A/N: Implied sex near the end there. Post-Tokyo. I simply love Vampire-angst Fai... -cuddles- (BTW, the metaphor with the sea in chapter one was Death. Figure it's been long enough to spill the beans. ^^)
Six: Marriage
(Fai)
It was not a marriage of wills. It was not a joining of hands or hearts.
It was the combination of lives. Forcefully so, painfully so. No say at all. No combined murmurings of love or trust or devotion.
(To think he once admired that man.)
It was not reciprocated—he did not want to give anything up.
(He was a selfish one, he knew.)
It was not a collective feeling: Just one's overwhelming desire to satiate some deep rooted egotism.
(Why would he be worth saving anyways?)
No words at all. Not comfort. Just screams and harsh shakes. A half-pulled punch to the face.
(He wanted to slip away so peacefully.)
It was not what he wanted. He did not want to be bound to this man. He did not want to enjoy the feeling of skin against his lips as he fed.
(He never wanted to eat anyway. Just fade slowly until he could slip away.)
He did not want to live, with half of a face, living as half of a human.
(He never thought he was human to begin with.)
He couldn't bear it anymore. It was crushing down onto him. He couldn't run anymore. He hated it. Couldn't do it.
(He had to cope with his feelings eventually.)
Tears ran down his face, pressed into the crook of Kurogane's arm, bitter blood filling his mouth.
(He was scared. Death loomed on the horizons.)
His heart had shut down finally, unable to cope with it all.
"I'll kill you," he whispered, blood dripping from his lips, pattering against the floor, mixing with his tears. He pressed his mouth to the wound, running his tongue against the ragged edges of the slit vein. "Don't want you to die," he said thickly.
He never wanted this.
(But it didn't mean he didn't enjoy their closeness.)
He never wanted how their lives were married. How their destines intertwined.
(But they were stuck together none the less.)
(Kurogane)
It was a spur of the moment thing. He didn't plan it. He didn't know about it.
(He couldn't have. So he didn't blame himself.)
They'd always been together anyways.
(He'd grudgingly accepted their closeness.)
He never could have predicted how the marriage of their souls would have changed them.
(He never would have thought he'd have missed him.)
He knew it was impulsive, selfish.
(He was selfish, he knew it.)
To force one who didn't want to live to do so… it was something he would have never thought he'd do.
(But he would miss him if he died.)
He didn't have the foresight to see the repercussions. He couldn't see the future.
(He never knew why he would have missed him so much.)
Their marriage was a painful one, with many screams and tears. It was a sad one, knowing that one day he would be hated.
(He couldn't stand a world without the smile, the blue eyes, the teasing.)
He did not regret it.
(He never regretted anything he did… Though he felt sorrow.)
Fai was speaking, his lips fluttering against his arm. Cool water fell against his heated skin, and with a slight gasp, he realized the blonde was crying.
"I'll kill you," came the muffled sigh. Fai's lips descended against the vein again, his skin tingling. "Don't want you to die."
Kurogane raised his free hand, tangling it into Fai's long hair. "You won't kill me. I don't die so easily," he said, echoing his vampire's words from worlds long ago.
(They were stuck together 'till the end.)
(Fai&Kurogane)
At the beginning, their marriage was not something mutual. It was the result of a panicked decision, desperation to keep a love alive, no matter the cost.
(They were together, their hearts stretching towards each other, scrabbling for purchase.)
At the beginning, it was painful, with pointed sighs, avoidance, and tears.
(But they were together, bound tightly to one another.)
"You say that like you know something." Fai tipped his head up, his mouth stained pink with blood.
Kurogane raised his arm, now healed by some vampire magic, and ran his fingers against the man's cheek. "I won't die, 'cause then you would die."
"You say that like I'm important," the blonde whispered, leaning into Kurogane's touch.
"You are," the ninja breathed, "I gave up everything to save you."
(They kissed deeply, touching each other like only those so intimately bound could do.)
This marriage was not as painful as the first, a bodily conjugation that consummated the binding of their lives.
"I'll be with you 'til the end…"
"'Till death do us part, hm?"
(It was a selfish decision. It was not a marriage of wills. It was not planned…)
But they could cope, and grow until their marriage was one that flourished with one another.
(Because they were finally together. For forever.)
(Because they loved each other enough to risk death for.)