Unspeakable still

A/N: Originally this wasn't meant to have more than one chapter, but since some of you have asked for more – you know who you are :-)

Just a short little chapter to check if I'm going in the right direction with this. Please note that I don't know anything about trauma treatment and not too much about medicine and the way I write it is probably completely wrong from a professional point or view.

The first thing Sam did the next morning was to go see Dr. Fraiser.

"Janet?"

The doc looked up from the file she was reading.

"Sam! You OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just thought I tell you..."

All of a sudden she wasn't too sure anymore what exactly she was supposed to say. Janet was Jack's doctor, so of course she had to know about any changes in his condition. But had there really been that much of a change? Maybe she had imagined it? Willing it to happen? He still hadn't said a word! And what if he preferred it to stay between the two of them?

Sam was drawn from her train of thought when Janet touched her arm.

"Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yes, it's not about me. Last night I came here to sit with the colonel."

Janet was surprised. She knew Sam hadn't been visiting for a while, so she just looked a her fellow officer and waited for her to go on.

"Something happened", Sam confessed. For some reason she was uncomfortable with talking about it. When Janet didn't respond she inhaled and started again:

"I sat with him, trying to get a reaction from him. And – finally I did!"

"What? That's great! I mean – what kind of a reaction?"

All of a sudden Janet looked worried. Sam was her friend, but Jack O'Neill was her patient. It was obvious whom she was most loyal to.

"A good one, I think", Sam answered and smiled a little shyly, remembering the way he had reacted to her touch.

~o0o~

When Sam entered Jack's room he looked right at her. Nothing showed in his face, but he didn't turn away either. He just kept looking at her as if he was waiting for her to do something, anything. Whatever she might want to do.

"Sir" she said by way of greeting. She held his eyes and smiled, a small, careful smile. He didn't return it. All of a sudden she wanted nothing more than to see him smile. That genuine Jack O'Neill smile that made him look ten years younger. It seemed to belong to another life, to another man. She took the chair she had sat in during the night and tried to be comfortable.

"About last night..."

She hadn't had that sentence fully planned, but whatever she could have said died on her lips when she saw his face. His eyes had been blank before, but now there was sheer horror. He didn't move, but he looked like he wanted to crawl into the wall behind him, to get away from her as far as possible. Sam fought back the tears.

"Sir, please!", she said very softly. "It's me. Last night I thought you liked me being with you. Do you want me to leave?"

"No!", he rushed out. He sounded desperate, his voice a mere breath. Sam was utterly surprised to hear him speak at all – and Jack was alarmed. As if he had been caught in something he hadn't been allowed to do. Sam tried not to make a big deal of the fact that he just had spoken for the first time since they had gotten him back.

"OK sir, I won't. I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to. It's alright. I'm here."

She could see him relax. For the first time since she had entered he looked away, but it didn't feel like he avoided her gaze. Finally he closed his eyes and settled more comfortably on the bed, his head relaxing into the pillow.

"Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

After a while he shook his head.

"No, just...be here. Please."

Sam smiled and nodded once. And because he couldn't see that she simply said:

"Always."