"We're The Band"

Chapter 17: The Tension of Silence

Lunch Time, Monday - School
Shinji sat on the roof with Toji and Kensuke as they all quietly ate their lunch. Shinji and Kensuke were watching a morose Toji. The girls' gossip network had fully informed the two of them the girls' perspective on the recent argument between Toji and Hikari. Shinji tried to integrate the events of the morning with his knowledge of his friend. Shinji tried to have an open mind, but things were definitely not looking good for Toji.

It had started for Shinji with the call from Asuka that triggered Rei and Shinji leaving for school earlier than planned with their increased Section 2 protective team in tow. Asuka had explained Hikari's perspective to Shinji and had, amazingly, not taken out her frustration and anger on Shinji. However, Shinji could tell that she was upset and angry and did encourage her to vent that off if only to spare their classmates. It seems that Toji and Hikari had gone to the movies on Friday where everything was going well. In fact, it was going well enough that they went to the park afterward and had kissed.

Hikari had explained to Asuka that she felt a little embarrassed about having kissed Toji. She wasn't sure that she was ready for that step in their relationship and wasn't sure how her sisters or her father would react. In fact, she had been so worried about it that she asked Toji not to tell anyone about the kiss until she could explain her feelings to her family. He had agreed, but had let the information slip out. Apparently, Toji had a Saturday practice where he had mentioned that he and Hikari had kissed. It was at this point that things really started to go astray.

Shinji and Rei had arrived to school early to find Asuka and Hikari already in the classroom and the rumors flying around the hallways and outside amongst the groups of students. Hikari was mortified. She had obviously been crying that morning and if not for Asuka's presence would have been subjected to brutal teasing and torment. As it was, she was the subject of whispers and glances as the two had made their way to class. The whispers and glances had mostly subsided after Asuka had made an example out of a group of more rowdy girls, but Hikari felt guilty that her friend had to stand up for her.

This led to the conversation between Asuka and Shinji as Rei tried to calm Hikari's nerves.

"Shinji, what are we going to do to the Stooge about this? Your friend has totally crossed the line this time. I always knew he was a pervert but to go around blabbing his perversity to everyone and ruining Hikari's reputation at the same time?"

Shinji knew he had to do something. Asuka was working her self up to a level that would mean Toji would cease to exist, but at the same time, he didn't have all the facts and she could be right. Reaching out to hold her hand, "Asuka, before we erect the gallows in the quad, let me find out Toji's side of the story."

"Why does the Stooge's side of the story matter? Do you think Hikari is lying? It would be so typical of you guys to take his side," Asuka responded trying to pull her hand out of Shinji's.

"Asuka, I didn't say that!" Shinji said trying to retain his hold of Asuka's hand. "I just want to know what he thinks he did or said. This may just be a big misunderstanding. And, even though he's my friend, I'm not automatically taking his side. I'm not choosing him over you or Hikari. I . . . I just want to know what he thinks he did."

Asuka relented and allowed Shinji to keep hold of her hand, but the anger on her face was very evident. "Alright, that makes some sense. I'll give him a stay of execution." With a sigh, she led Shinji further away from Hikari and the two of them stood by the windows of the classroom.

"Look, Shinji, you know as well as I do that we'll never be able to put things back the way they were, right? You just can't 'un-say' stuff. No one is ever going to be able to look at Hikari without remembering this, even if it was some sort of misunderstanding. They'll all just conveniently forget that part and only remember she had allowed herself to be put in a position where her judgment was put into question. Your Stooge friend needs to understand what kind of damage he's done."

"I'll make sure he understands, but Toji's not really that stupid. I think he knows how bad it really is."

Yuki had relayed essentially the same story to Kensuke but had also mentioned that the "telephone game" was in full effect. Toji also confirmed the events up to this point. In fact, when Kensuke and Shinji had talked in the hallway to strategize how they were going to help their friend, it was obvious from Yuki that over the weekend, the entire story had already spread throughout the school in a variety of forms. The stories circulating among the girls ranged from Toji bragging that he had kissed Hikari to bragging that he had kissed her and was well on his way to "getting more". The story circulating among the boys was that Toji had felt that Hikari was ashamed of him and that's why she didn't want anyone to know that she had kissed him. To his credit, Toji had been correcting that rumor whenever he encountered it and had told Shinji and Kensuke that he hadn't been bragging at all and had just mentioned it amongst his teammates when they had all been talking about their girlfriends.

Tightening her grip on his hand, Asuka turned back to Shinji with the features of her face softening from anger to worry. "Baka-kun, you'd never betray my trust like that, would you? I see what it's doing to Hikari, and I hope never to have to go through it again."

Surprised at the sudden change, Shinji said, "What . . . um . . . no, I would not betray your trust intentionally." Seeing her startled face, Shinji powered on, "But, Asuka, I'm not always the smartest or most adept at dealing with people, and I can't guarantee I won't make mistakes."

Asuka relaxed a little as she tried to absorb this last statement. Taking his other hand in hers, she looked up at Shinji's face. "I know that you can be a baka and that you'd never do it on purpose. At least, you're honest about it." Looking over at Hikari, "It's just that I'm watching her go through so much pain. She's my friend, Shinji. She was the only one of our classmates to be my friend when I first got here."

"Asuka, do you think that, maybe, Toji just made a mistake?"

" . . . ok, I see your point . . . I'm still very mad at him, though."

"Yeah, but can you just focus on Hikari right now? I'll try and find out more."

"Alright," agreed Asuka just as more students started to filter into class. In fact, it was the glares from Asuka and Rei that kept the commentary to a minimum and most students just made their way to their seats. Kensuke had made his entrance with a small group of people and had tried to talk to Shinji only to be told that they'd have to wait until break time. Toji's walk to his seat was greeted by silence in the class. Hikari didn't look up, and he just sighed at the lack of response from her. The entire morning had passed in silent tension broken only by the droning of the teachers and the lunch bell.

Kensuke had known Toji the longest and decided that it would be up to him to open up the conversation. "Toji, you're going to have to talk to us at some point. You can't just let it go on like this."

Toji looked up at Kensuke and then Shinji to see their concerned faces. His mouth worked a couple of times as he tried to get sound to come out. "I . . . didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Of course you didn't. You'd be insane to want this to happen," replied Kensuke.

Toji looked at them with pleading eyes practically begging forgiveness. Kensuke merely looked at Shinji and said, "You're the expert on girls."

"How am I the expert on girls?"

"You tamed the Demon."

"We talked about you calling her that."

"Sorry. But, you are the one who's been in a relationship the longest, and you have to admit that your girlfriend is pretty high maintenance, and you seem to be handling it better than the rest of us."

"All right, all right, I get it," acquiesced Shinji. "Toji, you realize that this isn't about the kiss, right?"

"What? Um . . . I guess so."

"You didn't force her to kiss you did you?"

"Of course not! What kind of guy do you think I am?"

"So, if you didn't force her, she must have agreed to the kiss, right?"

"Well . . . how does that change anything?"

"Did she say she was ashamed of having kissed you?"

"Uh, no. But she did say she wanted to explain it to her family."

"Did she say why?"

"She said that she wanted to be the one to explain her feelings about me." Toji may have been a Stooge, but he wasn't completely brain dead. "I took that from her, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but there's something else."

"The rumors?"

"The rumors are just a part of it. I think it's more like she trusted you with her reputation. And, now, her reputation is now in question by her family, friends, and acquaintances. It's just like how you trusted your teammates but they blabbed it all over school. You're pissed at them and all the problems they caused."

"I suppose. You're not making me feel any better."

"I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm doing what Misato suggested – helping you get to the point where you can fix the problem. That's really the only way you're going to feel better."

"Oh no, Katsuragi-san knows, too? How far has this gone? At least you and Kensuke aren't piling on because your girlfriends are pissed at me."

Kensuke cleared his throat, "Well, Yuki is upset. She's been pushing me to do something. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, but it was supposed to be something."

"Asuka was pretty much the same way, just with more . . . intensity."

Toji sat there quietly pondering how much grief his little slip was causing everyone – especially his fellow Stooges.

"So, what do I do about this?"

"You could start with apologizing to Hikari for the real problem as a first step to trying to regain her trust."

"But, she doesn't even acknowledge that I exist right now."

"Because you keep trying to approach her in VERY public places, of course she's going to give you the cold shoulder. What else is she going to do? She's not going to be the first one to make a move and forgive you because it was you that wronged her, right? She's gotta make you suffer or cut ties with you altogether to salvage her reputation."

"This is so complicated," moaned Toji.

"You'll figure it out," encouraged Kensuke as further discussion was cut off by the bell.

That Night – Family Dinner Table
Misato had come home earlier than normal for the first time in a long time. The remains of their early dinner sat cooling on their table as they had a chance to luxuriate in family time for a second night in a row.

"On a couple of conditions, I think you can go to the concert," responded Misato. "First, you have to come right home after the concert. It's going to end late and I want you home at a reasonable hour. Second, the three of you and Rei's date have to stay together. It's going to be hard enough for Section 2 to provide anything remotely resembling adequate security, and I don't want you making it harder than it needs to be by getting spread out in a sea of kids. Lastly, I want to meet your date before the concert."

Rei squealed with joy, nodded her head at every condition, and gave Misato a hug. "Thanks, mom."

"You're welcome, Rei," smiled Misato. "So, Shinji, I got a call from Machida-san today."

"Oh?" responded Shinji who got an elbow in the ribs from Asuka about his response. Shinji was quick enough to swallow the "sorry" would have normally passed his lips. Having passed this little test, he was rewarded with Asuka's hand returning to his.

Misato worked hard at not laughing at the interchange but did smile at the "training" that was going on. "He mentioned that he was very impressed with your audition and wanted to sit down with us to talk about your schedule. He wants to offer you a chair in the Philharmonic."

Pandemonium ensued. Shinji sat stunned as the eye of the storm of shouting from Asuka and Rei. He started to come out of it as Asuka pulled him into a hug which he belatedly returned.

"oh . . . my . . . god," panted Shinji as he started to hyperventilate. "But . . . NERV . . . school . . . schedule . . . um . . . paper work . . . "

"Easy, Shin-chan," laughed Misato. "Do you want a paper bag? We'll be able to work it all out. Machida-san is supposed to send me a rehearsal schedule. He, your Principal, and I will work out a schedule for you. It's going to have to be fairly comprehensive for the security detail and we'll probably end up sending you to and from places with Section 2 drivers to minimize the security problems."

With that last statement, Misato's face turned a little grave and she motioned for her kids to settle down. "So, Makoto is pretty sure he understands the extent of the security breach. It's moderately bad overall, but for you guys in particular, nearly all of the information about your roles with NERV has been compromised. The only things that have not been compromised are your medical and psychological records, so there is some small good news there. In general, we don't think the press or paparazzi will bother you. It seems like everyone has more or less accepted that Third Impact occurred and that we've all moved on. However, our public affairs people are working hard to keep the impact to a minimum. It's a good thing you guys are military officers because you get more institutionalized protection than if you were private citizens."

"So, the only real problem will be the increased Section 2 presence and the expansion of the Section 2 patrols to include our friends?" asked Asuka.

"That's the plan right now. But you three already know that it's important to be alert and keep Section 2 aware of your movements at all times."

"Well, that's a relief," commented Rei. "There's just so much going on right now. Uh, mom, are we going to get a break on our duty schedules?"

"What sort of break were you thinking about?"

"All these surprises – like the raid the other day. Don't we have enough people now to mean we don't have to do that kind of thing anymore?"

"No guarantees. I'm trying to limit your time commitments, but sometimes I get orders, too."

"But, can't we just get more free time?"

"I agree with you that you kids need more time to be kids, but you have to admit that you are in a somewhat unique situation compared to your peers."

"But, mom, we did save the world, didn't we?"

Misato laughed at Rei's attempt at negotiating and gave her daughter's hand a squeeze. "Yes, you did. But, we all have our responsibilities like right now you guys have homework to do."

Rei just stuck her tongue out and then smiled vowing silently that this discussion would be revisited after she had a chance to scheme with Asuka and Shinji.

Later that Evening - Kitchen Table Study Session

Rei, Asuka, and Shinji were gathered around the table in a mutual study/tutoring session trying to catch up from their lost weekend. Misato had gone to bed early, and all three teens had noticed that there was still beer left in the fridge.

"You know, I'm buying less and less beer on the trips to the store," observed Shinji.

"I don't see her drinking as much or going on such big binges, either," commented Asuka as she read through Rei's homework.

"Do you think we should tell her?" asked Rei.

"I think we should just let it go. If we bring it up, it might make her self-conscious about it. What do you think Shinji?"

"I agree. Let's just keep an eye on it."

"What are we going to do about all this 'protection'?" asked Rei. "I'm not sure I want to stay in NERV the rest of my life."

"Me either, but it's a necessary evil right now," responded Shinji.

"NERV reminds me of too many things I want to forget."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't look at it that way. You'll get all bitter and twisted."

"I guess."

Shinji noticed that Asuka had been very quiet through this. Tentatively putting his hand on her leg, "Asuka? What's wrong?"

Putting Rei's paper down, Asuka took a shaky breath and looked at both Rei and Shinji. "I . . . guess . . . I don't mind working at NERV with Misato."

"Yeah?" prompted Rei.

"I kinda like what she and I do together, and it's become something that I'm used to. I . . . just don't know what I would do if I wasn't a part of NERV."

Shinji had been furiously grinding the gears of his intellect trying to understand the real issue at hand and then he had it, "Asuka, did it bother you that I called NERV a necessary evil?"

"Uh huh. For a second, I felt like you were calling me a necessary evil, and when Rei said she didn't want to be in NERV for the rest of her life, it felt like she was going to leave me, too."

Silence reigned at the table as Shinji brain registered the changes in the apartment that had occurred. On the once bare walls, there were family pictures – all of them together, Misato with each of them. His present to Asuka held a special place on a wall by itself where Misato had joked she was going to put the wedding pictures. He could sense that they were all a little fearful of losing the fragile life they had constructed for themselves.

"Is this normal?" asked a now distraught Rei.

"Is what normal?" replied Asuka.

"Having dreams that hurt other people?"

"I wouldn't say that our dreams hurt each other. I think we just have a little miscommunication occurring," Shinji said. "For example, I have a dream of being a musician. Being in NERV right now is necessary, but isn't what I want forever. I also have dreams of Asuka and I being together and you being a part of our family. It's actually new to me to have dreams like this which tells me that I'm not exactly an expert on 'normal'."

Asuka had clasped Shinji's hand in hers. "I have dreams of us being together, too. I just haven't decided what my dreams for the future will be. I'm comfortable with the military, but I don't know if that's really my dream. I do know that dreams change, but there are some dreams that I don't want to change."

"So, you're not mad at us?" asked Rei.

"No. I don't think so. I'm just glad we could clear it up. I . . . I just want to have dreams away from NERV, too, I guess . . ."

"There's plenty of possibilities, Asuka-chan. You don't have to choose right now."

"I know." Asuka leaned her head on Shinji's shoulder and closed her eyes. She had dreams of a future with her baka but hadn't spent much time thinking about a professional future. It had been hard and was still hard to think of a future with someone instead of just alone and self-reliant. It was very unsettling to no longer have a clear vision of herself when she had always seemed to have a solid grasp of who she was and what she wanted to be. Although, she was now having to accept the fact that her old vision of what she wanted to be never took into account the possibility of the Angel Wars ending at some point.

Rei quietly pulled her stuff together and took this as a cue to get ready for bed leaving her brother to deal with his girlfriend.

Asuka climbed into Shinji's lap and hugged him close. "Shinji, would I have to give up on my dream for us to be together?"

". . . uh . . . I'm not sure what you're asking me."

"If my dream was to be Commander of NERV, would I have to give that up so we could stay together?"

"hmmm . . . no . . . no, absolutely not. It's your dream. I love you and would help you make sure dream come true. Just because it's not my dream to be in the military doesn't mean it's not a good dream."

"If you had to give up music for us to stay together, would you?"

"Absolutely," was Shinji's immediate response.

Surprised, Asuka sat up to look in Shinji's face. "Really?"

Tightening his hug on Asuka, Shinji continued, "Really. It's like I told you before Asuka. I would rather die than us be apart. I've finally found happiness and a future, and I'm determined to keep it. It would be pretty rocky for a while if I had to give up music, but I think if you were there with me, I could do it."

Asuka could feel the tugs at her heart strings as the boy . . . no, the young man in her arms had just placed her on a very high pedestal and described the depth of his commitment to their relationship. Her hand came up to caress his face and move the hair out of his eyes. Leaning forward, she gave him a soft, lingering kiss. Touching her forehead to his, "Shinji, I love you, too, and I hope I never have to put you in the position to make that choice. I . . . I guess . . . I guess I just needed some reassurance. It wasn't really fair to ask you that question."

"Sure it was."

"It was?"

"I'm your baka," smiled Shinji. "You can ask me anything."

Asuka laughed and gave him a playful punch in the shoulder, "Baka!"

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Author's Parting Shots: I think this is the first real chapter that doesn't have a song in it (I don't count the prologue) and I had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I wanted to stretch a bit out of the crutch of the emotional backdrop the music provides, but I also didn't want to lose that context. Oh well. The music will be back next chapter.

Yes, to those of you who asked, the band is still alive. We've just taken a side trip on the plot road. I haven't envisioned a break up of the band, so it will be back later.

I got some pointers along the way that I should leave more up to the imagination of the readers instead of describing every little detail to make the writing more interesting, so heads up! You'll start seeing me experiment with that!