went to investigate further. When Bella opened the door a light clicked on right away triggered by the door opening. Bella saw the three of the walls in the closet were set floor to ceiling with shoe cubbies and all around the walls was a clothing hanger bar.

Bella grinned and shut the door to follow Jasper up the stairs to the next floor. Jasper thought for a moment and then continued up to the third floor. Bella followed with out making a sound. "The third floor is where I have my room I picked out last time" he explained. Bella nodded and ran down the hall opening doors as she went and finally gasped as she found the room she wanted as her own. When Bella walked out to the balcony she had a perfect view of the ocean and a wide expanse of the beach. Bella could see the little boathouse and dock that had a few speedboats and jet skies moored to it.

"This is my room" Bella shouted to Jasper who was grinning in the doorway.

Bella was shown the rest of the house and was amazed when she had saw the in home theater Emmett had built. It felt like Bella was really at the movie theater except instead of tight uncomfortable seats to sit in there were several rows of plush of stuffed couches and recliners. The cabinets in the room next to the theater held all sorts of hundreds of DVD's and also pillows and thick blankets for comfort rather than cold of course.

The other rooms in the basement had games and entertainment things like a pool table, air hockey and a few computers.

Rose was getting impatient to go shopping so when Alice came to Bella and grabbed her arm and started pulling Bella didn't even try to resist. Jasper some how found himself being dragged along as well as Emmett who seemed just as confused.

Esme, Alice, Rose, and Emmett were all driving their own cars. Jasper and Emmett were already dreading the shopping trip before they even started. Carlisle had some how wiggled his way out of the trip saying that he would rather watch Sabrina so she would not have to be dragged along.

Trent was more than willing to go along with Alice; he kept nodding his dark brown head to almost every word Alice spoke about fashion. It would appear that he enjoyed shopping almost as much as Alice did. It was odd but at least he would always keep Alice Company any time she desired to go.

The shopping trip was pure torture for Emmett and Jasper as the girls kept piling up the baby things on them and having them run to get more carts. Sabrina had a brand new crib, changing table, stroller, a basinet for in the living room when Rose and Emmett were down stairs with her. She also had her own baby bathtub that would sing and make cute noises; she got lots of rubber duckys and bath toys, a play pin, several new dressers with cute pictures on them, and to top it all off lots of clothes!

With every piece of baby stuff they got the boys would release another groan in protest to every thing that had assembly required written on it. And with every groan they received dark glares from Esme, Rose, and Alice… Bella would be trying her best to not laugh at them.

When they finally left the mall Emmett's new car was tightly packed to almost bursting and he himself could barely fit into the car to drive! But as he looked at all the other family cars no one else was much better they were all packed down with the baby's things and new wardrobes for everyone. I turned out that Jasper, Bella, and Trent all opted to run home as opposed to trying to squeeze into the overly packed cars.

Emmett grumbled all under his breath wishing that he could run home as well but he figured he would get the trio of runners back by making them put together most of the assembly required items. Emmett smirked at his plan. Emmett sighed as he watched his brothers and sister disappear into the trees before putting the car into gear and heading for home…

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Phew that was a long chapter I hope you like I am sorry that it was such long filler but I needed to get the story to move along a little bit before I could bring Edward back. Well review for me and let me know what you think.

Later love you readers lots !