A/N: So - THE revelation is coming your way. This is the crucial chapter for me so I'm eager to read your reviews. Thank you to anyone who took the time to review or PM me and for following.

To AJ: Glad you like it!

A couple of days later there actually was cake. Apart from a slight nausea every now and then Jack had adapted well, and he'd never been really sick. The IV needle came out, and it was a massive relief to him as well to Sam and the infirmary team. When things looked stable the doc decided to

release him to his quarters. She didn't want him to leave base yet, just to be on the safe side. Quite a lot of the old Jack O'Neill seemed to be back during that discussion, but being confronted with Dr. Fraiser's grim determination to keep an eye on him – in her words "it's either your quarters or the infirmary, your choice" - he finally gave in. Sam walked him there and waited for him to get settled. There seemed to be something on her mind, but she wouldn't spill. When there was nothing left to do she turned to the door.

"Carter?" His voice stopped her. She turned around and looked at him.

"What's up with you?"

She was surprised that he had noticed. Apparently he had come a long way from the locked in, deeply traumatized man he had been. Some of the old awareness was back. He was taking in his surroundings, and he wasn't afraid to speak his mind. At least with her. Which was exactly the point.

"Sir, I was wondering...since you seem to be a lot better, have you spoken to Daniel or Teal'c yet?"

The colonel's jaw set. He broke their eye contact and swallowed. Then he drew a deep breath and shook his head.

"They are worried, sir. When we got you back you acted like we were strangers, and as far as the guys are concerned that still hasn't changed. They don't understand..."

Without looking at her he said in an very low voice:

"It's not their fault. It's just that I feel - ", he inhaled, "I'm...more comfortable around women."

And after a little while he went on, still avoiding her eyes, his voice almost too low to catch:

"Do you know what happened to me out there?"

The floor seemed to drop from under Sam's feet. She took a few steps back into the room and grabbed the back of a chair to steady herself.

"Yes, sir, I do. I know I shouldn't, not unless you wanted to share, but I just had to know. You were so...miserable, so defeated. I had seen you go through so much and still come out stronger, I just didn't understand. Janet wouldn't tell me, of course. So I – hacked into your medical file. I know that's betraying your trust, and in fact it's a reason to press charges against me. If you decide to do so I will fully cooperate. Sir."

All the time she had kept her eyes to the floor, but now she looked straight at him.

"I am sorry, sir. I shouldn't have done it."

"How much exactly was in that file?"

He simply ignored her speech as well as her apology.

"Um, sir, are you alright with what I did?"

"How much?", he demanded.

She just couldn't do this. Searching for words she tried:

"No detail of what happened of course, but the conclusions that Janet drew from your injuries. And from your behavior. And I think I - understand why you have trouble being around men, sir."

"Say it."

"What?" She couldn't believe what she had just heard.

"Beg your pardon, sir?"

"Name it. What do you think these bastards did to me?"

Sam still couldn't believe they were having this conversation. And he was getting more and more upset. She briefly closed her eyes and said:

"We believe that you were raped, sir. And more than once."

She couldn't help the tears shooting to her eyes. Through the ringing in her ears she barely caught his reply, but she did catch the bitterness in his voice:

"Yeah you can bet on more than once."

He turned his back on her, hiding his expression. Sam felt her heart break again, like it had when she had read his file. She was unable to think of anything she might say, so she stepped closer and lightly put her hand on his shoulder. He froze.

"Please...let me help you", she whispered.

He shot around, making her step back.

"And what exactly do you think you could be doing for me, major?"

His voice was acid, and the way he said it her rank sounded like an insult.

Sam just couldn't stand it, and there was nothing she could have said. She turned and fled.